Summary: He gets lost sometimes. Icon Drabble Challenge Fic.
He Gets Lost
He gets lost.
In the too many voices, in never knowing less than everything, in the impossible dream of their life, in dark sins he's committed, in his explosive temper, in the promises he's made, in remembering his skin, in endless shelves of books, in loss of his soul, in the way Esme smooths his hair, in the place between honest thoughts and spoken words, in the way he accepted he would never be enough more than half a century ago, in the taste of blood, in old fashion sensibility, in the release of the kill, in his families fears of and for him, in the monotony of the lies, in the fragility of his ever being able to believe anything beyond the moment of saying he did, in existing without having the right to live, in the prostration for one broken promise, in being forever seen first for beauty and not merit, in the silence he gives but never has, in the music played or playing.
He fears he lives there, belongs there, never could escape, that place in the lost, sometimes, until one of them sees him (Alice's fingers curling into his, Carlisle's talking without talking, Bella's deep warm brown eyes; all of them, seeing him, to the core, feeling them believing so unwaveringly) and for a moment he feels anchored, moored safe, for a moment, only ever a moment, against the endless storm by the most pricelessly fragile of undeserved miracles to grace his entire existence and understanding of the universe.