{AN: Hey Everyone! This is my first angsty fic. It's about what happens to
Sam after the quest. I wish the ending could've been different but
according to my calculations, it would have been too unbelievable and
wouldn't have worked according to time! }
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, the master, JRR Tolkien does. Just a warning, I also used some quotes from the Return of the King but unfortunately I can't find my copy, so I don't know what page they are from. As well, lines from Into The West are used. I don't own those either!
Quotes and lines that are meant to be italic are all marked with a '*' simply because the italics from Microsoft Word don't seem to work with FFN!
Enjoy!
~*~Not All Tears Are Evil~*~
The year was 1482 and a chill breeze blew through the Shire. Sam and his wife Rosie sat huddled on the porch enjoying the cool, chilly air and the magnificent sunset. But soon they couldn't take the sting of the wind and they retreated back inside their hobbit hole.
Once inside, Sam insisted on making a cup of tea for his wife who was considerably pale. The colour of her face drained and she shook violently.
Rosie, who still looked young, was in fact, anything but that. The years had gone by and like any normal hobbit, Sam and Rosie had continued aging. Sam was now 109, and Rosie was not far behind.
Sam wheezed as he leaned down to start a fire in the fireplace. He pushed Rosie's chair forward, closer to the heat, tucked her into some blankets and passed her tea. As Rosie grasped the mug in her shaking fingers, the tea sloshed over the side. Sam helped her steady herself and he began to rub her back soothingly and comfortingly.
During this moment, memories flooded back to Sam, of the times he had cared for his best friend Frodo. Tears struggled with his eyes as he remembered their perilous journey and that one fateful evening 62 years ago when Frodo and Bilbo left Middle Earth forever. Sam remembered Frodo telling him that he can't always be torn in two, that he would have to be one and a whole for many years. He would have to choose one path and follow it to the end. But the truth was Sam would always be torn in two. Sometimes Sam felt that he belonged in the Shire with his beautiful wife and kids, and other times his heart grieved for his wonderful friend Frodo. Sam had always wondered whether he had done the right thing by letting Frodo go off again. Sam was sure that Frodo and him would be together forever. Unfortunately the road of life had a different plan for Sam.
Sam's thoughts returned to the present and he looked back to his wife. Her eyes had no depth anymore and all he could see in them was the reflection of the fire.
"Come on, honey! Time for a good night's rest and you'll be as good as new in the morning," Sam said quietly. No protest came from Rosie. Sam pulled her up and out of the chair. Holding onto her, he led her down the hallway and into the bedroom. Picking her up, Sam placed Rosie softly on the bed and pulled the covers over her. He kissed her on the forehead and whispered "I Love You" into her ear as she closed her eyes.
Sam stretched his back and walked into the living room to put out the fire and clean the kitchen. Once his tasks were complete, he stood in the middle of the room and admired the cleanliness of it. Sam looked at everything in his little house and memories of his childhood and adulthood came rushing back to him. But just as quickly as they had come, the memories left him and he felt empty. He had no thoughts or feelings, he felt no emotions. He was just an empty shape in an empty world. Sam wiped the tears forming at his eyes and walked through to the bedroom. Quietly and softly he got into bed next to Rosie. Sam felt Rosie's face and a flush of cold engulfed him. He pulled the covers higher up to her neck and pulled her in closer so he could share some of his body heat with her.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Midyear's Day arose beautiful and warm. Birds chirped, hobbit children played and the sun shone in through the Gamgee's bedroom window.
Sam woke up and something didn't seem right. He sat up and saw Rosie near the end of the bed. Her skin was grey, her limbs were limp and there was no rise or fall of her stomach. Panic took over Sam, he jumped out of bed and ran to Rosie's side. He pushed her onto her back so she lay staring blankly at the ceiling. Sam stroked her arms and once again a cold flush ran over him. Tears streamed freely down Sam's face as he became frantic.
"Rosie, no! You can't be!" he screamed. He shook her violently hoping to stir something inside her.
"You can't die, you can't leave me here alone. Don't go where I can't follow." Sam's sobbing became louder and his body shook with grief. His face was wet and his wet tears dripped onto Rosie's lifeless body.
As if by a miracle, Rosie's eyes blinked as one of Sam's tears bounced off her eyelid. Her eyes opened slowly and observed Sam in hysterics.
