What if Kimi Vanderbilt and Becky Quiddle Grew up to be Death Eaters (aka,
the downfall of Voldie)
By: Pirate Captain Kimi the Great
Disclaimer: I don't own harry potter or any of the characters... just Kimi cause she's mine, Deshi owns Becky, and Monique owns Sabrina. This was based on the list "50 ways to annoy Voldemort" at Mugglenet.com
One very gloomy day at Voldemort's super secret hideout, the dark lord himself was very depressed. He was on his last ropes; nearly all of his army of Death Eaters were captured, and the only three left were...well, different.
He was thinking of ways to come back when suddenly, he heard them enter.
"Oh, anything but them! Anything but them!" he cried. He searched frantically for somewhere to hide, and finding none, he grabbed his wand and put it up against his forehead. Death was better than these three.
Just as he was about to shout Avada Kedavra, three girls walked it. They were the 25-year-old versions of Kimi Vanderbilt, Becky Quiddle, and Sabrina Wells. The three were best friends at Hogwarts and had all decided to stick together and become the same thing when they grew up so they could work together.
Becky entered the room first. She was eating what looked like Sushi. Then came Sabrina who was chewing gum and popping it obnoxiously. Last came Kimi. She technically didn't walk in, she apparated. She was barely visible for a second, when she disapparated. Then she apparated again. And disapparated, and apparated, and disapparated.
"ENOUGH!" Voldemort yelled.
Kimi popped back into the room again. "You are no fun, Mr. Man-who-let-the- boy-live!"
"Shut up, Vanderbilt!" Voldemort yelled.
"Do you have any Grey Poupon?" Becky inquired her master, while munching down on her sushi.
"No," he answered angrily. "Why would I have Grey Poupon? I don't even know what that is! And why would you put it on sushi?"
"Oh, this isn't sushi," Becky said, cheerily. "This is Nagini."
"What did you say?" Voldemort demanded. "I do hope that's some oriental food that happens to share the name of my pet snake!"
"No," said Becky munching some more. "I'm pretty sure this is your pet snake. Kimi cooked it just this morning for me. Want some?" She stuck out her fork and offered him a piece.
Voldemort squinched his face and turned (if possible) more green than before.
"You ate my precious Nagini! How could you?"
"I got hungry!" Becky said in her defense. "You know, you really aught to try this. Its delicious! And totally healthy too!"
Voldemort once again raised his wand to his forehead again to kill himself when Kimi said. "There he goes again with that Scar Envy thing."
"What?" he asked, lowering his wand.
"Oh, you know," Kimi said. "Last time you tried that spell, Harry escaped with a scar. You're jealous. You think, 'why don't I have a cool scar?' so you try and do it yourself! That's scar envy!"
"I do not have scar envy, you insolent brat! And STOP THAT!" he said, turning suddenly to Sabrina who was still popping her gum loudly.
The sudden outburst did not phase her one bit. Infact, she started to blow bubbles. She blew them so fast and in rapid succession that in the end, gum splattered everywhere and made a huge mess In Voldemorts sitting room.
"You- you!" he started, but Becky, who had finished off the snake, interrupted.
"Don't sweat it, Voldie-poo! I can get it cleaned up an a jiffy!" She whipped out her wand.
"NO!" he screamed. Last time he had left clean-up to Becky, he ended up having to rebuild half his house. "I'll do it." He whipped out his wand and cleaned it up. Then he sunk into his chair and began rubbing his temples. The girls could see a vein throbbing under his skin.
"Listen Tommy-boy," Kimi said to him. His vein protruded more. "You really should stop repressing your anger. Just let it all out. I mean, I didn't buy you that stress ball for no reason."
"I had that stress ball liquidated, you insolent little..."
"Now, now, Voldie," Becky chastised. "Remember. Think happy thoughts! You'll keep a lot of your friends that way."
"The problem is," Sabrina said. "Is that he's too evil. Most people can't handle that. I think if we enroll him in Yoga classes, it might cure him of his wicked ways!"
"I've had enough!" He yelled. "I'm going to bed!" "But its only noon!" Sabrina called.
"I don't care!" He stormed off into his room and slammed the door. He took a few Asprin ( a delightful muggle medicine he discovered) and curled up in his bed with his snake stuffed animal and went to sleep.
