Ed Cullen was beyond consolation. He'd lost his Purpose of Life, his Meaning of existence, his beloved One and Only, his Bella. Lost sight of her, anyway. They were visiting the Festival of Fiction, biannual gathering of characters from all over the realms of Film and Literature. Bella, unpredictable as she was, had unwittingly let go of his arm and was soon swept away from him. So here he was now, left to look for the only creature whose thoughts he couldn't hear, in the immense crowd of the Festival. The noise – both real and mental – was deafening as he worked his way through the mass of various creatures.

There were many of those, as the current Festival was held by the worlds Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter, taking place in the latter. As a result, Sci-fi and Fantasy were rather over-represented.

Edward snarled at a group of hobbits, squared his shoulders and went on. The castle where the event took place was huge; he had to chose at random which building he should investigate first. He made his way towards a lofty hall.

The sight that greeted him was rather shocking. People in here seemed to have overly large eyes as a rule and sported the craziest hair-colours. To Edward they looked like outlandish cartoon-drawings, and – as he'd concluded later – in fact they were. The place turned out to be the Anime/Manga section.

He didn't bother asking anyone if they'd seen Bella or not; instead he started listening. Most of the thoughts were just the generic background noise about school, sex, money, world domination… until he'd spotted Them.

In the colourful crowd of demons, spirits, sorcerers and suchlike, They appeared boringly ordinary. Both had normal-looking hair (brown and black) and were simple human boys – even if the black-haired one DID look like an un-dead scarecrow. As Edward was used to the feeling of being the most dangerous thing in any room he entered he didn't think much of the brown-haired boy's evil grin as he elbowed his companion and pointed at the vampire. His friend returned his grin and nodded. Without a word, the pair advanced in a calm, menacing stride.

Ah, so they want to pick on him? Let them come! The vampire got ready to attack… But the boys walked past him. First he was confused – but then all of his own thoughts were washed away as his brain was forced to catch up with the speed of the young men's minds… a speed he never knew existed…

When he could finally break free he darted towards the door. Wishing painful and violent death on both Light Yagami and L Lawleit he fled the Anime section.
Surely, Bella had to have more sense than to mingle with these folks anyway… hadn't she?

When he had calmed down a little he resumed listening. He was mainly interested in sentences like '…ah, what a beauty…', '…nice boobs…' or 'Hey there cutie!' and stuff like that. He'd even caught a promising trail of thought concerning a certain Miss Swann, but following it only led him to a bunch of drunken pirates.

Disappointed, he resumed his search. He was so fixed on that single face; he didn't really watch where ha was going.

Once again, he'd missed the signs. The first warning was printed in a friendly, bold font, proudly announcing the Sci-fi section. The next were the thoughts of people near the table where he was headed. '… said to be the third worst in the Galaxy…' '…would rather die than…' '… way of torture…' He shrugged and went on.

Then it hit him. The unspeakably horrible, mind-numbing thought. It appeared to be some kind of verse, the worst in both rhythm, rhyming and contents Edward had ever heard. The vivid imagery filled his head mercilessly, burning pictures of unparalleled gruesomeness into his mind. Suddenly he remembered how it felt to throw up.

He staggered away, trying to hold onto the contents of his stomach. Unfazed, the Association of Vogon Poetry went on with its meeting.

At that point Edward started to suspect that his day would only get worse from now on. Being as perfect as he was of course he guessed correctly.

Just a few moments later he came across a group of Jedi. That alone was bad enough, but barely had he escaped them, he stumbled upon a flock of chattering Bene-Gesserit priestesses.

He felt dizzy, paralysed. With tears streaming down his face he could do nothing but wait for them to pass. Worst of all, he could feel the brush of a new, horribly complex and dangerous mind. It was approaching fast, too fast, and then there he was, rooted to the ground, staring into the very deep, very blue eyes of a young man.

He thought his mind was going to be torn into tiny little pieces as it tried to be present and listen to the voices from the past, present and all possible futures. When he thought he couldn't bear it any longer the huge mind focused on one simple thought.