"S-am," she croaked. Sam looked up from the floor where his tears dripped. His eyes widened when he saw that Rosie had regained consciousness. He grabbed her hand and kissed it, and ran his hands through her thinning hair.
"..Sam, you have to let me go, I can't stay," she said as once more she began to shake violently, her skin turned a sickly shade of blue.
"No, you have to stay here with me, "Sam pleaded quickly as life and time ran out of Rosie, "I need you, what am I going to do without you?"
"You'll manage just fine, you'll find me later, I'll look for you everyday, I promise," choked Rosie as she ran out of breath and life once again drained out of her, "I'll always be with you, right here!" She raised her quivering hand towards Sam's heart where he held it.
"I love you," Sam cried as a fresh wave of tears greeted his face.
Rosie breathed heavily, her face blanched and death took hold of her body. She lay silent.
Sam yelled and threw his torso over hers and embraced her in a hug tight as a death grip. Sam's face was red and his eyes stung. He sat on the edge of the bed and rocked back and forth with a limp Rosie in his arms. Tears continually streamed down his face and he thought of Rosie's last words.
"I'll always be with you," echoed through his head.
The sun's face shone brightly through the window and glistened on Sam's tears. The sun was welcoming and Sam felt as if a friend was already watching over him. Bravely, he wiped away his tears and lay Rosie down to peace.
He thought of the last time he was this sad, and a beautiful, but depressing, evening 62 years ago came to mind. That was the day when his closest friend had given up and put Middle Earth behind him, a day when Sam thought he would never be happy again. Frodo's words came back to Sam and Sam listened to them play over and over again in his mind until it seemed that his very heart was speaking them to him.
"*Your time may come.*"
"*Do not be too sad, Sam.*"
"*You cannot always be torn in two. You will have to be one and a whole for many years.*"
"*I have been too deeply hurt.*"
"*You have so much to enjoy and to be, and to do.*"
"*That will keep you as busy and as happy as anyone can be, as long as your part of the story goes on.*"
"*..you too were a Ringbearer, if only for a little while.*"
"*Your time may come.*"
Hearing these words repeated once again made Sam realize that he had already resolved what he was going to do. He had been one and a whole for long enough now and it was time he chose another course for the end of his life.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The Shire seemed different to Sam now. There was no enjoyment for him anymore and for the first time in his life he understood why Frodo had to leave.
Rosie's funeral had just occurred and Sam had sadly said goodbye to all of his children. He didn't tell them of his plan, but he told them to enjoy their lives and remember their mother forever. Before he left, he passed on one more piece of advice to his children in the hopes that they would take it to heart and understand the importance of choices.
"*You cannot always be torn in two. You will have to be one and a whole.*"
Tearily, the Gamgees departed, went their separate ways and returned somewhat normally to their lives, although each felt that something good and happy had been ripped from them.
Sam took one last look about his empty home. All of his prized possessions and personal belongings had been packed up and he was ready to tread the last path of his life.
Forlornly, Sam shut the door to his home and left all of his memories and woes behind. Sam chose a path that took him to the Tower Hills where his daughter, Elanor and her husband Fastred lived.
Elanor was surprised to see her dad and wondered what he was doing. But deep down she had a very good idea of his plan. She had lived on Tower Hills long enough to know the face of those who had resigned to life and were leaving Middle Earth forever. The visit was very emotional and when it came time to leave, nothing much was said but many tears were shed. Sam presented Elanor with the Red Book, so that their legacy may continue on to the end of life. For the last time he said goodbye and so it came to be that Elanor was the last hobbit to see Master Samwise Gamgee.
*Why do the white gulls call?*
Sam made his way down the hills and when the sound of gulls reached his ears, his heart rose for the first time in many months.
*The ships have come to carry you home.*
There was a small silver boat situated at the dock and inside waited a lone elf. The elves of the Undying Lands had foreseen the little old hobbit's intentions and had made sure that a boat would be there to bring him to peace. Sam stepped inside the boat and held on tightly as the elf went up front to navigate.
*Grey ships pass
Into the West*
He watched the Shire and the Tower Hills sink away as the boat sailed further and further away. Usually, Sam would have grieved at the thought of leaving the Shire, but not this time. His mind was elsewhere, and never again would he see the Shire.
