And You Can't Breathe
Author's Note
This is kind of my way of thanking the readers, followers, and reviewers of my other story, Life After, in the only way I know how, which is through writing. The response for Life After has been so amazing, and a while back I had mentioned writing another fic, so I did. It is not related to my other fic. I hope you all like it, and please let me know what you think. This just kind of flowed onto the page, and it was so much fun to write in this style, so if you like it, I would love to write something like this, again. It switches between Alex and Piper's point of view, and it says which it is at the beginning of each section. So, this is it, hope you like it.
Alex
You're at that bar. The bar you visit a lot, and you meet girls who you fuck once and throw away. They don't mean anything; they're just for fun. They're just for fun because you like sex, and it is something you know your good at, and it isn't very hard to get if you know the right things to say. You are thankful that you almost always know the right things to say. Sure they might think more about it than you do, but soon they get the message when you disappear, and you hope to God you don't have to see them ever again. Or if you do happen to see them again that you remember that you already had her, and that you don't try to get her all over again, because that's just embarrassing for the both of you.
And you're sitting in this bar when she walks in. Long blonde hair. Blue eyes that light up this dark, hole in the wall bar, and you can't take your eyes off her. You've found your target for tonight. You smile because you think you'll get lucky. You wait for a few minutes, not wanting to rush anything. You watch as she orders a margarita, which makes you laugh because who the fuck orders a margarita in December? When you feel like you've waited long enough, you get up, walking over to this blonde who is sitting at the bar all alone, sipping on her margarita. You lean against the bar and ask, "It's a little cold for margarita, don't you think?"
She smiles, showing off her perfectly straight and blindingly white smile, and she tells you how much she loves tequila, so you order a couple shots for both of you.
You're thinking it'll loosen her up.
She asks you what your name is, and you tell her that you're Alex Vause. She introduces herself as Piper. Piper Chapman. You like the way it sounds when you say it. Short, sweet, and to the point, you think to yourself.
You do the shots and continue talking to her. She is 23, which is just right for your usual age range of any hot woman, which is 22 to 25. Piper isn't hot though. She is beautiful, and you don't really know what to do with that because you don't think of people as beautiful. They're either hot or not. Yes, it's shallow, but it makes the decision to fuck or not easier, so it's been how you view women for years. But for some reason, you can't place her in the simple category of hot or not, so you keep on talking.
Piper laughs and the sound fills the bar and you smile, placing your hand over her hand, gripping it lightly. The smile gets smaller, and you feel yourself feeling sad. Sad that that smile is gone, and you want it back, so you apologize.
That smile comes back and this time she grabs your hand.
You talk for hours. Life, backstory, work, or in her case, just finishing up college. She is an open book for you, which you like. You find yourself drawn to her, and when she asks for your phone, you immediately hand it over. She puts her number into it, and tells you that she needs to get going, but that she wants you to call her.
You don't even think twice about it before you offer to walk her home, and she accepts, so you gather your belongings, and leave, walking back together.
Every so often your hands touch, and it sends a chill down your spine, and she gives a small smile. The way her blonde hair shines under the streetlights is kind of amazing, and the way she scrunches up her nose when she smiles or laughs makes your heart physically hurt. And her laugh. Her laugh is the most perfect sound that you've ever heard, and you never want to go another day without hearing it.
You get to her door and after a moment of standing there awkwardly, making smooth comments and her smiling and laughing at each one of them, you move in closer to her, and you lean in to give her a kiss and she lets you. She kisses you back, and you stand there, kissing, and you feel her hands grip the lapels of your winter coat. Standing in the cold chill of the New York winter, the kiss is hot and it warms you up, sending fire through your veins. Not wanting to mess this up, you pull away. She is smiling, and you tell her goodnight. She turns and walks into her apartment and you stand there taking in all that just happened. This is the first time all night that you can actually think a complete thought. You walk home down the dark streets and you feel something that you're not really sure exactly what it is. You're not sure because you feel feelings, and Alex Vause does not catch feelings. You know you are doomed when you lay in bed that night, not able to sleep because all you can think about is Piper Chapman.
You check your phone and see that it says that it is 4:30 in the morning, but you can't stop yourself from going through your contacts and finding that name that rolls so well off your tongue and you hit the call button.
You panic for a second, thinking you are rushing and that your about to scare her away and you go to end the call when that voice comes through the other end of the phone and you can't breathe again.
She laughs and asks you if you can't sleep either, and you tell her that you can't stop thinking about tonight. She tells you that she will meet you for lunch at a little restaurant that she loves to go to, and of course you agree. She tells you to get some sleep and she hangs up.
You smile and close your eyes. You're excited and you can't wait for tomorrow.
Piper
You barely slept last night after that perfect kiss. You've never kissed a woman, but you had no problems kissing Alex, and it was the best damn kiss you've ever had. When your phone went off at 4:30 in the morning, you knew exactly who it was and you couldn't help but answer it as quick as possible, in fear that it would disappear forever and she would be gone with it. You are so happy that she calls, and when you tell her to meet you for lunch, you feel butterflies in your stomach.
You get up and put on a cute outfit, but not too dressed up, just enough to make it look like you aren't trying too hard. You leave early, getting in a cab and a short while later pulling up to the restaurant where you walk in and get a table for two. You are shaky, and nervous, but a good nervous. You watch the door and when you see that tall dark haired woman walk in, your hand shoots up and waves her over. She looks incredible, and you watch every move she makes, and the way her hair moves as she walks, and how her black jeans hug every curve just perfectly.
You stand up and give her a hug, pulling out her chair and she sits, and so do you. You can't hide the smile, and she smiles back at you. You ask her how she slept and she tells you that she didn't, which makes you feel a bit relieved that you weren't the only one excited about their date. It is a date, right? Right? And now you feel a rush of panic that maybe you are looking too far into this. It was one kiss. A damn good kiss, but just a kiss. Your fears are put to rest when she runs her foot up the side of your leg, and you laugh. The waitress comes over and takes your order and you get back to your conversation. You want to know more about her. Those eyes stare into you, and you can't look into them for more than a few moments because you may just have to take her right here right now, so you look down at your hands, which are fidgeting. She must have noticed your fidgeting, and she takes both of your hands and closes hers around them, and she smiles, telling you that its okay, and that you don't have to be nervous. You find out that she is 26, didn't go to college, and that her mother's name is Diane, and that they are very close. You tell her that your parents are divorced. You have 2 brothers, one of which you have nothing to do with, and she asks why, but you tell her that you are just very different people. She doesn't pry a more elaborate answer out of you; she just accepts it, which is refreshing.
