Disclaimer: I get no royalties, nor do I have any syndication rights
The first time he sees her, he's in lust. He thinks she's gorgeous and he almost forgets to breathe or how to talk. Almost. The first time he sees her book collection, he thinks that he's in love. He's never been in love before, so he doesn't know how it's supposed to feel. He thinks about all the books and stories that he's read about love and how it's supposed to feel, and he decides that he's not in love with her. His momentary speechlessness and loss of breath was some bizarre medical momentary fluke that only Gregory House would know the actual name of. She's so sweet and innocent and looks at him with such gorgeous blue eyes that he thinks he would love to look into more often. He thinks she's really hot and wants to do oh-so-many very not so innocent things to her. He knows he's not in love with her because he thinks that once he's done all those naughty things to her, she'll be out of his system.
The first time he has a conversation with her, he knows he's in love. The depth of the conversation they have and the fact that they talk about everything amazes him. She is beautiful and understands all of his references, and even uses her own. He knows that she is incredibility smart and they never seem to run out of anything to say. He thinks that as long as he has her around he has no reason to secretly call himself Holden anymore and he knows that planning for the future is bad, but he can't help but to see her in it.
The first time he meets her boyfriend, he's confused. He's so tall and sporty and stupid and his name rhymes with a food that she would never, ever eat in a million years. He doesn't like to read and thinks The Clash is some type of girly term used to describe clothes and accessories. He has a weird obsession with Lord of the Rings and doesn't understand why it's so important to carry a book everywhere. Jess doesn't understand what Rory sees in this beanpole or how they've been together for so long. He thinks Bean doesn't understand Rory well enough, nor is he well suited for her at all. Plus, he has really bad hair.
The first time he kisses her, he knows that he's her bitch. He is so far in love with her, that he decides right than and there to do whatever it takes to be with her. When she tells him to keep their kiss a secret, his heart secretly breaks. When she's running away from him after their first kiss, he thinks his heart is going to be shattered right then and there. When she looks back while running away from him, his heart is not as broken or shattered as he thought it was going to be.
The first time they fight, it breaks his heart. He knows that the relationship won't last because he's too messed up and she's perfect. When he sees the hurt in her innocent blue eyes, his heart breaks and he knows that he will do whatever it takes to make her happy, even if it means leaving her. He shuts that thought out as he goes to apologize to her, and they make up. Right now, she's happy with him and that's good enough. He knows that his heart will break in time, but he never really was one to plan for the future.
The first time he leaves her, he knows what the term "loved and lost" really meant, and he also knows its all his fault. He knows that he will never again love anybody the way that he loves her, nor will he stop loving her. He tries to take his shattered heart with him to California, but he accidentally leaves pieces with her as she walks off the bus. He's sad because he thinks that he'll never get to see her or hear her voice again. He knows that he has his books and some of hers. He can't bring himself to ever get rid of hers.
The last time he sees her, he's crying. There are very few times in his life that he has ever cried, and for the first time in his life he doesn't care about anything at all. When she dies much too young from a disease that she didn't deserve, he thinks his life is over. He remembers how much time he let pass before he came back and won her hard earned heart for the last time. He remembers how beautiful and innocent she looked in her white dress, even though she let him do almost all of those naughty things to her. He cries even harder when they close evil thing that will never again allow him to see her or touch her or hear her voice ever again. He has almost decided that his life is over when he feels a tug on one of his pants' leg. He looks down at their children and decides that his life isn't completely over.
The next time he sees her he smiles and realizes there never really was a last time.
A/N: Not too sure about that last line. Any thoughts?