A Bad Ed on a Big Bike (Take two and a bit)

Disclaimer: I don't own Ed, Edd n Eddy. That "…Don't get your hopes up, cheese" bit comes from the cover of the Headache EP by a band called Big Black. Seriously, check them out. The title comes from Big Bikes by Kyuss (again, I've got to stop doing so many Shout Outs to them; they broke up nearly 20 years ago). One scene is based off of a Monty Python sketch, put in because I just couldn't resist. There are a few other things that appear, which belong to whoever. Oh, and a few Fanon Characters appear at the end; they belong to whoever made them (I'll be more in-depth with this part when we get there).

A/N: Yesterday, I received a review (as a PM) for this story. The person writing it told me how he felt that there was no climax (stop laughing at the back!), the two guest stars felt a bit forced in and I got the shout out wrong. So, rather than throw a huge hissy fit, I decided to fix these mistakes. If it helps, I myself kinda agreed with him, seeing as it pretty much seemed like an unpolished draft than an actual story. Which is why I decided to rewrite it (hence the "take two" at the end of the title up there). Anyways, I'll stop talking about it for the moment and let you get back to the story...

So here we are, the not-particularly-long awaited spin-off to the Keveddarie saga (it's a pretty crappy saga). I'm guessing how a number of you are confused why this is a spin-off of a story which features a polyamorous relationship between Kevin, Edd and Marie, despite the fact that this features no Kevedd whatsoever and isn't set in the past (but the characters that do appear in this story are 17-19 years old). Well, it's because it makes fun of another popular fad created during Keveddpalooza: Reverse!Edd.

Simply put, this is where Edd is a jock or some other bad boy. It's self-explanatory. For some reason, this version of Edd is still as intelligent and snarky as Canon!Edd but with the added [mis]fortune of being a jerkass. So, technically it's more of a RoleReversal!Edd, if that makes sense.

Anyways, this story will feature Edd becoming this bad boy that his fangirls love. Unfortunately, it doesn't go all that well. I'll try to be as affectionate as possible (seeing as I'm primarily covering the "bad boy" part), because I'd probably receive plenty of flames if I was too negative or something like that. However, because I like to write Edd as a ditzy genius (learn your Tropes), this story may seem a bit underwhelming, forced and/or not that entertaining (then again, that last one implies that I was entertaining in the first place). Still, this is irrelevant. Onto the story!

Edd was sitting in his room on his computer. It was one of those old ones, y'know the ones with a bulky back. And he was running Windows XP on it. . For some reason he decided to go onto this very website. However, when he got to his show's section, he couldn't believe it: Page after page of Kevedd stories. At first he felt like facepalming, especially since there were moments when he has shown a backbone. But something caught his interest – Reverse!Kevedd. 'What's this?' He said to himself, intrigued.

He looked at a few stories and Googled "Reverse!Edd". He then checked out the AU Reverse webcomic thing. It interested him, seeing how he was turned into a jock and how his millions of fangirls love that version of him (despite Edd having a feeling he could be dealing with a Marty Stu). He then talked to himself about how, if he was a bit more confident and all that, maybe it would be nice to see what it would be like to be a rebel. 'Wait, what am I saying?' He asked out loud. 'I'm going to be a rebel; it's the only logical way to move the plot along.'

And so after that brief introduction, Edd dressed like his Reverse self. He did so by scouring all the nearest thrift shops and that, plus a leather jacket just because. Once he was satisfied with his purchases, he then bought a bike. After all, every bad boy needs a cool bike. Or, at least, a cool mode of transportation. He was walking along the street when he found the perfect bike to him. He went into the shop and bought it.

It was now Monday. He was riding his new bike along. Everybody was looking at him in some form of wonder and amazement. We then figure out why: His new bike was supposed to be for a 9-year-old girl, seeing as he was having difficulty staying on it. Not to mention it was pink and had flowers on it. He then got off it and said to the crowd. 'Hah. Just "trolling", as they say.' He then continued his school day.

Just before lessons began, he waited outside the classroom in an attempt to be late. He checked the clock, which was always 5 minutes slow; the school never really bothered to change it. He then checked his watch, which was accurate to the last yoctosecond. The clock struck 9am, which was when lessons are supposed to start. About 0.4 femtoseconds later, Edd walked in. He didn't apologise for being "late", because the teacher probably wouldn't have noticed. Still, it was a science lesson, which meant he had to put on a lab coat; at least he's sane enough to realise that he's trying to be bad, not stupid.

