They laid close together, staring into each other's eyes as if the world around them ceased to exist. The silence of the darkened room was peaceful without any sound to shatter their fantasy of pretending to live in such an idyllic world where they would be able to face each other in the light of day without shame. The softness in her touch when she caressed her lover's cheek was contradicted by the battle scars that decorated her complexion. Much like how hands as calloused as his could be able to treat her so kindly when they were drenched in the blood of the mages of Kirkwall.
He returned her tender touch by gently grasping her hand and bringing it across his cheek, savoring the feeling of her skin on his own and placing of loving kiss on her palm. One of the many small ways he communicated his emotions without having to bear the torture of articulating them. Often, the couple would find themselves at a loss for words when alone. Whatever needed to be said between them could be felt in their touch. When they embraced he held strongly to her as if he understood that he would lose himself if he were to lose her. Her smile was rarely seen nowadays but when she smiled it was always for him; bright and warm, it radiated with the blissful joy that many thought she had lost ages ago.
"Mistress Hawke?" a voice, quiet and nervous, brought the couple back into their reality, "It's time,"
"Give us a minute," she replied, unable to tear her eyes away from her lover. Her maid lowered her head and crept away from the dark room.
"I have to leave now," he whispered to her with the same sad expression he wore every time they heard those dreaded words.
"Just a little longer…," she begged him.
"No," he shook his head before sitting up and rubbing his tired face with his hands, "If I stay here any longer I won't be able to tear myself away. We have-"
"Responsibilities to ourselves and to our duties," she finished his sentence while turning over on her side to watch him dress, "You've already said that, Cullen"
A smile crossed his exhausted face as he pulled his trousers up, staring into the dim coals with his back turned to Hawke to hide the longing in his amber eyes.
"Then I'll spare you the lecture this time, Juliet,"
"No, please! Continue!" she chuckled while propping herself up on her elbows, "I enjoy listening to talk. Especially about responsibilities and duties,"
"Perhaps another time then," there was a light in him that caused the darkness that shrouded her heart to lift for only a moment. The serenity between them felt almost as addicting as the punishment they unknowingly subjected themselves to each time they fell into each other's affections.
Cullen could feel her eyes on him. When they first met he couldn't stand the way she stared at him. The prejudice that he spewed at her was reflected in the way she defied him in her frosty glare but now she can only look at him with the warmth that reminded him of the summers he thought long gone from his childhood. She soothed the anger inside him in a way that he never thought possible. Through her kind caresses and the very magic that once sickened him. To an outsider looking in, it's easy to assume that the foundation for the relationship would purely be pleasures of the flesh but since beginning their affair, passionate nights became replaced by peaceful nights. Where they sit in the low glow of the fireplace, pretending to be something they knew they could never be; a family. There was no greater pleasure for the couple than watching Juliet's enchanted hands work their way across his clothes, mending them with the content smile of a wife while she listened to him speak about his day with the mannerisms of tired husband who's grateful to be home.
He pulled his cotton shirt over his head but paused before he could put his arms through the sleeves when he felt Juliet's arm snake around his torso in one last loving embrace.
"Be careful when you leave," she laid a lingering kiss at the base of his neck and another behind his ear, "I can't have you getting caught. I don't know what I'd do without you anymore,"
"I feel like I'm the one who should be telling you to be careful," there was bitterness laced in the tone of his voice, "If he hurts you...I can't make any promises that I'll let him leave the city alive," a weight fell to the pit of her stomach at the very mention of the abomination that she naively tied herself to when she first arrived into the city. She glanced over to the empty side of the bed. Red sheets wrinkled and thrown the side with the Cullen's scent barely noticeable, would soon be filled by the walking husk of what use to be Anders. The very thought of him caused a twinge of guilt to spread through Juliet before she returned her attention to Cullen.
"Let's not think about that. Let's just be happy to have tonight," Whatever peace Cullen might have found that night became replaced with a frightened anger as he peeled himself away from Juliet to finish dressing.
Their bittersweet goodbye was sealed with a quick kiss that lacked the passion of two lovers but rather had the comfort of a committed couple. Juliet wore a wistful smile as she watched Cullen leave her room in the clothes of a commoner to obscure his identity enough to not alert the other nobles of Hightown.
Juliet Hawke, she thought to herself as she ran her fingers through her yellow hair, Juliet Rutherford...
The idea of forsaking the Hawke name had become increasingly attractive since her arrival into Kirkwall. A name she once wore with pride now felt like a burden so heavy it suffocated her each time it was spoken. Hawke, the apostate. Hawke, the Champion of Kirkwall. Hawke, the defender of mages. Each year she became more disconnected from her image that soon enough she found herself isolated from the world around her. Hawke was an idol that was revered by the city. Juliet was an afterthought to many and a stranger to most.
Her maid came in a few moments later with the same look of hidden disappointment that Juliet learned to ignore. Her maid was loyal and devoted, forever grateful that her mistress gave her a job after her escape from Hadriana but that loyalty did not free Juliet from her judgement.
"Here, Mistress. Allow me," she said while taking the sheets from Juliet's hands.
"Thank you, Orana. I appreciate you helping me," she thanked her maid with a smile that covered her shame. Orana rolled the bed sheets into a ball and turned her back to Juliet, ready to leave but a thought dawned on her that she couldn't help but to ask.
"Mistress Hawke," she turned her head to face Juliet in hopes of seeing some honesty in her mistress for once, "If you love the Knight-Captain why do you stay with Ser Anders?"
"Because….," the very thought of him caused her eyes to become filled with a fear that many could never imagine the Champion of Kirkwall ever having. She seemed more like a child awaiting punishment for her wrongdoings than the paragon of unflinching goodness that many thought she was, "I wish I knew…,"
By morning, all evidence of Cullen was erased from the estate. From the newly laid out sheets to the warm morning bath that washed his scent from her body. She sat in the warm water with ivory lily petals floating on its surface, accompanied by the shaky breaths of a woman whose only wish was to lay under the water and watch the petals fade her from her view.