Disclaimer: I am not and never will be J.K. Rowling. I'm also not making any money with this. Woe is me.
Now onto the story!
Dear Diary,
I don't know where to start. I have to fit my whole life on these brief pages- the good times, the bad times, the bittersweet thoughts and the broken moments. Pick and choose which memories the world can remember about me. And I don't have the time to ponder over it like I am- I have to write, and plan, and write.
Thats it. I'm starting at the most important part- where my life went from that of an average Hogwarts student to a version of hell. A little over five months ago, at the end of my O.W.L year. If thats all I ever write, then at least my mother will understand why I had to leave her the way will.
Important Incident No. 4: Sunday, June 4th, 1775
Lily was twirling her red hair around her finger as she read through our charms textbook for what may have been the sixth time, but was probably only her fourth. Next to her sat Alice, who was reading a novel about different plants instead of studying for our Charms exam. I was across from them both, pretending to be absorbed by the notes in front of me and not daydreaming about dinner.
My musings were interrupted by Lily, who took a moment of her time to tickle me with the feather of her quill.
"Lily! I was studying!" I squeaked as I tried to squirm away from the quill.
"And I'm second cousins to the giant squid." Alice said, smirking into her book.
"Oh, like you're one to talk," I said indignantly, "you're not even pretending." At this, Lily felt the need to take charge.
"You both need to start memorizing this stuff- the O.W.L.'s are in a little over a week! And no offense you two, but charms isn't exactly either of your forte." Alice and I sighed in unison.
"Thats what we have you for, Lils." I pointed out, gesturing my wand in her direction partly to ensure she wouldn't attempt to tickle me again. Lily gave a slight sigh, but I could see the smile shinning through. Lily was not without her vanity, though Alice and I had learned to love her for it. Or at least despite it.
"Alright, how about I quiz you guys?" The us in question looked at each other and nodded, accepting the compromise.
But two and a half hours later, I was no longer capable of paying further attention to the questions Lily pelted in my direction. It was time for a distraction, in the name of not dying of boredom. With that in mind, I hid my wand up my sleeve and looked for a target.
Across the room from my seat was a girl on a ladder trying to reach a book on the top shelve. I mentally apologized to her before waving my wand and muttering "Depulso" in the middle of a fake cough.
With a squeak and a louder than expected thump, I had created the perfect way to get out of more charms work- because while Lily may be vain, no one could ever call her less than kind.
With an, "Oh my goodness!" she was up and out of her seat, rushing over to help the victim of my boredom. Alice, who is also far nicer than I've ever been, was not far behind. As for me, I rushed out of the library like the devil was at my heels.
I was free for all of a minute- until I ran into another body rounding the corner at a speed roughly equivalent to mine, and we both fell to the ground.
"Ouch." Was my ever so eloquent response, to which the rather large lump next to me said "Oomph." I got to my feet, prepared to make an apology as sincerely and quickly as I could.
"Listen, I'm really sorry, I didn't meant to barge into you like that, I just had to get away from Lil- I mean, the library." Sirius Black, who was still in the process of standing up, gave me a lopsided grin.
"Avoiding Lily, are we? Whats she done now- told you to get your essay done?"
"Oh, as if you and Potter don't do the exact same thing to Lupin." And it was true, I had seen Lupin chasing after the two Marauders at least once a week for the last several years, yelling various insults and accusations generally referencing cheating.
"Thats actually a long and ongoing game of tag." I raised an eyebrow at this, even as I wished for an innocent look half as effective as Blacks.
"Where Lupin is always it?"
"Whats life without a little consistency?" And despite myself, I laughed- for about three seconds, because Lily, red hair framing her face like flames, had turned the corner and seen the two of us.
"Erin Samantha Mayes! How could you do that! She was just an innocent first year and you- you-" Sirius was looking at Lily with bright eyed amusement, while I was attempting to blend into the walls."Yes, Evans? What did our lovely Erin Samantha Mayes do this time?" He asked, sending a wink in my direction, which I pretended not to see. Sirius Black was a serious (pardon the pun) womanizer, even if no one dared say it to his face.
