Shego's bad day: Chapter 1
In Drakken's lair
Kim ducked a fire filled punch aimed at her head, as she went for a low sweep kick at the woman in a green and black cat suit, accidently letting her side vulnerable she felt a foot come into contact with her ribs that sent her flying across the room.
"Getting slow princess?" Shego taunted, she lowered her defense as she watched Kim get back up.
"Not on your life Shego." She returned the insult, as her partner/ best friend, Ron Stoppable, continued to slap fight with Shego's boss Drakken. The blue man continued to try and gain into the blonde boy's territory in order to win the slap fight, despite the childish cries coming from Ron.
Shego was about to return verbal fight but her phone went off, this was something that had never occurred in any of Kim and Shego's fights. The entire room was quite as the phone continued a heavy metal music ring tone. Shego dug into a compartment in her shins of her cat suit, she brought out an iphone, just without the apple sticker but with a green stripe in the middle.
Instead of a friendly greeting you would expect when someone picked up the phone, the receiver got a Shego greeting.
"What the fuck do you want?" she said in an angry tone, Kim was shocked at Shego's language, Shego had never sworn once in front of Kim before. "You have got to be shitting with me?" another pause "Right now?" Ron looked at Kim with a curious look, as Kim just shrugged and looked at Drakken who gave the same response. "You're a bitch ya know that? A real fucking bitch!" Shego threw the phone against the wall, as it smashed into little pieces let out a aggravated scream and stormed out the lair by blasting a whole in the wall with the green plasma that roared at her gloved hands.
"Err Drakken has Shego ever done that before?"
"Storming out while swearing? Have you met Shego? But getting a mysterious phone call then storming out? Not happened while I've been here." Kim shook her head,
"Ron let's go there's no point of us being here then, that doom thingy isn't going to work is it?" Drakken was about to comment when Kim raised an eyebrow, he quickly looked at the blue prints behind him.
"It will in about 3 weeks… stupid radioactive timer…" he mumbled scientific words under his breath.
"K then no need for us then, see ya Drakken. Wade we need a ride out… somehow I don't think the lair is going to blow up on account of lack of Shego." Kim spoke into the communicator that she held in her hand.
In Go City
Shego stormed into the house. A woman with dark hair, blue eyes, tanned skin, held a baby in her arms who peacefully sucked at the milk bottle in her mouth, supported by the woman's hand.
"Did you really have to call me out of work for this?" the woman smirked at Shego,
"I'm sorry sweetie did I interfere with your little play fights?"
"Fuck off mom!" Shego swore at her dumping a black gym bag on the sofa
"Ok miss tantrum, I just need you to look after Lara for a couple of days. It's for your auntie Janie, who needs to help with some medical research in Colorado."
"God does that woman ever stop getting pregnant? Ever heard of a condom?" She cursed her auntie's sex drive. Her mother chuckled at the comment,
"No clearly not, any way I need to head off to help your father get out a tomb stone under the Atlantic ocean." Shego and her mother let out a heavy sigh, at the same time they spoke
"Men." Shego only smiled not making eye contact with her mother as she took the baby girl out of the arms, "There's a list of things that you need to do, due to your… lack of experience with children, we'll put it. It needs to be fed" Shego arched her eyebrow "by you. Changed. By you. Entertained… by TV is it's only hope I guess. Oh and it needs air… fresh air. Spare clothes and nappies are on the counter, so I have to be off to catch the plane, see ya later fire fly!" she called out as she went to leave, Shego nearly dropped the baby at her mother's sudden exit,
"Wait! Why can't my brothers do this shit?"
"We need the baby alive! And if you don't I'll tell the press your name!" The woman called out while getting into the cab,
"Fucking blackmailing bitch!" Shego cursed at her mother
"Have fun!" and the taxi was gone.
Shego brought the baby up to eye level with her,
"So what do you do?" She asked the creature in her hands, only to receive baby food to be brought up on her cat suit.
