Torchwood Europa

An Adventures of Tintin/Torchwood Crossover

Written by: FossilQueen1984

Disclaimer: Well here it is, ladies and gentlemen. My official Adventures of Tintin and Torchwood crossover. Expect lots of sci-fi mayhem, Captain Jack snogging with Ianto, Tintin and Helene having two more kids, Haddock running interference, and insanity! I only own Rosamund, Helene, and all four of Tintin and Helene's adorable children. All other characters belong Stephan Moffat, Russell T Davies, Neil Gaiman, Gorges Remi, Peter Jackson, Steven Spielberg, BBC, BBC America and Twentieth Century Fox. Enjoy! I also do not own Leonard Clement or his family, they belongs to Agatha Christie.

Suggested Soundtrack: Doctor Who's Theme- Murray Gold, Hedwig's Theme/Solo and The Princess- John Williams, Willows on the Water-Enya

Episode 1: Baptism and Ianto's Sister

The sanctuary at Brussels's Saint Catherine the Merciful Anglican Church was crowded as freezing parishioners crowded into the wooden pews. It was your typical second Sunday of the month, Vicar Leonard Clement would be preaching, and there was an added bonus: a double baptism. In the church alone, at least 9 babies had been born in the previous year alone, and today the only set of twins were being baptized, Lynette Rosamund and Tobias Gregory Berlioz. They were they 6 day old twins of Helene and Tintin, and the grandchildren of recently renewed members Archibald Haddock and his fiancee, Rosamund Dupont.

Already in the front pew were family friends Professor Cuthbert Calculus, Jack Harkness and Ianto Jones. Out of the three, Calculus was the only Anglican, as Jack considered himself a theist and then there was Ianto. Ianto had been raised in a devout Catholic family, and he had yet to out himself to his sister, who was currently living in Wales. He hoped that the service would take his mind off matters.

Silently muttering several Hail Mary's, Calculus tapped his shoulder, "You need to stop genuflecting, Ianto. You're in a Protestant Church." He wasn't able to get anther word in edge wise as the organist began playing a tune by J.S. Bach as the prelude. Just then, they were joined by a happily flushed ginger, his brunette wife and their cooing infants. Tintin was holding onto Tobias, decked out in a cobalt blue suit that had belonged to Ianto as an infant. Tobias had discovered that if he took of his socks and flicked his tiny little hands, his socks would fly away. It was amusing at first, but Tintin and Helene were tired of bumping heads every time their son would laugh in amusement at his flying socks. Perched in her mother's arms, Lynette was playing peek-a-boo with her booties by tugging at the lace over skirt on her pale pink christening gown. Squealing with delight as her feet disappeared again, Helene kissed her little head.

Tintin and Helene thought caps would be overdoing it, and besides that each infant had a full head of fine, dark hair. Everyone said that they were adorable, and Tintin and Helene felt this was rather obvious, as all parents do about their own children. Jack nodded, "Are they ready?" Tintin replied that they were, and Helene nodded in agreement.

Just then, the Torchwood crowd was joined by Haddock, Rosamund and Snowy. Snowy would have been banished to the narthex if he barked, but the terrier remained silent for the service. Today he would be joining the family at the baptism. Haddock kissed his grandchildren, "Are they ready for today?" Helene said they were and planned on dropping them off in the nursery afterwards. The prelude reached it's crescendo as the last stragglers took up places in the very back, as the Vicar walked up to the pulpit.

The service got under way, and after Griselda gave the children's sermon and saw the children off to Sunday School, including her and Leonard's five year old son David. Once the children had left, Leonard smiled broadly, "Once of the greatest joys of serving God is welcoming the newest member's of His community into the fold. As I am sure you have seen in the bulletin, we are welcoming two new members, Tobias and Lynette."

Everyone cooed and awwed as the young parents, grandparents, canine and babies joined the Vicar on the dais. The babies squirmed and squealed as the Vicar intoned the Lord's Prayer and began the christening.

"Helene and Augustin Berlioz, as followers of God our Saviour and his only begotten son, Jesus the Christ, do you promise to raise little Tobias and Lynette in the knowledge that God is their Saviour and protector?"

"We do."

"Will you, as new parents, promise to uphold the teachings of Jesus Christ to the best of your abilities and raise your children in the way that Christ expects?"

"We will."