"She- she-" Ironically, Lily only stuttered when she was truly angry- which was a curious truth, as she never stuttered in Potters presence. Or at least, very rarely. "She hexed a first year! For no reason!" At this point, she had turned completely towards me, her hand raised accusingly. "You know I'm going to have to take points, right? Why would you do that?" Exasperation lent her eyes a dull wash and made her shriek a good deal less ear piercing. Unfortunately, Sirius took this moment to make up for her relatively quiet reprimand.
"Erin Samantha Mayes! Hex an innocent, ickle firstie? Thats it, I'm going to expel you! To Dumbledore's office!" He said, in what I presumed was an impression of Professor McGonagall.
"Oh for Godric's sake Black. Just because you now know my entire name doesn't mean you have to use it." I saw Lily's normally fair complexion turn a dark shade of red, and realized that I really should have been focusing on her side of the argument. Not Blacks. Oopsies.
"I swear to Merlin Erin. You're not even a little repentant are you? Fifteen points from Gryffindor and if you don't come up with a decent excuse, I'm going to lock you out of the dorms tonight." Her glare was fierce. And more than a little bit intimidating.
"I'm sorry Lils." I began, attempting to look contrite and by Blacks smile, I guessed failing. Well, I thought, if I'm going to lose anyway... May as well go with the truth. "I was going to die of boredom! Its not my fault that the girl was the sacrifice necessary to save my life!" Then I did what any sane person would do when faced with the wrath of Lily Evans- I turned and ran for my life. I could hear Black's laughter cackling along the corridors with mine and Lily's footsteps thudding along the stone floors.
Thanks to my long legs and fairly intimate knowledge of which doors were behind which tapestries, I managed to escape Lily, but only just. My legs weren't the only part of me that was long- I was probably the tallest girl in the school, and by a decent margin at that. There was a lot of me that needed to hide, so the smaller tapestries would do me no good. It was sheer good luck that I was near the statue of the hump backed witch- there is a tapestry three doors to her left that hides a little known balcony. I dashed behind it and just managed to stop the tapestry from moving and giving away my hiding spot as Lily's mad footsteps ran past.
As it turns out, successfully getting away from her that night was the worst thing I could have possibly done. Because when Lily makes threats, she doesn't go back on them. Not for anything.
So I found myself locked out of not only the dormitory, but because I had made the decision to hide from her until past curfew, also locked out of Gryffindor tower.
"What do you mean, the passwords been changed?" I asked the Fat Lady in a less than kindly tone. Can you blame me? It was ten in the evening, I'd been running and hiding and not eating for hours- all I wanted was a break.
"I mean that Thestral isn't the password anymore, and I can't let you in. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to visit..." I stopped paying attention to the portrait, lost in my fuming mind. She locked me out. How could she? That was crossing a line, even for Lily in a temper. I stood on the landing beside the now empty portrait and screamed that I was outside. Either no one heard me, or the entire Gryffindor house had decided to ignore me. Whatever the reason was, no one came to open the portrait for me. I was on my own. So with one last curse- "Lily Evans, I hope you can hear me, because you are officially more of a toe rag than James Potter!"- I started to walk away from the portrait. Started being the key word.
"You think she's come back yet?" I heard the hushed words, not from behind the portrait, but from down the stairs.
"Yeah, someone was making that racket. We all know what a set of lungs that Mayes girl has."
"All the better for screaming, yes?" In an instant, my thoughts went from mildly confused to concerned for my own well being. These people- I thought they were probably Slytherins- didn't sound as though they were joking, despite the scattered laughter. I had to get out of there.
In a move I would learn to regret, I leant down to take of my shoes, leaving me in socks that padded nearly silently across the floor. Nearly, as it turns out, wasn't silently enough.
