Title: A Love Lost
Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own these characters but I love them. If I did own them then none of my homework would get done.
Author's Note: Hi all, so this is the first real fanfiction that I've written and I certainly plan on sticking with this story. This one is interesting and I want to see where this is headed. Hopefully you'll stay along for the ride.
KP, aka Ashley
The room was hot. Stifling air that seemed tainted. He followed in toe though she told him not to. Thankfully both were wearing vests this time around. But of course it was typical for them to find the suspect and then track him down through a warehouse. It was your standard sized warehouse that sat in lower Manhattan. Not the nicest part of town, certainly not what either of them was accustomed to, but regardless they hunted as usual.
Neither spoke or knew where Ryan and Esposito went off. They must have covered the other side of the warehouse while Beckett and Castle took the west side.
There were large shelves lining the metal walls that were now slowly rotting from the inside out. These shelves protruded from the wall creating rows making the partners feel like they were saddled back in their youth to corn mazes. The large metal and wood shelves were cluttered with various boxes ranging in size. Some were enormous while others didn't look bigger than a cell phone.
"I know exactly why he hangs out here." Castle said in a hushed tone.
Beckett continued to stalk the prey she knew hardly anything about. "Why's that, Castle?" She decided to play along with his game.
"All these rows, it's the perfect place to either hide a body or to get away with some kinky stuff."
She rolled her eyes though he couldn't see. Typical Castle. He probably had a grin plastered on his face.
"Yeah, well hopefully it's neither."
The two continued and listened for other footsteps. The two could hear the soft patter of footsteps coming from north but couldn't be sure. Her breathing was steady as her gun was drawn and her flashlight was propped beneath her right hand. It was the stance that all the recruits were taught. Crouch a bit so you can be agile, have your gun and flashlight steady so you have good aim, and always be tentative. All the tricks she mastered and Castle slowly picked up on.
The only thing illuminating their way was Beckett's small flashlight that covered a miniscule space. Her eyes adjusted to the dark warehouse as she scanned each corner they turned. Taking their steps slow and making their breathing even, they turned once more.
"Castle," she whispered over her shoulder. "Text Espo or Ryan. I can't hear where they are."
He quickly pulled out his newest iPhone and began typing away. The clicking of the touch screen resounded through the empty space they stood in. The detective whipped around and stood nose to nose with her partner.
"Turn your damn sound off." She looked in his eyes speaking through her teeth. Her hand rested on his while it gripped the phone vigorously.
Castle swallowed and nodded. "Got it."
Recovering from the small backlash Beckett preceded in her stance. A low hum vibrated through her ears. Ding. Something fell and it was close. She stopped and sprawled her hand on Castle's chest. All he did was look up from his phone and then at her face.
"What's-"
Her hand moved up blindly to his mouth. "Don't." Beckett retracted her hand and gripped her glock with both hands. Slowly and breathlessly she peeked her head around the corner. It was dark but a low purple light glowed from the corner. Within the glow there was a dark shadow. Their suspect Roridgo Gomes was right around that corner. Beckett could just feel it as her hands tensed around the gun. She could feel adrenaline slowly pulsing itself through her veins.
She licked her lip as a small trickle of sweat fell from her brow. Turning back to Castle who was watching her reverently and cautiously knew what was going to happen.
"Stay here."
No matter how many times she said that statement he never listened. Turning around the corner and making sure that her footsteps couldn't be heard she came upon the glow. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Ryan peek his head around a large crate labeled "Fragile" in large letters. He gave the nod and continued to stalk the glow.
It was a haunting and everlasting glow that never seemed to fade or flicker. Constantly radiating from that one corner of the warehouse. The team saw movement and decided now if any would be best to hasten their approach. No longer worried about being heard they sprinted from their positions toward the glow.
As the three came across the light they all stopped for a moment. It was enchanting and confusing all at the same time. Ryan opened his mouth, "What the,"
"Hell." Beckett finished but heard a noise coming from behind. More footsteps that was quicker. But not just one set two.
"Castle!" she yelled from behind the various shelves sprinting out ahead of the boys. They flanked her sides as they proceeded through the maze. No longer worrying about procedure as they rushed to Castle's aide.
Without hesitation Beckett ran full force knocking over whatever lay her way. The only thing on her mind was Castle's safety as they followed the footsteps. But, when those quick steps could no longer be heard she stopped momentarily to just listen. Breathing. She heard breathing that was always a good sign.
Ryan and Esposito stayed behind her with their guns drawn. Giving them the quick once over the three burst out from around the corner knocking over Halloween masks in their haste. But when they came around that decrepit corner all were shocked at the sight.
"Hey guys," Castle said with a grin holding the suspect down with one arm behind his back. With Castle no longer focusing on the suspect Gomes managed to wiggle a bit making Castle's grasp loosen. The first thing Beckett did though was lunge towards the men. Esposito and Ryan were right behind her to quickly apprehend the suspect if needed.
"Stay down, jackass." Beckett said cuffing him. The click of the cuffs sounded so pleasant as they echoed through the warehouse.
"Kate," Castle said grabbing her arm and bringing her up to standing position. "You're bleeding."