Your food comes and you both eat, sharing off of each of your plates, and she laughs at the way you make sound effects when you eat, which makes you blush, but she let's you know that she thinks it is cute, and you blush again. You pay and you both exit the restaurant.
As you walk, she takes your hand, and at first you don't know what to do, but you like the way your fingers fit perfectly together, and you move in closer to her side. You feel her trail her thumb over top of your hand and you hold on as tight as you can. She takes you to an apartment building, and tells you this is where she lives. She invites you up and you agree.
She leads you up the stairs, and you feel safe, and you trust her. She opens the door to a gorgeous apartment with dark hardwood floors, leather furniture, and stainless steel and glass everywhere. You think to yourself that this place is totally Alex, which is strange to think since you only have known her for 12 hours. She takes your coat, and hangs it up. You are drawn to the kitchen and look at how clean and crisp it all is. She offers you a glass of wine, and you say yes and she hands you a glass, which you take a sip of.
She grabs your hand and takes you over to the couch, and tells you to sit, and you do. She sits next to you, turning to face you, and crosses her legs on the couch. She is in her element, and you like seeing her like this. She is so smooth and confident, and you wish you could be like that. You watch her full lips close on the rim of the glass, and you can't take your eyes off them. You slide in closer to her, trying to come off as just getting more comfortable on the couch. She smiles, and you know she can see right through your act. You're feeling feelings that make you nervous. Not nervous because she is a woman, and you've never been with a woman, but nervous because you've never felt things like this for anyone, especially someone you just met 12 hours ago at a bar.
She puts her wine glass down and gets up, walking to the stereo and putting on a song. One that you don't know, but it's nice. It's slow. She turns back to you and smiles, holding out her hand for you. You put your wine glass down and take her hand where she pulls you firm up against her. You feel her hands on your lower back, and your put your hands around her neck, locking your fingers. You both sway to the music, and she tells you about the song, and what is means and you watch as her eyes light up with every verse, and it makes you melt a little bit. You watch her lips again, until the music starts to fade out. You feel her move her hands from your back and she stops dancing. She brings them up to your cheeks, and places her thumbs under your chin and she tilts your face towards her.
There is just a moment when all you do is look at each other and you feel your heart beating a mile a minute. She brings her lips to yours, and it is even better than last night. You tangle your hands in her long dark hair and she kisses you harder. You feel her tongue run over your bottom lip, begging for permission to enter, and you part your lips, letting her explore the confines of your mouth. A small moan escapes from you, and she smiles. You pull away to catch her breath and she asks if you're okay. You nod and look down at the button down shirt she's wearing. You look back at her, grabbing one of the buttons and holding it in your fingertips. Her eyelids flutter a bit and you wait for permission. You don't know what's come over you but you need to have her, right this second. She asks if you're sure and you tell her that you've never been more sure in your life. She nods and you start unbuttoning her shirt as she captures your lips in another searing kiss.
Alex
You're standing there topless, and your hands are roaming all over the blonde in front of you. She is also topless, and you're biting on her neck. She pants out your name, which sounds almost as amazing as that laugh of hers, and you feel yourself ruin that black pair of panties that you have on, but it is worth it. You stop your assault on her neck and look at her, grabbing her hand and leading her to your bedroom where you ease her back onto the bed. She tangles her hands in your hair as you kiss her collarbones, running your tongue down the slope that it creates. You take her breasts in your hands, and you love how they fit just perfectly. You tease her nipples, and pinch them, eliciting a moan from the woman under you. You smile into her skin, taking your time going over each breast with your mouth, and give them each the attention they deserve. Your hands travel down her toned stomach, and you toy with the waist of her jeans. You look up at her, noticing the thin film of sweat that's covering her skin. You ask for permission and she gives it to you, so you unbutton her jeans, and slide them down before kissing your way up her legs. You admire the cute little lace panties that she is wearing and also notice that they are ruined, which makes you smile just a little. You kiss trails over her flat stomach, raking your fingernails down them, making her throw her head back, You go up to kiss on her neck and nip at her pulse point. She hisses out, and you kiss it again. You whisper in her ear, making sure she is still okay and tell her that if she wants to stop, they can, but she assure you that she wants you to keep going. She tells you in almost a whimper.
You look at her for a moment and ask the question that's been running through your mind. You ask her is she has ever been with a woman before. She is quiet and you let her know that it's okay if she hasn't, you just want to know. She blushes and says no in an innocent voice. You assure her that you are going to make it a memorable experience for the both of them. You sit up on your knees in between her legs, which are moved to each side of you, and you lock eyes with her. You pull the only bit of clothing she has left off, so slow that she can hardly keep still. You pull them off her ankles and toss them to the side of the bed, and then she is laying there, totally exposed in front of your and she is so damn beautiful.
You lean down to kiss her stomach, and kiss a straight line down and then you place one on her mound. You lie down in between her legs and move each to rest on your shoulders. You ask if she's comfortable one last time, and you grab a pillow to put under her. She is there in front of you and you can smell her. You gently kiss her opening, and run your tongue up and down, collecting the wetness that has formed there. You hum at the taste on your lips. It's the best thing you've ever tasted, and you go back for more. You flick your tongue in and out, diving into her entrance, and gently run your teeth over her clit, which makes her jump. She is panting out words that make her sound like she's speaking in tongues, and you take that as a good sign. You bring one hand up and capture her right breast, kneading it. Your other hand moves down to her center, and you insert two fingers making her cry out and writhe under you. You thrust in and out, drawing out more and more, and you can tell she is close. You continue your motions and rub circles over her sensitive nub. You feel her on the edge and you hit that spot deep inside of her and she cries out your name in ecstasy.
