"I can't let you kill Clarke." The words echoed in his mind.

Moments later, he found himself kneeling beside his sister's body.

"I'm sorry, O"

Octavia lay there, so different from the girl who once looked at him with the softest love in her eyes. He wanted to find his sister under all the chaos and nightmare, but the more he dug, the more desperate he became, the more hopeless.
"My sister my responsibility."

He couldn't make out the words she whispered before closing her eyes.

"I just need to talk to her."
"Not happening." Miller stood in front of him like a brick wall. "I've got my orders, Bellamy."
"From my sister, I know. I just need you to let me see her."
"I can't," Miller took a step forward.
Bellamy sighed. "She's going to be executed."
Miller paused, then shook his head.
"Sorry, still can't let you in."
"You're okay with this?" Bellamy searched Miller's face. "Killing Clarke sounds reasonable to you?"
"Octavia's plan sounds reasonable to me. She's the one who kept us alive for 6 years."
"And all I'm asking for is five minutes," Bellamy shifted on his feet. "No one's gonna know," he added.
"That never works out, Bellamy."
"Okay," Bellamy sighed.
It took him seconds to take Miller down.

He walked in the cell-like room to find Clarke sitting on the bench, looking at nothing.
"Clarke?" he said softly.
She turned to look at him.
"Bellamy?"
She got up, walking to him.
He felt like he was reliving the moment he found her, when he held her for the first time after six years. But this time, she was coming to him, as if this was the moment they were really reuniting.
He involuntarily lifted his arms a little, as if he expected her to run to them. But Clarke stopped before she made contact with him.
"Octavia let you see me?" She asked.
"She doesn't know I'm here." He spoke softly, wanting to wipe away that wrinkle in her forehead. After his last conversation with his sister, he wanted to say more. The truth was Octavia's weapon against him.

A traitor, who you love.

He'd tried so hard to accept and tame his feelings all these years, having mourned Clarke every day.
Now that she was alive, all he kept buried was brought to the surface. He felt an overwhelming urgency to tell her how he felt. He wanted to say that he couldn't stand the idea of losing her again. That even when they were separated, it felt like she was a part of him, and he couldn't let her die because his life depended on it. Not again he thought. I'm not letting it happen again. He wanted to tell her he was completely lost during his first years in space, the only reason he held on was so her death would mean something. He wanted to tell her that it took him years to stop imagining her everywhere he looked, in every touch, and even though he was ashamed of it… she was there with him, in the kisses he shared with someone else. That when he found out she was alive, he could finally breathe, as if he saw in color after a lifetime of darkness.

If he could tell her now how it felt to see her after the years spent in the shadow of her loss, would she-?
He swallowed. "We have to hurry, come on."
"What about Octavia? Bellamy, she'll kill you."
Bellamy held her arms, looking into her eyes.
"Don't worry about her. She's… she won't."
Clarke stared at him, he would never hurt his sister. "What did you…?"
"Clarke. Let's get you out first. Trust me."
He was pleading, his eyes determined and desperate.
She nodded, "I do," and walked out of the cell while he unconsciously kept holding onto her arm, which made her feel warm and comforted, and she didn't want him to let go.

When they stepped out of the cell, Miller was standing there with his gun pointed at them.
"Don't move."
"Get out of the way, Miller."
"What did you do to Octavia?" Miller turned the gun at him
Clarke looked at Bellamy.
"She'll be fine. She'll wake up." Bellamy said without flinching.
"What do you mean?" Miller frowned, raising the gun higher.
"You used Monty's algae," said Clarke softly.
Bellamy nodded. "She'll be fine. It's temporary… I had to do it."
"I'd never think you'd hurt your sister. Guess six years changes a lot," Miller said, his jaw hard.
"Seems so." Bellamy stared back at him. "doesn't change the fact that we just stopped a war."
"And how exactly did you do that?"
Clarke looked at Miller. "We made a deal with Diyoza. She'll let us live in the valley."
"You're gullible enough to think Diyoza will keep her word?" Miller shook his head.

"You two keep making decisions as if you know what's best for everyone."
"Look-" Bellamy started but Miller didn't let him speak.

"All you did was leave us defenseless. Octavia is the one who gave us purpose all this time. She kept us alive."
"Not all of you," Bellamy said, "I don't know what happened in the bunker that made you all so...," he paused.

"But she was being reckless, she was willing to destroy the only place on earth where we can actually live, Miller. You know the worms will ravage the valley if we use them and without them, we can't win anyway."
Clarke nodded. "Not without losing more of our friends. But now we have a chance to save everyone."
Miller shook his head. "I thought you'd have learned by now," he said, lowering his gun slightly. "You can never save everyone."

