Title: Enabled
Author: daytimedrama
Rating: T
Pairing: Danny/Lindsay
Summary: AU. Danny and Lindsay are married with two girls. Will problems plaguing his brother threaten their happy family?
A/N: Hi all, this is my latest fic, will be multiple chapters. Lots of fluff, some angst, maybe even some smut. Updates might be on the slowish side, cause I want this to come out as carefully as I have it in my mind. and PS I'm still writing Sierra fluff, so fear not. Thanks for reading.
CHAPTER 1
"Mmmm..Montana.? What time is it?" He felt like he had just fallen to sleep. But now there was a loud banging sound. He held onto his wife tightly, clinging to the grips of sleep.
"It's someone at the door Dan." She said. She sounded a little alarmed. Now that she was a mother, her voice was often laced with a tinge of worry. Once upon a time she'd go out with guns blazing. Now Chloe and Julia were the priority, she never wanted them to grow up without both parents if they could avoid it.
"Stay here. I'll go see who it is," he said as he walked to the closet and unlocked the safe and took out his gun. He saw a flash of panic in Lindsay's eye, as she reached for his forgotten shirt. She began to cover herself, but he interrupted.
"Don't you dare put that shirt on. I'll be right back." His cheeky retort cracked her frown.
The person on the other side of the door was pounding now. Danny gingerly walked through the living room. He looked through the peep hole and saw his brother leaning heavily against the frame. Danny let out the breath he didn't even know he was holding.
"Louie. What are you doing here?" He said as he stepped inside to let him pass. He watched as Louie struggled to stay upright. Danny unconsciously sniffed the air for traces of hard liquor. Louie's bloodshot eyes and shifting glances always alarmed Danny.
"I came to see my nieces," he said as he looked around the quiet living room. As if the girls were hiding behind the couch.
"They're asleep." Danny tried to keep the sharpness out of his tone.
"Oh."
"It's two in the morning." That same biting tone almost made him wince. He was trapped between fury and a desire to save.
"I'm sorry I didn't make it to Juls' party. I lost track of time." More excuses.
"Are you using again?" It was time to cut straight to the point. He had a few ideas of where Louie had been, none of them very flattering.
"No!"
"Don't lie to me." He had no patience for lies anymore.
"Hi, Louie. Is everything okay?" Lindsay's voice cut through the thick tension. Danny was still incensed, but the calm that always came with a proximity to Lindsay was sneaking back in.
"I guess I'm a few hours late," Louie answered
"We were worried." She looked to Danny, unconsciously pleading with him to understand that accusations weren't going to help now. It was quite obvious that Louie needed help, but he had to want to get it. She continued, "I need to go back to sleep. I have an early shift. Maybe if you guys need to talk you should go down the corner to the diner." Danny nodded.
She crossed the room, stopping in front of Louie. She kissed him on the cheek, before whispering, "I'm glad you're okay."
She turned between the fraternal standoff and met Danny's eyes. He gently caught her fingers in his. Their silent communication. She knew he had to do this, just as he knew how fiercely she would protect her family. He never wanted to have to choose.
…
"Lindsay? Are you mad?" He asked when he climbed under the covers hours later. He knew when he walked in that she was awake. When she slept alone she was never so still. Tossing and turning. Nightmares and past memories kept her in constant movement. Fighting to keep the darkness at bay. It was only when she was awake that she could control the horror that threatened the peace.
"No." She stayed facing away from him. She had been thinking for a long time about this. She felt awful, but part of her was relieved that Louie wasn't there for the birthday party. It would have been harder to explain Louie's erratic behavior rather than making an excuse for his absence.
"Are you sure?" He asked hesitantly. It couldn't be that easy.
"Danny, I'm not mad. I'm just tired." She turned onto her back.
"Sorry, I'll let you go back sleep."
"No. That's not it. I mean I'm tired of this. It's not your responsibility to make him better. He has to want to get help." She sat up. Bringing herself into his side.
"Linds," he said pleadingly."You know I can't say no to him,"
"I know. But I also know I can't let him be around the girls if he's high."
"But..."
"No Danny. You know I'm right. And if anything happened to Chloe or Julia, you'd never forgive yourself either."
"What am I supposed to do? Not talk to him? He's my brother. He's my family."
"Maybe you should start by not enabling him. How much did you give him?"
"God, Lindsay do you think I'm stupid?" He knew it was wrong, evading her question and blaming her.
"How much?" She didn't let his defensive anger get to her.
"I gave him 200." He steadied himself under her gaze. He hated the look of disappointment that would flicker across her face. It didn't come. Instead she was not surprised. That was probably worse.
"God, Linds. Why do you have to be like that?"
She couldn't contain her snort of disbelief. Sometimes he was such a child.
"You need to sleep. I'll just go to the couch."He was mad but he really wanted to avoid saying something he knew he wouldn't be able to take back. She was the easiest one to take his anger out on.
"You don't have to go." She said quietly.
"Yeah, I do." He knew she was right, but he wasn't ready to give up quite yet.
"Fine," she answered shortly.
"Fine." He regretted ever step towards the couch.
…
He slept fitfully. The couch was as uncomfortable as he remembered but it was always worse not sleeping next to Lindsay. In their five and a half years of marriage, he fortunately hadn't ended up there much. He was an idiot. He had caused this. She was right. She was only telling him the truth and he understood that she had a natural urge to protect her family including him. She didn't want to see him hurt. Or disappointed when he wouldn't be able to save Louie.
He felt her soft lips on his forehead and smelled her sweet scent, when she kissed him before she went to work. Her breath as she whispered, "I love you, Dan," tickled his face.