You work her down from her high, and eventually pull out, licking your fingers clean, and taking her legs from your shoulders, which are slightly sore form her digging her heals in. You kiss you way up her lips and capture them in a kiss. She still is trying to catch her breath and you lay on your side facing her. You draw figures on her stomach with your fingertip, and she lays there still panting. She eventually rolls on her side to face you. You tell her that she doesn't have to take the plunge just yet if she's not ready. As much as you love sex, you are fine with just giving and not receiving this time, because Piper is different, and you pull her flat against your body. She rests her head on your chest. You play with her blonde hair, and rub her back.
You lay there for what seems like hours before you realize she has fallen asleep and you smile because this feels good. And then you feel scared because you, Alex Vause, do not cuddle and sleep in the same bed with a woman after you have just had sex with them. You usually tell them that you have somewhere to be, and they leave. This cuddling thing doesn't happen, but it is happening right now, and you love it. The way her body sticks to yours, fitting perfectly against you, and how she smells of lavender, and you don't want to leave where you are and you're scared because you feel things you've never felt before and you don't know what to do so you lay there eventually falling asleep yourself.
Piper
You've never felt anything like that. That sense of pleasure has never been reached before and you loved it, and you want it again and again. You have had plenty of sex before Alex, but for some reason, it's like you just discovered sex for the first time, and how it's really supposed to be. You are honestly glad that she tells you that you don't have to try on her right this second, one because you are afraid to go after someone as earth shattering as Alex, and two, because that means that you will see her again.
When she pulls you in close, you feel so safe and you fall asleep. When you wake up, she is still asleep and you admire how truly beautiful she is. You slide out of her grasp and grab her button down shirt and put it on. You find your phone and order Chinese food. You look around the house and see a picture of Alex and an older woman, and you just know by the way Alex has talking about her, that it's her mom, Diane. She is gorgeous. Looks so much like Alex and you smile. You're startled when you hear footsteps come out of the bedroom and then you see Alex standing there in an oversized t shirt from some rock band that you don't know. You tell her that you ordered Chinese and she tells you that's perfect. She goes and sits on the couch, patting the spot next to her and you snuggle in next to her, and she wraps her arms around your legs, pulling you closer.
You look at the clock, which says that it is 9:48 pm, and she asks if you want to stay over and you think it over for a second before saying yes. The deliveryman knocks on the door and she gets up and pays him, telling him to keep the change for a tip. She brings it to the living room passing you one box. You sit there, sharing Chinese food and talking. You feel like you've known this woman forever, and you feel so comfortable around her. She tells you more about herself, about her past. That she doesn't know her dad, and that she has no siblings. It's just her and Diane. How it was hard growing up with Diane working multiple jobs to support them, and how she somehow managed to give her everything she ever needed. How sometimes it sucked being an only child because she was lonely a lot. And why she didn't go to college, because here was no way she could afford it, so she went straight into working. First was a music store, and then as a receptionist, and briefly a secretary, which didn't last long because she doesn't like being told what to do, and where she works now as an importer for some big company, and that's how she can afford this place. She is so vulnerable and open for you, and you just want to be there for her and be her everything. You don't know why, but you feel the need to.
You tell her that your grew up in Connecticut with two boring parents, and a father who cheated, and a mother who drank away a better part of the 1990's. You tell them that when you were a senior in high school that they finally divorced, and that you went on to go to Smith University, and she is impressed. You are an open book for her, completely trusting, and she is the same for you. You talk for hours about everything from cooking to her goals in life, and she asks about your plans for the future which you honestly have no clue what the hell you want, and she is okay with that. You listen to her, hanging on every detail and word that comes out of her mouth. She gets up and takes the trash to the kitchen and throws it away.
You get up and look at her impressive movie collection and see that she has Notting Hill, which happens to be your favorite, and she asks if you want to watch it, which you of course say yes to, because who turns that down? You settle into the couch, Alex sits next to you, and you lay your head in her lap. You watch Hugh Grant and Julie Roberts play out this love story, and by the end of the movie you're crying, and you hear Alex laugh at you a little. You look up at her and she kisses you and wipes the tears from your cheeks. You look at her and you know you are done for and she gives you this look back like she knows, too. She takes your hand in her own and says nothing, but her eyes tell everything. Because in less than 24 hours, you've fallen in love with this woman and you can't look back now. You are done for, and you accept it because you wouldn't want it any other way.
Alex
You know you love her that first night, but you can't tell her then so you keep it to yourself. You spend days together and she practically moves into your place within a couple of weeks. This is all new territory for you. The one-night-stand was your crutch, and suddenly that crutch has been taken away and you're hobbling around on unsteady legs trying to figure out how this all works.
Her clothes are in your dresser, her makeup in your bathroom, her running shoes by the front door, and she's in the next room folding your laundry. If someone had told you a two months ago that this would be your life, you would've laughed at them and told them to fuck off, but it is your life, and the crazy part is you love it. You love her. You have to tell her.
Your mom knows about her and is coming to the city today ready to meet this woman who has taken over your life. You're not nervous because you know she'll love her. Hell, Piper has talked to her on the phone. Piper comes out with the laundry basket on her hip and takes it into your room. You walk in and sit on the bed, watching her. She has on one of your flannels and a pair of leggings, her hair pulled back into a bun and you think she could not be more beautiful. You ask her if she is nervous and she tells you no as she is folding the laundry. She isn't nervous. She is ready. Ready to meet the woman that you talk about all the time and who's pictures are all over your apartment.
You hear a knock at the door and know who it is. You open it and greet her with a hug and tell her how happy you are to see her. She quickly gets passed you and asks where Piper is. She isn't shy about it at all. Piper walks out and Diane opens her arms for a hug. She tells you that she is very pretty and that she picked a good one. Piper smiles and the two go and have a conversation, totally not caring if you are even in the room. It's like they've known each other for years the way they're talking. Like old friends catching up. You go and make a fresh pot of coffee, watching as the two talk and Piper looks over at you with a smile, letting you know she is okay and you wink at her. You bring over two cups of coffee and sit next to Piper, who has her knees to her chest, and you wrap your arm around her. Diane smiles.