Disclaimer: I don't own harry potter or any of the characters... just Kimi cause she's mine, Deshi owns Becky, and Monique owns Sabrina. This was based on the list "50 ways to annoy Voldemort" at Mugglenet.com
One very gloomy day at Voldemort's super secret hideout, the dark lord himself was very depressed. He was on his last ropes; nearly all of his army of Death Eaters were captured, and the only three left were...well, different.
He was thinking of ways to come back when suddenly, he heard them enter.
"Oh, anything but them! Anything but them!" he cried. He searched frantically for somewhere to hide, and finding none, he grabbed his wand and put it up against his forehead. Death was better than these three.
Just as he was about to shout Avada Kedavra, three girls walked it. They were the 25-year-old versions of Kimi Vanderbilt, Becky Quiddle, and Sabrina Wells. The three were best friends at Hogwarts and had all decided to stick together and become the same thing when they grew up so they could work together.
Becky entered the room first. She was eating what looked like Sushi. Then came Sabrina who was chewing gum and popping it obnoxiously. Last came Kimi. She technically didn't walk in, she apparated. She was barely visible for a second, when she disapparated. Then she apparated again. And disapparated, and apparated, and disapparated.
"ENOUGH!" Voldemort yelled.
Kimi popped back into the room again. "You are no fun, Mr. Man-who-let-the- boy-live!"
"Shut up, Vanderbilt!" Voldemort yelled.
"Do you have any Grey Poupon?" Becky inquired her master, while munching down on her sushi.
"No," he answered angrily. "Why would I have Grey Poupon? I don't even know what that is! And why would you put it on sushi?"
"Oh, this isn't sushi," Becky said, cheerily. "This is Nagini."
"What did you say?" Voldemort demanded. "I do hope that's some oriental food that happens to share the name of my pet snake!"
"No," said Becky munching some more. "I'm pretty sure this is your pet snake. Kimi cooked it just this morning for me. Want some?" She stuck out her fork and offered him a piece.
Voldemort squinched his face and turned (if possible) more green than before.
"You ate my precious Nagini! How could you?"
"I got hungry!" Becky said in her defense. "You know, you really aught to try this. Its delicious! And totally healthy too!"
Voldemort once again raised his wand to his forehead again to kill himself when Kimi said. "There he goes again with that Scar Envy thing."
"What?" he asked, lowering his wand.
"Oh, you know," Kimi said. "Last time you tried that spell, Harry escaped with a scar. You're jealous. You think, 'why don't I have a cool scar?' so you try and do it yourself! That's scar envy!"
"I do not have scar envy, you insolent brat! And STOP THAT!" he said, turning suddenly to Sabrina who was still popping her gum loudly.
The sudden outburst did not phase her one bit. Infact, she started to blow bubbles. She blew them so fast and in rapid succession that in the end, gum splattered everywhere and made a huge mess In Voldemorts sitting room.
"You- you!" he started, but Becky, who had finished off the snake, interrupted.
"Don't sweat it, Voldie-poo! I can get it cleaned up an a jiffy!" She whipped out her wand.
"NO!" he screamed. Last time he had left clean-up to Becky, he ended up having to rebuild half his house. "I'll do it." He whipped out his wand and cleaned it up. Then he sunk into his chair and began rubbing his temples. The girls could see a vein throbbing under his skin.
"Listen Tommy-boy," Kimi said to him. His vein protruded more. "You really should stop repressing your anger. Just let it all out. I mean, I didn't buy you that stress ball for no reason."
"I had that stress ball liquidated, you insolent little..."
"Now, now, Voldie," Becky chastised. "Remember. Think happy thoughts! You'll keep a lot of your friends that way."
"The problem is," Sabrina said. "Is that he's too evil. Most people can't handle that. I think if we enroll him in Yoga classes, it might cure him of his wicked ways!"
"I've had enough!" He yelled. "I'm going to bed!" "But its only noon!" Sabrina called.
"I don't care!" He stormed off into his room and slammed the door. He took a few Asprin ( a delightful muggle medicine he discovered) and curled up in his bed with his snake stuffed animal and went to sleep.