During morning recess, if American high schools have that, Edd noticed a cart outside a culinary classroom. However, what caught his eye was what was on them. He headed over to the cart and ran away with it. In other words, he took forty cakes. That's right, he took 40 cakes. As we all know, that's as many as four tens. And that's terrible. As he ran away laughing maniacally, two students walked out. They stayed in class to help clear things away, if that makes sense. 'Who was that guy?' One of the catering students asked.

'I don't know,' said the other. 'But someone had to get rid of those expired cakes for us.'

'Do you think he'll notice?'

The second one could still hear Edd laughing madly. 'I don't think so.' They both shrugged, probably wondering what the whole point of this was, and headed back inside the classroom

At lunch, Marie was sitting by herself eating lunch: Lee was home because she's feeling ill with a particularly bad cold; and May has her lunch at a different period (Junior and Senior years eat their lunch first, then the Freshmen and Sophomores). At that point, Edd came up to her and sat at the table, next to her. She then noticed something: He was having pepperoni pizza and a small bowl of mixed veg. 'Hey, ain't ya one of those vegetarians?' She asked, curious about Edd's meal.

'I'm trying something out.' He explained, albeit somewhat cryptically. Look at me using big words.

'OK.' She rolled her visible eye and continued eating her meal. When he finished his pizza and his bottle of water, he walked over the bin and put his used napkins, empty bottle and his cup of mixed veg (after putting the vegetables themselves into the food bin). That's right, he didn't eat his vegetables. Shock and horror.

Still, after lunch, the rest of the day was just a normal day, even if Edd wasn't going through this bad boy phase. Nothing particularly inspiring other than a maths lesson which ran a little bit late because of a computer crash. Still, when lessons were over for the day, he was looking forward to seeing what he could do outside school.

After the school day was over, Edd then went to his bike – the one he rode to school and picked it up. He then carried it over to his car – which was in the parking lot – and put it in somewhere. He then got in, started it and drove off. He then parked next to a fire hydrant and jaywalked across the street. I should point out that the street he did this on is unusually empty of cars and people. He then walked a while until he was outside the candy store. He then put a black woolly hat and a mask on and walked in.

He then headed over to the counter, the cashier eyeing him suspiciously. When he got there, Edd picked up a packet of Chewlie's gum and put it on the counter. 'I wish to purchase this, please.'

'Aren't you gonna rob me?' The cashier asked, raising an eyebrow.

'Are you kidding?' Edd raised his voice a little, presumably in anger. 'That's illegal. I would be sent to jail.'

'OK.' The cashier stepped back. '30 cents.'

'Here you are.' Edd placed a quarter and a nickel on the counter. The cashier picked up the two coins and completed the transaction. Edd then walked out of the store and took off the mask and hat. He then jaywalked across the still-empty street and headed back to his car. He then opened up the gum packet, took out a piece of gum and started chewing it. Just before he started the car, he then told the readers 'Mother and father forbid me from having chewing gum.' He then giggled maniacally (just go with it) as he drove off back home.

Edd then realised one last thing he had to do if he wanted to be all Reversal and that: Be impolite. Although he had remembered a few moments where he was quite the jerk (delivering Ed and Eddy's report cards - probably knowing how upset they and their parents would be - and laughing at Jimmy's wedgie being two I can name right off the bat), this might be one of those times when he has to be mean to someone without a proper reason. Especially since all bad boys have to be at least a little bit rude. He then came up with an idea.

The next day, Marie was walking along to her next class. Out of nowhere, Edd walked in and punched her in the arm for no reason other than he was trying to be mean. Unfortunately, his punch was so weak that not even Jimmy would've felt anything. Marie looked at her arm and gave Edd a death glare. His face, in returned screamed "Oh, crap". Faster than you could blink your eyes, Edd was punched so hard he flew backwards. The only way he came to a stop was when he hit the wall of the boy's bathroom. She then ran up to the hole in the wall and found out who she hit. 'Sorry Double D!'

'It's OK, grandma.' He slurred, trying to regain composure. 'I felt worse.'

She then held out her hand, which he grabbed on to. She helped him up and, once he was standing, he shook his head ferociously, going back to reality. 'Why didja do that?' She raised an eyebrow.