You sit there, Diane asks every question she has thought of, and you sit there laughing, and blushing occasionally. Piper gets up and heads to the bathroom.
You look at Diane who has a smile a mile wide on her face. She tells you that you found her. The one. You smile because you know it's true. She thumps you on the back of the head when you tell her that you haven't told her that you love her yet. She tells you to grow a pair, typical Diane Vause fashion, and tell her that you love her. You nod because she's right and Piper walks back out so you cut off that conversation. She sits next to you, leaning into your side.
You're caught off guard when she asks Diane what you were like as a kid. You blush when Diane starts telling all the stories, and then you almost die when she goes in her purse and brings out the pictures. She came prepared. Piper goes through each of them smiling and laughing, which is the only reason you are still living at the moment. You watch as her face lights up and you rest your hand on her thigh. She looks at you and smiles that smile that can kill you in an instant and you look at Diane who is watching the both of you. She gently nods her head, giving her final bit of approval. She stays for dinner and then dessert, and you love having her over. You offer for her to stay the night, but she tells you that she has plans in the morning, so she has to drive back to New Jersey. You all talk for a few more minutes, and she hugs both of you. You walk her to the door and she tells you one last time to tell Piper how you feel and you kiss her on the cheek and she leaves.
You turn to see Piper smiling. She tells you how much she loves your mom and asks if you think your mom liked her. You tell her that she loved her, and tears well up in her blue eyes. She knows that it means so much to you that your mom approves of her, and it makes her so happy.
She grabs your hand and pulls you into the bedroom and pushes you onto the mattress where she takes charge. Even though she is pretty new at this whole game, she does a damn good job of making your toes curl and making you scream her name. She rips off your sweater and unhooks your bra in tosses them behind her. She straddles your waist, and grabs your face as she kisses you passionately. You can hardly breath as you feel her dip her hand under the waistband of your pants and cup your mound and you moan into her mouth. You are so wet, and she glides up and down your center, making you throw your head back into the mattress, and she nips on your earlobe. You let out another moan when she pushes inside of you, quickly picking up speed and she plays with your breasts. You can feel the heat building in your core and your stomach tightening. Your inside start to burn and you know you are so close as she curls and thrusts. You feel yourself come undone and you scream out her name, arching your back and gripping the sheets. She stays hovering over top of you, and when she pulls out, you let out a whimper from the loss of contact. She captures your lips in a kiss that is blinding and she rests her chin on your chest.
You push her hair back and smile at her. She lays her head down, and you finally say it. You say you love her, and she looks up at you. She smiles, and you feel so vulnerable in that moment that you might die, and then she tells you that she loves you too, and you are brought back to life. You kiss her.
It took 12 hours to fall in love with her, but it took you two months to say anything. You wanted to really mean it when you said it, because it is important, and you've never been in love before so you wanted to be sure. And you are sure. So sure. Never been more sure of anything in your life. And you love her, and she loves you.
Piper
She grabs your hand as you both walk down the street in June, and you don't even care that it's really too hot to hold hands, and your hand is going to sweat. You've been with her for seven months, and they've been amazing. You're head over heels in love with her, and you'd walk through fire her, and she'd do the same for you. She pulls you to her side by your waist, running her fingertips over your white sundress, and you kiss her cheek. It is so hot outside, and she is wearing shorts and a tank top. The shorts make her legs look a mile long, and the way the tank top is cut low has you finding it difficult to keep your eyes off of her. Fourth of July parade lines are going up the streets, and you two watch as the fire engines drive by and the little kids with painted faces and ice cream melting down their arms squeal with excitement, which makes you laugh, because they're so cute.
You feel her hand on the small of your back and you smile because it sends tingles up your spine, and you turn and kiss her. She takes your hand again, and you both keep walking down the street. You stop for dinner at a little street side café, and sit out front. You sit impossibly close to each other. Laughing, touching, stealing food off each other's plates. People notice. Everywhere you two go, people notice, and you love it. They know how in love you are, and it makes you feel good. Occasionally you two are told to get a room, but you never listen. Making out in a crowd, hugging all over each other, and letting everyone know you two are together. You were never one for PDA until you met Alex, and she tells you that she used to be the same way. It always made you uncomfortable, but when you're with her, it's totally natural, and it's not forced, like your previous relationships. You two take over a room when you walk in, and others gravitate towards you. They want to see a love this strong for themselves, and it never fails to show.
She tucks a strand of you hair behind your ear and looks into your eyes, and it's just you two. Everything else is just buzzing in the background and you only see her. It happens every time. She holds your hand and plays footsie with you under the table, and you are like a teenager in love. She pays the bill and you get up. You walk to the park and the sun starts to set.
She picks a spot and goes into her purse, pulling out a thin blanket that she brought along. She lays it out and sits down, patting the space in between her lags, and you sit, making yourself comfortable. You lean into her chest, watching all that is happening around you and talking. It doesn't have to be really about anything, you guys can talk about nothing for hours. And when the sun finally sets, you both hear the crack in the distance and then the sky lights up with bright colors. Alex smiles, and holds you tight, and you both watch the display. She laughs at how you are so much like a little kid, in the sound effects you keep making with each explosion of color. She leans back down on the blanket, and you settle into her side, looking at how the firework color reflects in her eyes. And you smile at how focused she is. Her toned stomach is just barely exposed when she lies down, as her tank lifts up when she rests her arms behind her head. Your fingernails tickle the sensitive skin then and she looks at you and smiles, and you give her that look, and she leans in and takes your lips in a slow kiss, biting as she pulls away and your eyes flutter after she finally disconnects. And she wraps an arm around you, looking back at the sky. You rest your head on her shoulder, playing with the little gold necklace that's lying flat on her chest, and you smile because this is perfect.
Alex
The end of summer is still warm in New York, so you leave the bedroom window open. The warm breeze comes in, and brushes over the skin that's not covered by the thin sheets on the bed. You try and move, but you realize that after making love to Piper until the early hours of the morning, and falling asleep tangled in limbs that the thin sheets have taken you prisoner in your own bed, which is perfect because Piper is still there, tangled in the sheets with you. Her hair shines in the light coming through the window, and her sun-kissed skin glows. The blanket only covers her ass, which you kind of hate because you love her ass. But you look over her skin. It's flawless and perfect in every way. You smile, and untangle yourself from the sheets, making sure not to disturb her.
