Anakin had once found it hard to believe that even the oldest members among the ranks of the Jedi Order, (meaning Yoda) could not remember a fight as deadly and cruel as that fight had been. And some masters said Yoda had been present during the Sith Wars.
However, he believed it now, after he had fought the battle of Jabiim. And won.
He had seen praise several times from those that had doubted him before. Many had called the miracle child. His name was on every holo-news channel in the galaxy, the Padawan who had done what no other master could do.
Not even his own.
Anakin had thrown his holo-recorder at the wall upon hearing that. It made Obi-wan sound like a weak man, a lost cause, as if Anakin had not learned everything he knew from the man anyway. As if he had not gone through torture for the Republic's safety.
The now famous apprentice raced through the halls of the med-bay, swerving his body to avoid the few people in the halls as he had on Courascant, when chasing down the shape shifter who had tried to kill Padme.
It was late at night. Anakin had been busying with interviews and newscasters all day. But now; only now, did he have time to see the man he had not laid eyes on in two months. The man who had been believed dead until now.
Obi-wan Kenobi, Anakin's master and the closest thing he had to a father, had been captured by Ventress, a Sith Assassin. No one knew where in the kriff this new villain had come from, but Anakin vowed that one day, she would pay for whatever she had done to his teacher.
The doctor who had performed on Obi-wan had spoken to him earlier. "I've never seen anything like this. I doubt anyone has," his voice rang in Anakin's head. "Whoever this woman is, she's a cruelly creative Sith," he had sighed.
"There were shards of hot metal pushed underneath his fingernails before they were torn off. She electrocuted his spine several times, which could very well have killed him. His arms and legs were broken, cut and mended before being broken and cut again. This… This is not torture. This is whatever is beyond torture."
Anakin's eyes stung just remembering the hand the doctor had put on his shoulder. "I don't know how he survived. And Son, since I have heard that this man raised you, I'm going to give you the advice I'd give myself if this were my father, for when you go see him: brace yourself. This is past the worse,"
Anakin finally pushed his way ahead of a woman, hurrying in her nightdress to some discreet place with some discreet male her husband did not know she was seeing, certainly.
Force, Anakin could not wait to leave this planet of death and grief.
At long last, Anakin stopped before the door. Behind it, he could sense the force signature he had missed so much. The one the masters had tried to convince him was dead and gone.
"I knew they weren't right," he mumbled to Obi-wan, on the other side of the door. "I knew it, master. Yet I did nothing to help you," force, force he wished he had.
Obi-wan did not deserve whatever this witch had done.
Anakin stayed outside of the door, breathing hard from his busy day. His head ached with the lack of sleep he had been through.
His heart pounded in his chest with nervousness and sweat poured down his forehead fearfully. No part of him wanted to see what the doctor had warned him about. But his heart screamed that this was still Obi-wan, still his father, and Obi-wan needed him.
Anakin opened the door.
What he saw made him gasp and take a hurried step back. This was not Obi-wan. This was his corpse.
The body on the neatly made bed was so terribly skinny that it resembled a twig that would have broken under Anakin's foot. Under Obi-wan's eyes were dark bags that hung down, almost touching his nose.
The rest of his body was disfigured and dismantled with beatings and other various torture methods that Anakin was sure he did not want to know about.
But the worst was Obi-wan's eyes. They were no longer the sharp azure, glowing with intelligence, boldness and felicity, but a dull sorrowful gray that had seen too many horrors. His eyes were dead, dead as someone who had been broken before he had died.
A tear ran down his cheek. Anakin let out a strangled cry of pain at seeing this… This horror. All of a sudden, Obi-wan's eyes, which had been staring blankly at Anakin as if he were not there, sharpened into dull awareness. Nothing changed except for the momentary twinkle of recognition.
"Oh, force," Anakin choked, covering his mouth in shock.
He was afraid to step inside, to take one more step. Suddenly, he wished with all of his might that Obi-wan had died in the explosion. At least then he would not have to sit here as broken as Anakin saw him.
"Anakin," somehow, the gnarled, hoarse voice that unexpectedly broke out from the corpse made Anakin jump. Obi-wan tried to smile; it came out as more of a disfigured grimace of pain.
