Tris stood in the fluorescent lights of her bathroom applying the dark makeup to her eyes. In the other room, Christina and Lynn were gabbing excitedly. It was Tris's 21st birthday, and because she had also recently got promoted into leadership Dauntless was throwing her a big party in the pit. She was nearly finished; she stood in front of the mirror looking over her work feeling a mix of emotions.
She had filled out more since her initiate days nearly four years ago. In her black tank top she started developing curves that were never obvious in her old abnegation clothes. Her short black leather skirt showed more skin than she ever dared to. She knew her father especially would be thoroughly disappointed. The dark makeup accentuated her womanly face as her newly long blonde hair fell into her face. She had cut all her hair off in the past in wanting a change she just never got around to cutting it again.
Tris was beginning to feel like she was losing herself in a sense. She still felt like she wasn't entirely Abnegation or Dauntless. Her upbringing was like a hard habit to break, she wanted more out of life. After life in Dauntless for the last four years, things were actually beginning to become mundane again like in Abnegation. That idea scared her; she wanted to be thrilled like how she felt the first time jumped off that train in her transfer days.
It wasn't helping that her relationship with Four was going terribly stale. Tris didn't want to admit it to herself, but things with Four were getting boring. It seemed as if in the last four years they had fallen into an all familiar routine that seemed more like a friendship instead of relationship. In the darkest part of her mind, she wanted to ask more from Four in the bedroom. The sex was beginning to become mundane; Tris wasn't attracted to Four in the same way. However Tris was too embarrassed and probably too 'Abnegation' to ask for more, she wasn't even sure what she wanted. Tris assumed that Four was too 'Abnegation' as well. Their upbringing was a hard habit to break. It especially didn't help that a certain now co-worker with eye brow piercings and stunning blue eyed gaze was haunting her dreams fulfilling her darkest desires that would make her father have a heart attack…
"Tris!" Christina called breaking Tris out of her brooding.
Tris exited the bathroom, satisfied with her look to find Christina and Lynn sitting on Chris's bed with assorted make up everywhere. Once they finished their training and moved into actual jobs, Tris, Four, Christina and her now boyfriend Will all ended up moving in together into a two bedroom apartment.
"Damn birthday girl! You look awesome!" Lynn said with a certain haze in her eyes. Tris was sure that she had already started drinking.
"Hell yeah," Christina cheered happily, "Four is going to flip when he sees you."
"Actually, he can't make it," Tris replied with bitter disappointment.
"What?" Christina and Lynn asked shocked.
"He's working," Tris shrugged, her and Four had already discussed it. Tris assured him that it was ok when they had found out that he couldn't get off.
"But it's your birthday!" Lynn declared.
"I know," Tris mumbled, "it is what it is though."
"Where are you gonna get your birthday sex now?" Christina smirked at her.
"Well he gets off a midnight," Tris pointed out. However she knew that when he gets off work he's always exhausted and never stays up too late after he gets back home.
"Yeah but he's just gonna pass out when he gets back here," Christina said with a bitter look on his face, "I can't believe him! It's your 21st birthday he needs to be with you!"
"Careful," Tris warned playfully, "you're Candor is showing."
"Doesn't make it less true!" Christina show back angrily.
Tris hadn't told anyone how she felt about her relationship with Four. Especially not Christina. Everyone always talked about what a great couple that her and Four was, they were the ideal couple to everyone else. But not to her. Birthdays in Abnegation were hardly ever acknowledged, at the most you got out of chores for the day and Tris sometimes always felt like it was expected that you argued against it out of selflessness. Her first few years in Dauntless, she didn't do much for her birthday and she enjoyed it. But now she wanted to have a party, she wanted to enjoy her birthday and all the attention that came with it. She was being selfish, and she was at war with herself internally for it. For that reason, she chose to forgive Four for missing her birthday hoping it would appease her some.
"Forget him!" Lynn replied getting up off the bed in her short part dress, "It's you're birthday, you just got promoted, we're going to have an awesome night!"
"Yes we are!" Christina said also forgetting about Four and getting up tossing away the makeup from her bed, "C'mon the party should be starting soon. We should do a shot first!"
"Alright!" Tris agreed, she wasn't much of a drinker but she thought that maybe if she did she'd get some of that thrill she was craving.
In the kitchen, the three girls all toasted to Tris and did a single shot of Fireball. Tris took it like a weakling; she grimaced as the cinnamon liquid burned her throat. She knew she was a totally light weight; it wouldn't take much for her to get drunk.