You turn on you side and go over every inch of her skin. How her hair fans across her pillow and down a little passed her shoulder. The freckles that are on her shoulder blades. Her back muscles can be seen with the angle of her arms and they drive you crazy. You trace your eyes down her spine, and the dented trail that runs from the base of her neck to small of her back. You can see the outline of her ribs, but not too much, because she is so muscular from all the working out she does, but just enough that they are visible. You always climb the ladder of her ribs, and it drives her wild. You follow to her waist, and then to the small of her back. Those two dimples sit there and they turn you on so much that you really just want to take her right then, but you let her sleep. You can't keep your hands to yourself for long, though, and you slide your finger lightly down the dent of her spine, and she moans out. You play at the base, where those sexy dimples are, and you see goosebumps come up all over her skin, so you kiss them.
She slowly turns over and you smile at what is in front of you. Her eyes, so blue and you know they could kill you in a second. Her lips are so pink, without make up, and you lean in and give them a light kiss. Your eyes travel down her neck, over her collarbones and the little slide that is created by them, and the dent where the both end. How can you not stare at her breasts, and you kiss both of them and she hisses, and you love it, smiling into her skin. You rake your eyes over her flat stomach, drumming your fingertips over it, and she smiles because she's ticklish. The sheet covers up her center, but you can still see her hipbones slightly lifting it, creating a little tent. Her thighs are so muscular and you love them. Runner's legs, and they drive you crazy. Your eyes go to the little scar that is there form a bike riding accident hat she got into as a kid. She told you the story after you noticed it one night. You kiss it. You rub her right thigh, and then down her calves, and to her ankles, and kissing the top of her foot, lightly dragging your fingers up her leg as you make your way back up. She lays there, staring at you, and you smile at her, not saying anything for a bit. You're just taking her all in. Appreciating every bit of
Your hand runs up and down her sternum, and you kiss her again and she smiles into your lips. She asks what you are doing and you tell her just watching and she smiles again. She is usually never a morning person, but you guess that this is different for her. She likes being woken up this way. You fold you arms on the pillow and rest your chin on it. She runs her hands through your hair and it makes your skin tingle. You love just spending these Saturday mornings, just tangled up in bed with her.
Piper
You remember your first fight. She gets home after a long day and you had the day off from your waitressing job, and you just wanted to be with her. She is busy, and irritable, and you understand she is stressed, but you want to take that stress away. You say something, and now you can't even remember what you said, but obviously she didn't like it. She spits fiery words back at you, and they hurt. They burn, and your eyes start to sting.
You yell back at her, which catches her off guard and she yells back at you. It turns into a screaming match, and neither of you is going to win. You fight, and you fight dirty. You bring up the wrongs, and as soon as you say them, you regret them, because they mean nothing because she has been so fucking good to you. For 7 months, this woman has loved you and taken such care of you, and you hate that you just threw those wrongs at her, and you feel like you want to throw up. She cries, and you try to get to her, but she pushes you away, and you hurt. She screams at you, and you can't help yourself.
Your family always said you suffered from foot-in-mouth disease, and you say something back and she snaps because she has had enough. Enough of your whining and insults. You know she doesn't deserve them because she really is just stressed, and has been going through a lot recently, so you should've given her a break. She slams the door to your bedroom and you sit on the couch. You blood is boiling because you're pissed at yourself, and your mad at her for saying what she said. You sit there for hours, waiting for her to come back out.
She finally comes out of the room. Eyes puffy, face red, eyeliner smeared down her face and she doesn't look at you. She is so hurt, and you're sorry. So sorry. Sorry because you don't want to lose her and the stuff that you said was so mean and you didn't want to hurt her the way you did. You just wanted to get her back for what she said to you, and you know that's not how relationships, especially your relationship with her, works. You two don't do this stuff. You don't scream, throw things, and push and shove each other. But you did this time. You're scared she is going to tell you to leave. She stands in the kitchen and you sit on the couch, watching her. Even with her red face, and puffy eyes, and smeared eyeliner, you still think she is beautiful.
She stands there, and you finally speak up as she grabs a bowl out of the cabinet. You say you're sorry. She stops and looks down at the counter. There is silence. You get up and walk to her and she turns to you, fists balled up at her sides. You say you're sorry and her lip quivers. You grab her wrists. You tell her that you're sorry and that you didn't mean to hurt her. She rests her forehead on your shoulder. She tells you she is sorry and that she is so fucking stressed, and you tell her that you know. You tell her to talk to you. She cries.
You hold her and her body is shaking. You soothe her. She is the strong one, but she isn't strong right now, she is falling apart, and all you can do is hold her and be there. She sobs. She finally tells you thank you, and you aren't sure why, so you ask. She tells you thank you for staying, and not leaving. You hold her and tell her you're never going anywhere, and that you're here. You apologize and she tells you to stop and that she doesn't want you to bring it up again, so you don't. And you stand there holding her, never wanting to let go. And that's all she wants from you. You bring her to the couch, where she usually wraps you up in her arms every morning, but this time you wrap her up and hold her in your arms, and let her sink into your chest. And you both fall asleep in each other's arms. And the fight is over.
Alex
Piper tells you that her brother is coming into town. Cal, her younger brother. She has nothing to do with her older brother, Danny. He was apparently a real asshole to her and Cal when they were growing up, so she cut ties with him years ago. But she is really close with Cal, and you love it because you never had that sibling bond growing up, so you're glad that Piper gets to experience that. You've talked to Cal several times since you and Piper started going out 10 months ago, but you've never actually met.
So when Piper answers the door and this tall young man, kind of husky, with a scruff walks in, you feel totally comfortable and he gives you a big hug. He is a big guy. Piper told you he was kind of a mountain guy, living out in a trailer in the middle of the woods. She says he spends his time shooting guns and smoking pot, which if you were single and 21, would be great. He's a really nice guy. You can tell how much he loves Piper, the way he listens to everything she says, and actually gives valuable input. He's a good guy. He is very nice to you.