He kept his eyes closed. Not because he wasn't ready to apologize. In fact he had been ready to apologize the second after he had suggested he'd sleep on the couch. He knew she'd forgive him instantly but he didn't want to give her a hasty apology before she went to work. She deserved some of his prime groveling. They needed time to talk, really talk.
…
Lindsay sat in her office. She looked across her desk to her husband's empty chair. Her heart ached. She kept second guessing herself. She should have gone out to the living room. She should have made him talk to her. She should have made him stay. She was beginning to go crossed eyed from staring blankly at her computer while it tirelessly searched through Codis and her head ached from her fitful night's sleep. She had gotten dressed quietly in the early dawn, walked out to the living room. Danny was sprawled out inelegantly on the couch. Blanket barely covering him. She watched him. She watched as his face flexed and twitched. She reached a finger out to smooth the frown lines around his eyes. She willed the worry to leave him. She placed a lingering kiss on his forehead. "I love you Dan," she whispered, hoping he'd remember even in his sleep.
She looked up to see the program still running. She glanced again, she was sure it was actually going backwards. Everything else was done, this was all she was waiting for. She wondered if she should call him. No, they would need to find the time and talk about this face to face. Like grown adults, no more slamming doors and stomping off. Her phone startled her when it beeped, indicating a new text message:
I love you too.
D.
She smiled. A lot of the weight on her heart was lifted. While it was just a text message he knew how much it would ease her mind. Just the reminder. They loved each other.
She hated it when they fought. She hated it even more if they weren't even fighting about them. She knew Louie was a sensitive topic for him but she couldn't go on overlooking the situation. She couldn't be the one who made up the excuses to the girls. She couldn't take the calls from Danny's mother worried sick, that this time they wouldn't find Louie stuck to a bar.
The worst was the time when Lindsay had been 7 months pregnant with Julia. Louie hadn't been heard from for four days. Mrs. Messer called in hysterics. Lindsay and Danny had driven a sleeping Chloe to the small house on Staten Island. Danny fretted over his pregnant wife, but she insisted that he go look for his brother. After Lindsay laid a sleeping Chloe under the baseball covers which still adorned Danny's childhood bed, she sat with Danny's mother. She made tea and waited for the phone to ring. After five hours the shrill sound cut through the silence of the kitchen. Danny had gone to every shady bar the Louie had a tab at. He had walked into establishments that an upstanding NYPD detective shouldn't ever be seen in. And he called in favors to all the beat cops he knew in the old neighborhood.
After five hours, a 300 posted bond and an emotional reaction back in their small home, Louie was home. For now.
Two months later Danny and Lindsay's beautiful and perfect daughter was born. Lindsay, Danny, the team, and their families had all gone to the hospital, but Louie couldn't be found. When his mother got back to her house Louie had left a note saying he was going to Jersey. Louie first saw his niece when she was two weeks old. Danny had been upset at the time. Upset that Louie didn't want to share the joy Danny felt with the arrival of his newest daughter. Danny
couldn't have torn himself away from Lindsay and his daughters if he had tried. He loved his whole family so much. Maybe too much. He'd never be able to handle the strain, take the pressure of pushing Louie away.
…
"Okay one short stack of blueberry for you and a short stack of banana for you." He placed their plates in front of each of his girls with a flourish. He began to cut Julia's pancakes into little bite sized pieces for her.
"Thanks Daddy." Chloe said from her kitchen stool.
"You are very welcome Clo. How are your pancakes Little Bit?"
"Mmm gooowd," Julia answered, her mouth full.
"Daddy? Where's Mommy?" Chloe asked.
"She's at work baby, but she'll be home this evening."
"Why aren't you at work too, Daddy?"
"Cause I have today off just to make you pancakes. I asked Uncle Mac especially for a Pancake Day."
"Does that mean I when I go to school I can have Pancake Days off?" He thought it was very funny that Chole hadn't even started Kindergarten yet but she was already thinking of ways to skip it. Montana would be mortified.
"Hmmm let me think about it," Danny paused dramatically. "Nope. Nice try though."
He turned to his own plate of pancakes; it held the few deformed ones he had to make before he created perfect Mickey Mouse heads. Lindsay could make them perfectly on her first try. He loved spending time with his girls, only thing that would make it better would be if Lindsay was here too. He always looked forward to their simultaneous days off. Why was he such an ass to her last night? Taking her for granted, taking his girls for granted, taking his life for granted.
"What are we doing today Daddy?"
"We are….going to do a little cleaning up around here, then we are going to the children's library, and then we are going to Nonna's."
"Yay! Are we going to go to Mother Geese Time? Julia loooooves Mother Geese Time."
"Yep, if you eat your breakfast and help me put away the toys, we'll get there in time. And maybe if you are very very good Nonna will let you stay with her tonight."
"Oh goodie! She feeds us sugar and lets us stay up late."
"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that," Danny replied.
…
"That was the best story ever. Can we check that book out and read it every night? Mommy will looove that one too." Chloe said while spinning in circles.
"Chloe, sweetie, we are still in the library so we use inside voices," he said whispering.
"Daddy, I'm tired of walking." Julia said with a yawn.
"Okay, up you go princess." He shifted Julia against his hip. "Chloe, hold my hand please."
…
"Thanks Ma for taking them." He said as the girls ran into his mother's kitchen.
"Is everything okay Daniel?" Maria Messer asked her youngest son.
"Yeah everything's fine. I just want to make Lindsay dinner, something that's not Mac n'Cheese."
"You're a sweet boy." She said as she patted him on the cheek. He felt guilty.
"Call if you have any problems, I'm sure Lindsay'll want to call to say goodnight. Night girls. Be very good for you Nonna. I love you so much" he said as he gave them both big hugs. His girls who looked just like their mother. Soft brown curls but with his blue eyes. His beautiful family. He was lucky.