'I was reading some stories by my fans about how I am the captain of the swimming team. It also detailed me as a supposed "bad boy" and you know how I try to keep my fans happy. Unfortunately, I have decided to become as bad as I can whilst remaining lawful good, which, in hindsight, is a terrible idea.'

Marie sighed in a "Look what you got yourself into" way. 'Some of your fangirls like to show me as some abusive, possessive aggro bitch 'n' how I deserve a violent death; yet they don't have no problems when Jocky Boy acts that way.'

Edd paused a little while. When the last horse finally crossed the finish line, he then responded with a 'Touché.'

'C'mon.' She then said to him. 'We gotta get to English. I heard Anderson's gonna give us the results of that English quiz we did last week.' At first you might be wondering why she didn't take him to the school nurse. But some of you remember that the cast of the show have been injured a lot and they've quickly recovered.

As the two walked away, talking to each other, we then turn to another duo: Nat and Rave (both of whom I do not own). 'So how did you think you did on that test?' The first one asked.

'I don't really know.' The second one replied. He opened his mouth to continue with what he said, but he noticed something. 'Hey I just noticed something.'

'What is it?' Nat raised an eyebrow. 'Other than the fact that we've been forced into this.'

'This is the first story we've appeared in that isn't Kevedd!' Rave said, somewhat excited. Then again, he could be excited about something else. Who knows? I certainly don't.

'Ooh, a Reverse!Edd story that doesn't have him interested in Kevin.' Nat became all sarcastic. 'Whatever next? Someone who doesn't turn Lee Kanker into a bitch?'

'Back On My Feet.' Rave replied, unaware his partner was being sarcastic. 'By that BarthVader fellow.'

'Oh yeah,' Nat then remembered, somehow forgetting he was being snarky in the first place. 'I think I have a cameo in that.' Rave looked at him oddly. 'I mean, I was mentioned before, but I'm about to appear in it soon.'

'How do you know?'

'I just do.'

'I see...' Rave said sceptically. Or, at least, as sceptically as he can.

'But either way, I'm pretty sure we've travelled through so many universes, we're bound to have entered another story that doesn't have a Kevin and an Edd into each other.'

'Guess you're right.'

Nat then took out a piece of paper, which showed a black and white picture of Reverse!Edd's face with the words "Wanted" in block capitals above it and a bunch of squiggly lines (presumably information about their target) below it. 'Have we got the right guy, though?'

'No.' Rave replied. 'That Edd is a bit too...' He paused in an attempt to find the right word. 'Loony...; He the realised that wasn't the right word. 'He's not our target. He's too nice, if a bit loopy.' Nat shrugged in total apathy. 'Oh well, we'll get to the right universe eventually. Just need to get some more batteries for the Dimension Jumper and we're good to go.' Remember: When crossing dimensions or universes, always bring spare batteries (or, indeed, a backup Dimension Jumper) just in case.

'Quick!' Nat whispered, having spotted people walking towards them. 'Change the subject!' And so he did. He chose something at random, settling on a school play that Rave was starring in. 'We are still goin' to your house to help you with your lines?' Rave smiled and nodded in agreement. 'Wait, what play's this again?'

'Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.' Rave answered. 'One of my favourites.'

Nat sighed. 'Let me guess. You're Maryann.' He was being a bit sarcastic, probably referencing some fan fiction I found interesting at first, but dropped out over time. No offence to the author.

'Nope.' Rave corrected him. 'I'm Brick.'

'What.' Nat almost felt like facepalming.

'It's not that bad. After all, didn't Ralph Wiggum do a terrific George Washington in that Simpsons episode?'

'Touché.'

'Still, let's get going. Don't want to be late for class.' And so the two of them walked a bit faster to get to their next lesson. Luckily, they got there just before class itself started, so they managed to avoid trouble. Either way, everyone in the class did well on the test, with only one person getting a B+ or lower and Edd, of course, getting 100% of it right. And, indeed, Mr. Anderson was standing on his desk, throwing the test papers (which he had turned into paper aeroplanes earlier) back at the students; if the paper went to the wrong student, they handed it over to the right person.

At the end of THAT day, we saw Marie and Edd walking to his car. He had since ditched his Reverse look and gotten dressed back into his normal school outfit. To those who don't understand what I mean by that (except for the car bit), I sincerely recommend you watch Season 5 of the show. Yes, this involves watching the show.