She closed her eyes tightly in attempt to stop herself from throwing up or dumping it in the nearest bin. She walked into the house keeping the baby arms length away from her, Shego walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bunch of kitchen roll and wiped the mouth removing chunks of baby food, as she then put the baby on the floor of the living room and went to go change.
When she was fully dressed she took a note that was left on the bed, first sentence don't leave the baby alone! Not even for a minute! Shego's eyes widened in fear at her first baby sitting mistake, sprinting back into the living room.
She was too late, the sofa had been thrown up on even more, pictures had been knocked over, the TV's remote had been snapped in two, the phone had dialed some Japanese number and the cushions had all been spread around the room. In the middle of the destruction sat Lara, who saw Shego's face go into a shocked state and let out a innocent giggle,
Shego frowned at the baby, and pretended a conversation in her head how can you stay mad at me? Remember I'm only young… cute giggle. Shego screamed while trying not to pull her hair out. When she did that the baby started screaming too.
Suddenly a terrible odour came across Shego's scent, "Oh holy mother of fuck! What the hell is that? Did mom by a dog and it died?" Shego put a hand across her nose to stop the powerful odor. She grabbed the list out of her pocket, the second sentence remember to change the nappy. "How the hell do I do that?" Shego asked herself.
Shego walked up to Lara with caution, she held her breath and picked the small creature by the arms and took it to the bathroom, she rested the baby on the bathroom floor, ripping the baby suit at the bottom half with one claw, she braced herself to what she was about to see, as the nappy came off, Shego had clearly not braced herself enough, I'm going to be sick! As avoided all contact with the baby, the deposit she just focused on the tooth brush that sat on the side. She picked the baby up by the arms again and put the lower half in the toilet while flushing it with her elbow, bloody mom, bloody baby, bloddy shit. All things I hate! Shego screamed in her mind, trying to block out Lara's own screams.
Shego, then satisfied the baby was clean, wrapped a nappy on the baby, but the tags started to confuse her. After a few more attempts to no success she sighed and grabbed the duct tape from the cupboard and started to wrap it around the baby.
"You better not do this wee deposit a lot. Or we will not be friends." Shego warned the baby while cutting the duct tape off.
She then looked at the next part on the list; remember to feed Lara, even if she throws it all up again. Shego was really starting to despise the idea of becoming a parent.
Shego put the innocent (ish) creature in the baby chair that was next to the table, taking a plastic bowl from the cupboard, she stared at the mushy food that sat in a glass container. She followed the instructions on the container if only it was this easy! She put the food in the bowl, feed the pink beaker up with water and sat it on the plastic tray that sat in front of the baby chair.
"Ok you eat that up like a good baby." Lara just pulled a frown at Shego, "Come on kid just eat the fu- nice food." At least she knew not to swear near little kids. Suddenly the bowl of food came into contact with Shego's face.
Shego's eyes were a giving the baby deathly glares, well you could only see that when the porridge had finally slid off Shego's face. This just caused Lara to laugh even more. Sighing Shego walked and grabbed some more kitchen roll to get rid of the crap on her face. She turned round to see Lara making a funny face, but this wasn't an intentional face
"No please Lara I am begging you…" Shego begged the little baby, but it was too late and a horrible odor came into contact with Shego's senses, Shego put all the windows in the house open, deciding to let the thing sit in its own crap for a while was the worst decision Shego had ever made. The cries got louder, Shego tried to blank it out the screams but her eye started to twitch as well as the plasma started to flare… taking a deep breath and counting down from 10, she went to the baby gave it a pacifier, shoved it in Lara's mouth in attempt to make it shut up. Shego sighed with relief at the silence there was in the room.
Eventually Lara fell asleep at about 2 am in the morning, after constantly hounding Shego to feed her, or give her a dummy that she had dropped on the floor. Shego walked into her room that had been pre made for her, she looked in the mirror noticing the dark eyes and bags starting to appear under her eyes, letting out a sigh she closed the door hitting the bed letting sleep take over her.
Unfortunately this didn't last long as the sound of screams awoke her and hour later.
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Well that's the start of Shego's bad day, hope you like it.
Hope no guys were offended by the "*sigh* men" joke