Time and Circumstance

A/n: This was for the akusai secret santa on tumblr. I had theworldwatchesyou. Her prompt/wishlist was: hmm like Saix and Axel have grown up as kids (which is true lol) but as they get older they start to become distance, Saix barely talking to Axel now so Axel becomes close with Roxas, Saix finds out and abuses Axel telling him it's his fault they've grown apart idk asdfg I really love angsty and sadness between them though ;u; Anything is fine to be honest c: just as long Saix is mean to Axel hehe. Others: I'm okay with everything c:

Time and Circumstance

Time and circumstance could change people in ways no one could imagine. A human was made up of memories, of experiences. If the memory turned bitter or the experience was cruel then the human was made bitter or cruel.

If the memory was bitter enough and the experience cruel enough then the human could become a nobody.

Lea had met Isa at a boring, grown up party. Lea's father and Isa's father were best friends in college but Lea's father was more adventurous. He had packed up his life and travelled the world, meeting Lea's mother and fathering Lea and Lea's siblings. Lea had been six when his father decided it was time to settle down in Radiant Garden. Isa's dad threw a "welcome home party" and thus Lea had spent a fair bit of time hiding under the dining room table, wearing uncomfortable formal clothes and playing with whatever toy he had managed to sneak in.

Axel couldn't remember what the toy had been no matter how hard he tried.

Eventually a frowning Isa found him. Even then Isa was beautiful and cold and a little stuck up. But he had also been a six year old at a boring adult party at the time. Isa helped Lea escape to the backyard where they could play tag and watch the stars come out. They ended up having a huge argument and their parents had to separate them. But despite the fight, Lea had not been able to stop talking about Isa for an entire week and his parents finally arranged a play date just to get him to shut up.

Ten years after that first meeting, Lea and Isa were best friends. They did everything together. Isa would teach Lea the names of the constellations. Lea would come up with daring misdemeanours for them to do together. It was Isa that got Lea though school, tutoring the red head in math and history. It was because of Lea that Isa became sociable. They even shared the same bed when they had sleepovers.

And then one of them got the idea into their head that they should break into the castle. Axel didn't remember whose idea it had been. It sounded like a Lea idea because Lea was naturally curious and he didn't like not knowing something. And he was also an energetic delinquent with no notion of boundaries. But it was Isa who thought out most of their break and enter plans. It was Isa who harboured suspicions that something bad was happening in Radiant Garden. And one day one of those plans worked.

Ten years after that first meeting, Lea and Isa were dead.

The first time Saix slapped him should have been a warning. But it wasn't. Once, when they were children and still alive, Isa had hit Lea. It was only the one time and the incident stuck out in Axel's mind because Isa had been crying. Lea had hurt the other boy's feelings badly and Lea knew it. He had known he was going to hurt Isa in the split second before Isa found himself hurt. And so Axel just assumed that he had done something terrible to Saix once more. Unlike the last time, Axel was not aware of any wrong doing.

As far as Axel was aware, all he had done was go for ice cream with Xion.

When they had first been turned and Organization XIII was not yet something that existed, Axel and Saix were still best friends. They shared a room, they trained together, they ate all their meals together. Axel had burned Saix more times than he cared to admit when he was learning to use his powers. The first time Saix unleashed the uncontrollable power of beserker it had been Axel that snapped him out of it.

Then Saix became suspicious of Xemnas. It didn't seem like the man was trying very hard to get their hearts back and Saix saw holes in all of his plans. Saix had been the one to suggest that they try getting closer to the Superior and overthrowing him if necessary. Axel had chosen to do the dirty work and make Saix look good. It was easier for Saix to shed his past than it was for Axel. The fire user would always be a delinquent to the original Organization members. And so Saix spent a lot of time with Xemnas. He eventually moved into his own rooms so that no one would suspect him of working too closely with Axel.

Axel had been lonely.

So it was not hard for him to take Roxas under his wing. At first, Saix seemed amused that Axel had become the official babysitter of Organization XIII. But as Roxas grew and became more of a person, Saix seemed to like him less and less. That didn't surprise Axel. The more of a personality that Roxas had, the more capable he was of making his own decisions. The boy may have been a threat or he may not have been. Neither Saix nor Axel could tell.

Then Axel had been assigned to Castle Oblivion. If Axel had been a suspicious sort like Saix, he would have wondered if Saix gave him the mission to separate him from Roxas. But Axel knew that that was ridiculous. They needed to eliminate anyone that may have known that they were planning to overthrow Xemnas.

When Axel came home to the World that Never Was, things between him and Saix were still cool. If anything, they were getting further apart. So Axel found himself spending even more time with Roxas. This time, however, Roxas had made another friend. She was a pretty blue eyed thing named Xion and she painfully reminded Axel of Namine. And because he couldn't do anything to help Namine, he decided he would be Xion's greatest support.

So when Saix slapped him the first time, Axel had just come back from ice cream with Xion. Roxas had been on a mission with Demyx and hadn't been there at the time.

Axel had glared, rubbing his cheek, and asked, "What was that for?" He was angry but he also wondered what he had done wrong.

"It is bad enough that you were throwing me aside for Roxas despite what I'm trying to do for us Lea. But at least the boy is just a boy. The puppet isn't even real and you prefer her over your other friends." Saix had hissed.

"Xion's real too." Axel snapped. "And what of everything I've done for you? I do all the dirty work."

"I don't have the luxury of socializing with the other members of Organization XIII. I don't need you flaunting a false friendship while you isolate me." Saix said. "It is, after all, your fault that we don't have hearts."

That accusation hurt more than being hit. Because it could have been true. Although it had been Isa's plans that got them into the castle the night that they lost their hearts, it might have been Lea who wanted in in the first place. That was Axel's worse fear. He sometimes wondered if he had forgotten who had started them in on the fateful decision that would cost their lives so that he could deny the blame. Lea would have simply stopped functioning if he thought he had caused Isa's death. Lea had almost stopped functioning the time he hurt Isa so long ago.

So Axel took the blame. It was his fault that Isa and Lea had lost their hearts. It was his fault that Saix had to be so distant in order to complete their plans. And Axel would continue to shoulder that blame even after he forgot Xion ever existed, long after Roxas left and even as Axel lay dying from wounds inflected by Saix and a kamikaze attack meant to save Sora.

That blame would warp Axel until he lost everything of Lea except for the memories.

End