With a small fuzzy feeling, Tris and the others started heading down to the pit. The closer Tris got the more excited she was becoming. She was looking forward to a fun night with her friends. When she entered the pit standing on the ledge was impressed. It didn't take much motivation for Dauntless members to come out for a party. She was sure that half the people in the pit knew nothing more about her other than her name due to her recent promotion.
The pit was lightly lite with several colorful lights and pounding music playing throughout. Several people were sitting at a makeshift bar where drinks were being served. Others were standing in groups all around talking and laughing or out on the dance floor dancing closely together. Together the three girls all made their way down the railing talking excitedly. They approached a group of familiar faces.
Peter, Al, Will, Molly, Edward and several others from Tris's training group all cheered when they saw Tris. They all hugged her, telling her happy birthdays and offering her drinks. They even pulled out a large chocolate cake with Tris's name written in red frosting on it. Tris had never had a birthday cake before; she told them not to in the past. This time she took it happily, her mother was right the chocolate cake was the best. After a slice of cake and a shot with the whole group everyone went off to the dance floor.
Tris didn't really know how to dance; she felt dumb in trying to keep up with the pounding beat. However many in her group of friends weren't much better than her. They all laughed and looked like fools together. After a few hours of dancing, socializing and drinking, Tris could feel her equilibrium failing her. When a slow, mellow song came on Christina and Will and a few other distinguished couples all paired up.
Tris now felt a depressing bitterness. The alcohol was making her think unclearly. She wanted Four here with her, he couldn't get one stupid night off to be with her?
"Hey Tris," Al said getting close to her, "Do you uh- wanna dance?"
"Dance?" Tris asked hazily.
"Yeah," Al said shifting awkwardly, "I mean I know you and Four are together but I was just thinking that we could-."
"Um," Tris said grabbing her throbbing head, "not- not right… I can't…later ok Al? Promise!"
Tris started heading towards the nearest bar stool she could find before he could answer. She didn't feel so good, there was only one stool left in between two others, she quickly sat on it and put her forehead on the bar taking deep breaths praying that she wouldn't puke right now.
"C'mon stiff," said a deep melancholy voice, "it's not even midnight yet."
Tris lifted her heavy head and there he was.
"What are you doing here?" Tris asked groggily.
Eric was sitting there gripping onto a small glass with some amber liquid looking smug like usual.
"Max told me to come," Eric replied speaking over the still mellow song.
"Why?" Tris demanded feeling her head spin.
"Well since we're co-workers now Max though it'd be a good idea for me to support you in your big blow out," Eric said with an unreadable expression.
He didn't even want to come to my birthday, Tris thought to herself in secret disappointment. She couldn't let herself think like that. She kept gripping onto the bar, feeling the heat rise to her face.
Eric glanced at her, "you ok stiff?"
"It's Tris," she corrected boldly.
"You look like you're going to be sick," Eric said still observing her then turned to the bar tender, "he get her a water man."
"Yes sir," the nervous looking bar tender said and scurried off.
"So bossy," Tris giggled pushing her hand out of her face.
"Gets things done," Eric replied with a small smirk.
"Sooo," Tris with a girlish smirk at Eric. Why was she all giggly and smiling? She pinned it to the alcohol but she should stop…especially around him.
"What?" Eric asked with a bored look on his face.
Tris was waiting for him to tell her happy birthday, "Um… I don't know."
"Damn you are a light weight," Eric laughed.
She made him laugh, "only- only- like a little…bit."
"Or a lot," Eric replied sarcastically.
"Oh well," Tris said dreamily leaning on the bar. The waiter dropped a glass of water in front of her.
"Drink it," Eric ordered sipping on his drink.
"So bossy," Tris pointed out again, "ya know it's like like- I'm not like- you're initiate or anything. I'm not even under you now, I'm a leader to now."
"Just drink it or I'll make you," Eric said seriously with all looks of amusement vanish.
Tris's skin began to crawl at seeing how quickly and dark he became. This was the Eric she remembered. Cold, demanding and callous except the drinks were making her more brave than usual.
"And if I don't?" Tris asked trying to look serious but she was sure she was failing.
Eric turned he gaze back to her as he finished his drink. A shiver ran up Tris's spine, his dark menacing gaze was just as she remembered from her dreams, the look that made a dark part inside of her squirm. His strong clenched jaw line lead down into his leadership tattoos that Tris had dreams of kissing. The small bit of stubble along his jaw but his thick lips that Tris couldn't take her eyes of smirked at her.