'Get. The Hell. OUT.'

Edward tried, desperately so, but it wasn't that simple.

'I've seen you coming, beast. - the other went on – You should be grateful that I've locked away the deepest recesses of my mind.'

Not wanting to know any more about those Edward scurried away, with Paul Muad-dib still glaring daggers at his retreating form.

Meanwhile a lost and panicking Bella Swann was running around aimlessly in the crowd. Upon losing Edward her first thought was, of course, suicide, for what was the meaning of life without Him? But while contemplating the best way to commit it a small voice from the back of her head piped in that maybe she should be looking for him. Fine, but how?

Soon she discovered that screaming 'Edward' was rather pointless in such a noise. So she started to wander about. But there were too many people, far too many! Then something brilliant had occurred to her… Maybe she should ask? Oh yeah, that ought to work!

The new method soon brought some acceptable results tough it was still far from perfect. First she ended up at a large group of vampires – from the Discworld. Then she was sent to someone called Dracula – who had a fit of screaming rage upon seeing her.

This discouraged and dispirited her greatly, but she steeled her will. She must go on, without Him her life meant nothing!

Some minutes later her wandering feet led her towards the Sci-fi section. There she summoned the courage to ask again. Timidly she tapped the elbow of a blond young man, clad in black.

- Excuse me?
- Can I help you, Miss? – The youth asked, smiling.

Bella looked at him carefully. Short, slender and handsome he looked like someone she could trust.
- I'm looking for my boyfriend
- Could you describe him?
- Yeah, sure. He's absolutely gorgeous, red-haired, has opal-coloured, shiny eyes, you know, the kind you think you could drawn in… umm… err… no, maybe you don't know… Anyway, he's tall, his body's very hard, he can read minds and, well, he's not human.

Luke Skywalker – for it was him – raised an eyebrow. The description seemed perfectly accurate but he found it hard to believe that that man… or thing had a girlfriend. But then, who was he to judge them?

- Do you see that group of characters in the corner, Miss? They are all that came from Asimov's books; your friend should be over there.

Bella didn't know what to make out of the name 'Asimov' but she thanked the young Jedi anyway and headed towards said corner. Luke wondered briefly what kind of system error had to occur to R. Daneel Oliwav, a robot, to make him pair up with a human girl.

A few metres away, leaning against a pillar, Edward was still recovering from his shocking encounter with Muad-dib. Slowly, he remembered how to breathe. (Even tough he didn't really need it, the steady rhythm was something calming and familiar, soothingly normal, and something he could cling onto while trying to stay sane.)

Finally gaining control over himself he looked up – and couldn't believe his eyes! Bella was standing there, a rough ten metres away from him, talking to a tall, red-haired man, visibly embarrassed. Relief and happiness washed over him as he jogged towards her. Nothing mattered now, for he had found her!

Having eyes for her and her alone Edward approached – thus making his last mistake for the night. Right behind his Bella stood a thin, ugly-looking man. He looked like a badly constructed marionette with a nose that would put any crow to shame and probably the deepest, saddest eyes in the Galaxy.
- Bella!
The girl's head snapped up. Quickly abandoning a slightly confused Daneel Olivaw she rushed towards her love. She ran with arms outstretched – then, with a scream Edward disappeared from her line of vision. For a moment she stood there, perplexed, then she looked down. Edward was laying at her feet, clutching his head, eyes glazed, mouth foaming.

Her heartbeat quickening rapidly, she began to panic. She could feel tears welling up in her eyes, threatening to fall…

Then it was over. The wave of panic retreated, giving way to a warm, fuzzy feeling. She could feel a frail hand on her shoulder but she didn't think much about it – she wasn't allowed to. Instead, a calm sense of duty claimed her. She grabbed the wrists of the convulsing Edward and began to drag him towards the Festival's Ambulance.

With a look somewhere between pity and dirty amusement, the Mule gazed after them.
- Mind-readers – he huffed – they never learn…