"Do you hear that?" I flinched. I recognized that voice. It belonged to none other than Bellatrix Black, a seventh year student renowned for her less than stable mind and her sadistic tendencies. She raised her voice and called out to me. "Don't be shy, sweetie. We're not going to hurt you... much." It was then that I proved my Gryffindor impulsiveness, and I've rarely regretted it more.
"Riiight. Because thats what you're known for. Kindness. Hold on while I pick you some flowers, hmm?" As I spoke, I was reaching into my robes for my wand, but it was stuck and before I could get it out of the pockets Bellatrix and her crony, Lestrange another seventh year, walked calmly up the stairs towards me, wands out. And pointed at me.
When Bellatrix saw me, she cackled. I mean cackled. Like one of the witches on muggle TV, or an evil villain, and the I felt the hair on the back of my neck stiffen. "Did the little girl forget her wand? All alone out here, without anyone to help?" More insane laughter.
I might have come up with some reply, if it weren't for the silent stunner Lestrange sent my way while I was focused on trying to hex Bellatrix without a wand. Why would I do such an idiotic thing? Simple. Because my wand was still in my pocket, caught on something or perhaps Black had set a sticking charm on it... The world blacked out before I could do more than mentally curse my luck.
When I came to, it was not to the pleasant feeling of a pillow under my head and the sound of birds chirping. Or even to the sound of Lily and Potter arguing. Instead, it was to the mutterings of a group of Slytherins- it sounded like at least three and maybe more. In the interests of trying to discern my surroundings, I remained silent and feigned sleep.
"She's just a half blood and her mother's as good as a squib anyway. I say we kill her." I didn't recognize the voice. How could someone I didn't even know want to kill me?
"No, you idiot. Do you really think Dumbledore would let a murder escape his overly large nose? Besides, she's mine. I decide what happens. And I know just how to please our master..." This was Bellatrix, and a hushed silence followed her statement (what a drama queen) before she continued.
"Well, me, Lestrange and Malfoy are all graduating at the end of this year. This means our Lord will have to look for new followers in Hogwarts- and we all know how Dumbledore watches us. Though we follow him loyally, there isn't much we can do to help him until we graduate. This little mudblood lover in Gryffindor" she spat the house name "will not be watched at all."
I could hear the triumphant grin in her voice, but it appeared the other "followers" were as stumped as I was.
"What do you mean, Bella?" Questioned Lestrange. Bellatrix laughed instead of replying, and though I tried not to, I flinched at the sound of it.
"She's awake!" I pretended to still be under the effects of the stunner until a sharp boot kicked me and I had to bite my lip to keep from crying out.
"What do you want?" Bellatrix was gazing at me dispassionately, while Lestrange and a blonde who I presumed was Malfoy glared.
"Don't speak to her like that!" Spat Lestrange.
"Its alright, Rodolphus. I dare say I can take care of myself." Her smile was fiercer than I thought smiles could be. "Now, dearie, would you like to know what we have planned for you? It is rather... special." She giggled and her dark eyes, nearly black, sparked with danger.
"They say curiosity killed the cat... But I'm a lion, so shoot." The next thing I knew, I was screaming.
"You think you're so clever, little girl. But I have the wand here, and if you dare disrespect me again, I'll do much worse than a little pain hex. Understood?"
"Yes."
"Now, as to what I'm going to do with you... Malfoy, grab the book on Masterful Curses in my bag. Now." I heard him walk away, and a few moments later, I heard him come back towards us.
"Perfect. Page 43. Read the inscription."
"Yes, Bella. Page 43. The Statua Curse, which translates roughly to the 'Puppet Curse' can only be used upon a willing victim. (For ways to make a victim willing, turn to page 114.) However, once instituted, the victim's body will be under the person named "master" by the incantation. There are limits to this curse- which is why it never reached such infamity as the Imperius Curse and its brethren. The "master" can not control the victim continuously and-" Throughout this reading, I was reaching into my pocket in a desperate search for my wand. It wasn't anywhere, and my legs were tied up in ropes that refused to budge.
"Malfoy! Thats enough, thank you. The incantation?"
