DISCLAIMER: I don't own FFIX, or Kuja, or Garland...
AUTHOR'S NOTE: For those of you who haven't read By Your Side, don't worry. You don't have to. But let me repeat something I said in that author's note: I can't hate Garland. I replay the game over and over, trying to build a little hatred, but I can't do it! It's impossible for me to hate an evil genius! (Washu grins) Except Washu. Washu, I can hate. (Grin fades) Anyway, this is basically By Your Side, but from Kuja's POV. I got some good reviews for By Your Side, and I hope this is just as good! And Foxfury lost the ficwar! *Fury: NO I DIDN'T!!!* Um, yes, she did. Anyway, enjoy the fic! It's yet another LeFox fic, so I hope you enjoy it! LeFox Rox! *^_^*
I took an incredible amount of pride in destroying Terra, in the detrimental power I held. Every single Ultima I cast made me feel... almost elated; I kept reminding myself of how hard HE had tried to restore this dead rock. How many centuries HE had tried to breathe life into a corpse. And how HE hated me. But did I hate him...? Shockingly, no. I didn't hate him, by any means. I felt he had betrayed me, make no mistake. But then again... I paused. I was finished with this destruction. Terra was burned beyond recognition; that had been my goal.
I looked down. Sure enough, there he was, obviously still breathing. The old man... with all his knowledge, with all his power, he was still just an old man. Struggling for life... pity filled my heart. I floated down to him, just to stay by his side for a few moments. Even if he didn't want me there. I could only stare for a moment, unsure what to say. He only lied there, as though he didn't know I was there. How easy it would have been to just leave! He wouldn't have to see my weakness. But try as I might, turning away simply wasn't an option. Eventually, words found my tongue. And they weren't the ones I had expected.
"So this is how the Princess felt..." I said softly, dropping to my knees. I looked at him, wondering if... yes, he did open his eyes. Still alive... incredible. I looked up. That had to have been at least a hundred-foot drop. I almost smiled. I had gotten my will to survive from him, that much was clearly evident. But then again... I looked back at him. His breathing was staggering, his eyes seemed to try to pierce my soul. ...They did, actually. I could scarcely believe what I had said, but I could never take those words back. It was too late.
"What do you mean... how the princess... felt?" he asked, his words coming just as raggedly as his breathing. I hesitated. Why had I said that? How could I explain? I bit my lip, and met his eyes. My words were anything but steady. "When I killed her mother... I didn't know why she was so sad. Now I do..." I couldn't hold the gaze. I couldn't let him see the blush that had appeared on my cheeks. I just kept making myself more and more the fool, digging my own grave. This could only lead to pain, and I'd had enough pain for one lifetime. But... if he was dying, then... what difference did it make? Oh, who was I kidding... we were both dying, Terra was dying. When he didn't respond for a moment, I chanced a glance at him. His blank eyes were closed. Then, they reopened, and he looked at me.
"Kuja..." he began. I braced myself. "Kuja... I cannot think of you as a son... not now," his words were oddly calm, though they were full of... something. I looked away again, fighting... tears? No. It couldn't be tears... I had never cried before in my life. Garland, you never could think of me as a child, how can you think of me as a son? I'm not your Angel of Death, I'm your creation... I'm not even human. I'm a simple, useless Genome... I did everything you told me to. Reluctantly and rebelliously, granted, but I did it. I found my own ways of doing things; you hated me for that. But you never hurt me. I got rid of your perfect Genome, so why didn't you break every bone in my fragile body? You could have killed me then. Why not? I turned back to him.
"I don't need you to think of me at all, Garland. In fact, I hope no one thinks of me again." I said, trying to keep that air of complete control and dignity that I had mastered so long ago... but I broke. Tears that hadn't fallen for twenty-four years fell down my pale cheeks. I didn't bother wiping them away, and I didn't try to hide them. It was too late-- Garland had already seen them. My father had seen my first steps, first spells, and now... my first tears. Oh, to be a child again! I would fix my errors, I wouldn't be Garland's defect. I'd be just as good as--no, better than Zidane. Garland would love me, he'd accept me. I wouldn't mind dying if I only had... his respect... I felt him take my hand gently, to my complete bewilderment.
"M-master Garland...?" I wiped a tear away from my face. Red hair fell in my eyes. I brushed that away, too. He only looked at me. I wondered what he was thinking... good lord, was I crying again? The tears, once started, were ceaseless. I looked at Garland. I almost laughed then... I never realized how very alike we were in many ways. Including the fact that we were both too naive to see that we were mortal. My creator seemed to struggle for words. Then, "Are you planning to stay here until the planet explodes?" The words, so nonchalant, and yet so futile. Behind the cool voice, I heard something. He... he wanted... he wanted me to escape! Once again, I almost laughed. I had never realized that Garland was capable of something so paternal. Fatherly. A term I had never used to describe Garland... until now.