He leaned in closer to her and barley above a whisper said, "Would you like to find out?"
Despite the loud music, Tris heard every word clearly. Now the logical part of her brain was kicking in, telling her to see past her dark desires.
"No," she mumbled back shaking her head but still unable to take her eyes off his.
Eric smirked again, breaking out into a full smile making her stomach flutter.
"Where's your boyfriend at?" Eric asked handing over his empty glass to the bar tender.
Tris glanced at the new bar tender, she had a low cut shirt exposing much of her cleavage and a seductive smile on her face as she arched her back towards Eric and refilled his glass. Tris felt a hot urge to throw her glass at her.
"Working," Tris replied glumly. What was she doing? Sitting her having drinks with…him while Four was off working.
"He can't take the night off to spend it with you?" Eric asked taking the
"He couldn't get off," Tris replied sipping more of the water.
"Jackass," Eric muttered under his breath.
"Excuse me?" Tris asked shocked at his insult.
"Not you," Eric reassured, "him. I'd never leave my girl alone on her birthday."
Her stomach fluttered again but the alcohol was talking now, "Yeah…"
"So you agree?" Eric asked surprised, "Prince charming not up to your expectations?"
"I don't have expectations," Tris replied slowly struggling to spit it out through her haze, "He's been- like very very good to me… ya know I love him."
"Is that why you've looked miserable the last few weeks?" Eric asked now staring intently at his glass.
"What?" Tris asked shocked, "I'm not- I'm not like…miserable."
"Yes you are," Eric replied with a chuckle, "when you two first started dating you were all smiles and giggles. Now you hardly look at him when you walk around with him. What happened? Missionary got boring after three years?"
"No!" Tris yelled out feeling the heat rush to his cheeks, "we're not- we don't…I'm not, I'm not like that…"
"Really?" Eric asked twirling his glass in hand.
"That's not of your business!" Tris shot back irritated, "besides how do you know all this stuff? You've been watching me?"
Now Eric shifted in his chair and took a drink out of his glass, "so you're happy with him?"
The question posed an interesting string of thoughts to Tris. She had never told anyone about her shifting relationship with Four. She wanted to talk about it, maybe she need someone to reassure her that she was right…or wrong. She wasn't sure.
"I see," Eric replied with his trade mark smirk, "I saw that one coming from a mile away."
"What do you- you mean?" Tris asked now hiccupping.
"I knew you and number boy wouldn't last forever," Eric replied cracking his neck.
His hair was beginning to fall into his face, he looked tired, the stubble was beginning to show along his strong jawline. Tris wanted to reach out and run her hand along his leadership tattoos.
"How did you know…?" Tris asked curiously watching the way the muscles in his neck and face shifted.
"Because no matter how hard you try, you're not Abnegation anymore," Eric replied pulling a pack of cigarettes out of his vest pocket and light one up, "you keep trying to tell yourself your still abnegation at heart but I can see it in you. You're not."
"How do you know?" Tris asked her curiosity swimming.
"Switching from Abnegation to Dauntless isn't something you do on a whim," Eric replied boldly now with a dead serious look on his face, "I saw it in you when you volunteered to be the first one to jump into dauntless when we first met and when you won the capture the flag game, climbing up that ferris wheel."
Tris was enticed by his words with his deep enticing voice. It was pulling her in.
"I knew from the moment that you got with Four that he wasn't going to be enough for you," Eric continued and now leaned into Tris even closer and dropped his voice.
Tris stopped breathing at seeing Eric so close to her. His eyes were just like she dreamt; they were stunningly blue masked with passion and darkness.
"You want adventure," Eric explained slowly, "you want someone who challenges you mentally, emotionally…physically. You want it all, you're just to shy and keep telling yourself that your abnegation so you hold yourself back."
Tris still wasn't breathing; her insides were squirming in new unfamiliar ways. She took a deep breath, suddenly feeling her heart beat quicken. She turned back to the water glass finishing it all swiftly.
Eric chuckled and turned back to his glass finishing it off, "I'm telling you Tris…these stale boyfriends and stale life style you keep trying to live it won't ever be enough for you."
Tris's head was starting to spin, her stomach was now lurching from nerves and nausea. She wasn't feeling so good…
"You alright stiff?" Eric asked scooting closer to me.
