Pairing: Kara Thrace/Ellen Tigh (non-explicit); Kara/Helo/Boomer (well, er, they all get wet)
Set: Pre-mini-series, although the last bit kind of leads into it. coughs
Genre: gen, femslashy, humor Notes: You can blame Elizabeth Moon for most of the banter here (and some of the names. sigh). And, er, musicforcylons for putting the idea into my head hard enough that it wouldn't go away. Title's from a Pogue's song (seriously, I couldn't think of a thing to call this)
Length: 2,000+
A Rainy Night in Soho
by ALC Punk!
"I hear she's gone after every officer under Adama's command."
Kara was sauntering along the corridor, cigar in her mouth when the voice drifted from the common room. She paused to listen to the gossip, nailing the speaker as one of the new rooks.
"Flirted and cajoled her way into their beds, then convinced him they took advantage of her poor drunken state."
Laughter echoed snidely for a moment, then someone else said, "If this were the old days, he'd be fighting duels with anyone who so much as coughed on her."
"I'm not sure I'd want to cough on her. Do we know where she's been?"
"Everywhere."
Deciding now was a good time to enter the conversation, Starbuck tongued the end of her cigar and wandered in. There was coffee to be had on the sideboard and she headed for it. The rooks glanced at her, some of them jerking up straighter as if worried that the officer in their midst would report them for gossip about the XO's wife. And no one wanted to get on his bad side. Kara sniffed the coffee, decided it hadn't quite reached engine oil stage yet and poured herself a cup.
"Deal already, Murphy."
"Bite me, Cassandra."
Kara leaned her hip against the counter and looked at them. "So, you think she goes after only men?"
The room took a collective breath before Cassandra, the tall blonde who'd bedded Helo three nights ago gasped, "Sir, you don't mean--"
"Maybe not firsthand knowledge," Kara deadpanned, hiding her smirk of mockery behind the coffee mug. She winked.
The rooks looked amongst themselves, then snickered.
"Of course," Kara took a swallow of the almost too-hot coffee. "You didn't hear this from me."
"No, sir," agreed Saben with a solemn nod. His green eyes sparkled with mischief.
Kara winked again and headed for the door. After all, gossip like this just begged to be spread. Besides, she needed to poke at her viper again. Chief swore he'd polished it down to the bolts, but she wasn't so sure.
"Lieutenant." The voice pulled Kara from her thoughts, and she looked up to find Ellen Tigh standing in front of her, wine-red dress hugging her curves, and a suggestive smile on her face. "I couldn't help but overhear." One hand came up, red-tipped nails fluttering the air in front of Kara's face.
"Ma'am?" Kara had to admit the woman was attractive, as was the idea of sticking it to Colonel Tigh by frakking his wife. But she figured she had to have some standards.
"If you want firsthand knowledge, Lieutenant, all you have to do," Ellen leaned closer and whispered, "Is ask."
Kara raised her eyebrows and stepped back from Mrs. Tigh. "I'll keep that in mind, ma'am."
"You do that, Lieutenant." The other woman smiled sweetly and patted her arm, then stepped around Kara. "I have a feeling you'd be a great diversion."
Staring after the XO's wife, Kara considered her offer for a brief moment, then shook her head. Apparently she did have her limits. Although the great Starbuck bedding Ellen Tigh would certainly--add, to her reputation. She smirked, slid the cigar between her lips again, and continued onto the hangar.
--
It was Helo's fault; it was always Helo's fault. Kara had long convinced herself that she was just there to have fun. He was the one who liked to pull the occasional prank. Pranks that got him in trouble with the upper ranks, which was why she, Helo and Boomer found themselves scrubbing the deck of causeway C with toothbrushes.
"This is frakkin' ridiculous," Kara complained, stopping to wipe her hand over her forehead. She didn't notice leaving behind dirt and soap instead of sweat.
"Toothbrushes," said Boomer, holding hers up and making a face. "How are we supposed to get anything clean with these?"
