Summary: Tatsuha finds his brother's books in the family house's attic while their father was supposed to have got rid of them. Memories come to mind. Admiration, jealousy, angst, but above all, unwavering brotherly love... (And before you ask, NO, it's not a Tatsu X Eiri ! )

Disclaimer: I'm not Maki Murakami so I do not own Gravitation. What a surprise, eh? ;-)

Note: This story has been inspired by Morrissey's song "We hate it when our friends become successful" (don't know why exactly though… Just because it's so true that when a friend of someone of our family become successful, we may be happy for them, but deeper, we always feel a bit jealous, that's only human) and by my relationship with my brother, who's ten years older than me and has been a role model during all my childhood…

Please bear in mind that I'm French, hence the English mistakes!!!

BROTHERLY.

Here they are! I knew Father had kept them somewhere. Last time Eiri visited us, our old man told him that these books had been a constant reminder of the complete failure his eldest son was and that he had got rid of them. Eiri didn't say a word, but I will always remember that icy look on his face. This was the last time they spoke to each other. Less than an hour later, he was on his way back to Tokyo.

They are all there, collecting dust on the bottom shelf of the bookcase in the attic.

As far as I can remember, that bookcase's always been there, full of very old books whose pages are so yellowed and damaged you're afraid they fall into pieces if you turn them. When he was a teenager, Eiri could spend entire days in this attic, reading on the floor. I remember him saying how much he loved that place. Warm. Quiet. Damp. The damp smell actually always made me wrinkle my nose but Eiri kept on saying it was the sweetest scent on Earth. What a weirdo! I smile at the thought.

Memories come to mind… Teenage Eiri and little Tatsuha… A summer day… A long time ago… Or maybe it was just yesterday… Strange feeling…

"Eiri, come and play with me outside!" I screamed, tugging at his shirt's sleeve excitedly.

"Can't you see I'm busy?" he moaned, without even looking up.

"But you've been reading since this morning…" I sulked.

"Well, it's a huge book"

"Will you play with me once you have finished it?"

"Hmm…" He mumbled, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

"Great! I'll wait for you here, then!"

You don't realize when you're a kid that it can take ages to read a one thousand and two hundred pages length book… So I laid down on my stomach next to Eiri and started to play with my toy cowboys, patiently waiting for him. Even though it's quite hard to believe, patience is one of my best qualities. I waited all the afternoon without saying a word, fearing I might disturb him and that he might not want to play with me anymore. Somehow, I was already happy that he let me stay with him. The place kinda scared the hell out of me and I would never have stayed there on my own. I thought there were monsters or other creepy creatures hidden in the darkest parts of the room. Children fears. But with Eiri by my side, I felt invincible. Though he was quite small and wispy for his age, I was sure Eiri would always protect me from the world.

That little privileged moment between brothers was interrupted by our sister. She was about nineteen at that time. And a real tomboy. I suppose that happens quite often when you get to grow up surrounded by boys. But she really made up for lost time! Last time I saw her, she was wearing a very tight red dress so short you could nearly see her knickers! My mouth curl into a smile.

"Eiri…" she said, running her hand through his blond hair and lifting his chin, "look at you, darling, you're so pale… I'm worried about you. You spend too much time reading. You really should go out more often. When was the last time you saw the sun?" She sighed. "And you haven't eaten anything today, not to mention the other days... No wonder you've lost weight again! Come on, come downstairs and have dinner with us"

His angelic features instantly turned into a grimace. It was as if he was a complete different person. He furrowed his brow and stared at Mika, his eyes sparkling with impudence. Mika always says that Eiri has been completely transformed by the New-York incident. Although I do agree that it made him bitter and sort of sucked all happiness and joy out of his life, I think it's too easy to say that he was kindness itself before what happened and then turned into a mean bastard. He's never been all white or all black. Mika is wrong to think so. Just shades of grey.

First, he isn't as mean as he pretends to be. If you scratch the surface, you'll even realize he's one of the most caring persons on Earth, only he would always try his best to hide it. But even if he was much nicer before that happened, it never prevented him from making some hurtful and mean comments. I can't see how Mika can have forgotten about that. And that day in the attic, I witnessed one of them.

"Who do you think you are to tell me what I ought to do? I take no orders from you, so don't waste your time. Look at you, you're so afraid to deal with your own life that you try to get control over mine. I really pity you, Mika"

He had said this in a very calm voice. No anger. No aggressiveness. But it was even worse. Mika's lower lip trembled and her eyes filled with tears but she fought them back. Pride truly is something that runs in the Uesugi family. She said nothing to Eiri but turned to me instead, and took my hand firmly, forcing a smile.

"Come on, honey, there's teriyaki chicken waiting for you downstairs. You love it, don't you?"

Even though I wanted to stay with Eiri, I followed her because unlike my brother, I never really had the guts to rebel. Mika didn't say a word during the meal. She would only give me a slight smile now and then. I knew Eiri's comment had hurt her a lot but I was too young to understand at that time. With hindsight, I realize he was true about her. And it's still so true today. She may have tried to live her own life, but she always failed to distance herself from Eiri. She and Tohma spend more time worrying about him and trying to interfere in his life than doing things a normal couple should do like going to the restaurant or taking a walk together. And they don't even realize how much Eiri hates that.

Anyway, after dinner, I saw her place a plate of chicken and noodles, a glass of water and daifukus on a tray, and carry it upstairs.

That's the thing about Eiri. No matter how heartless and cruel he can be, on the surface at the very least, people stick to him like bees to pollen. Just have a look at Shuichi. All those things he's been through since he met my brother, and still his devotion to Eiri is intact and beyond words. For some weird reason, people always want to be close to him, to be part of his life, even if he never asked for that in the first place, and it's almost annoying. Why is that? Magic? Magnetism? I don't know. It's always been a mystery to me, and it will probably always be. I think no one really knows actually. He can chew your heart, spit it out and jump on it, you will always end up forgiving him. I tried to hate him myself, but I always failed. I just can't. No one can. It's just Eiri.

Thanks for reading!

I have chapter 2 nearly completed and then I just don't know whether I'll carry it on or not… :-)