Sam became extremely nervous and impatient. He resisted the urge to yell at the elf to go faster. He didn't know what to expect once he got to his final destination but he knew that he wanted to see an old friend and for him, time seemed to be running out.
*And all will turn
To silver glass
A light on the water
All Souls pass*
All of a sudden beyond the sun, *a grey rain-curtain turned all to silver glass and was rolled back*. Sam *beheld white shores and beyond them a far green country under a swift sunrise*. Sam spotted silver clad elves roaming through the freshly morning-dewed trees and shafts of sunlight gleamed through the trees.
*All of your fears will pass away.*
Sam's spirits rose and all cares and troubles were lifted from him as the boat pulled up to the shore and he stepped out.
*White Shores are calling, you and I will meet again.*
He thanked the elf in the boat and headed towards a group of fair elves waiting on the hilltop.
"If it's not too much trouble, I would like to see my dear friend Mister Frodo Baggins," blurted Sam before the elves could say anything.
The elves said nothing but led Sam in the direction of his friend. The group took many paths through the forests of the Undying Lands and Sam's eyes were alight with amazement at the magnificence of what he saw before him. The group stopped before a hauntingly quiet and beautiful grey house. The elves carried on, without a word, through hallways and up stairs until they reached a door marked "Baggins" in Elvish.
Sam didn't wait for the elves but ran ahead and pushed open the door. Sam stopped dead in the doorway with the elves looking on knowingly. Sam looked upon Frodo and Bilbo, for the first time in 62 years.
There were two beds in this particular room and upon each lay a familiar face. Sam walked desolately past Bilbo's bed which he stroked softly before moving on to Frodo's bed. Sam smiled slightly when he saw how peaceful Frodo looked.
Frodo was dressed in immaculate silver clothing and wore soft silver slippers on his feet. Frodo's face was untouched by time or worry or trouble but rather his skin seemed to emit a healthy, youthful glow. His hair was as curly as ever and the colour still retained. Frodo's brilliantly blue eyes sparkled eerily in the candlelight and Sam knew he had passed. This image of his dearest friend brought tears to his eyes. He grabbed Frodo's hand, knelt down next to the bed and wept.
*But not all tears are evil....*
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, the master, JRR Tolkien does. Just a warning, I also used some quotes from the Return of the King but unfortunately I can't find my copy, so I don't know what page they are from. As well, lines from Into The West are used. I don't own those either!
Quotes and lines that are meant to be italic are all marked with a '*' simply because the italics from Microsoft Word don't seem to work with FFN!
Enjoy!
~*~Not All Tears Are Evil~*~
The year was 1482 and a chill breeze blew through the Shire. Sam and his wife Rosie sat huddled on the porch enjoying the cool, chilly air and the magnificent sunset. But soon they couldn't take the sting of the wind and they retreated back inside their hobbit hole.
Once inside, Sam insisted on making a cup of tea for his wife who was considerably pale. The colour of her face drained and she shook violently.
Rosie, who still looked young, was in fact, anything but that. The years had gone by and like any normal hobbit, Sam and Rosie had continued aging. Sam was now 109, and Rosie was not far behind.
Sam wheezed as he leaned down to start a fire in the fireplace. He pushed Rosie's chair forward, closer to the heat, tucked her into some blankets and passed her tea. As Rosie grasped the mug in her shaking fingers, the tea sloshed over the side. Sam helped her steady herself and he began to rub her back soothingly and comfortingly.
During this moment, memories flooded back to Sam, of the times he had cared for his best friend Frodo. Tears struggled with his eyes as he remembered their perilous journey and that one fateful evening 62 years ago when Frodo and Bilbo left Middle Earth forever. Sam remembered Frodo telling him that he can't always be torn in two, that he would have to be one and a whole for many years. He would have to choose one path and follow it to the end. But the truth was Sam would always be torn in two. Sometimes Sam felt that he belonged in the Shire with his beautiful wife and kids, and other times his heart grieved for his wonderful friend Frodo. Sam had always wondered whether he had done the right thing by letting Frodo go off again. Sam was sure that Frodo and him would be together forever. Unfortunately the road of life had a different plan for Sam.
