Title: The Gambling Man.
Rating: T.
Characters: Erwin Smith, through the perspective of an OC.
Summary: He called himself a gambling man but she knew better, it was a façade and she saw right through it. Character study of Erwin Smith. OC POV.
Two small children starred up at the night sky, amazed by the sky filled with bright, white dots.
"I heard that the stars are big balls of gas and that there are other worlds up there in the sky." An eight year old boy said, his blue eyes shining under his big, bushy eyebrows.
A four year old girl nodded her head in agreement her green eyes partly covered by her copper brown side fringe, "Grandpa says that too, he says that some of these worlds might also be able to have life like us! Erwin, there could be worlds without Titans and Walls." She sat on her knees and jumped up and down on the spot.
"We could find that world and, maybe they would have a way to help this one. No, there must be Catalina and we'll find it." Erwin agreed.
He wasn't the same as when they were kids. Granted, that's to be expected. People grow and develop as they grow and develop. However, that tends to be for the better and, in Catalina's eyes at least, that couldn't be said for Erwin.
He hadn't grown, he'd adapted, evolved even; especially designed for the cold, heartless world, and it didn't exactly hurt for the environment in the Scouts either. He'd learnt politics, manipulation and how to fight. All because of what they'd done to his father. What he blamed himself for.
She found him standing over his father's grave, still in his suit from the funeral.
"Erwin, are you okay?" She asked, it seemed like a daft question, even to her five year old self, but everyone was asking it and so she thought it was a socially acceptable question.
"It's my fault." He told her, "I shouldn't have said those theories and they killed him because of it." He turned to face her and all of a sudden his face lost the blank expression and turned into one that was the closest to pure rage that Catalina had ever seen. "I'm going to join the Scouts, and I'll prove him right."
Catalina didn't know what to say so she simply nodded in response. Silently she agreed to join the Scouts too, after all how would she find the worlds outside the Walls.
She held no claim to him, no matter what the rumours and Hanji said, but she'd lost him. The real him. The warm person, with an earnest desire for knowledge had become a cold, driven machine with an almost unhealthy obsession.
He called himself a 'gambling man' but she knew better. All this gambling was a façade, a clever ruse to hide the scared and alone nine year old boy who illogically blamed himself. But, the worst part was that he was beginning to see it: he was becoming so caught up in gaining a dead man's approval that he was becoming a dead man walking.
His office was a shambles, books and paper from his desk were thrown against the floor and Catalina couldn't help but be impressed. He hadn't made a mess like this since the Maths homework incident of Year 830.
"Commander, are you okay?" She asked, it still seemed like a daft question and the twenty years since their meeting in the graveyard hadn't changed that fact. If anything it had only cemented the overall daftness of the question.
"Why are we doing this?" He asked, his voice just as follow as after his father's funeral.
"What talking?" She asked, half joking half serious, "Well, if we didn't then we wouldn't know what's going on and then where would we be?"
He turned and looked at her, his mouth desperately trying to fight the laugh that was trying to escape his lips, "Cat…" He said, in what he had hoped sounded like a warning tone but his voice quavered from his laughter.
Catalina shrugged and moved to the window in his office, looking up to the sky she said, "I heard that the stars are big balls of gas and that there are other worlds up there in the sky." Then she looked at Erwin and, in her most sincerely earnest voice she told him, "Now, I doubt we'll be able to visit the other worlds out there but the least we can do is see the rest of this one, right?" She allowed a small smile to dance across her lips.
"Right," Erwin smiled in response, "I should probably clean this mess up."
Catalina nodded, and, even though she now knew what to say, stayed silent and instead simply went to help him pick the erroneous items off the flaw.
Nevertheless, she realised as she listened to another gamble, he was still him. He kept her away from the fight, sort of, vaguely, enough to keep his word to Nile. He was aware of the weaknesses of the 104th, but he still listened to the blond kid, Armin. He was still enough of him that it made it worse. He still understood others and cares.
Perhaps he really is a gambling man.
He really is, and the wager is far too high.
No one should gamble away their humanity.