Rising
A/N: Just some missing scenes/expansions on "Aliyah".
Update: Edited on 4/6/2015 to reduce crap factor.
"Who is next? You?" Ziva asks, looking close to tears. She levels a heavy glare at Gibbs, dark eyes holding a new weight to them. Her expression is the same as it has been since Rivkin's death. Confused and furious. Her gaze asks why, how, and more importantly, will this ever get better?
"Ziva," Gibbs says softly. "I'm on your side. I always have been. We always have been." And we always will be, he adds silently.
"It does not feel like that anymore, Gibbs."
Ziva shakes her head, pursing her lips and turning her back to him, unable to meet his eyes. He moves forward, placing a firm hand on her shoulder. She tenses under his touch, but to his surprise, she does not pull away.
"Are you going to defend Tony now?" she demands tersely. "Say that he was only doing what he had to? How he did not mean for me to get hurt?"
"Would it make any difference?" Gibbs asks, even though he already knows the answer.
"No... no it wouldn't," she replies. Her voice is shaky. A chair missing its fourth leg. She never trembles like this.
"I want you to do something for me," Gibbs tells her, taking a step closer to her, his chin nearly brushing the back of her head.
"I am not really in the mood for favors at the moment," she says with a humorless snort.
"Not a request, Ziva," he responds.
"It never is, is it?" she says, turning her head slightly to meet his gaze. He notices that she's added extra eye shadow to her usual makeup to cover up the bags and red puffiness under her eyes.
"Remember that you're not alone," he instructs her. "Remember who's here for you." This is the only thing he can offer her now, reassurance that is most likely useless. He hates that this is the best he can do. Affairs of the heart have never been his strongsuit, but she needs to know that they are still with her.
They will always be with her.
"I find that my memory is getting foggy," she says quietly.
"Don't let it." Gibbs presses a soft kiss to her cheek before releasing her shoulder and heading back inside Mossad headquarters.
Ziva is left standing alone in the blazing Israeli sun.
Tony winces, clutching at his injured arm as Ziva stalks away from him. Fury pours off of her in waves, making the dry, thin air seem thick and heavy. The feeling remains even after she disappears.
The hard collision with the unforgiving ground only serves to worsen his already severe arm injury. He leans his head back against the pavement, groaning slightly. There is a phantom pain in his leg and in his chest, like a part of him really believes that Ziva had just shot him. Not just put a gun to him, actually shot him.
Tony's getting damn sick of her pointing guns at him.
I think she wants to kill me.
Tony is frozen in place, and it's not from the pain. it's just the fact that if he gets back up, he has to continue dealing with this mess. He has to face what he's done.
He still hasn't figured out if killing Rivkin was a mistake or not.
He's not thinking all that clearly, truth be told.
Maybe it's because Ziva just pointed a gun at him.
There's some confusion there. Ziva is his... friend, for lack of a better term. Friends aren't supposed to point guns at their friends, right? Partners aren't supposed to want to kill their partners. That's twice now just in the past couple of days he's been staring down the barrel of Ziva's gun. He's fairly sure he won't survive a third encounter.
Get up, DiNozzo, a voice says in the back of his head. It sounds suspiciously like Gibbs. He's hearing Gibbs's voice in his head? That's not a good sign.
He finally pushes himself into a sitting position, and he notices that he's earning a strange look or two from passerby.
"What, you've never seen a random American guy with a broken arm sitting criss-cross applesauce in the middle of the sidewalk?" Tony mutters to himself, knowing no one can hear him.
He rubs his face, which is practically burning to the touch. Damn, it's so hot here, it's suffocating. Tony blinks slowly, trying to remove the image of Ziva, her eyes filled with murderous rage - oh yeah, it was definitely murderous - straddling him, her teeth bared.
He tries to forget the split second that he was absolutely sure that she was going to kill him.
He's happy that his gut is wrong, for once. He's not ready to die yet, even if Ziva's been ready for him to die since the night he came to her apartment to question her and ended up killing her boyfriend.
"Boss? One short?" Tony questions when Gibbs says nothing. Their flight is in the air, and he doesn't quite comprehend why Ziva isn't with them. Is she taking care of some unfinished business in Tel Aviv? Catching a later flight? Staying with her father for a little while, maybe? But she is coming back, right?
A part of him already knows what's happened, but he's looking for someone to prove him wrong.
"Good to go," Gibbs tells the pilot, and a pit in Tony's stomach threatens to swallow him whole.
Gibbs sits down, and their in the air before Tony can even take his next breath, it seems.
"Boss..."
Gibbs looks up at him, and then raises an eyebrow. Gibbs-speak for, "What is it, DiNozzo?"