The metallic red color stained her magenta blouse as the black hilt protruded through her arm. She winced and grabbed at it. Thankfully the blade wasn't in too deep and it wasn't a big blade, maybe three inches or so.
The space smelled like rust as she clapped a hand over her arm. "I'm fine."
"To hell you are, I'm taking you home."
"Castle-"
"Boss, just head back. We've got this."
"Yeah," Ryan added. "Just come back when you're all fixed up."
Her boys, they always cared for her. It wasn't special treatment but with how the last year went they always took special notice of Beckett. Castle and the detective walked alongside the boys towards the cars. All squinted as they came back out to the bright Manhattan afternoon. The air was fresh and chilling as they headed out to the November landscape.
Esposito and Ryan put Gomes in the back of their cruiser and headed back to the precinct without another word. As Beckett went to the driver side Castle was right behind her. His chest was practically pressed against her back as they walked. Just she put the key into the lock Castle's hand reached out touching hers but for one purpose and one alone.
"You're not driving."
She cocked an eyebrow at him and threw him a look over her left shoulder. "I'm fine to drive."
"With one arm? No, get in the passenger seat."
"Castle,"
"We're not arguing. I'm taking you home to change and patch up your arm then back to the precinct."
Her slender hand slid out from underneath his larger one after shaking her head. Taking another pleasure of hers rather than granting her the joy of driving. With disdain, Beckett walked to the other side of the cruiser and took Castle's usual seat. The seat felt somewhat like him as if it matched all his contours.
The city passed by hidden against the glass that was now becoming fogged by Beckett's breathing. Castle was busy spinning theories that she didn't really want to discuss but nonetheless she was soothed by his voice. The way certain syllables rolled off his tongue and the hand gestures he made while driving showed how into his theories he became.
It seemed like just a few minutes that the two sat completely undisturbed within the confines of the cruiser before they reached Beckett's apartment. The heavy door swung open with a gentle push provided by Beckett herself.
"Where's your first aid kit?" Castle asked closing the door behind them.
"Check the cabinets or in the guest bath." She said over her shoulder as she sauntered towards her bedroom still holding her arm.
"Do you know where?" He said popping his head around the corner. Eyeing down the hallway towards her bedroom. The entire apartment smelled like her. Not only the cherries but also a gentle waft of vanilla that calmed the senses. When there was no response he decided to investigate for himself.
The apartment was very her. Each object and its placement had meaning. The large mural on the wall by Alex Gross suited her taste. The large space gave her room to roam and recreate herself after the incident with the bomb. Thankfully she managed to spare a few items from her first apartment but between the two Castle liked this one much more. It felt homier than the other apartment.
He strode into the kitchen quickly examining the novels perched upon the stairs. Some classics others more modern like Split Image by Robert B. Parker and Bad Things Happen by Harry Dolan. After speculating about the novels he made quick haste going through the cabinets next to the sink. No little white box with a brilliant red cross anywhere in sight. Cleaning gloves, check. Windex, check. Even a plunger but no first aid kit.
Rather than going through more of the kitchen he decided to inspect the guest bath. If it weren't in the kitchen then surely the next best place. His pace was quickened, his stride larger than usual. It wasn't a time to panic; the cut wasn't too bad but would need to be cleaned out properly. He passed the various pictures and books lining the shelves and walked down the hallway to the wooden door tucked inside.
The guest bath was a nice size that fit along with the kitchen. A white ceramic sink on one pedestal, a white claw foot tub, a circular mirror that rested above the sink, and a small medicine chest on the adjacent wall. He quickly went through the chest but once more found nothing.
Weighing his options he thought Beckett would be done changing by now. He peeked his head out into the hallway and took his time walking to her bedroom door. It was a dark mahogany that stood out against the pale gray of the hallway. Castle extended his hand and grasped the knob pressing his ear against the door. He knocked once and turned.
"Beckett," he whispered first. "Kate?" he said louder creeping into the room further.
He surveyed the bed, which was a queen with a dark purple comforter and pale green sheets hidden beneath. There was an assortment of throw pillows on the bed but what caught his eye more was the picture on her dresser. It was one of her entire family before Johanna was taken away from them.
"Castle!"
Instantly he turned around to find a scantly clad Beckett still wearing her three-inch heels, dark wash bootleg jeans, and a black bra made out of satin.
"What the hell are you doing in here?" she asked holding onto her arm.
"I, uh… was-" the words were caught in his throat as he stared at her. Trying hard to focus on her eyes rather than her body.
Her body was in good shape, which came as no surprise to the writer. The bra cupped her breasts firmly and left a small red line on the side of her body. The jeans were low cut, just low enough to see her tattoo. The way her hair fell on bare shoulders made the highlights come out more. Her tanned and toned body was everything he imagined.
She caught his stare and looked down uncomfortably shifting her arms to cover her breasts. "Jesus Castle,"
"Right, sorry." He said quickly clasping a hand over his eyes. "I couldn't find the first aid kit."
Beckett let out an annoyed sigh and shook her head. "Just wait for me in the family room."
Castle threw up a thumb in agreement and wandered towards the door aimlessly.
