Twilight Moments: Cherished Music Collection
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn, or Midnight Sun material. Just these wacky ideas!
Chapter 3: Here With Me
I snuggled deeper into my unnaturally warm comforter. It felt awkward to sleep in warm blankets, since I'm used to Edward being in beside me, which makes my blankets quite cool, winter or summer, which can be a good thing or a bad thing.
A tear slid down my cheek, and my eyes kept watering. I know that it was silly of me to be crying, I just can't help it. I know that I have him back, that Alice returned from wherever they were, thinking that I was dead. I know it's awful of me, but I'm almost glad for scaring the shit out of everyone just to have them back beside me again. To be able to hold him close, knowing that he lied when he told me that he didn't love me.
I cried even harder. For the things that I do have, the things I used to have, and the things I could have had but lost. I hyperventilated into my pillow, tears blinding me, and my spirit screaming for my beloved Edward.
I actually saw Alice again. I really did go to Volterra, rescue Edward from killing himself, got myself into an iron bound contract to transform me or die, and Edward even proposed to me. I wept even harder. I wept for my weakness that I couldn't look him in the eyes, with his so hopeful and loving eyes, and deny him, then bear the disappointment in them after I turn him down. I wept for my own weakness that I couldn't say yes, knowing that some part of him wasn't happy with being with me because he left last September, not wanting to make him guilty enough to feel the need to get married to me to make it up to me.
10:00, 10:30, 11:00, 11:30, 12:00, 12:30, 1:00, 1:30, I sat awake crying myself to exhaustion, hoping that eventually I'd stop, hoping not to wake up Charlie, hoping that Edward didn't come home and see me crying over him, over myself.
I turned on my CD player, skipping over the first song that sent me back into a hyperventilating crying fit; my lullaby that he composed for me. I finally stopped on Here with Me by Dido. I'd have to thank Alice the next time I saw her for the CD she made for me, including copying my lullaby and putting it onto a second back-up CD.
I didn't hear you leave,
I wonder how am I still here,
I don't want to move a thing,
It might change my memory.
Oh, I am what I am,
I do what I want,
But I can't hide,
And I won't go,
I can't sleep,
I can't breathe,
Until you're resting here with me
And I won't leave
And I can't hide,
I cannot be,
Until you're resting here with me.
I started crying harder, remembering the void and empty, drowning feeling of living without him, thinking that he didn't love me, that my life was over. The same void, unloved, dejectedness washed over me, smothering me.
I don't want to call my friends,
They might wake me from this dream,
I tried to smother myself in my pillow, trying to find some way to get rid of the memories and feelings. I know that he needs to hunt, that it's torture that I put him through to be near me, that my blood is like ecstasy to him, but I can't help the feeling of wanting to keep him chained to my side for the next several years until I warrant that I'm over this particular insecurity. My eyes burned from the tears, so I wiped furiously at them, deep in self hatred.
Oh, I am what I am
I'll do what I want,
But I can't hide,
And I won't go,
I won't sleep
And I can't breathe,
Until you're resting here with me,
And I won't leave
And I can't hide
I cannot be,
Until you're resting here with me,
And I won't go,
I won't sleep,
And I can't breathe,
Until you're resting here with me,
…
By the end of the song, I collapsed into a thoroughly wet pillow, tears still streaking down my cheeks. I sobbed in my sleep; I could still feel the vibrations of the heartbroken sounds coming from my chest as my consciousness slipped.
As far as I could tell, it must have been 2:30 or 3:00 in the morning. In a distant corner of my mind I heard a noise from my window, and footsteps making their way across the floor smoothly. I guess that a part of me recognized Edward, but part of that was wishful thinking.
"Oh, Edward." I sobbed in my sleep. I felt stone arms encircle me, pull me up, and sit me in his lap on my bed. I rested my head against his shoulder and continued my sobs, feeling his tight embrace, soft loving words, and cool caresses. I held on to him tightly, not believing that he was here, that everything within the last three weeks was real, and that it wasn't a dream.
"My Bella, I do love you. It's ok. Go to sleep now. You're safe." He repeated over and over again, trying to get me to calm down.
At some point, I must have relaxed and fell asleep in his arms, because I woke up the next morning feeling like shit, and cuddled as close to him as I could get. He kissed the top of my head lovingly.
"We need to talk, Bella, love."