"Lastly, as parents, do you promise to love and accept your children as they are and who they will grow into, as God has planned for them to become?"

"We promise."

"Archibald and Rosamund, as the grandparents; will you help Augustin and Helene teach their children right from wrong, that life is full of good and bad things, to trust in God and others? Do you promise to love them as God does?"

"We do, and we will."

With the vows fulfilled, Leonard gingerly scooped some water from the baptismal font and wiped their tiny brows, "Lynette Rosamund and Tobias Gregory Berlioz, I seal you into the Covenant with our Saviour, Jesus the Christ in the name of God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. Blessed are you, children of God."

After saying this, Tobias sneezed and swiped at what he thought was an impromptu both. Lynette spied the baptismal font, and attempted to go for a swim. Helene and Tintin quietly laughed as the congregation sang the baptismal hymn. After this, Helene dropped the twins off in the nursery and rejoined her family in the sanctuary.

After church fellowship was merry indeed, as Snowy helped himself to any variety of snacks, so long as they were mostly meat and no chocolate. The twins were sleeping through the myriad of elderly ladies offering advice and men asking Tintin about how he was holding up. When some elderly spinsters tried to pinch the twins, Mrs. Finch upbraided them for poor behavior.

The morning wore on, when the gang took their leave. With the twins in the stroller, Tintin and Helene walked towards a cafe for a hot, when Ianto asked if he could join them. "Without Harkness, that's new. Are you two on the outs," Helene inquired as they settled into a cozy corner table. Haddock and Rosamund were going out to a luncheon held by Belgium's Sober Sailor Society while Harkness and Dalek Sec were investigating flying saucer sightings over Flanders.

Once the orders had been placed, Helene asked Ianto what was up. Glancing around to see if anyone was eavesdropping, he spilled the beans. "No, I'm not on the rocks with Harkness, we're good as married, if marriage was available for folks like him and me. No, it's a problem with my family back in Wales... namely my sister Rhiannon. You see, she still thinks I am a bachelor and thinks Harkness is my friend. Well, you know Tintin, like you and Haddock."

Tintin frowned slightly, "Well, Haddock is my dear friend, but he is also my father in law. There is nothing with being dear friends with your soul mate before marriage, but Helene and I were childhood friends before we started dating. Does Rhiannon know about Torchwood?"

Ianto went on to explain that all his sister knew was that Torchwood Europa was a think tank for NATO and that she knew that Tintin and Helene were married with babies. He went on to say that she had tried to get him to see a girl on more than one occasion, but this time was worse. She was coming to town for holiday!

"What am I going to do, I can't tell her about me and Jack? I'll be disowned and she's the only family I still have. Still though, maybe if Harkness uses Shimmer, he could pretend to be a girl. That's it, I am brilliant!"

"Wait a second, who said anything about using Shimmer to cross dress? If she truly loves you, then she will accept your relationship with Harkness. Besides, Shimmer is a bad idea and I doubt Father and Mother will give you the green light," Helene scolded as the food arrived. Ianto agreed with her, Rhiannon would need another approach.

Arriving back at their flat, Tintin and Helene changed the twins and then put them down for another mid-afternoon nap. Curling up in Tintin's arms, Helene asked her husband, "What do you think Ianto is going to do when his sister does arrive? Even if Harkness cross dresses, he won't be that convincing. I don't know what's going to be worse for Rhiannon, learning her brother is a pervert, or worse yet guilty of buggery and sodomy."

Tintin nodded, "Unlike here, where homosexual behavior has been legal since 1791, buggery is considered a sex crime in the Brtish Isles, and a charge of that magnitude would land him in Reading Gaol. Although, I wonder if they would have to extradite him, as Ianto is a Belgian citizen."

With no clear answers, they dropped the subject and snoozed on the couch. They dreamt about the moving christening from earlier, when there was a sharp knock on the door. Helene and Tintin stirred, and Snowy barked excitedly as the couple answered the door. To their great surprise, standing on the threshold was a petite, black haired woman wearing a mod dress and riding boots. She smiled at them, before introducing herself in a thick, Welsh accent, "Hello there, are you Tintin and Helena? I am Rhiannon Collins, and I was wondering if you could please tell me where Ianto is, he's my brother. This is where Torchwood Europa is located, is it not?"

Just like that, Ianto's secrets, lies and indecision became everyone's problem.