Obi-wan stretched out a hand. His entire arm shook. "My apprentice, I heard you-" he let out a violent cough. "Won the battle," he whispered so softly Anakin had to use the force to hear. "Congratulations." What? Anakin finally regained his voice.
"Obi-wan," he had never used his master's real name before. "Force, master, I'm…" His voice cracked. Obi-wan's hand dropped and he let out another harsh cough, wincing at each inhalation of breath.
Anakin stayed rooted to the spot, helpless. He was afraid, so afraid that Obi-wan's coughs would turn into his last breaths. Shock and helplessness paralyzed his muscles. "Anakin," Obi-wan wheezed in between coughs.
"Anakin, don't stand there, as if… You're afraid of me. Come… Here. I have not… Seen you in…" He could not finish, but instead fell into more coughing. Anakin saw a splatter of blood land on his blanket. His sluggish blood propelled into action.
He raced forward and put an arm around his master, helping him to sit up. At last, Obi-wan's coughs receded.
"Thank... You," he gasped breathlessly. "Don't thank me," Anakin instructed gently, his brows furrowed. He could feel and name every bone underneath Obi-wan's clothes.
The blasted man was starving. The witch had starved him, nearly. Anakin had never seen him so malnourished. He lowered Obi-wan gently.
"You're skinny as a skeleton," he told him angrily. Obi-wan gripped Anakin's arm weakly, as if he suspected he would suddenly vanish into thin air.
"Well… Ventress did not… Very much believe… In proper nutrition," he shivered when he said her name. Anakin patted his shoulder awkwardly. Then he smiled, something like joy overcoming him. "I'm… I'm very glad you're alive, master," he said, lowering his eyes. He wished he could say more, to tell Obi-wan the whole truth.
The truth was that Anakin had spent days in his room sobbing when they had convinced him his master was dead. That he had wanted to run the lightsaber through his own heart. If not for the thought of Padme, He might have.
He wanted to tell Obi-wan that he had missed him so intensely it had made his chest ache. But that was attachment, and attachment was forbidden for a Jedi, even if that Jedi had raised Anakin since he was nine.
And Obi-wan was a firm believer in this rule, so Anakin was downright shocked when a shriveled, bony hand reached up and gently cupped his cheek.
He stared at Obi-wan, befuddled. "Ventress… Told me she'd… Killed you," Obi-wan whispered darkly. Anakin gulped and leaned into the touch. He put a hand on top of Obi-wan's, warming the trembling, cold skin touching his warm cheek. "I'm alright," he replied with a weak smile.
Obi-wan shook his head and commenced with coughing again. His hand snatched itself from Anakin's cheek. His entire body started to shake.
Anakin felt his heart give a jolt. "Obi-wan?!" He reached frantically for the cup of water near Obi-wan's bed and held it to his lips.
"Drink, drink!" He ordered sharply. Obi-wan obeyed. Slowly, his coughing subsided until he was only breathing raggedly. That scared Anakin almost as much as the coughing. He sighed and messed with Obi-wan's pillow anxiously.
"Are you comfortable? Do you need anything?" He asked. "No," Obi-wan closed his eyes. His body quivered slightly under the blankets.
"Are you cold?" Anakin asked. "Burning," he frowned and touched Obi-wan's forehead gently. "You have a fever," he confirmed worriedly. Something like a bitter smile touched Obi-wan's lips. "A fever? Yes… Well, I certainly noticed," his humor was intact, at least.
Anakin sighed and let his arms fall to his sides. He felt so… helpless.
"Do you want anything?" Anakin continued. He needed to do something, anything to help. He could not leave Obi-wan's side. He would sit in his room imagining every impossible situation could happen to him. Or just plain thinking that his master would fall into death.
"Water? Food? More blankets?" He stood by anxiously. Obi-wan's dead eyes were staring at him with misery. It was breaking his heart. "No, Anakin. I'm... Fine. Just…. Stay there. Make sure I… Don't fall… Asleep," Obi-wan requested. "Are you sure?" Anakin asked.
"Are you sure you don't need anything? You look like you're hungry, I can…" Obi-wan interrupted. "You can go… If you want… Anakin. I'm fine," he said.
Anakin stood there, shocked, and then realized that Obi-wan had seen through his attempts. Anakin did want to leave. How could he not? He had thought Obi-wan was dead for the past… However long it had been.