You two have no problems making conversation, and honestly, anyone who walked in would just assume you have known each other for years. You get up and walk back to your bedroom, and you can hear them whispering, which makes you smiles since they're obviously talking about you. You go to the dresser and get the gift you had gotten for him. You know how much he also likes his knives, so you give him a beautiful knife. A wooden handle, curved and with finger spaces. The blade is slightly curved and it is engraved with his name and the year. He lights up when you give it to him, looking it over before folding it up and giving you a hug. You tell him it was nothing, and he looks over it again. Piper smiles at you, and you wink back at her.
After a couple of hours, Piper tells you she is going to go for a quick run, and asks if you'll be okay with him by yourself, and of course you tell her that you will, so she gets ready and jogs out the door. You sit on the couch across from Cal and make small talk. He finally speaks up and asks you how you feel about Piper. You smile at him and tell him that you are madly in love with her, and he smiles back, and tells you that he knows. He can definitely see it. He thanks you for taking such great care of her, and it warms your heart. He then gets serious, which kind of makes you laugh because he really isn't threatening at all. He does the typical brother talk, and tells you not to ever hurt her. He asks what your intentions with her are and you pause. You tell him that for right now, things are great, and that you're the happiest you've ever been, and he accepts that. He takes a sip of his beer and then nods, giving you the Cal approval nod.
Piper comes back and you all sit around the living room that night, drinking and laughing. He tells stories of when Piper was younger, and you are crying of laughter. Finally that blonde you love passes out and you pick her up and carry her to bed. You come back out to Cal and say goodnight.
As he is leaving the next day, you hug him and thank him for coming. He tells you that he really likes you, and that he's glad Piper found you. You smile, and he hugs Piper, kissing her cheek before heading out the door.
Piper looks at you and smiles, and you smile back because you just totally won over her brother, which makes her so happy.
Piper
And the months go by, and before you know it, it's been a year. A year with the woman who picked you up in a bar, and who kissed you that first night, and who loves you. You can't imagine life without her. You don't have to do fancy dates or weekend trips. It's the little things together. Putting together the new TV stand in the living room, shopping for groceries, or when you're sick and she holds you all weekend to make you feel better. That's what you love. The other stuff is great and all, but you like the every day life you have together. She goes to work and you go do what you have to do, and you miss her all day.
Your friends notice it, your brother notices it, and even your parents, who are too wrapped up in their own bullshit soap opera lives, notice it. When they ask you who this Alex guy is, and you explain to them that SHE is the love of your life, and they go silent. You expect that. What you don't expect is that this is the last time you'll talk to them because they don't agree with who you love, and then in a second, you just have a brother left as your family. And you have Alex. And Alex picks you up from your sobbing and holds you tight and tells you everything is going to be all right and that she is your family and that Diane is now your family, and that your parents can go fuck themselves. She is your rock, and everything around you is the rushing river, trying to pull you away, but you hang on tight, because that rock is keeping you alive.
What they did was so wrong, and you hurt. You hurt because you can't imagine cutting off someone just because who they love isn't up to your standards. And you hurt because they're your parents, and they're supposed to be there for you, and love you forever, and for some reason you got really shitty parents who can't put their own feelings aside and get over it. But you move on because of the incredible woman in your life, the one who they don't accept, and the one who accepts you for everything you are.
She is the love of your life. You tell her that and she smiles. You know you don't want to spend the rest of your life with any one else and she tells you the same thing. You both sit in front of the fireplace, wrapped in this blanket that she has that smells like her. It smells like home. Anywhere Alex is, is home to you.
So when you come back to her apartment one night and open the door and all you see are candles and red rose petals leading to the bedroom, you put your stuff down and walk into the room. You see the dark haired woman looking right at you and you smile, and she smiles back. You go to speak and she cuts you off, which takes you by surprise because she always listens to every word you say, but not this time. She tells you that she loves you. That she doesn't want to be with anybody else. She goes back to that night in the bar a year ago and tells you that she was never looking for this, but she is so grateful that she found it. She found love, and it changed her life, and that you have changed her life. You're crying. She says that she knew you were the one that day her mom came to visit and then when you dragged her to the bedroom and after you made love to her, she told you that she loved you, and you said it back. She points to the bed and reminds you that this is where she first said it. She stands up from the bed and walks over to you. You just want to kiss her and then she does something that makes you go weak at the knees and your heart stops. She gets down on one knee, reaches into her breast pocket, and pulls out a diamond ring. You cover your mouth with your hands, and she is shaking as she asks you to marry her. You don't even have to think about it and you pull her to her feet and you let her slip the gorgeous ring on your finger and you look at it or a second before you crash your lips into hers. She holds you tight and thanks you over and over again and you tell her that you love her so much, and you both cry and hold each other. Your fiancée, that dark haired woman from the bar, wipes the tears from your cheek and you smile, kissing her again.
Alex
You knew you wanted to marry her. From the first time you told her you loved her, you knew she was the only one you wanted to be with. To wake up to in the morning. To have those stupid fights with and then later have hot make up sex with. It was her. So when she came into that room, you just started talking, and you cut her off, which you could see took her by surprise. You tell her what you love about her and that you are so thankful that she is in your life. Your palms are sweaty as you grab out the ring. The one you and your mom went in picked out several months ago while Piper was visiting her brother. You knew it was perfect for her. You pull out that ring and you ask her to marry you and you stop breathing for half a second when she takes your hand and pulls you up to her and agrees to marry you and you both stand there crying and you tell her how much you love her, and how much she means to you. And you are so happy she said yes. It's the best moment of your life. You call your mom and tell her the news and she also cries. You and your fiancée make love into the early hours of the morning before tangling in each other's arms and she tells you that she loves the ring, and you smile because you knew she would. You kiss her and she rests her head on your chest and you hold on to her, never wanting to let go.
Over the next few months, you watch her plan every little detail, and listen to what all she has to say. She asks you what you think about arrangements, colors, dresses, music, and everything she can think of. You take the time to answer each question, but honestly you want her to have everything she wants, so you hope she goes with what she wants, not what you want. You don't like crowds and big events, so you are doing this wedding for her, because she loves them, and she is so excited about it that her eyes sparkle every time it is mentioned.
