Slightly Scandalous, a night at the museum fanfic

Title: Slightly Scandalous

Pairing: Jedediah/Octavius

Rating: PG-13, to be on the safe side. Here be slight sexual references and hawt man-kissing. And gratuitous use of Latin drill commands.

Word count: 824

Summary: In which Jedediah decides to cause a scandal.

Disclaimer: I own nothing related to the Night at the Museum films. Probably just as well.

A/N: Trufax: the Romans disapproved of public displays of affection, including kissing. That little factoid spawned this thing. The Latin is taken from a re-enactment society's website. Originally posted on LiveJournal, and some minor changes have been made since then.

As the sun set and the museum came alive, Jedediah stretched his cramped muscles and looked out across the Wild West diorama with a grin. "Whew-ee, another night!"

The rest of the cowboys and railroad workers were also stirring, and before long, the entire display was clamouring with voices and activity. Jed stayed long enough to make sure that the building of the railroad was underway again before taking off towards the edge of the diorama case. Across the room, he could see the Mayans pressed against the glass of their own display. He tipped his hat to them before craning over to the left to catch a glimpse of Ancient Rome. From here, he was just able to hear a familiar voice, calling out commands in Latin.

"Ad signa! Mandata captate! Pila infige!"

Sounded like Octavius was already putting his legion through their paces. Stick the guy in front of a bunch of soldiers and he was all business, all steely command and dignity. Jedediah's grin became decidedly wicked. Boy, would them Romans be shocked to know that just the night before, their general hadn't been nearly so prim and proper. And what had come out of his mouth then hadn't been military commands, but things that'd make even a saloon girl blush.

But Jed knew that ol' toga boy would rather take on a horde of screaming Caledonians single-handed than admit something like that. Hell, he barely even let Jedediah touch him in view of anyone else. One of those goofy Roman hang-ups. "Scandalous", he called it.

Lucky for Jedediah he had never been one to worry about scandal. So, without further ado, and with his grin now practically splitting his face, he slung his trusty rope round the nearest boulder and slid down to the diorama room floor.

"Ad aciem... Ad testudinem..."

Octavius watched with proud satisfaction as his troops slid effortlessly from one battle formation into the next. Truly, it was discipline such as this which had made the Roman Army the greatest military power in the known world. It was an awe-inspiring sight, as evidenced by the many civilians who were standing around the edges of the diorama to watch the display.

He opened his mouth to issue another command, but before he could say a word, a voice shouted, "Hey! Octavius!"

Surprised, he turned to see Jedediah hauling himself over the edge of the diorama. He stood up, straightening his vest and tipping his hat to a rakish angle before swaggering over, grinning all over his face.

"Evenin', partner."

Octavius held out a hand towards his soldiers. "Consiste." They came to an obedient halt and he added, "Laxate." Then he turned towards the cowboy. "Jedediah! You are here early."

Jedediah shrugged casually, but Octavius spotted the gleam in his eye. "Eh, y'know, had nothin' better to do, decided to come on over n' see what you were up to." He leaned in, his smile suddenly lecherous. In a husky undertone he added, "See if'n you were up for another round of the ol' horizontal tango."

Octavius shivered, but quickly collected himself. "Jedediah, I am still drilling my men."

Jedediah looked over his shoulder; so did he, and realised that every eye in Rome was now upon them. He flushed, but Jedediah seemed unperturbed. He merely gave the Romans a cheery wave and shouted, "Howdy, fellas! Mind if'n I borrow your general for a couple of secs?"

"Jedediah, can't this wait?"

"No way, man. I need yer help."

Octavius' eyes widened. "My help with what?"

Jedediah was smirking now. "Causin' a scandal."

"What in the world do you mean?"

"Come closer n' I'll show ya... Nope, closer'n that... Closer..."

"Jede-mmmph!" He was abruptly cut off as Jedediah seized his face and pressed their mouths together. For a split second he was rigid with shock, but when he felt the cowboy nip at his bottom lip, all thoughts were driven from his head and he opened his mouth to Jedediah's tongue. The cowboy plunged in eagerly, roughly, a moan rising in his throat. It elicited an answering growl from Octavius, who returned the kiss with equal fierceness, his tongue battling with Jedediah's, his fingers coming up to tangle in shaggy golden hair, letting himself get swept away by the heat and the sweetness and the intensity of it all...

Then, all of a sudden, Jedediah was no longer there. Octavius reeled backwards, stunned, and it was only when he heard Jedediah's voice - "Well - later, y'all!" - that he remembered exactly where he was, and became aware of the dead silence around him. He whirled around - and was faced with a sea of wide, staring eyes: gape-mouthed senators and smirking legionaries.

For a moment he could only stand there, mortified. Then he heard a cackle of hysterical laughter from somewhere behind him, and the blood rushed to his face as he turned and roared, "JEDEDIAH!!"