This story is a cross between "Gravity Falls" and "Wicked." It details the stormy relationship between Mabelphaba and Pacifica the Perfect. All characters belong to Alex Hirsch, not me. Scenes and song lyrics parody the work of Stephen Schwartz in his musical based on the novel by Gregory Maguire.
No One Mourns the Wacky
Toby Determined held up a copy of his newspaper with a young woman's face on the front page. It wore a goofy grin, but it was crossed out.
"Extra, extra!" he called. "The Wacky Witch of West Gravity Falls is dead!"
The townspeople gathered around and began to sing:
"Good news!
She's dead!
The Wacky Witch is dead!
The wackiest witch in Gravity Falls
The weirdest one anyone here recalls, is dead!
Good news!
Good news!"
A blond young woman descended in a glowing pink bubble, smiling and curtsying to the crowd.
"It's Pacifica!" called Tyler.
"Pacifica the Perfect," said an old lady with admiration in her voice.
Pacifica sang:
"Let us be glad
Let us be grateful
Let us rejoice that the commonplace could subdue
The goofy workings of you-know-who
Isn't it nice to know?
That sense will conquer silly
That we get through willy-nilly by and by
When we try
For you and-"
Manly Dan shouted: "No one mourns the wacky!"
Lazy Susan said, "No one lays a flower on their grave."
Pacifica sang:
"And everyone knows
The Wacky's lives are lonely
They get so unpopular
The Wacky die alone
It shows she should have listened to her betters
And not have worn
All those silly sweaters."
"Tell us!" shouted Tyler. "What made Mabelphaba so goofy?"
Pacifica said, "Are people born Wacky? Or do they have Wackiness thrust upon them?
After all, she had a father. She had a mother, as so many do..
There were rumors of a traveling vacuum-cleaner salesman, and a green elixir. All that is known for sure is that she was born unnaturally green, and her twin brother, Dipparose, was born a few minute later, unable to walk. It couldn't have been easy."
The town sang in chorus:
"No one mourns the Wacky!
Now at last, her wild pranks are put down.
Now at last, there's joy throughout the town
And Sensible knows
We know what Sensible is
Sensible knows
The Wacky die alone."
Pacifica sang, "She died alone..."
"Good news! Good news!" the town chorused. "She was wacky! Wacky!"
Old Man McGucket called out from the crowd, "But Pacifica, ain't it true you was her friend?"
"Oh..." said Pacifica. "No. Not exactly... her friend. Our paths crossed one summer a few years ago... and then when she came back here to school..."