Sam's thoughts returned to the present and he looked back to his wife. Her eyes had no depth anymore and all he could see in them was the reflection of the fire.
"Come on, honey! Time for a good night's rest and you'll be as good as new in the morning," Sam said quietly. No protest came from Rosie. Sam pulled her up and out of the chair. Holding onto her, he led her down the hallway and into the bedroom. Picking her up, Sam placed Rosie softly on the bed and pulled the covers over her. He kissed her on the forehead and whispered "I Love You" into her ear as she closed her eyes.
Sam stretched his back and walked into the living room to put out the fire and clean the kitchen. Once his tasks were complete, he stood in the middle of the room and admired the cleanliness of it. Sam looked at everything in his little house and memories of his childhood and adulthood came rushing back to him. But just as quickly as they had come, the memories left him and he felt empty. He had no thoughts or feelings, he felt no emotions. He was just an empty shape in an empty world. Sam wiped the tears forming at his eyes and walked through to the bedroom. Quietly and softly he got into bed next to Rosie. Sam felt Rosie's face and a flush of cold engulfed him. He pulled the covers higher up to her neck and pulled her in closer so he could share some of his body heat with her.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Midyear's Day arose beautiful and warm. Birds chirped, hobbit children played and the sun shone in through the Gamgee's bedroom window.
Sam woke up and something didn't seem right. He sat up and saw Rosie near the end of the bed. Her skin was grey, her limbs were limp and there was no rise or fall of her stomach. Panic took over Sam, he jumped out of bed and ran to Rosie's side. He pushed her onto her back so she lay staring blankly at the ceiling. Sam stroked her arms and once again a cold flush ran over him. Tears streamed freely down Sam's face as he became frantic.
"Rosie, no! You can't be!" he screamed. He shook her violently hoping to stir something inside her.
"You can't die, you can't leave me here alone. Don't go where I can't follow." Sam's sobbing became louder and his body shook with grief. His face was wet and his wet tears dripped onto Rosie's lifeless body.
As if by a miracle, Rosie's eyes blinked as one of Sam's tears bounced off her eyelid. Her eyes opened slowly and observed Sam in hysterics.
"S-am," she croaked. Sam looked up from the floor where his tears dripped. His eyes widened when he saw that Rosie had regained consciousness. He grabbed her hand and kissed it, and ran his hands through her thinning hair.
"..Sam, you have to let me go, I can't stay," she said as once more she began to shake violently, her skin turned a sickly shade of blue.
"No, you have to stay here with me, "Sam pleaded quickly as life and time ran out of Rosie, "I need you, what am I going to do without you?"
"You'll manage just fine, you'll find me later, I'll look for you everyday, I promise," choked Rosie as she ran out of breath and life once again drained out of her, "I'll always be with you, right here!" She raised her quivering hand towards Sam's heart where he held it.
"I love you," Sam cried as a fresh wave of tears greeted his face.
Rosie breathed heavily, her face blanched and death took hold of her body. She lay silent.
Sam yelled and threw his torso over hers and embraced her in a hug tight as a death grip. Sam's face was red and his eyes stung. He sat on the edge of the bed and rocked back and forth with a limp Rosie in his arms. Tears continually streamed down his face and he thought of Rosie's last words.
"I'll always be with you," echoed through his head.
The sun's face shone brightly through the window and glistened on Sam's tears. The sun was welcoming and Sam felt as if a friend was already watching over him. Bravely, he wiped away his tears and lay Rosie down to peace.
He thought of the last time he was this sad, and a beautiful, but depressing, evening 62 years ago came to mind. That was the day when his closest friend had given up and put Middle Earth behind him, a day when Sam thought he would never be happy again. Frodo's words came back to Sam and Sam listened to them play over and over again in his mind until it seemed that his very heart was speaking them to him.
"*Your time may come.*"
"*Do not be too sad, Sam.*"
"*You cannot always be torn in two. You will have to be one and a whole for many years.*"
"*I have been too deeply hurt.*"
"*You have so much to enjoy and to be, and to do.*"
"*That will keep you as busy and as happy as anyone can be, as long as your part of the story goes on.*"
"*..you too were a Ringbearer, if only for a little while.*"
"*Your time may come.*"
Hearing these words repeated once again made Sam realize that he had already resolved what he was going to do. He had been one and a whole for long enough now and it was time he chose another course for the end of his life.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The Shire seemed different to Sam now. There was no enjoyment for him anymore and for the first time in his life he understood why Frodo had to leave.