"Stop complaining and work."
"Helo," Kara said, twirling her toothbrush, "I know there's this thing called solidarity, but I don't know if it includes doing this sort of scutwork."
"Starbuck's right. I may be a rook, but I didn't sign on to scrub decking with my toothbrush."
"Would you two stop--"
"You notice, Sharon, that he doesn't stop working, except to tell us to stop complaining?"
Boomer nodded, head tilting, eyes dancing, "I had, Kara."
Closing a hand on the bucket handle, Kara grinned evilly, "I think his enthusiasm needs some help."
"My enthusiasm," Helo began, stopping to glare at them, "Would be helped--"
Kara swung, the bucket tipped at the right moment, the water creating a perfect arch. It splattered Helo and soaked the wall behind him. Splash back spray caught Kara and Boomer, too, and she began snickering as Helo sputtered in indignation. Boomer shrieked with laughter, dropping her toothbrush and bracing herself with one hand.
"Damnit, Kara--"
"Lieutenant!" The bark came from the head of the corridor.
Kara flopped backwards, and eyed the XO upside-down. She snickered, "Yes, sir?"
"This is unacceptable behavior, Lieutenant. Your task--"
"Is pointless, sir," she interrupted lazily. A giggle escaped her as he went a little redder. "You might want to calm down, sir."
"You will finish this punishment, Lieutenant--"
"It's a little hard to, sir, since Helo's wearing all the soapy water--" Kara broke off to laugh harder, recalling the look on her friend's face.
"You will refill the bucket, and you will continue, Lieutenant, or I will see that you are put on report for insubordination. Is that clear?" His voice was deceptively soft.
Kara sobered slightly, then broke into giggles again, unable to answer.
"It's clear, sir," Helo said. He yanked on Kara's leg. "We'll finish the job, sir. You can count on it."
"Good." Colonel Tigh nodded to them all and strode away, muttering about incompetent, arrogant pilots that should never have been assigned to his ship.
"Great job, Kara."
"Oh, frak off, Karl." She rolled onto her side and grinned at him. "You have to admit that was funny as hell."
"No I don't."
"Can you two stop arguing so we can finish this?" Boomer demanded, but there was a grin on her lips.
"Sure, but first--" Helo stood and shook himself, water spraying everywhere. He smirked as they yelled at him. "Now, who wants to get the water?"
--
Kara woke abruptly, the taste in her mouth causing her to consider just killing herself right then and there. The body next to hers took another minute to register, and then she turned her head, trying to figure out who she'd ended up with. Blonde hair.
"Oh, frak," the words were whispered as she took in the careless sprawl of Ellen Tigh.
It didn't take a frakkin' genius to put two and three together.
Kara carefully scrambled out of the bed, catching herself against the wall before her lax muscles made her fall. She looked at Ellen, then began grabbing her clothing and putting it on. All while being as silent as possible. Wouldn't do to wake the dragon, after all.
Hell, if she were lucky, Ellen wouldn't remember exactly who she took home last night (hazy memory said there'd been a triad game, three bottles of ambrosia, and heavy flirting with half the deck crew--how the frak had she ended up with Ellen frakking Tigh?). And Kara would never have to admit to a living soul that she had frakked the XO's wife. Not that knowing she had didn't give her a vaguely triumphant feel. As if she'd pulled one more thing on him that he couldn't nail her for.
A smirk touched her lips as she took in Ellen's dead-to-the-world stupor. Obviously, if you frakked Starbuck, you got worn out.
Kara discounted the ambrosia. Ellen's alcoholic persona was a scam, most of the time. She was sober a lot more than most people gave her credit for.
Exiting the private quarters, Kara hoped she wouldn't encounter anyone. She also wondered where, precisely she was. A moment later, she realized she was in one of the auxiliary sets of VIP cabins. Ellen must have claimed one for her trysting needs. Either that, or Tigh had requisitioned it for her, in the hopes she wouldn't be able to find her way to officer country.
