A taste of guilt:
Summary: Because she knew this was wrong. Because she knew who this was. Because she knew this was betrayal. Because she knew they were wrong about him. Because she knew he had changed. Because the sweet taste of the kiss was tainted by the bitter taste of guilt. She knew there was no going back.
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A/N: I keep doing this. I keep deciding on a pairing, then changing my mind, and the fic turns into something entirely different from what I intended! *sigh*
Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha, sorry.
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Sango stared at her reflection in the pond, wondering how it had come to this.
"Don't make assumptions taijiya. I am not the man he views me as."
She chuckled humorlessly. He certainly wasn't. She probably should have guessed that- the evidence was undeniable. However, hanging around Inuyasha might have given her a slightly biased view of the youkai who had spoken those words.
"Maybe not exactly the man he views you as. I can see that just looking at your companions."
"As I can see looking at yours that you are not what most youkai believe you to be, taijiya. Yet you assume, even with this observation of yours, that I would slay you for being human. May I then assume you would slay me for being a youkai?"
Sango had learned a lot in that one night. A lot about him, and a lot about herself. She sighed, pulling her legs up to her chest and resting her chin on her knees. If only her friends could understand- She shook her head. No. Inuyasha was out: He was set in his ways, and hating his brother was one of those ways. Kagome would expect him to immediately turn over a new leaf and join "the side of good"- That was certainly how Kagome thought of the group. It wasn't entirely untrue, but Kagome had a very black and white view of the world. Sesshoumaru, by his nature, could not fit into that world-view. Miroku-
Sango chewed on her lower lip. Miroku. With that name Sango remembered that even if Sesshoumaru wasn't "the enemy," her actions were still betrayal.
"I would not slay you without good reason. Youkai or human, I won't slay an opponent who does not deserve it."
"You consider this Sesshoumaru an opponent, taijiya? Not a wise action."
"Ah- no, not exactly. A foe maybe, but one isn't an opponent until I am engaged in battle with them... I would think you would understand that, Sesshoumaru-sama."
"I do understand that, taijiya. I was simply warning you. Should I become your opponent, your death will be imminent."
Sango recalled his tone. It wasn't threatening at all- simply informing her that she would not want him as her opponent. Sango was well aware of that. One needn't even see the lord of the west in battle to know that he possessed astonishing power. Strong as she was, Sango had little hope of defeating him in one-on-one combat. That hardly meant she couldn't put up a fight though. She would surely grievously wound him before she fell.
Not that she intended for a battle to occur between them.
"Duly noted. Now, may I ask why you are here? Surely you have no business in a ruined village of taijiya."
"Indeed not. I am simply passing through. May I ask what your business is here? As you have said, this is a ruined village. Was it yours?"
Sango remembered clearly that that was the point in which she realized she was having a civil conversation with Sesshoumaru. It had floored her for a moment, but she had quickly regathered her wits.
"Yes. It was destroyed by Naraku some time ago."
"I see, so that is why you travel with the hanyou. For vengeance."
"No!"
The lord of the west had seemed completely unaffected by her sudden outburst, but Sango was sure he had been surprised. She couldn't help it: She was offended. True, her motives were partly selfish-
"Vengeance is never a motive one should pursue. It can drive you mad. I- I'm seeking Naraku, and traveling with Inuyasha, because Naraku has twisted my brother's mind and is using him as a pawn! That, and-"
- but it was not as if there were no altruism in her motives!
"- Naraku has caused me much pain, and he has done the same to others. I want to end the trail of death and destruction that he leaves in his wake."
"Naraku is not the only demon, or human, to leave destruction and death in his wake. Do you intend to strike down all who do as he does? Whether or not you wish to admit it, the pain dealt to you by Naraku is your driving force. Not the pain he deals to others."
The verbal attack had left Sango speechless. She frowned as she remembered it. He had poked holes in her motives without any provocation on her part...
"First you assume I'm out for vengeance, then you accuse me of having selfish motives? There is no such thing as a purely selfless act!"
"I did not say there was, and I never said your reasons were selfish. I am simply saying that they are not selfless."
"Isn't that the same thing?!"
In retrospect, snapping at the lord of the west wasn't the most intelligent idea. Luckilly for Sango, she had not ignited his anger.
"No. Being selfish is not the same thing as an absence of selflessness. You'd best stop seeing the world as black and white, taijiya."
There it was. The same world-view she had accused Kagome of having. Sango frowned again at her hypocrisy.
But that world-view had changed greatly.
"... So what about you? Why are you searching for Naraku?"
"It isn't any of your business."
Sango didn't know why she had expected him to tell her. She could bare her heart and soul to him, and he wouldn't tell her his favorite color. That was just the kind of person he was, or so she had thought.
"Wha- But I told you-"
"I do not have to tell you simply because you told me. I did not coerce you into telling me, nor did I offer an exchange. You have made a false assumption again, taijiya."
There had been no point in arguing, but-
"You have made false assumptions too. You assumed I was out for revenge."
"You are. Don't interrupt me. You may not be wholy out for vengeance, but it is one of your motives. You cannot deny that. As I said, the pain dealt to-"
"My brother is my driving force!"
Many demons would take on a small army before thinking to interrupt the lord of the west. Sango had done more than interrupt him.
"You may hate your own brother, but I love mine! He is all the family I have left!"
Even in the throes of anger, Sango had known better than to say more. She yawned, knowing she needed to sleep. But she still needed to think on the events of the previous evening.