"I don't want... to die... but I'm gonna die anyway," I whispered, as the knowledge hit me again. Each time, it hit me right in the chest. Right in the heart. Oh, how easily he had ended my dreams! How simple it had been for him to destroy my future. It had taken me ten years to accomplish so much... it had taken him four words. 'You are a mortal.' How quickly he had ruptured my confidence, my hopes, my plans... but none of that mattered. He was here, and he was trying not to show it... but I knew he cared. He was regretting it now.
I looked skyward. A bright light had just emenated from the sky... the Invincible. In my heart, I knew it was Zidane. So. Once again, the little nuisance had escaped my trap. Somehow, it didn't bother me. I glowed for a moment, blinded by the light of the portal. The perfect Genome had gotten away. I looked back down to Garland, who I expected to be looking at the portal, as well. To my surprise, he was looking back at me. "Zidane's safe," I said wistfully. He met my eyes evenly. "Kuja... I want you to go with him to Gaia. Now." he ordered. I could only stare at him for a moment.
"Wh-Why?" I asked, not hiding my disbelief. He hesitated. Garland, Master Garland, without an answer. I shall cherish the memory. "I need Zidane to go to Memoria, and you would lure him there. Now go." he said, releasing my hand. He closed his eyes, and his body relaxed. He thought I would believe he was dead. No such luck. He was my father, he was my creator, he was my master, he was my companion in death. I wouldn't let go that easily.
I leaned over, kissing his forehead gently. His eyes opened again, slower this time. It was his turn to look surprised. Once again, a cherished memory. I took a deep breath. "I... I know you love me, Garland... That's why you didn't kill me when Zidane was created. That's why you want me to go to Gaia... It has nothing to do with Zidane, does it?" I asked softly, brushing a strand of white hair off of his face. My father, my creator. Whatever he wanted to call himself, he was my father.
Only a few hours later, I had all but forgotten these last moments. Standing before the Crystal, feeling the power it radiated, I lost it. I was full of hatred, desiring only to destroy everything. By this time, Garland was dead... but he knew I was insane. He had told Zidane to "Take care of" me. He knew I wanted to kill... everyone. Everything. And I couldn't recall Garland's gentle words to me. No, I only remembered the years I had hated him. The years he had hated me.
Lying in the Iifa Tree, I realize: My memories are back, memories of those last few moments with my... father... and the things he had said to me. Even as I was talking to Zidane, I was thinking of him... My father... you dashed my dreams, and ended my life, but in the end... I'm more than just your doll.
...I'm your son.
LeFox says: Oh, that was good! Not nearly as good as the first, but definately a decent fic... R+R and I'll... um... I'll do something... ^_~'
AUTHOR'S NOTE: For those of you who haven't read By Your Side, don't worry. You don't have to. But let me repeat something I said in that author's note: I can't hate Garland. I replay the game over and over, trying to build a little hatred, but I can't do it! It's impossible for me to hate an evil genius! (Washu grins) Except Washu. Washu, I can hate. (Grin fades) Anyway, this is basically By Your Side, but from Kuja's POV. I got some good reviews for By Your Side, and I hope this is just as good! And Foxfury lost the ficwar! *Fury: NO I DIDN'T!!!* Um, yes, she did. Anyway, enjoy the fic! It's yet another LeFox fic, so I hope you enjoy it! LeFox Rox! *^_^*
I took an incredible amount of pride in destroying Terra, in the detrimental power I held. Every single Ultima I cast made me feel... almost elated; I kept reminding myself of how hard HE had tried to restore this dead rock. How many centuries HE had tried to breathe life into a corpse. And how HE hated me. But did I hate him...? Shockingly, no. I didn't hate him, by any means. I felt he had betrayed me, make no mistake. But then again... I paused. I was finished with this destruction. Terra was burned beyond recognition; that had been my goal.
I looked down. Sure enough, there he was, obviously still breathing. The old man... with all his knowledge, with all his power, he was still just an old man. Struggling for life... pity filled my heart. I floated down to him, just to stay by his side for a few moments. Even if he didn't want me there. I could only stare for a moment, unsure what to say. He only lied there, as though he didn't know I was there. How easy it would have been to just leave! He wouldn't have to see my weakness. But try as I might, turning away simply wasn't an option. Eventually, words found my tongue. And they weren't the ones I had expected.
"So this is how the Princess felt..." I said softly, dropping to my knees. I looked at him, wondering if... yes, he did open his eyes. Still alive... incredible. I looked up. That had to have been at least a hundred-foot drop. I almost smiled. I had gotten my will to survive from him, that much was clearly evident. But then again... I looked back at him. His breathing was staggering, his eyes seemed to try to pierce my soul. ...They did, actually. I could scarcely believe what I had said, but I could never take those words back. It was too late.