The planning goes on for months and she tells you that she wants to get married in September. September 24, 2005 to be exact. She tells you it's not too hot and it is not too cold, so it's just right for an outdoor wedding. You agree, because she is right, and New York is beautiful in the fall. You both pick a venue, one with a grassy meadow where the planner gives you a layout that shows the aisle and the alter and where the guests are going to sit. It isn't going to be a big wedding. Neither of you don't have much family. Your best friend, Nicky, will best your best woman, and Cal will stand next to you, after her walks Piper down the aisle. Piper is going to have Polly be her maid of honor, and Nicky's girlfriend, Lorna, standing next to her. She picks out her dress and won't show it to you, which is exciting because you'll get to see it for the first time when she walks down the aisle. You feel a lump in your throat at the thought of her in a white dress coming to you fills your mind.
You decide you'll also wear a dress, for your mother's sake. You would rather wear a nice pantsuit, but Diane begs you and you can't say no to her, so you find a simple white wedding dress and you have to admit that it looks good on you. She marks off every day on the calendar and then it gets down to where you are getting married to her tomorrow. You are a little nervous, but more excited than anything. You mom is staying at your place, and the night before the wedding, you say goodbye to Piper as she leaves to spend her final night as an unmarried woman at her best friend, Polly's, house. You kiss her goodbye and tell her that you will see her tomorrow, letting her fingers slip from your hold, and the door is closed.
Piper
You leave your apartment where the love of your life will wait for you until the next day. You're getting married tomorrow and you can't wait. You've never been more ready for anything in your life and you try to get a good night's sleep, but it doesn't work because this is like when you were little and couldn't sleep on Christmas Eve. But this is better than Christmas Eve, and you have a smile on your face.
Your alarm goes off at 7 am and Polly gets up. She makes you breakfast and you tell her about what all is going to happen today. You have 3 hours to get ready before you have to be at the venue, and so you take a hot shower. Polly does your hair and you put on your make up. Polly tears up a little when she sees you with your hair pulled up and your makeup looking flawless, and honestly you are pretty impressed with how you look. You check the time and tell Polly to hurry with getting ready. You grab the dress and the shoes. The shoes are amazing. You found them a couple of weeks ago, and you just had to have them. A little pricy, but you couldn't resist.
Polly helps you get the dress in the car and you drive to the venue. Your stomach is filled with butterflies and Polly takes your hand, seeing how much you are fidgeting. You smile at her and thank her for being the best friend during all of this. The planning, the details, the everything, and she tells you she loves you and you feel so lucky to have her with you for this day. You finally get there and they escort you to a changing room and you change, and Polly helps with all the finishing touches and you smiles at yourself in the mirror. Cal walks in and you leave him speechless. He tells you that you are beautiful, and you thank him for coming and still being a part of your life. You feel sad that your parents won't be here to see this, but then you remember how awful they are and you don't feel sad anymore because today is where your life really begins.
You can hear people coming in, and you recognize the voice on the other side of the door and you tell them to come in. It is Alex's best friend, Nicky, and she tells you that you look gorgeous and that Alex Vause is a lucky woman. You ask about Alex, but Nicky won't give you any details, which you know is for the best because you want to be so surprised when you finally get to see her. Call checks his watch and tells you that in five minutes you are going to walk down that aisle. You watch the minute hand spin around the clock and your heart is beating fast, and you just keep thinking that you are about to see Alex, and that gets you through those agonizing five minutes before Cal takes your hand and you stand in front of the doors leading to the outside.
You don't look outside because you want to wait to see Alex. You hear the music start and Cal squeezes your hand and you smile at him, and he opens that door and you walk out into the aisle.
You look up and you lose your breath. You don't lose it, it is stolen. Stolen right out of your lungs, and you can't see anything else except for that gorgeous woman at the end of the aisle who is waiting for you. And that fact that there is no oxygen in your lungs doesn't matter. And you see her and she smiles and you get your air back and all you want to do is get to her. Cal walks with you and stops just short of her and kisses your cheek. Alex takes your hand and helps you up the steps, and nothing else matters. Not the guests, not the wedding official, not the decorations, not the place. None of it matters. She is all that matters, and everything else is just background and you know that this is so right. She holds your hands and you smile at her.
Alex
The white dress, guests, the flower lined aisle was never in the cards for you. That was until you met that amazing woman in that bar over a year ago, and your life changed and all of this became a reality, and it became what you wanted more than anything. Maybe not the wedding itself, but you want Piper more than anything and you will go through hell to see her happy.
You hear the music start to play and you tense up and Nicky nudges you and tells you to calm down and that you'll get to see her in just a minute. You can barely breathe as you wait for her to walk out. And then those doors open. You see her in that white dress, her hair pulled back, and those blue eyes lock with yours, and you fall in love with her all over again. Everything else goes dark, and all you see is Piper walking down that aisle, coming straight for you. You want to run to her, but you have to wait.
After what seems like forever, she make it too you and you pull her over, and she is standing there in front of her. You tell her she looks beautiful, and you try and hold back the tears, but it doesn't work, and you silently thank God for waterproof mascara. You stand there holding hands. The official goes through the typical speech, and when he asks for vows.
Piper goes first. She tells you how much she loves you, how honored she is that you asked her to marry her. She tells about how you met, and how crazy it is to think that you are both here today after meeting in that run down bar. You laugh and she makes promises to love you forever and to never leave your side. She promises to follow you where you may go, and that she will always be there for you. She tells you again how much she loves you before she can't speak any more through the tears. You wipe them from her face, and wipe away you own before you unfold a little slip of paper you've been holding onto, and begin to read.
You tell her that she is your world, your reason, your purpose, and your soul mate. You remind her that you didn't believe in love at first sight, but that she made you rethink that when you locked eyes with her in that bar over a year ago. You promise her that you will always love and accept her for everything she is, or will be. You assure her that you are totally committed and that there is no one on this planet that you would rather be standing here with, right here, right now. You thank her for giving her the best year and a half of her life, and promise that you will spend every day for the rest of your life making up for all the love she has given you. You promise her that she will have lots of stories to tell by the end of her life. She laughs at the joke that only you and her get, but that is okay, but it only matters if she is smiling. You fold up the letter and simply tell her that you love her.