And now, he came out to find he wasn't but to see Obi-wan like… Like this. It was shattering his heart; and what was more, he could not do anything to help his teacher. Nothing. Every agony, every cut and burn, Anakin could not take away. Every painful memory or jar, he could not take away or avenge.
He couldn't do anything.
However, he would not leave. Not when Obi-wan so obviously needed him. "You aren't fine," and that was another thing, why did he keep saying that? He obviously was not fine.
If anything, Obi-wan was the very essence of not fine. He was unwell, poorly, hurt, in pain, ill and every other word that was a synonym to those. And it made Anakin angry that he could not fix that.
"Yes…" Obi-wan let out another cough. A bead of sweat ran down his forehead. "I am," he said. "No," his anger grew. "You're not. Blast it, master, how can you even say that? You aren't fine!" He hissed. Obi-wan stared at him unexcitedly. There was no glow of disapproval that Anakin had shouted, no ember of anger, no flicker of indignance.
There was nothing there.
Anakin wanted there to be. He wanted his master back. He had wanted and cried and begged the force for Obi-wan back, and when he had gotten him back, he got this? This empty, broken husk? No, He wanted Obi-wan.
He needed Obi-wan.
"Anakin," Obi-wan said; his voice husky. "Lower… Your... Voice," he could still give orders, of course. "Who are you to order me around?" Anakin demanded. He turned his back; he could not look at Obi-wan anymore. He couldn't. Not at the master he had almost lost, regained, and found like this.
It wasn't fair. "I'm the one who saved this mission. I'm the one who finished what you started. I'm, the one who did what no other master could," he half turned. "Not even you," cruel, certainly, but Anakin was too angry to care. Obi-wan didn't move, only watched him.
"I know," there was no emotion to his voice. Anakin's heart which had slowly been shattering, split. "Damn it!" he roared, enraged by this event. He was angry at himself now, how could he have just said that?
"I didn't want this! You don't deserve this! I wanted you to come back alive, not a half-broken, tortured shell! Why did you let this happen, master?" he turned, his anger sparking and dying in his heart uncontrollably.
"Why'd you let this happen to us? Why did you leave me to finish this alone? Why did you have to get captured? Why did you let that witch hurt you like this!? Why didn't you come back fine?" He slammed a fist into the wall, breathing hard. He could not face Obi-wan, if he did he would… He did not know what he would do. And that scared him. He was so afraid.
"I have… been asking myself… The same thing… Anakin," Obi-wan managed to whisper hoarsely, as if his heart were gone and only his body, barely working, remained. "I asked myself so many times," Anakin could feel his dead eyes staring into his back.
"I never… Found an… Answer. When Ventress," his voice skipped, almost as if he were an old holo-clip. "When she hurt me… I asked myself… Why I let her. I just… Never thought… You'd ask me," Anakin's heart split again, into smaller pieces.
He wanted to say he was sorry, that he was selfish, he wanted to beg Obi-wan's forgiveness, but his throat was too full of tears. Obi-wan's statement had not been accusing anyway, merely thoughtful.
"I…I have been through….Things I hope… You never, ever… Have to go through. But so have you. I'm sorry, Anakin. I'm sorry I wasn't there," no, this was all wrong. Obi-wan should not be apologizing. Anakin should be the one doing that. Not his master. Guilt racked through him as if an electric volt.
"I was so afraid," guilt propelled him to tell the truth, and fear and desperation made his voice wobble with tears. A tear ran down his cheek.
"I thought you were gone. Dead. And I was alone. Alone to fight the battle that had killed the other Jedi. I was so afraid, more so than I've ever been in my life. And I hated you for leaving me like that. But most of all, I wanted you back," he gritted his teeth.
"I needed you, blast it! I needed you, master!" He turned, and more tears ran down his face when he saw Obi-wan's stare. It had feeling in it now, but this time the feeling was pain. And as Anakin watched, a single tear ran from Obi-wan's eye down his face and dripped off his chin.
He could not take that. He could take many of things. But not that.
"Force, I'm sorry," he gasped, turning around. He stumbled back to Obi-wan's bed. "I'm sorry, my master. Don't… Don't listen to me. Not a word of what I say. I'm… I'm just…" He didn't know what he was. He crashed against Obi-wan's bed and grabbed his hand.
"I'm just scared," he whispered at last, telling the absolute, infinite, total truth for the first time in seven years.