"Fat chance of that working." Kara muttered, lips twisting into a smirk again. Ellen had no trouble finding her way to (and through) the officers of the ship.
She stepped into the bunk room she shared with a dozen other pilots to find Helo sitting on her bunk, lollipop in his mouth. "Lose a bet, Starbuck?"
"Frak you." But she sat next to him with a sigh. Her muscles ached, and she wondered how much was the ambrosia and how much was the sex.
He leaned closer to her, sniffing, "Smells like somebody already has." He waved the lollipop at her and smirked. "Care to enlighten me as to who?"
"None of your business."
"Oho!" He snickered, "Starbuck refusing to boast about a conquest? Let me guess: the CAG? The old man? Or did you accidently fall into bed with our lovely XO? Maybe you took a shine to him yesterday when he was telling you off."
Kara shoved him off the bunk, smirking when he cursed as he hit the floor. "Got it wrong, raptor-boy. I like my fraks well-endowed."
"I'll keep that in mind the next time you pant after sergeant Fossik." He mocked, pulling himself to his feet.
"Been checking him out, have you? See somethin' you like, Karl?"
"No," he shrugged and patted her on the head. "Go to sleep, Starbuck."
Kara snorted and stretched out, yawning. "Yes, mom."
--
"--give first-hand accounts?"
"No, I don't think her conquests--" this voice was annoyed, and Kara thought it was Cassandra, irritated with her fellow gossip-monger. "--kiss and tell. That would be too risky, don't you think?"
"Yeah, think about the XO, if he knew you'd boffed his wife, you'd be on permanent shit-duty for sure."
Kara shook her head as she stepped into the room and zeroed in on the coffee again. "Still talking the same old gossip, rooks? I thought you'd find somethin' better to jaw about by now."
"Well, sir," Murphy said with a smirk, "The only thing new to talk about is you and the woman you made beg for the gods to save her."
Raising an eyebrow, Kara retorted, "Old news, rook. Or did you miss the Chief and Boomer's inspired wrestling match in the tool room this morning?"
The three rooks blinked at her, then all started talking at once. Murphy over-rode the others, his voice loud, "No way, sir. Not Boomer! She has more taste than that!"
"You think? I hear the Chief's nice and--stable." Kara loved the way they all decided there was an innuendo there. She sipped her coffee.
"And would you know, sir?" challenged the third rook, Manda something or other.
Kara shrugged, "The head's co-ed, rook. Try peeking, sometime." She strode from the room, leaving them buzzing amongst themselves. She sipped her coffee as she turned a corner. There were better things to do with her time. A smirk twisted her lips as she entered her quarters. Like fleece people at triad.
--
Same old, same old. Kara set down her cards and smirked at everyone around the table, then gathered up the pot.
"Next!"
"Want to play against a real man, Lieutenant?" The voice was snide, the owner radiating distaste and something else. Colonel Tigh claimed a vacated chair and looked at Kara.
"Your money's as easily won as theirs," she replied, smirking.
"I suppose you'll have to have something to live on, since I can't imagine the service keepin' you once this old boat's been decommissioned."
"Oooh, sir, it's just possible that I might actually have another posting." Kara twinkled her eyes at him. "Apparently, someone out there loves me."
"Don't be too sure of that, Lieutenant."
Kara met his eyes, and realized something that made her pause for a second. He knew. Just like all of the rest, Ellen had taunted him with the knowledge of another conquest. A shiver went down her spine, and she shook it off by glaring at Helo. "Deal."
"Bet," he returned, shuffling the cards one last time.
Regaining her sang-froid, Kara smirked across the table at Tigh. "I'm sure many people hold me in high regard."
He stiffened, glaring.
And Kara laughed to herself. This was the beginning of a very promising afternoon. She'd have to make a note of it in her own personal log. Right after she fleeced the XO.
-f-