Second Chances

A grandmother is a mother who has a second chance.
- Author Unknown

I watched intently as Rensesmee gracefully danced around the room. Her beautiful brown eyes caught mine with a sparkling twinkle. She dashed over to my side in an instant, eager to spend time with her grandma for the first time in a few days. She stared at me and starting giggling uncontrollably.

"Grandma, I love you." She said impishly

A warmness flooded my body. She was so beautiful I just wanted to squish her.

"I love you too, Nessie.'' I replied without thought

She made her onto the couch and climbed into my lap. Her head was laid lazily on my marble chest for a few moments before she tangled her dimpled hand into the curls of my hair. She looked at me then and smiled adorably.

"You are beautiful Nessie. You have eyes just like your mother used to have.'' I ran my fingers through her soft caramel ringlets.

I kissed her nose.

"But you have your daddy's hair." I grinned

Renesmee placed her hand against my cheek, and with her gift, she was tried to convince me that I was much more beautiful than her. It was strange viewing myself, actually seeing myself and not just a reflection. I was automatically shaking my head in disagreement. She took me back to last week and played a moment between Carlisle and I from her point of view; Carlisle's arm draped lovingly across my shoulders as we sat on the bench on the porch. Our skin glittering like diamonds, a million different colored facets in the sunlight.

''See. " she retorted

She grimaced as she kicked her pink ballet shoes off and wiggled her foot in the sun. Her skin was undeniably beautiful, but only had a faint luminosity. Her skin wasn't as much of a spectacle as any of the rest of our family .Which was good, because then we wouldn't have to keep her in on a sunny day .She looked back up at me and frowned.

"Grandma isn't beautiful. "I murmured into her hair.

The sweet smell of cinnamon washed through the room. Carlisle. A smile instantly formed on my face.

"I don't think I can agree with that.'' He mumbled into my ear.

He had already changed from his uniform and was wearing a form fitting blue sweater and black slacks. A tingle ran down my spine as I shot a glance at his arms and how tightly the fabric constricted them.

"Grandpa! "Renesmee squealed, instantly reminding me of my surroundings. He snatched her away from me and twirled her in the air.

"Put me down! Put me down! '' She screamed. Carlisle had an irresistible smirk on his face as he sat down next to me. Renesmee placed her hand on her grandfather's cheek. His face fell into a sort of awe and this expression muted the paleness of his skin and the wisdom in his face. He looked much younger in that moment, much like a normal 23 year old.

''She wants me to tell you that you are beautiful.'' he said softly, his face breaking slowly back into a grin

''Fine.I'm beautiful, but you are much more beautiful than I am." I informed her

"You are a miracle." I added

She rolled her eyes in a way that mimicked Edward so closely. Carlisle joined me on the couch half a moment later, Renesmee cuddling in between us.

She laid her hand on my husband's cheek again, this time slowly,and I could tell she was fighting so desperately to stay awake.

''Um...She wants us to kiss. 'He said embarrassingly, though his smile showed no reluctance to the task.

If my cheeks could still burn with embarrassment, they would be. Carlisle's face was mere just inches from mine. Our lips barely brushed but yet, my whole body tingled with excitement. I tried not to show remorse on my face as his lips left mine.

"I love you.'' He whispered almost inaudibly

"I love you too.'' I replied, leaning my head on his shoulder. His arm automatically wrapped around my shoulder.

Our gaze immediately returned to Renesmee as her small voice yawned, her coral lips forming a tiny O. Her eyelids started to droop as she tried to lift her head, but the exhaustion finally caught up to her and she fell slowly back to Carlisle's chest. He sang softly to her as she slept. I kissed the crook of his shoulder.

Seeing Carlisle this way tugged at the strings of my heart. It was both a joy and a heartache. It pained me to think that I would never be able to give him babies-babies with his eyes and my mouth. My smile faded and I tried to hold back the emotions that were threatening to spoil the remainder of our evening together. I hid underneath my hair, grateful that I hadn't cut it prior to my changing. Carlisle felt me stiffen immediately.
"Esme?" His voice filled with concern.I let more hair in front of my face.

"Esme?He tried again. I wanted to answer him but was afraid of how I would respond if I spoke now.

"Sweetheart, please look at me.'' His nimble fingers moved my hair deftly behind my ear. Instead of dropping back to his lap, his hand lingered on my face, softly caressing my cheek.

"Esme , talk to me.'' His topaz eyes were fluid and filled with worry

"I'm sorry." I cried miserably.

I was embarassed for my behavior,but even after 70 odd years I still felt this way. I still ached to have children with adoptive children had lessened the sting and for many years I thought I was as past this as I could be. However, with Renesmee's birth and the new-found knowledge involving her conception, some of my old wounds had been reopened.

" For what , my love?''

His hand slowly settled on mine, drawing heart shapes onto the back of my palm.
"It's all my fault! If I would have never jumped off that cliff, I could have given you all the babies you desired. It's all my fault. You can still have babies. I don't deserve you. Why would you want to be with me anymore? I can't give you anything…You've given me so much.."
I broke out in sobs then, as Carlisle gently moved Nessie to his left shoulder and cradled me to his side.

" Shh, shh, shh .Love, Nothing is your fault. I know it is not fair but we have to make do with what we are given.. If I can't have a baby with you , then I don't want a baby at all. I would want any biological child of mine to be half of me and half of the woman I love. If I left you, I wouldn't be able to have a baby with a woman I'm in love with, because there is only one, and that woman is you and only you. We can't have children though, but I'm fine with that, because God has still given me all I ever wished for and the things I forgot to wish for. "

He looked down at Renesmee then and smiled. His forehead instinctively rested against mine.
" I would never be able to leave you. It's hard enough leaving you to go to the hospital. You have given me the family I had never dared to hope for. Without your love, none of us would be who we are now."

He kissed me then. His kiss was sweet but infused with need. I was desperate to be closer to him. My body melted into his and he sighed into my mouth. I tugged at the hair at the back of his head, eager for him to be even closer. He responded enthusiastically, holding my cheek in his hand as his fingers grasped at my scalp. However,this pleasant action ended almost as soon as it started. We both were reminded of our current surroundings when Nessie shifted in her sleep, settling in the comfort the crook of Carlisle's left arm. Carlisle smirked and settled for a more chaste illustration of his affection for me. He ghosted kisses all over my face, with utmost attention to my eyelids and forehead.

" I've loved you since the first time I saw you at sixteen years old. Your shy smiles bewitched me from the very beginning. I was a fool for letting you go.. It's my fault. I could have courted you and married you..You would have never had to go through all that you did. Esme, I love you so very much.."
I held him tightly and looked up into his eyes.

" Carlisle, you are the best thing that has ever happened to are the only reason I am living. I love you.'' I kissed with him a great passion , his hand slipped to the nape of my neck and his lips settled on the lobe of my ear as he whispered.

"Forever.''

"Forever.'' I agreed.

We looked down to see Nessie staring at us. Her chocolate brown eyes tried desperately to stay open and her sluggish smile made me want to laugh .She pressed her hands against both of our cheeks.
" I love you too, Nessie.'' Carlisle and I said at the same time. We both looked at each other and smiled.