Obi-wan was trembling, his fragile body overworked with emotion. His force signature was dim with depression and pain. But despite that, Obi-wan's hand slowly, trembling the whole way, reached out and gripped the back of Anakin's hair uncertainly. The bony fingers dug themselves into Anakin's fluffy hair comfortingly.
"Me too, Ani," Obi-wan replied in a whisper. The use of his nickname (which Obi-wan had never used before) and the gentle touch sent Anakin over the edge. He grasped the hand at the back of his head and laid his own down on Obi-wan's stick legs.
"I missed you," he gasped as sobs racked his body. Obi-wan put a hand on his back. This isn't right, Anakin thought. But the tears continued to flow hysterically, out of Anakin's command.
Again, he was helpless to do anything. "I missed you so much. I was so scared," he squeezed the hand at the back of his head as Obi-wan stroked his back lightly.
"I hate her!" His enraged shout was muffled by the blanket he was crying into. "I hate her for what she did!" Obi-wan did not answer, but Anakin could still hear the labored sound of his breathing above. I shouldn't be doing this. I'm a grown man, for force sakes! Still crying in his arms like a child. And he's the one who should be crying. But the tears, despite his thinking, continued.
"I'm sorry," he gasped into the sheet. "I… I don't know what's wrong with me," he tried to explain through sobs. But Obi-wan let out a small shushing sound. "It is right… That you do so," he replied, his voice strangled. "I'm a grown man," Anakin argued, his heart near bursting.
"Sure you are," was Obi-wan's only cough of a reply. Anakin gently grabbed Obi-wan's leg and squeezed. Obi-wan let out a small squeak of agony.
Anakin released. "Sorry," he hiccupped again. "Stop… Apologizing," Obi-wan answered through clenched teeth.
Anakin instead moved to grab the blanket on the side of Obi-wan; he wanted to scream with anguish and desperation, but the blanket prevented him, and besides, he had already lost the remainder of his pride in front of Obi-wan. He would not lose anymore.
"I missed you," he repeated. Obi-wan stayed silent. "I missed you," Anakin repeated, wanting a response. Anakin looked up and smiled bitterly when he saw Obi-wan's head had fallen to one side, his eyes closed, he was asleep.
Or, is he? Something in Anakin whispered. Just to reassure himself, he reached over and touched Obi-wan's hand. He felt his wrist. The heartbeat was flutteringly weak. Anakin's heart did a flip. "Obi-wan," he gasped, sitting up. "Obi-wan Kenobi, wake up," nothing.
Anakin grabbed Obi-wan by both shoulders, squeezing tightly. "Master!" he cried. "Master, wake up!" he shook him. Obi-wan's words echoed in his mind "Make sure I… Don't fall… Asleep," oh, no.
"Please," Anakin's voice cracked. "I beg of you, wake up, master," he pleaded. His heart nearly cracked with relief when Obi-wan's eyes fluttered open and a long breath was let out. "Thank goodness," Anakin breathed.
Obi-wan watched him passively for a moment, his eyes dead. Anakin stared back at him, and a shiver went up his spine. He knew that he had been about to lose his master.
He gulped. However, Obi-wan merely smiled feebly, without real heart, and put a bony hand on Anakin's shoulder.
"Don't worry," he said softly. "I promise, I won't…. I won't leave you again," Anakin nodded, feeling tears sting at his eyes. He gulped and laid his head back down. "I won't let you, anyway," he mumbled. Obi-wan let out a wheeze that could have been a chuckle. "I believe it," he agreed.
Anakin straightened out and grabbed Obi-wan's hand, on his shoulder. He squeezed gently, assuring, and his eyes held a promise.
I won't let anything happen to you, ever.
Obi-wan read the promise, and a spark of hope returned to his eyes. Anakin felt his heart lift from the veil of anger and fear. That spark was all he needed.
Obi-wan would get better. Anakin would help him. They would move on.
"Take me home, Anakin," Obi-wan suggested softly. Anakin nodded and never taking his eyes from Obi-wan's, squeezed the rough hand again. "Yes, master."
Okay, for the faithful viewers who have followed my series, this is going to be an important moment looked back upon in the chaos to come! And for people who haven't read my series yet, you have alot of catching up to do! :)
~Queen Yoda