'Still, ya should remember not to change who ya are.' She told him with the grace and subtlety of an anvil. 'You're weak, you're polite and you're a nerd; that's why we all love ya. Ya shouldn't change, tryna get more fans. It's what's known in the trade as "jumpin' the shark".' She then looked to her side and faced the reader. ''Course there's a G at the end of that first word, but that's the way I speak here.'

'So you're suggesting that I should be myself?' Edd asked, trying to get what she's saying. 'Because you know how that aesop doesn't really work in reality; especially since...'

'No.' Marie interrupted him, not wanting to hear another long-winded speech that could give Storm Thurmond and John Galt a run for their money. 'Well, yes, but it's mostly 'cos your fangirls can go a bit too far with ya. Seriously, it's kinda like I have to get into the real world and give 'em their Ritalin.'

'That seems a bit harsh, doesn't it.' Edd was a little bit shocked. 'After all, there must be other ways to calm my fans down.'

'Clearly ya haven't read a few things they have said and written 'bout me.' She folded her arms. ''Sides, ya know how I'm still repentin' for how I treated ya all those years ago.'

'True.' He unlocked his car. 'Still, let us worry about that for another day. For now, I'll give you a ride home.'

And so the duo got into the car. Edd put the key into the ignition and turned it, starting the car. After reversing out of the space, he drove towards the cul-de sac. Tomorrow, he'll be back to normal and the past couple of days would seem like a bad dream. Or maybe an experiment that got out of hand. Either way, it looks like this would be something that everyone would look back on and laugh about. But who knows? I certainly don't.

A/N: I'll either work on the final part of the Keveddarie Saga and then one more Reverse!Edd story. Afterwards, I might work on the next chapter of YAMEEnES or, less likely, the next part of Edarchy. Ah, the joys of working on so many fan fictions at the same time. Also, sarcasm.

So that's it for this story. Sorry if it seems a little bit mean-spirited (especially towards the end), but I tried to be as nice as possible. As I've said below, I had to cut a fair bit out. Although I'm planning to write another story with Reverse!Edd (as I've said above), I should point out that, if I do, I won't be as nice to him as I was here. Also, before anyone complains about how Edd went a bit too far here, I should also point out I like to portray Edd as a ditzy genius because of how he has moments when he held the idiot ball (i.e. he made the fake Ed read an actual proper non-comic book in Three Squares and an Ed); get a little bit overenthusiastic about things (like in Know it All Ed, when he got a bit overexcited – in a non-Freudian way – with the Canadian Squirt Gatling Gun); and probably a few other reasons I can't think of at the moment. I also show him as a hipster, or, at least, when he's a teen or an adult. I don't know why; it probably suits him.

Originally, this was going to be a bit more negative, primarily by explaining why Reverse!Edd can be seen as a Marty Stu (a male Mary Sue for those who are wondering). Though he is when you analyse him and the world around him, I would also like to point out that there are a few entertaining Sues/Stus out there: Harry Potter from Thirty Hs; Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way from My Immortal; and John Freeman from Half Life Full Life Consequences are the three examples I can name off the top off my head. Also, Nat and Rave aren't relived that they're in a non-Kevedd fic, it's just the latter pointed it out as if it's something worth talking about.

Oh, and by the way, hope this rewrite is better. Because, as I've said earlier, the original felt that it was lacking. So hopefully I think this will sort a few things out. Although Nat and Rave are still shoehorned into the story, at least they have a reason to be there (except, in this case, I've revealed a little bit, but I'll go into a bit more detail in a future story). And there is an ending, which hopefully didn't feel like it was tacked on at the last minute (I'm looking at you, BPS). I'm not being rude, I'm just genuinely wondering if this is an improvement to the original version. I should also point out that I deleted a few things from the original draft, mostly for obvious reasons. Saying that, I also had to make a few extra changes. Because I am an idiot. Anyways, I'll get started on whatever it is I'm doing next. Take care and see ya soon.

P.S. Nat and Rave belong to their [respective] owners (I think one of them belongs to that c2ndy2c1d person, but I don't know about the other). I apologise if they're out of character (especially since I don't know much about them). If you have any issues with them appearing here, I advise that you seriously calm the fuck down.