The wind took my hair in her invisible hands. It drifted in front of my face almost blinding me in its dark masses. I lifted one of my slipper clad feet to dangle it over the bridge's rail, my balance compromised I began to sway. My arms raised on their own accord to keep me from tumbling over- the deep rooted need to survive- to not fall into the water below or worse the concrete that the bridge's leg was mounted on pushed itself ahead than my own desire to self-destruct.
I could faintly hear the sound of cars passing behind me, but it was mostly drowned out by the wind and my own painful heartbeat. Each pulse ached as it blossomed from my chest and echoed around the cavity, spreading to my limbs, clenching as it went.
Two weeks ago I had sold my apartment in New York. I gave all my belonging away to friends and family. I only kept one possession. While going through my jeweler box I came across my great-grandmother's teardrop pearl necklace. I had loved it so much as a kid. Whenever my mother would get the chance to get dressed up and go out, a chance that didn't come often, it would be the center piece of every outfit. Sometimes while getting ready she would set me up on her vanity table's top and fasten the necklace on me and I'd feel so... happy. Plain and simply happy. Something that I hadn't felt in years.
"Someday Sugarlips this'll belong to you, just as it belonged to my mother. You'll like that won't you?" She'd tell me while curling her hair.
"Yes momma.." I say distracted- too busy brushing my fingers against the delicate silver and pearls.
But now, standing atop the bridge I watched as my slipper so fittingly slipped from my foot and fell down, down... into the darkness of the water below and I couldn't be bothered by the fact I had thrown the necklace out of the cab window on my way from the airport.
I don't know why I came to London. I guess it just felt like the place to die. Besides it didn't matter time had run out. A car behind me screeched to a stop and voices erupted- I guess someone had finally noticed the girl about to jump.
"Cade!" A man shouted running from the car toward me.
Well... that was unexpected. I hadn't told anyone I was coming here and more so I hadn't told anyone what I was planning. I was wobbling now, my arms barely keeping me up- I risked a look over my shoulder, my hair whipping around my cheeks hurting now.
He had floppy hair and looked scared for what I was seconds away from committing. I opened to my mouth to say... to say something. I'm not sure what. I hadn't really prepared for being interrupted. This wasn't about attention. Well, maybe in a way- I wasn't killing myself quietly in my apartment. I had flown across the ocean to splat myself off a bridge. But dying was always the end game- I didn't want to be saved. So you can imagine my surprise as this man who apparently knew me looked at me with such sadness. Like I was breaking his heart.
My lips quivered as I tried to think of something to say. I tried to maneuver myself to look behind me more to see who else was in the stalled car only to forget about my other foot still being slipper clad. My arms tried to steady myself but without luck. My back tumbled first and in a last ditch effort to stay alive my hands reflectively grasped for salvation only to turn up with air.
I thought I heard someone yell 'no' but I couldn't really focus. My rapid beating heart drummed in my ears and I realized how cold I really was falling through the wind. All of this was quickly forgotten by the sight of the stars. They glittered above me, completely oblivious about my blip of an existence. They were shines years away from here, glistening about in their perfection. I remembered reading that most of the stars we see are already dead and that what I was seeing was actually something close to a photograph of the past. For a second I imagined myself being just that. A photograph of a once beautiful happy, glittering human being that was in reality- already dead. It made sense.
It was a nice fall.
DWDWDW
Beep...beep...beep...beep
I'd never really given any thought to an afterlife.
Beep...beep...beep...beep
I'd always assumed life was random. We just happened to be on a planet that just happened to form at the perfect distance away from the sun that just happened to have all the properties that were capable of sustaining life. So the idea of someone orchestrating our lives and judging our actions was so foreign to me I never considered it. Even during the weeks of preparations for my suicide the thought of what was going to come next wasn't something I dwelled on. I just thought. I'd end. That's it. I'd cease to exist. No more thoughts. No more ideas. No more anything. I just wouldn't be anymore.
So what was that beeping sound?
Beep...beep...beep...beep
And I certainly didn't think I could have the ability to open my eyes. Well, it was incredibly difficult. They felt almost as if they were glued shut. I could feel my face scrunching up with the effort to open them and the beeping began to move at a faster pace that was startling. I heard mummers and for the briefest moment I considered the possibility that I could be in hell. I was scared, confused and so so very lost. Isn't that what hell is all about?
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep-beep-beep-beep!
The mummers became louder, as if they were taking place right above me. I felt pressure upon my chest. My left eye absolutely refused to open but I managed to open my right only to see my vision was blurred.
Suddenly the voices above all cleared up- only for me to hear:
"We have to put her under, she's going to seize!"
And then I lost all sense of self.
DWDWDW
I don't know what I'm doing starting another story. But I'm in a pretty… sad? Yeah sad's a good word for it- I'm in a sad place and this was kinda just born. I know I put Doctor/OC but I'm not sure if this is gonna get romantic or just friendship.
Oh and just you know where this takes place- it's the hospital Martha worked at before meeting the Doctor. This story is basically just gonna follow the show/ some self-made storylines with the OC Cade added in.