As I watched him from across the room, I wanted to tell him how scared I was. I had never been more scared in all my life. I didn't know if all of my planning and scheming would save us in the end. I didn't know what our futures would have waiting for us…how many hells we would face.

But I couldn't tell Richard I was scared. He would just laugh at me. I studied his face and wished I could be as in control as he was.

I wanted to be like you

I wanted everything

So I tried to be like you

But I got swept away

I could feel Justin's eyes on me. Was he as scared as I was or something?

Yes. His vulnerable face held such insecurity and uncertainty that it made me want to take him in my arms and tell him that everything was fine; everything was perfect. But I just glanced over at him appraisingly. "What?" I demanded.

The flames from the fireplace danced across his face and I wanted to feel him in my arms even more. He looked so lost.

"Nothing," he muttered.

"No, it's not nothing, Justin," I said impatiently. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing, I said. All right?" He averted his eyes to the fire and he watched as his books on forensic science and crime scene investigation were teased and licked by the curls of fire.

It suddenly hit me that I felt protective of him.

I didn't know that it was so cold

And you needed someone to show you the way

So I took your hand and we figured out

That when the tide comes I'd take you away

Richard and I were a part of something huge now. We now knew what it was like to feel the power of God at our fingertips.

I had killed a woman. I had never met her, didn't know her dreams or passion, nor would I ever. There were probably people out there that loved her and would fall apart without her. And I had just shattered a piece of their world.

Yes, I had done it for the sake of freedom. There were philosophies and theories and a bunch of other shit that sounded really intelligent and impressive, and yes, those were some of my reasons for murdering that girl.

But I also did it for Richard.

If you want to, I can save you

I can take you away from here

So lonely inside

So busy out there…

Richard stretched back in his seat, his blue eyes looking up at the ceiling.

He turned his head to look at me. "Thank you," he said quietly.

My eyes took in everything from his thin, strong arms to his arrogantly set jaw to his cruelly mocking searching pleading needing eyes…

We looked at each other. And he smiled.

And all you wanted was somebody who cared…

I couldn't forget how that girl--who was supposed to be random and was not supposed to matter to me--had smiled. When Justin and I pulled up next to her as she loaded her groceries into her car, she had smiled at us.

She didn't know that this boy sitting next to me would ultimately kill her.

And now he was scared.

He had saved me that night. The feeling of playing God had taken me under as she lay praying for us to take mercy on her, waiting to die. Justin saved me. Because in the end, I could not deliver.

I'm sinking slowly

So hurry hold me

Your hand is all I have

To keep me hanging on

My lips parted slightly and I frantically searched Richard's face so I could know his next move.

Please…

Maybe Justin wanted me to kiss him. I know deep down that that was how we felt about each other.

Can you tell me…

I wanted to feel Richard on my mouth, feel his fingers on my back. But all he wanted was to hold me. I nestled my face into the hollow of his neck and I could feel our sins, our fears and our hell come together. We were in this together. That was all I wanted.

So I can finally see…

Justin completely gave into the embrace. I didn't know where his thoughts or feelings were at that moment, but I didn't think he was still with me. I wanted it, but he needed it. I hoped he knew that in the end, I would not deliver again. Yes, I loved him secretly. But I would be gone when he needed me.

Where you go when you're gone…