Jack Goes to the Moon: Chapter 1
Captain Jack Sparrow sat at his ships table. His concentration was ever so locked upon his quest that his rum flask laid upon the table, untouched for periods up to a whole minute. His hand began to shake and it almost lost grip upon the thin, slippery, skin. He swallowed and let out a shivering breath of air. "Almost there," he whispered to himself.
Will stared at him not sure what to think "Jack, what are ya do'en?" he questioned.
Jack didn't answer; this was all that mattered now. His coal smudged fingers pinched for the last tiny piece and he slowly peeled it away reveling the small, round, vainy, pale green, squishy pulp of the now skinless grape. "Your- are- nakey!" he yelled at the grape "are ya humiliated now? Huh? Huh? Huh?"
"Eh hem," Will coughed "since when do you talk to inanimate objects?"
"Oh, sorry," Jack faced the grape at Will.
"Excuse me poor grape, but are you by any chance a bit embarrassed about your, shall we say, nakeys showing?" he asked the grape. The grape stared at Will blankly between Jacks trembling fingers. "Yes, Jack, the grape would appreciate it if you would kindly go about eating him now."
"Yes, I-am-FRENCH!!!" Jack yelled. He popped the grape into his mouth and chewed it ferociously. Then he picked up his flask and began to chug. Will got up from his giant marshmallow that he was using as a chair (for Jack's new way of plundering wasn't going exactly according to plan) and stood by the window.
"It's the 18 hundreds," Will observed.
"Oh Will my darling, you have such a way with words," Jack grinned.
"Why thank you. I do believe it is a bit of the elf in me," Will said. "But as I was saying..."
"Yes, yes it is the 18 hundreds," Jack secretly realized.
"Sooo, why are we in a space ship?" Will asked.
"Well, ya see Hollywood had this idea that The Black Pearl wasn't gay enough so they gave me the chance to get a new ship, but Disney didn't like any of my ideas, god knows why, and they said that I had to have a kid friendly thing, like a space ship, but it had to have subliminal messages. Now I didn't want my ship shaped like that for thoughts of people calling me an Austin Powers wana be was just too horrible. So I brought in a little leverage to keep my space ship a normal shape. Savvy?" Jack explained.
"Leverage...Oh no, where's Elizabeth?!" asked Will.
"Oh come on, its only a double bed, remember" Jack wined.
"I suppose. She was starten to change her mind about Norington anyway...damn that sexy ice cream cone." Will decided.
Jack got up from his marshmallow and walked to Will. "Thanks Hun," he said and gave Will a kiss on the cheek. Jack went to sit down again and Will looked around the room.
"Jack, considering this new...twisted...time...thingy, would it mean we now have a-"Will stopped as he spotted a refrigerator against the wall that he, for some reason, had never noticed before.
"Yep," answered Jack.
Clearly pleased with his findings, Will asked Jack if he would like him to make a sandwich for him. "Would ya like mayonnaise on that, love?" He asked Jack.
"Well forget the sandwich, I'm French now remember, just throw me the whole jar," Jack rejoiced. Will rolled the jar down the table to him and Jack greedily opened the lid. He then poured a new bottle of rum in with the half full mayo, stirred it a bit to create a indescribable goop, and then slurped it down with his changing color Hello Kitty spoon. Will sat down with his sandwich and monthly issue of SEVENTEEN.
"I knew I was doing something wrong with my hair," Will mumbled to himself through a mouthful of bologna as he studied the page ever so closely in his magazine.
"Here want these hair clips," Jack offered.
"No thanks, those are too winter. It says here I'm more of a spring," said Will. "Oh would ya looky here, says Brittany got married. Now was she one of the ones ya were or weren't engaged to?"
"I don't think so, I would have remembered those boobs," said Jack.
"Oh. So where are we going?" asked Will. Suddenly the whole room gave a giant shudder and tumbled around as if it had crashed into something. Jacks rum mayo was knocked onto the floor and it broke. Jack mourned over his loss, but only got a single tear out before he was knocked out by a tumbling marshmallow. His last thoughts before he woke up were "Man that's a stale marshmallow".