"What do you mean... how the princess... felt?" he asked, his words coming just as raggedly as his breathing. I hesitated. Why had I said that? How could I explain? I bit my lip, and met his eyes. My words were anything but steady. "When I killed her mother... I didn't know why she was so sad. Now I do..." I couldn't hold the gaze. I couldn't let him see the blush that had appeared on my cheeks. I just kept making myself more and more the fool, digging my own grave. This could only lead to pain, and I'd had enough pain for one lifetime. But... if he was dying, then... what difference did it make? Oh, who was I kidding... we were both dying, Terra was dying. When he didn't respond for a moment, I chanced a glance at him. His blank eyes were closed. Then, they reopened, and he looked at me.
"Kuja..." he began. I braced myself. "Kuja... I cannot think of you as a son... not now," his words were oddly calm, though they were full of... something. I looked away again, fighting... tears? No. It couldn't be tears... I had never cried before in my life. Garland, you never could think of me as a child, how can you think of me as a son? I'm not your Angel of Death, I'm your creation... I'm not even human. I'm a simple, useless Genome... I did everything you told me to. Reluctantly and rebelliously, granted, but I did it. I found my own ways of doing things; you hated me for that. But you never hurt me. I got rid of your perfect Genome, so why didn't you break every bone in my fragile body? You could have killed me then. Why not? I turned back to him.
"I don't need you to think of me at all, Garland. In fact, I hope no one thinks of me again." I said, trying to keep that air of complete control and dignity that I had mastered so long ago... but I broke. Tears that hadn't fallen for twenty-four years fell down my pale cheeks. I didn't bother wiping them away, and I didn't try to hide them. It was too late-- Garland had already seen them. My father had seen my first steps, first spells, and now... my first tears. Oh, to be a child again! I would fix my errors, I wouldn't be Garland's defect. I'd be just as good as--no, better than Zidane. Garland would love me, he'd accept me. I wouldn't mind dying if I only had... his respect... I felt him take my hand gently, to my complete bewilderment.
"M-master Garland...?" I wiped a tear away from my face. Red hair fell in my eyes. I brushed that away, too. He only looked at me. I wondered what he was thinking... good lord, was I crying again? The tears, once started, were ceaseless. I looked at Garland. I almost laughed then... I never realized how very alike we were in many ways. Including the fact that we were both too naive to see that we were mortal. My creator seemed to struggle for words. Then, "Are you planning to stay here until the planet explodes?" The words, so nonchalant, and yet so futile. Behind the cool voice, I heard something. He... he wanted... he wanted me to escape! Once again, I almost laughed. I had never realized that Garland was capable of something so paternal. Fatherly. A term I had never used to describe Garland... until now.
"I don't want... to die... but I'm gonna die anyway," I whispered, as the knowledge hit me again. Each time, it hit me right in the chest. Right in the heart. Oh, how easily he had ended my dreams! How simple it had been for him to destroy my future. It had taken me ten years to accomplish so much... it had taken him four words. 'You are a mortal.' How quickly he had ruptured my confidence, my hopes, my plans... but none of that mattered. He was here, and he was trying not to show it... but I knew he cared. He was regretting it now.
I looked skyward. A bright light had just emenated from the sky... the Invincible. In my heart, I knew it was Zidane. So. Once again, the little nuisance had escaped my trap. Somehow, it didn't bother me. I glowed for a moment, blinded by the light of the portal. The perfect Genome had gotten away. I looked back down to Garland, who I expected to be looking at the portal, as well. To my surprise, he was looking back at me. "Zidane's safe," I said wistfully. He met my eyes evenly. "Kuja... I want you to go with him to Gaia. Now." he ordered. I could only stare at him for a moment.
"Wh-Why?" I asked, not hiding my disbelief. He hesitated. Garland, Master Garland, without an answer. I shall cherish the memory. "I need Zidane to go to Memoria, and you would lure him there. Now go." he said, releasing my hand. He closed his eyes, and his body relaxed. He thought I would believe he was dead. No such luck. He was my father, he was my creator, he was my master, he was my companion in death. I wouldn't let go that easily.
I leaned over, kissing his forehead gently. His eyes opened again, slower this time. It was his turn to look surprised. Once again, a cherished memory. I took a deep breath. "I... I know you love me, Garland... That's why you didn't kill me when Zidane was created. That's why you want me to go to Gaia... It has nothing to do with Zidane, does it?" I asked softly, brushing a strand of white hair off of his face. My father, my creator. Whatever he wanted to call himself, he was my father.
Only a few hours later, I had all but forgotten these last moments. Standing before the Crystal, feeling the power it radiated, I lost it. I was full of hatred, desiring only to destroy everything. By this time, Garland was dead... but he knew I was insane. He had told Zidane to "Take care of" me. He knew I wanted to kill... everyone. Everything. And I couldn't recall Garland's gentle words to me. No, I only remembered the years I had hated him. The years he had hated me.
Lying in the Iifa Tree, I realize: My memories are back, memories of those last few moments with my... father... and the things he had said to me. Even as I was talking to Zidane, I was thinking of him... My father... you dashed my dreams, and ended my life, but in the end... I'm more than just your doll.
...I'm your son.
LeFox says: Oh, that was good! Not nearly as good as the first, but definately a decent fic... R+R and I'll... um... I'll do something... ^_~'