She would catch her little sister looking. At TV news reports. At newspapers. At sad people. Kara's ears would prick up at any sign of distress. Her eyes would get that look where she so desperately wanted to help; Alex could almost see that need turn into conflict and then into sadness and then make the round trip back to a determination to persevere with her best attempt at a normal life. Alex helped her with that secrecy; it had always been her life's goal to hide Kara from the world.
And so she always pushed Kara into safety, even when it made Kara sad and then as a by-product made Alex sad too. But Alex saw the world clearly every day: she saw selfish people, dangerous aliens, all wanting to do harm against others, against good people, against Superman and anyone like him. Kara was too good for that. Only Kara, with all her abilities and senses, even if she suppressed them, could be so naive and blind to the bad in the world. Kara only ever saw the good in people.
This made Alex a hypocrite on multiple levels. She loved her little sister so much that she couldn't help but see the good in people too – it was mostly in Kara that she saw goodness and hope, but hope rubs off on people, and wanting to help others was an easy chain reaction to set off in the Danvers family. Then there was the other thing, the big secret Alex had wanted to confess on so many occasions.
She was a DEO agent. Her job was to protect the planet from alien threats. And nothing pushed her harder than the thought of protecting Kara (she also wanted to prove herself to Hank Henshaw, and herself, she was always pushing). Her career was the second biggest thing in her life, enabling her to protect Number One. Those two things, that one thing, was all she had.
That makes for conflicting emotions during regular visits with her sister. She watches Kara eye the dangers and she calls her out and reminds her about being normal, and then she sneaks off to face far worse danger.
She was proud of Kara; she hoped the reverse would be true if the truth was known.
She hates lying. She hates the hypocrisy. But she only has to spend half a second in Kara's presence before she remembers why she has to keep it a secret. Her life has always been about being perfect and protecting her little sister – she struggled with her first objective sometimes but she would never give up on the second. If she ever lost Kara, she would have nothing and be nothing and simply implode.
Sometimes she wanted recognition... from Kara, and she would love for their mother to know how much she was trying here, but more than anything she just wanted to go to sleep every night with the knowledge that Kara was safe. Sometimes worries kept her up into the early hours of the morning (if she wasn't already working), but with Kara pulling everything off as a dorky, caring, regular human being (in an oddly convincing and completely honest manner), Alex had been sleeping a little easier at night.
Then one evening she got on a plane to Geneva and everything changed.
Author notes:
With Supergirl season two starting I began a rewatch of season one and this drabble idea came to me after a long, hard day. I'm a bit of a sucker for a good sister relationship and Alex's lifetime role as Kara's protector is a little bit heartbreaking. After three episodes, I'm looking forward to her growth this season, although I think it'll have heartbreaking moments, too.
This short piece took 21 minutes to write but then I kept rereading it and changing bits and then wondering if I was actually making it better or worse. So I'm dumping it here and leaving it alone.
Feel free to criticise or leave feedback, if you want to. Thank you for reading.