Pretty little lies:
Summary: She knew that with every crush, every fantasy, she was tying herself more tightly into that web. A web of smiles, a web of laughter, a web of despair, and fading hope. She should stop, she knew. She was only making it harder on herself. But it was so easy to fall into obsession- to lose herself to another day-dream. [Renge-Centric]
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Renge wasn't stupid.
Renge wasn't a genius by any stretch of the imagination, but she wasn't stupid. She knew things. Important things. She knew that, as the daughter of a successful, wealthy business owner, she would eventually be married off in some merger or social attempt. Certainly, she had a kind, loving father, but facts were facts. She would be sent off to another family of great lineage and financial success. She would live in comfort, have everything she wanted, be waited on hand and foot, and lie next to a man she barely knew, night after night.
Chances were there would be no love in the relationship. She could be married off to a man of any age- maybe if she was lucky, one close to her own age, but she knew it was likely she would be wed to a man significantly older than her. They would go to social events together. She would hang dutifully off of his arm, and false-smilers would comment on how pretty she was. They would exchange niceties, dine, dance, and then they would go home and not see each other again until they went to bed. Intimacy would only occur when the time came for an heir. It would be awkward, emotionless, unsatisfying, and cold.
Renge knew this would happen. It was an unfortunate inevitability. So what was the harm in indulging in fantasies? Losing herself in a world where she could fall for whoever she chose, knowing with absolute certainty that they would return her feelings. If she made a mistake, said something to upset them, she could hit a convenient button and start the world over. Beautiful, adoring young men would spew words of love to her, while she was unrequired to form any kind of commitment. If she changed her mind, began to fancy someone else, she could guiltlessly create a new reality. She could pursue a new love, and return to the old one when she began to feel nostalgia for her "old flame".
A new fantasy popped into her world. A wonderful new fantasy. A new character entered her dreams. A handsome, kind, gentle, selfless new crush. Renge was obsessed, and she was well aware of it. She fell further into her private world, and allowed it to grow until it encompassed most of her life. If only, she would think to herself, if only her prince were real. He could surely save her from her unsavory fate. While part of her mind saw no harm in indulging herself with this idea, the realistic part of her looked on with a bitter smile.
Renge knew from the beginning -somewhere in her mind, she did know- that Ohtori Kyouya was not her real life Ichijo Miyabi. And? So? She knew she was inconveniencing him, as well as the rest of the host club, but she wasn't actually hurting anyone. Anyone but herself. Oh, yes, Renge knew she was hurting herself with her day-dream-become-reality. Kyouya wouldn't save her. He was no knight in shining armor. He was simply humoring her until she become too much of a pest to tolerate. She knew her delusion would be crushed. Crushed quickly, crushed easilly, and crushed mercilessly. That was the best way for her to learn, after all.
Unfortunately, another crush had swooped in. One that was so much easier, so much more fun, to fantasize about. Haruhi was common, and middle class. There was no way he could "save" her. That was why it was so much easier to dream. Haruhi was so much more accessible. There wouldn't be any pretense of commitment: Haruhi was smart, he would know he couldn't have her. There would be a constant sense of excitement, of something taboo, mixing the classes in such a way. There would be no expectations, there would be no disappointment, and no one would be surprised when the relationship fell apart.
However, Haruhi had no feelings for Renge. Of this, she was well aware.
But who did this hurt? No one. No one but Renge. She knew how this would end, just as she knew how all of her little "crushes" would end. Renge lived in a web of pretty lies. Lies of every size, shape, and color. All lies told only to herself. A web she had woven by her own will and with no help from anyone else. She knew that with every crush, every fantasy, she was tying herself more tightly into that web. A web of smiles, a web of laughter, a web of despair, and fading hope. She should stop, she knew. She was only making it harder on herself. But it was so easy to fall into obsession- to lose herself to another day-dream.
So she would lie and lie until her vision was obscured by that web. Until she could lie herself into happiness no matter what her situation. Until that web secured her rose-tinted glasses permanently to her blinded eyes. And if that didn't work, she knew her perfect life was only a few feet away. Available whenever she wanted.
With the push of a button.
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A/N: I kept telling myself I'd write this, but I ended up putting it off. Repeatedly. I love writing introspectives, and Renge was screaming for one. I love Renge. I think I might, might mind you, do an introspective for Kyoya... But... I dunno. I don't like to do these for main characters (unless they're from video games, because they usually don't get as much developement) because I know the mangaka will do it eventually (probably). Also because there are generally more layers than I'm aware of in main characters, so most of what I write ends up being proven wrong. So... Yeah.