"Statuis followed by the proposed master's name. The wand movements-"
"I know them. Well, little girl, are you ready to become my masters puppet?" Again, she giggled, and I did not quite dare to reply. I was helpless, but for one thing- the book had said she needed my permission, and I was most certainly not willing.
"Oh, is the child going to need to be convinced?" There was an excited edge to her voice that honestly scared the living daylights out of me. What kind of monster actively looked forward people disobeying them so they would have reason to cause them pain? The answer: Bellatrix Lestrange. "How about some more pain then, little girl? How long do you think you can hold out?"
Instead of hexing me, as I expected her to, she began walking towards me, raised her healed boot, and kicked at my ribcage. I couldn't hold in a gasp, then a scream of pain. If she hadn't broke bone, she at least bruised it severely. But I couldn't be a puppet.
"Ready to say yes to Statuis, darling?"
"No." She raised her foot again and I flinched back so strongly my head smacked into the wall behind me. This caused all three of my tormenters to laugh uprorously.
"Not such a brave little lion child after all, are you?" Mocked Bellatrix. Then she pulled out her wand and sent a nonverbal curse towards my leg. At first, I couldn't feel anything. Then I noticed my right leg was twisting, ever so slowly, of its own accord.
"What?" I said, more out of shock than any true desire to hear the answer.
"Hmm, not much into the grey areas of magic are we? Its quite simple really. Your leg is going to turn one inch every minute- and its not going to stop. Soon, your skin will tear, your knee bone will dislocate, and you will lose rather a lot of blood. That is, if you don't cooperate. In the mean time, Malfoy, care to enlighten the girl on her mother?"
"It'd be my pleasure," Malfoy said in a smooth, silken voice, "your mother lives in a small cottage, 42 Walling Road, in the northeast sector of the magical village North Shire. Sound accurate?" He paused as though waiting for my answer. I didn't give him one. "Well, thats what your father tells us. Or should I say told?"
I winced, both from the implication- though I was far from close with my father, I didn't exactly wish him dead- and the increasing pain in my leg.
"You see, Mayes, if you don't say yes to our little spell, you can say bye-bye to your mother. My lord has the capability to kill her within minutes if he hears how you've displeased Bella here. She is a bit of a... favorite... of his." He drawled the last bit, and I could just picture the arrogant smirk on his lips. My leg turned an inch further than my leg was ever meant to turn and I felt the skin on my upper thigh tear as it tried to accommodate the movement-
"Ahhh-fine I'll-Argh-do it-Ahh." The words fell out of my mouth, mingled so tightly to my scream that I didn't even realize I'd said them until it was too late to take it back. I had always thought, somewhere in the back of my mind, that I would be able to handle torture. That my principles would be stronger than the influence of pain. It appears that I was wrong. A bolt of shame hit me, followed by terror, as I heard Bella incant the spell.
"Statuis Lord Voldemort!" There was a twist in my mind, not painful, simply different, and I knew Bellatrix had been successful. With another wave of her wand, my leg ceased its twisting, reducing the pain to a dull throb.
"Now, little girl, there is one simple rule you have to remember. Do not, ever, make any attempt to tell someone about this- not by speaking, writing, gesturing, nothing. Or we will not stop at killing your mother. You have friends here, yes? And one of them is a muggleborn... What fun we could have with her. Do you understand?"
I nodded my head, my throat sore from screaming earlier. This wasn't enough for Bellatrix, who shot another pain curse (I still don't know what it was) at me.
"Yes."
"Good little girl." The condescension in her tone was thicker than mud. I felt like a pet of hers, a simpleminded bobble head, a failure of a Gryffindor. But I knew she had me. I would never tell another soul- not if it meant death for my best friends and family. I had failed under torture, but I would not fail again. My pride would not allow it.
And that, dearest diary, is the day I lost my free will. I would write more, but James Potter has been trying to read this over my shoulder for over half an hour now, and I fear he might just snatch it if I don't stop soon.
Until Tomorrow,
Erin Mayes