Rosie's funeral had just occurred and Sam had sadly said goodbye to all of his children. He didn't tell them of his plan, but he told them to enjoy their lives and remember their mother forever. Before he left, he passed on one more piece of advice to his children in the hopes that they would take it to heart and understand the importance of choices.
"*You cannot always be torn in two. You will have to be one and a whole.*"
Tearily, the Gamgees departed, went their separate ways and returned somewhat normally to their lives, although each felt that something good and happy had been ripped from them.
Sam took one last look about his empty home. All of his prized possessions and personal belongings had been packed up and he was ready to tread the last path of his life.
Forlornly, Sam shut the door to his home and left all of his memories and woes behind. Sam chose a path that took him to the Tower Hills where his daughter, Elanor and her husband Fastred lived.
Elanor was surprised to see her dad and wondered what he was doing. But deep down she had a very good idea of his plan. She had lived on Tower Hills long enough to know the face of those who had resigned to life and were leaving Middle Earth forever. The visit was very emotional and when it came time to leave, nothing much was said but many tears were shed. Sam presented Elanor with the Red Book, so that their legacy may continue on to the end of life. For the last time he said goodbye and so it came to be that Elanor was the last hobbit to see Master Samwise Gamgee.
*Why do the white gulls call?*
Sam made his way down the hills and when the sound of gulls reached his ears, his heart rose for the first time in many months.
*The ships have come to carry you home.*
There was a small silver boat situated at the dock and inside waited a lone elf. The elves of the Undying Lands had foreseen the little old hobbit's intentions and had made sure that a boat would be there to bring him to peace. Sam stepped inside the boat and held on tightly as the elf went up front to navigate.
*Grey ships pass
Into the West*
He watched the Shire and the Tower Hills sink away as the boat sailed further and further away. Usually, Sam would have grieved at the thought of leaving the Shire, but not this time. His mind was elsewhere, and never again would he see the Shire.
Sam became extremely nervous and impatient. He resisted the urge to yell at the elf to go faster. He didn't know what to expect once he got to his final destination but he knew that he wanted to see an old friend and for him, time seemed to be running out.
*And all will turn
To silver glass
A light on the water
All Souls pass*
All of a sudden beyond the sun, *a grey rain-curtain turned all to silver glass and was rolled back*. Sam *beheld white shores and beyond them a far green country under a swift sunrise*. Sam spotted silver clad elves roaming through the freshly morning-dewed trees and shafts of sunlight gleamed through the trees.
*All of your fears will pass away.*
Sam's spirits rose and all cares and troubles were lifted from him as the boat pulled up to the shore and he stepped out.
*White Shores are calling, you and I will meet again.*
He thanked the elf in the boat and headed towards a group of fair elves waiting on the hilltop.
"If it's not too much trouble, I would like to see my dear friend Mister Frodo Baggins," blurted Sam before the elves could say anything.
The elves said nothing but led Sam in the direction of his friend. The group took many paths through the forests of the Undying Lands and Sam's eyes were alight with amazement at the magnificence of what he saw before him. The group stopped before a hauntingly quiet and beautiful grey house. The elves carried on, without a word, through hallways and up stairs until they reached a door marked "Baggins" in Elvish.
Sam didn't wait for the elves but ran ahead and pushed open the door. Sam stopped dead in the doorway with the elves looking on knowingly. Sam looked upon Frodo and Bilbo, for the first time in 62 years.
There were two beds in this particular room and upon each lay a familiar face. Sam walked desolately past Bilbo's bed which he stroked softly before moving on to Frodo's bed. Sam smiled slightly when he saw how peaceful Frodo looked.
Frodo was dressed in immaculate silver clothing and wore soft silver slippers on his feet. Frodo's face was untouched by time or worry or trouble but rather his skin seemed to emit a healthy, youthful glow. His hair was as curly as ever and the colour still retained. Frodo's brilliantly blue eyes sparkled eerily in the candlelight and Sam knew he had passed. This image of his dearest friend brought tears to his eyes. He grabbed Frodo's hand, knelt down next to the bed and wept.
*But not all tears are evil....*