Captain Jack Sparrow sat at his ships table. His concentration was ever so locked upon his quest that his rum flask laid upon the table, untouched for periods up to a whole minute. His hand began to shake and it almost lost grip upon the thin, slippery, skin. He swallowed and let out a shivering breath of air. "Almost there," he whispered to himself.
Will stared at him not sure what to think "Jack, what are ya do'en?" he questioned.
Jack didn't answer; this was all that mattered now. His coal smudged fingers pinched for the last tiny piece and he slowly peeled it away reveling the small, round, vainy, pale green, squishy pulp of the now skinless grape. "Your- are- nakey!" he yelled at the grape "are ya humiliated now? Huh? Huh? Huh?"
"Eh hem," Will coughed "since when do you talk to inanimate objects?"
"Oh, sorry," Jack faced the grape at Will.
"Excuse me poor grape, but are you by any chance a bit embarrassed about your, shall we say, nakeys showing?" he asked the grape. The grape stared at Will blankly between Jacks trembling fingers. "Yes, Jack, the grape would appreciate it if you would kindly go about eating him now."
"Yes, I-am-FRENCH!!!" Jack yelled. He popped the grape into his mouth and chewed it ferociously. Then he picked up his flask and began to chug. Will got up from his giant marshmallow that he was using as a chair (for Jack's new way of plundering wasn't going exactly according to plan) and stood by the window.
"It's the 18 hundreds," Will observed.
"Oh Will my darling, you have such a way with words," Jack grinned.
"Why thank you. I do believe it is a bit of the elf in me," Will said. "But as I was saying..."
"Yes, yes it is the 18 hundreds," Jack secretly realized.
"Sooo, why are we in a space ship?" Will asked.
"Well, ya see Hollywood had this idea that The Black Pearl wasn't gay enough so they gave me the chance to get a new ship, but Disney didn't like any of my ideas, god knows why, and they said that I had to have a kid friendly thing, like a space ship, but it had to have subliminal messages. Now I didn't want my ship shaped like that for thoughts of people calling me an Austin Powers wana be was just too horrible. So I brought in a little leverage to keep my space ship a normal shape. Savvy?" Jack explained.
"Leverage...Oh no, where's Elizabeth?!" asked Will.
"Oh come on, its only a double bed, remember" Jack wined.
"I suppose. She was starten to change her mind about Norington anyway...damn that sexy ice cream cone." Will decided.
Jack got up from his marshmallow and walked to Will. "Thanks Hun," he said and gave Will a kiss on the cheek. Jack went to sit down again and Will looked around the room.
"Jack, considering this new...twisted...time...thingy, would it mean we now have a-"Will stopped as he spotted a refrigerator against the wall that he, for some reason, had never noticed before.
"Yep," answered Jack.
Clearly pleased with his findings, Will asked Jack if he would like him to make a sandwich for him. "Would ya like mayonnaise on that, love?" He asked Jack.
"Well forget the sandwich, I'm French now remember, just throw me the whole jar," Jack rejoiced. Will rolled the jar down the table to him and Jack greedily opened the lid. He then poured a new bottle of rum in with the half full mayo, stirred it a bit to create a indescribable goop, and then slurped it down with his changing color Hello Kitty spoon. Will sat down with his sandwich and monthly issue of SEVENTEEN.
"I knew I was doing something wrong with my hair," Will mumbled to himself through a mouthful of bologna as he studied the page ever so closely in his magazine.
"Here want these hair clips," Jack offered.
"No thanks, those are too winter. It says here I'm more of a spring," said Will. "Oh would ya looky here, says Brittany got married. Now was she one of the ones ya were or weren't engaged to?"
"I don't think so, I would have remembered those boobs," said Jack.
"Oh. So where are we going?" asked Will. Suddenly the whole room gave a giant shudder and tumbled around as if it had crashed into something. Jacks rum mayo was knocked onto the floor and it broke. Jack mourned over his loss, but only got a single tear out before he was knocked out by a tumbling marshmallow. His last thoughts before he woke up were "Man that's a stale marshmallow".