A/N: Okay so this is my first attempted at some M rated action. Which will take place in the next chapter. I wanted it to have some meaning and not be mindless. So this chapter is rated K+ for mentions of guns. Next chapter will be M; so I've rated the whole story M. Let me know how I did and what you think please.
Paris
I'm tired. I'm tired of pretending like I no longer love him. I'm tired of pretending like I ever stopped loving him. I told him when I came back that there would be no off the job. One of the stupidest things I have done. The stupidest thing I have done is leave him in the first place. I did it all in the name of advancing my career. Something that I told myself back then would help me in my search for Justice. I know now that it was revenge I am seeking, not justice.
My entire adult life has been about finding the man responsible for my father's death. Sure the officials ruled his death a suicide, but my father would never kill himself. I thought someone else must be responsible for his death. So I joined NCIS and made my way up the latter all to get to Director; a position from which I could get my "justice".
I know now sitting next to him that I was after revenge. But I can't seem to stop. Justice or Revenge; my mind says "who cares what is called; get him. He took away the man who raised you. Go get him; make him pay." but my heart says "Let it go; move on. Try to get him back." My need for revenge lead me to leave him when all I wanted was to stay by his side.
My heart is winning over my head. But winning him back means that he needs to wake up. Stupid case. Gibbs and his team were chasing a Navy Petty Officer who killed his girlfriend after he found out she was cheating on him. He didn't want to go in quietly; so when the team came to take him into custody he resisted; with a semi-automatic weapon.
All the team members suffered some sort of injury. Tony got grazed in the arm. Ziva was shot in the shoulder, but would be fine. Tim was shot in the leg, just barely missing his femoral artery, but would make a full recovery. Jethro was shot three times. Once in the leg, then in the shoulder (the same one Ari hit) and then in the neck, also just missing any vital spots. They got him in to surgery and removed the bullet and repaired the damages; now all they needed was for him to wake up. Tony had called her after they patched him up on the scene and told her where they were going. She had met them at the hospital in a state of near panic. She sat in the waiting room while Jethro and Ziva were in surgery and a nurse patched up Tim near-by.
She was now going on 6 hours waiting for him. She had sent everyone home (execpt for Ziva); the team needed to rest. She moved her chair closer to his bed and slipped her hand into his and brought it up to her face; letting his knuckles rest against her cheek. Three hours later a knock sounded at the door. Jen turned around and saw Ducky in the doorway.
"How is he my dear?" He asked her in a soft voice.
"Still waiting for him to wake up from the surgery."
"Ahh yes, the Anastasia. It can have that effect. Relax my dear, he will wake up soon." Jen just nodded and turned her head back to look at Jethro.
An hour later; just as the sun was starting to rise; Jethro started moving. He opened his eyes to the sunrise and looking around he found Jen's relieved gaze.
"Welcome back to the Land of the Living Jethro."
"What happened?" His voice was thick with confusion and the medication he was on.
"When you tried to bring the Petty Officer into custody he opened fired on you and your team with a semi-automatic weapon."
"Was anyone else injured?"
"Not as seriously as you, but yes. Tony and Tim were both grazed and Ziva took a round to the shoulder. They are all fine and worried about you."
"What happened to the perp?"
"One of Ziva's rounds that she fired, after you went down, hit him in the head. He's dead."
"Good riddance. How long have you been here Jen?"
"Since you were brought in."
"Jen go home and get some sleep. Its not like I'm going anywhere."
"I'll go home and shower and change, but then I'll be back. I want to talk to you about something."
"Ok Jen. Go do what you need to do."
Jethro watched as she grabbed her purse and left the room. A nurse came in and took his vitals and out a new bag of pain killers into his IV. But he asked her not to push the button; the pain wasn't unbearable and he wanted to be lucid and not high on the medicine when Jen returned.
45 minutes later Jen returned wearing casual clothes instead of her business suits. Her light was jeans hugged her slim hips while her simple black shirt hugged her small waist. Her hair was pulled back into a high ponytail.
"I checked on Ziva. She'll be released tomorrow, barring any complications. She we'll be behind a desk for at least a month; until her PT gives her the okay to go back into the field. Tony and Tim are on desk duty for the remainder of this week and Tim has another week behind the desk." She told him as she sat down. She took a deep breath and grabbed his hand; intertwining their fingers. She leaned foreward and kissed his cheek.
"I told you we need to talk, but its more like I have questions that I want answered."
"Well ask them Jen."
"Ok. Do you think that revenge and justice are the same thing?"
"They are the same thing achieved by two different things."
"Explain."
"Revenge is sought by someone directly involved; like a child of a murdered man. Justice is sought by someone not involved directly; like the police."
"What if someone involved is the police?"
"Then to me its still revenge. That person is using police resources to bring someone who hurt them in."
"Does revenge help?"
"Why do you ask me that?"
"Please Jethro. I've seen the file on Shannon's and Kelly's murder. I know that they couldn't bring them in. I know that your mind wouldn't rest until you had dealt with him. So tell me Does revenge help?"
"You think it will, but it doesn't. It just puts off having to deal with the grief of the loss. Now tell me why you are asking."
"My father was killed."
"By whom? Do you know?"
"No. The police ruled it a suicide."
"But you don't think so?"
"No. I don't. I think an arms dealer killed him. So I spent my entire adult life trying to find him. But I needed to get to a place to achieve what I told myself was justice. That's why I left you in Paris Jethro. My five-point plan revolved around bringing the man to justice."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't want anyone to know. Like you and Shannon and Kelly."
"So it wasn't because you thought that we didn't love eachother?"
"At first that was how I justified it. I knew that I loved you, but I told myself that you were just making sure our cover was intact."
"And why couldn't you believe that I loved you?"
"I don't know Jethro."
"Did you still love me when you came back as director?"
"Yes, though I had tried to convince myself otherwise."
"What changed?"
"You were blown up. Then I learned about Shannon and Kelly and you left for Mexico."
"And when I returned?"
"Again I don't know; I think that I was angry with you for not telling me about them."
"I wish you would have told me that."
"Why?"
"Because I came back permently because of you. Not the team or the Job."
"Do you still love me?"
"Yes."
"How can you? After all the hurt I've caused you?"
"I've been asking that question myself since you came back, and I have no answer other than that I have never stopped. My question is do you still love me?"
"Always have and always will Jethro." She leaned forward and kissed him sweetly on the lips. Jethro responded in kind knowing that if he deepened the kiss he would not be able to anything without causing himself pain. Jen sensed this too and kept the kiss sweet, but made it go on until they both needed to breathe.
"Give us another chance Jen?" Jethro asked once he had gotten his breath back.
"Yes Jethro. Always."
Paris was when they told each other that they loved each other and it was the memories of Paris that brought them back together after a potential tragedy.