The official finishes his speech and tells you that you can kiss the bride, so you take her face in your hands and tilt her face towards yours and you kiss your wife. You kiss her and then you pull away from and look into her eyes, taking her hand and walking down the aisle. You catch your mom's eyes and smile at her as she dries her cheeks with a tissue. You pull Piper down the aisle and into the building where you pick her up and kiss her again. She smiles into your lips, and you stand there holding her up, and you've never been so happy in your life, because everything you could ever want or need is in your arms, smiling that gorgeous smile back at you.
Epilogue
Alex
You sit here on this Christmas morning, December 25, 2014 in the living room of your apartment, the same one you have lived in for the last decade. Piper has decorated the apartment, and it looks really beautiful. Twinkling lights, a tall Christmas tree with ornaments evenly placed throughout, garland above the fireplace, little Christmas figurines on the coffee table, and the kitchen even has festive dishtowels, which you have to admit are pretty cute.
It's kind of early for Piper to be up, since it's only 7:45, so you sit there on the couch, sipping on a cup of coffee, looking at all the presents under the tree. You feel something brush up against your leg and you look down to see your cat, Simon, staring at you. Piper convinced you to get a cat about 2 years after you got married. You hated the idea of pets, because you never had one growing up. But Piper uses her charm to convince you to go with her to the humane society and look at the cats where you both fell in love with a little gray and white fur ball, who Piper decides to name Simon. Simon jumps up next to you and lays there, purring and you pet him. It's quiet and the snow is falling outside as you sit on your couch in the quiet apartment.
You hear her feet hit the ground and you know that she'll be out here in a few minutes. So you wait and you hear her coming down the hall. You sit there sipping out of your coffee mug and hear her walking, getting closer and closer. When she rounds the edge of the couch and lays down so her head is in your lap, you run your fingers through her hair. She radiates warmth, and lays there quietly, like she does most mornings. This is your routine, and has been for years. You tell her Merry Christmas, and she says it back. You grab the cup of hot coffee next to you that you had already poured for her and she sits up and sleepily takes a drink, smiling at the taste of the fresh brew. You ask her how she slept and she tells you that she slept well and you brush her hair off her face, and she leans into your hand. You give her a soft kiss. She leans into your side, wrapping her arm around yours and sits there in silence. This is always the best part of your day. She lies there, and Simon comes up to sit in between you and you cherish these moments of quiet.
And you two look at the tree that you went and picked out a couple of weeks ago, and the smell of fresh Christmas tree fills the air. You smell her body wash that is vanilla, and it makes you smile, and you play with the ends of her flannel pajama bottoms with little Christmas characters on them, tickling her skin and she laughs like a little kid. She's been ticklish since the first day you met her. Her hair is shorter than when you first met, but it's still gorgeous. And her smile is as bright as it was when you met her in 2003.
Hard to believe that you've been together 11 years. They've been the best 11 years of your life, and you've grown up together, and traveled, and lived life, and loved. Pictures of all the places you've been are on the walls. Paris, Bali, Cambodia, Italy, and tons of other places. All with that beautiful blonde you met in that bar 11 years ago. And you sit, opening gifts, and watching her light up the way she does, and you smile at her. You could watch her smile all day, and you kiss her and tell her that you love her, and she nuzzles your neck, and you are so glad you met her in that bar all those years ago because she has changed your life, and you are so grateful for her. And you wouldn't have it any other way.
Epilogue
Piper
As you're sitting on the couch, wrapped in her arms under the blanket, watching Christmas movies, you look over at her. The way she doesn't even have to try to be drop dead gorgeous. Those green eyes that take your breath away. The jet black hair, that doesn't have the blue tips in it anymore, but is pulled up into a bun hasn't faded in color since you met her. She rubs your thigh, and you smile at her, and you hold onto her.
The last eleven years have really been amazing. You still have nothing to do with your parents, but that's okay because you have Cal and his family, and you have Alex, and you have Diane who is going to be over tomorrow. She is just amazing as the first time you met her, and she has really taken you under her wing, and become someone you really love.
You and Alex traveled after you got married, and adventured, and lived life on the edge there for a little while. Eventually you came back to live in New York, in her apartment, because there's no place like home.
You work at the local elementary school as a music teacher, and you really love it, and the kids are wonderful. Alex loves that you love your job so much, and she loves hearing all your stories from the day. But you're so glad it's finally Winter Break at school, and you can just spend some time with Alex.
The snow is falling outside, and you two go to take a walk and look at the Christmas lights, and she holds your hand as you walk under the streetlights on this New York City Christmas. She buys you hot chocolate, and you walk by that bar where you met her eleven years ago, and you both smile, but keep on walking, because that's not really you're type of place anymore.
And you make it back to the apartment, and she takes off your coat and you shake your hair out of the white hat your wearing, as she slips off her beanie, and you watch her hair fall in waves over her shoulder. She walks to the back room, and you go to the kitchen to make some dinner for you two.
She walks up behind you and pulls your hair away, kissing your neck, and you smile. You crane your neck and she nips at it gently, and you close your eyes and moan a little.
11 years after you met her in that bar and she still sends you into a teenage like state when she touches you, and you can't get enough of her. Ever. Because you love her so much, and sometimes it feels like you can't breathe, you love her so much. And then she touches you, and tells you that she loves you, or she squeezes you tighter at night, or she writes you a little love note and leaves it on the counter, and it's the little things. And when she does them, they make you love her more than you did all those years ago, which you didn't even know was humanly possible, but apparently it is, because you do. And when she's not there, you can't breathe, and you feel empty. But as she holds you on this Christmas morning in, 11 years after you met her in that dark bar, there is nowhere you'd rather be than laying wrapped up in her arms. And she is your home, and your life, and you love her more than words can express. And she looks into your eyes and kisses you, and you can finally breathe.
So that is it. I really loved writing it, so I hope you you liked it. Please let me know what you think. Thanks for reading!