"... What will you do after you slay Naraku?"
"It isn't any of your business. If you're not going to tell me, I'm not going to tell you."
"You are quite the stubborn woman, taijiya. And brave, to take such an attitude with this Sesshoumaru. I was wondering why the hanyou had taken you as a mate. Although-"
"Wha- Mate?! I'm not his mate! That's Kagome- well, sort of. I just travel with him!"
"The miko? Well, yes, that was obvious. I simply-"
"Assumed, right? I never thought you to be a hypocrite."
Sango must have taken leave of her senses that night. No one was foolish enough to interrupt and insult the lord of the west, aside from Inuyasha. And apparently Sango.
"I can see that I was false in my assumption. I am not about to deny that. Before you interrupted me the first time, I was going to ask why you had taken the hanyou as a mate, but apparently I was incorrect. I should have known from the start. The miko would obviously be his choice."
Sango had tried not to be offended by that. She had tried, but... She was very aware Kagome was prettier, softer, more feminine.
"It would seem you are too much for him to handle. The hanyou would, of course, choose the weaker woman."
Sango had almost blushed. The lord of the west had admitted that she was strong- well, at least stronger than Kagome.
"That's not why Inuyasha-... Chose Kagome. I was never an option with him: I have no such feelings for Inuyasha, and he has none for me. Inuyasha loves Kagome. That's why he chose her."
At that point, Sango had realized that she might've been saying too much to the youkai. She had wondered why he continued speaking to her. Was he genuinely curious? Or just passing the time?
"Then you are not mated?"
"I just told you, Inuyasha and-"
"I was not referring to that."
Sango had begun to wonder where this conversation was going. Why did the human and hanyou hating- well, no. It would seem he didn't hate them as much as she had thought. Still, it was surprising for him to ask about her marital status.
"Not exactly."
"Exactly? You either are, or you're not. So, you are being courted, then?"
"Not exactly that, either."
"Explain."
The demand- and that was exactly what it was. An outright demand.- had surprised and confused Sango. Why in the world would it matter?
"Houshi-sama has asked for my hand in marriage. We are engaged, with the intent to marry after Naraku's defeat."
"I see. So you are not mated, and he is not courting you, yet you still belong-"
"I hardly belong to Houshi-sama! He does not own me. I have every right to leave if I decide to."
"Oh? And why would you leave?"
Sango should have stopped talking- sensed someting in the barrage of questions, and walked away. But she hadn't, and now she was in her current situation.
"Well- say, if he was unfaithful. I would leave."
A lie. Miroku had flirted with other women, propositioned them... And had Sango left? No. She had given him the benefit of the doubt, time after time. Still, his small betrayals were nothing...
Sesshoumaru must have heard the emotion in her voice.
"It would seem he has been unfaithful."
"No! He-"
"Not exactly? One needn't participate in the physical act of being unfaithful to be unfaithful."
"Why do you care?! You don't know me, and it is none of your business! Why should my marital status matter to you?!"
Sesshoumaru had been completely unphased by her outburst, and answered her questions calmly.
"It is time I take a mate. The youkai females vying for my attention are vain, overconfident, and foolish. They use their physical appearance to obtain that which they desire, they are weak, and they are selfish. You are a strong woman with a strong will, and you are nowhere near as selfish as those females. You are a skilled fighter, you are intelligent, and you have a deep desire to protect others. You would make a fine mother, and a good companion."
Sango still stared at her reflection, wondering when he had made those observations. Most of them could have been made during that conversation, but...
"I- I told you, I am engaged-"
"But not mated."
"I love Houshi-sama!"
"This man is unfaithful to you- in intent if not in action. Are you certain you wish to spend your life with such a man?"
"Houshi-sama loves me, and I love him. That is much more than I can say about you and I."
"You could learn to love me."
"And you, Sesshoumaru-sama? Could you love me?"
Sango had expected an outright 'no'. She should've known not to assume.
"Perhaps."
"I could never betray Houshi-sama on a 'perhaps'. I won't."
"I am not asking you to. I am simply asking for you to consider me. I will not be unfaithful to you, I will show you respect and provide you companionship-"
"But you won't love me."
"What have I said about making assumptions?"
Gentle wasn't the word she would use. Not harsh, though. The kiss had been a shade of grey. Gentleness was not an absence of harshness... A bitter-sweet shade of grey...
"Asking you to consider me now would be folly. However, I will continue to court you, taijiya."
"That isn't my name. I will not consider a man who won't call me by name."
She had chosen her words incorrectly. With those words, she had agreed to consider him if-
"Sango."
She knew he was telling the truth when he promised to court her. What she didn't know was whether she had told the truth in her accidental acquiesance to consider him.
"Sango."
The surprise caused her foot to nudge a rock, which toppled into the pond. Her reflection was broken up by the ripples- and Sango could see her life in that reflection. When the ripples in her life calmed, she would know what to do. She stood and turned.
"Sesshoumaru-sama. You have been following us?"
"I told you I would court you. I could not do that in plain sight."
She knew that to be true. If her friends knew, she could not hide her part in it. She had agreed to consider him, after all.
"You really are serious about this, aren't you?"
"I am."
She would see how it went. Perhaps that 'perhaps' would become a yes, and perhaps it would become a no.
Only time would tell.
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A/N: To think this was going to be an InuSan fic. *sigh...* The fic was something else ENTIRELY in the planning stages! Just changing the pairing changed everything.