"Will you shoot or are we going to stand here forever?"
"Don't tempt me, Bellamy. I'll shoot both of you if that's what it takes."
"You don't want to take a chance?" Clarke asked.

"We've all lost the people we loved, Miller," She looked at him like she was begging. "Now we have a chance to do things differently."

Bellamy watched her face as she continued, "All we need to do is-"
Miller shook his head. "Kill Octavia? No way Diyoza will let her live. And I'm not agreeing to that."
"You're loyal. That's good," Bellamy said. "So am I. I'm not going to kill my little sister. We just needed some time to show her that peace was possible."
"And if you can't? Then what?"
Clarke and Bellamy stood still, glancing at each other. "Then we kill Diyoza."
Miller looked away, thinking.
"Octavia will still kill you for this. If she learns I let you do it, she'll kill me too," Miller said.
"Don't worry. I'll probably be the first one on her list." Bellamy said.
"True." Miller nodded. "That makes me feel a lot better."
"We can throw you in a cell, if you want." Clarke offered.
"No thanks." Miller put his gun away. "I'm only half convinced this will work out." He said looking at both of them. "If you mess up I'll kill you both. Got it?"
Bellamy cracked a sad smile. "Got it."

Bellamy watched Indra and Miller talking, they were standing side by side in his tent, glaring at him and Clarke every now and then.
When they were done, they turned to Bellamy.
"Now, what's your next move?" Miller asked.
"Now you tell everyone to get ready," Bellamy said. "Tell them to start packing and we'll handle the rest."
"They won't believe Octavia decided not to go to war." Indra glared at him.
"Just tell them it's Blodreina's orders, they won't question your word," Clarke said.
"What will we tell them about her condition?" Miller asked. "They'll want to see her."
"Tell them something that won't make them panic. Just let them know she can't fight right now. They won't be looking for a war without their queen." Clarke looked at Indra. "I saw her men risking their lives to save her in the sandstorm. Their priority is saving her life."
"Exactly. If you tell them this is what she wants, they'll believe you," Bellamy nodded at Indra and then turned to Miller. "Tell them we need to protect her and this is the only way."

"This isn't going to end well." Miller looked at Bellamy. "I saw Diyoza's men. They're not the kind of people we-"
"We have no choice," Clarke said. "We can't fight anymore. Not like this."
Miller paused and then nodded, leaving the room.
Indra took one last look at them before she did the same.

Clarke turned to Bellamy after they left.
"Are you okay?"
"I put my sister in a coma, hardly the definition of 'okay'."
"Why did you-" Clarke began to ask him but she stopped herself. "I'm sorry," She said instead.
"Not your fault," Bellamy said sitting down on his bed, his emotions were still too raw, he couldn't really look at her now.

"It is." Clarke sat beside him, putting her hand on his. "I'm sorry I put you at risk and… I was wrong. Octavia had another plan. I thought I could help us but I… murdered Cooper for nothing."
"You keep forgetting," Bellamy said, looking at their joined hands, scared to move his own. "We did it together."
"Maybe you shouldn't really listen to me," she said with a bitter smile.
"It seemed like the only option, Clarke."
"That's just it, what seems to be the only option always fails us. So maybe Miller's right, I pretend to know what's right and what's wrong but I just make things worse." She moved to get up but Bellamy held her hand and pulled her towards him.
"Don't run."

Clarke stood still for a moment, looking at their hands, her throat was tight and she couldn't hide how hard it was to swallow with the heat of his hand burning hers.
"We're in this together," Bellamy said, his voice low. "No matter if it's right or wrong. I'm with you."
Clarke felt her throat hurt, tears burning in her eyes.
"Thank you," she stayed silent, not moving away from him, she didn't even have the will to push him away. How could she, when he took risk after risk, even endangering the life of his own sister just to save her and maybe stop a war. Then he went ahead and held her hand in his, as if it wasn't supposed to take her breath away.

As if they belonged together no matter what they did, no matter how terrible their crimes were. He accepted her.
And it hurt. Knowing she wanted to stay here but wasn't allowed to.
Not when he belonged to someone else. So she tried to take her hand away from his but his fingers were holding onto hers so tight, she couldn't. She didn't want to.

Somehow, she felt in her heart that this was normal for them. It felt right and natural that they would be holding hands like this. Clinging to each other, knowing they had each other no matter what. This was just another perfect moment with them, the one perfect thing they shared, despite their flaws and mistakes.
She belonged with him and it was going to kill her, if nothing else.
She tried to find solace in knowing that she had him for this moment, and that would have to be enough.