"Uh-huh," Tris replied but her grip on her water glass tightened.
"You sure?" Eric questioned.
Tris took a few deep breaths but could feel it coming. Standing up she weaved quickly in between the party people to a deserted part of the compound. Her head was spinning dangerously fast; he stomach was beginning to expel its contents. It was only right as she got to the empty hall near the chasm that she aggressively started to throw up. Now Tris could feel the shame and embarrassment kick up. She only barely noticed when someone behind her began grabbing her hair pulling it back for the aim of fire.
It burned coming back up as Tris successfully emptied out her stomach over the chasm. As it finally stopped, Tris stood up now feeling the full effects of the alcohol. Now she wanted to go pass out in her bed. As her vision became slightly more clear she could see Eric standing close to her with his large hand still on her back.
"You feeling a little better?" Eric asked watching her carefully.
"No," Tris replied rubbing her temple.
"C'mon I'll walk you back to your apartment," Eric offered.
"Ok…" Tris replied sleepily.
Eric kept his hand on her back as the two of them walked silently through the halls. Nothing but the sounds of their footsteps echoed through the empty halls. Tris wanted to say something, but she wasn't sure of what to say. She just spent more time wishing that he would say something, anything. Eric seemed caviler and confidant in his strides with her.
In the silence they walked past the main entrance where the door was opening up. Tris wasn't really paying too much attention as Tris and Eric walked pass them.
"Tris!" a familiar voice called out.
Tris and Eric turned around while Eric dropped his hand from Tris' back. . Tris was still feeling hazy and sick as she focused. It was Four.
"Four…?" Tris mumbled out, "What are- what are- why are you here?"
Four grimaced glancing at Eric, "I just got off work."
Tris chuckled and turned to Eric, "you said it wasn't midnight yet."
"That was an over an hour ago," Eric smirked at her.
"Wow it's really been like…that long?" Tris asked.
"How much have you had to drink?" Four muttered stepping closer to her.
"I dunno…" Tris said smiling deviously. She didn't mean to smile deviously but it just automatically broke out over her face; Eric shared the same look on his face.
"I'll take it from here Eric," Four said wrapping his arm around her neck.
Four began pulling her away as Eric nodded at Tris.
"Good night," Tris said to him before they left.
Four clenched his jaw hard.
"Good night Tris," Eric said and started walking back and then turned around, "oh…happy birthday."
"Thank you," Tris said with a genuine smile.
Four began pulling at her again, guiding her back to her apartment. The two of them also walked in silence on the way back to their apartment. Four kept glancing at her as if he wanted to say something but didn't. Upon entering the apartment, Tris and Four could already hear the commotion coming from Will and Christina's room.
Tris giggled as they walked pass. Four rolled his eyes as they entered their room and helped Tris into the bed. Tris fell into it feeling thankful that she was now out of the hazy party. Four pulled his shirt off and crawled into bed on the other side. Four pulled her into his arms.
"Hey," Four said with a warm smile.
"Hey," Tris replied feeling her eye lids getting heavier by the second.
"Here," Four said reaching into the night stand next to his side of the bed. He pulled out a small brown box and handed it to her, "I know you don't really like birthdays…but happy birthday."
Tris smiled warmly taking it from him. She could feel her heart swelling excitedly as she opened it up. Inside was a small leather bracelet with a single silver pendant. On the pendant was…the symbol for abnegation.
"I know how important your roots are," Four smiled, "they're important to me too."
"Thank you," Tris replied automatically but wasn't sure of how she felt about it. Maybe she was just too tired to appreciate it.
Four cupper her face and pulled her into a sweet, slow kiss. Tris began feeling more excited; maybe she would get her birthday sex…even if it was only missionary. However Four pulled away tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear.
"Man it was such a long night at work…I'm exhausted," Four chuckled tiredly, "Good night birthday girl, I love you."
Tris sighed looking at him, "I love you too."
Four turned off the lamp near the bed and pulled Tris closer to him as he cuddled her. A cold disappointment encased Tris, in the next room she could still hear Will and Christina. She wondered it Eric was still downstairs at the party…talking with the busty bar tender. Tris closed the small box and tossed it idly onto the floor while Eric's words rang true and clear in her ears.
"You want adventure, you want someone who challenges you mentally, emotionally…physically. You want it all, you're just to shy and keep telling yourself that your abnegation so you hold yourself back."