"You can look now, you're not facing me."
He let out a low laugh and nodded. But before leaving he stopped in the doorway and said with his back facing her, "Nice bra by the way."
Castle waited uncomfortably for a few minutes on the couch while his partner changed. How should he approach the topic? Sorry for walking in on you nearly topless. Oh, and by the way, how's your arm?
The door creaked open from down the hall and he imagined Beckett walking back with a gun in her hand threatening to kill him. Thankfully, there was no gun but a blood stained rag and a white box.
"I just need you to tape me up, please." She pronounced dropping the box in his lap and taking a seat next to him.
He nodded and took the tape from within. Wrapping it around her arm three times and making sure that the bandage was securely on the cut. Thankfully it wasn't very large and wouldn't leave a bad scar.
Once he finished and put the tape away the partners sat in awkward silence.
"I probably should have waited until you said something."
Beckett smirked, "Yeah, that might have been better."
"I like your tattoo by the way. The date, I suppose it's for your mother?"
She nodded, "Yeah, it's the date she was killed."
"Just so you know, I mainly stared at your scar. I mean, your boobs were very good contenders."
Beckett let out a small laugh and bit her bottom lip. She sighed once the joke passed and fell deeper against the couch.
He examined her and watched her movements. "Do you remember anything yet?"
Her jaw tightened and she shrugged, "A bit, just sounds and a few whirling images."
"Do you remember me?"
She looked down into her hands and then away towards the kitchen. Her expression distant and her eyes wandering the rooms.
"I really don't want to talk about this, Castle." Her tone was hushed as she spoke but she couldn't meet his eyes.
He cleared his throat and nodded. "You never want to talk about it."
"Yeah and that's because it's difficult. I mean my therapist is helping a bit but-"
"You're seeing a therapist?" Castle voiced leaning forward trying to see her eyes.
She nodded but didn't speak.
"Why's this the first I'm hearing about this?"
Beckett shrugged glancing at him and then away to her hands. "I never thought it was a big deal."
"Kate, of course it is. You're seeing a therapist rather than letting people in." he sighed shaking his head. "If you needed someone to talk to you had me."
Her eyes wandered up to his and stared for a moment. "What I'm going through I can't really talk to you about."
Castle ran his fingers through his dark hair and shook his head. "This reminds me of our fight back in May. You're always refusing to talk things out."
"Castle, it's just different."
"It's different? I don't see how it's different."
She held her right hand up and closed her eyes. "Roger is incredible with this. I can tell him things that I can't tell you yet."
"Roger?" Castle questioned standing. "Is that another one of your nowhere relationships?"
Beckett shook her head and stood herself. Taking a stride closer to him and pointing a finger at his chest. "I don't need to answer you."
"No you're right, but I want some answers. I've been waiting for answers for four years now and I don't know how else to phrase them."
"Castle,"
"No, just listen." He took a step closer to her staring deep within her eyes. "I have sat with you, I have solved crimes with you, I've had coffee, dinner, and movie nights with you. I have seen you in your darkest time and have kissed you. I've nearly died in your arms and I've seen you die in mine twice. With that track record I would think that you can trust me, but right now I don't know whether I've been wasting my time or living a fantasy."
Beckett's head fell with her chin pressed her collarbone. The dark curls cupping her face and falling helplessly against the white of her shirt. Her head shook and came up to face him. Was now the time or would she continue waiting? More importantly would he keep waiting?
"You haven't been wasting time. There are just things that I need to work out."
"Yeah, well you could have worked them out with me. I'm your partner."
She sighed and walked back to the couch. Sitting with her elbows on her knees and the tender brown curls falling once more. Castle stood on the opposite side of the coffee table staring down at her. He couldn't help but stare as she was in another moment of need.
"I'll wait for you, Kate." He uttered with a firm voice.
Right away her head came up, her eyes soft as they found his.
"I'm not going to leave just because I'm mad. I told you that I had a reason for coming back and if you don't know that reason by now then I'll just try harder."
She swallowed and watched his movements. "But for now, I'll wait until you want to talk things out. I can say all I want and just hope that it gets through to you. I'll wait, I promise."
Beckett sighed as he gaze fell to a picture of the team sitting peacefully on the shelf. It was from Castle's first year when they all looked much younger.
"Are you coming back to the precinct with me?" she said looking up to his eyes again.
Castle shook his head, a few strands bobbing as he moved. "I need some time to clear my head. I'll probably be there in the morning."
"Probably?"
He shrugged gathering his coat as he wandered towards the door. "Like I said, I need to clear my mind." He sighed once more and gave a weak smile. "I'll see you."
With that Castle left. It was almost like that night in May except less yelling but more sadness. How could she let him leave that easily? Why couldn't they just talk things out like normal adults? But neither was normal by any standards. Was this another layer to the Beckett onion or something bigger than both of them?
Author's Note: Thus concludes the first chapter. I hope you guys like it and even if it seems boring fear not, I have a plan. My apologies for this being kind of short but I have the next few chapters already planned out in my head. Yes, inspiration struck today during school. Anyways, thanks all for reading and reviews are always welcomed.
KP, aka Ashley