Tony tries to talk. Once, then twice. Finally, he manages to say, "She's not coming back, is she?"
Tony licks his lips, waiting for a response. The desert has done a number on them, leaving them dry and cracked, like the very earth of the nation they were now leaving behind.
Gibbs just stares at him, and for a second Tony doesn't think he's going to say anything at all, but then Gibbs surprises him and replies with, "She needs time, Tony."
It's a platitude, and they both know it. Really, it's not even a helpful one.
Time... yeah. He's starting to wonder if time's a good thing or not. Because, the more time that passes, the worse things get. Every year he loses another person, almost like clockwork. Kate. Jeanne. Jenny. And now... he's lost Ziva too, hasn't he?
He killed the guy she loved (or thought she did) and now she hated him so much, she wanted to put half a world of very literal distance between them.
Nice job, DiNozzo.
"Behind you," he says, surprising Abby as she goes to find if their flight has landed yet. She squeals as she wraps him in a bone-crushing embrace, and he winces heavily. "Watch the arm-"
"Oh, sorry!" she exclaims as she backs away from, still smiling.
"Missed you too, Abs," Tony responds, moving his backpack off of his shoulder.
"Tony, I-" Palmer stutters, apparently nervous about being caught with Tony's magazine at Tony's desk.
"Jimmy," he greets, showing the young ME that he doesn't actually care. Right now, he doesn't really care about anything at all.
"Ziva getting her stuff?" Abby asks, looking around for Ziva.
"No," he replies stiffly, taking a seat at his desk.
"Bringing the car around?" McGee asks, looking happy to see him. Tony should be happy to see him as well, but at the moment, he doesn't really feel like he can express any emotion other than regret and resentment.
"No." Another monosyllable response worthy of Gibbs that Tony doesn't plan to expand on. Confusion is written all over Abby, McGee, and Palmer's faces.
"What is she doing?" McGee ventures, his brow furrowed.
"Going by the time difference, probably eating breakfast," he tells them, closing his eyes for a split second. This is the worst part, he decides. Telling them. It's not their fault Ziva isn't coming back. He's still trying to figure out whether it's his, or Gibbs's fault.
Gibbs. Old bastard didn't even stop at the Navy Yard before heading home, leaving him to explain to everyone where Ziva was. He was the one who left her behind in Tel Aviv, why was this his onus to bare?
Because karma's a bitch, and you're the real reason she stayed in Israel.
"She's still in Tel Aviv? When is she coming back?" McGee asks, still perplexed.
"She's not." And there's the bomb, the fact that Ziva just isn't coming back. Maybe Gibbs is right, and she does need time. The only question he has is how much time.
Abby's large green eyes go from confused to livid. "No! Vance can't do this again!" Oh, if only it was that simple.
"It wasn't Vance's call," he cuts her off.
"If it wasn't Vance, then who?" McGee asks.
Tony doesn't have any idea of how to answer him. The words, it was Gibbs almost leave his mouth, but he drags in a heavy breath and runs a hand through his hair. No. There's no need to tear apart the team more, turn them against Gibbs. Of course, can you really break what's already broken?
"Hers." He drops the word like a stone.
It's the only thing he can come up with, and they all seem to read the look on his face, and the metaphorical "Keep Out" sign stapled to his forehead. Palmer glances at them awkwardly before mumbling an excuse to head down to autopsy. McGee and Abby just stare at him, not knowing whether to ask, both lost on what happened. What changed.
"Tony..." Abby trails off, tears brimming in her eyes. "I..."
McGee is still speechless. His mouth is open slightly as his eyes continues to ask Tony silent questions that he can't even begin to answer. Tony slowly rises from his desk, gritting his teeth hard to stem the rising tide of emotion.
"I'm gonna head home, guys," he tells them quietly as he grabs a few of his possessions from his desk. He moves to go, scooting past McGee and Abby, making a beeline for the elevator. He knows he's running, knows he's a coward, but he's long past caring.
Abby calls his name one more time, but he doesn't respond. He can't do this right now. Or ever.
He flips the emergency stop button once the elevator is on its way, and he presses his back against the wall. Fuck this. Safe where no one can see him, he finally lets the tears slip from his eyes, burning tracks down his cheeks and leaving salty droplets on his upper lip. His breathing is ragged as he lets out a harsh sob.
For one of the first times in many years, he is stripped down to nothing. There is no wall, no mask to hide behind, no bravado. All that's left is the guilt, the self-hatred, the anger, and the absolute need for control. He hates that he can't control this. He puts the heels of his hands to his eyes, applying pressure to try to stop the flow.
He wants to go to Ziva. Chain her up, drag her back to DC kicking and screaming. He needs her.
But it's far too late, and he knows it.
Ziva is gone.