Bellamy felt his insides burning, his whole body was heating up. He glanced at their joined hands, where it seemed like blue flames were rising from their skin, enveloping them, binding them together.
"Clarke," he began.
"I should find Madi-" Clarke interrupted.
"Just give me a minute." Bellamy moved his thumb along her skin and she shivered.
"I'm already angry at myself."
"What do you mean?" She looked at him.
"Clarke, I can't do this again."
Her mouth went dry.
"What-"
"Can't lose you again."

She swallowed, her heart beating fast. "I don't want to lose you either." But wasn't it too late for that? He wasn't hers to lose anymore.
Bellamy searched her eyes. "I mean, I…" he wanted to find the right words, not to scare her, not to push her away. "When I left you, I couldn't deal with it. I regretted that decision every day."

Clarke wanted to reassure him but she just kept listening, afraid of what she could hear from him, afraid of what she wouldn't.
"You had to," she mumbled.
"Let me," Bellamy continued. "I wanted to turn back. I would, if I didn't have our friends with me. I wanted to die with you."
Clarke felt like her heart stopped for an infinite moment, she felt her ears ringing, her chest aching.
I wanted to die with you.
"Don't say that."
"It's true," Bellamy admitted, sounding a little surprised he could actually say it.
"I wanted you to live." Clarke slowly turned to him. "I'm glad you left. The fact that you're alive, that's… that's all I wanted."
Painfully aware that they were still holding hands, Bellamy looked at their entwined fingers and lifted her hand with his, with a small, sad smile on his face he couldn't hide.

"You waited for us."
She let out a shaky breath.
For you.
"Yes."
Bellamy was still caressing her hand with his thumb, and it soothed her.
"The hope was what kept me going... Other than Madi," she added. "I think without her I'd probably lose my mind."
"We're lucky you found her," he smiled, causing her whole body to warm up. "I'm glad you weren't alone."
"Yeah…" She answered with a smile of her own. "She became my family."
Clarke knew it was the same for him. She understood how much he cared for his new family: Raven, Murphy, Monty, Harper and…
"I know," Bellamy said. "I feel the same way. There are some things that…"
"Some things just change…" she looked at him.
Bellamy paused.

"Yeah, but… some things just don't." He looked at her, searching for something.
"I mean to me… it's all different," Clarke explained. "Six years later and everything I know, everyone I know is different," she glanced at him. Her face looked broken and Bellamy wanted to envelop her in his arms and kiss her eyes, her face, her mouth.
He exhaled and turned away.

"I didn't-," he said softly. "Not as much as you think."
Clarke smiled. "You? You're a completely different person now," she said, missing what he truly meant.
Bellamy smiled at her teasing, his cheeks heating.
"Just did my best to survive." He paused. "I…thought we lost everyone."
Clarke stayed silent.
"I thought I lost you," Bellamy said, making sure she heard him. "If I knew…" his voice was shaking and he hated how it made him sound.
"If I knew you were alive, I'd find a way to return sooner."

Clarke knew that.
"I had a lot of time to think," Clarke said softly. "About things…"
Bellamy was looking into her eyes and she found it harder to speak with his attention on her.
She knew she wasn't supposed to tell him how she felt. She knew it wasn't fair to him, not when he had Echo. It would only lead to more heartbreak.
"I mean…"
His dark eyes stared into her soul.
"I really should find Madi," she pulled her hand away, getting up.
Bellamy shook his head. "What?"
"I need to keep her safe, Bellamy."
"What were you saying just then?" His focused gaze was burning her so she avoided looking into his eyes.
"Nothing important," she said, frustrated he was questioning her, annoyed with herself because she couldn't tell him, and angry because she really wanted to.

Suddenly she wanted to do a lot of things, she wanted to reach out to him and kiss him like there was no tomorrow, to touch his face like she dreamed she would when she saw him again, to feel his hair slipping between her fingers, to bite his lips and cling to him as he held her tight.
"Clarke?"

She had to stop looking at him, so she cleared her throat and exhaled. She had no right to tell him now. "I'll see you later," she said, starting to walk away.

Bellamy watched her, not moving because he was afraid of what he would do, afraid of what he saw in her eyes moments ago. For a long, beautiful moment, he thought he saw the same longing, the same fire he felt was burning him alive and it made him feel...what he couldn't allow himself to feel.
Could he?

But of course, she was running away again. Maybe because she was the wise one.

Then Clarke stopped and spoke without looking at him, "I'm happy you came back."
He swallowed, sitting still with his hands tightly grabbing his bedsheets.
"Me too," he whispered, and she was already gone.