Yeah, this makes no sense what-so-ever, so... Enjoy the madness and multiple pairings :D
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"... And those are the rules. Now, you need to divide yourselves into teams - there should be three: Red, Blue and Green - and I'll be back in a few minutes to let you into the maze, okay?" The man smiled, pleased at the large group that had come to play, and exited the room, leaving the nations to themselves.
America smiled and turned to the other nations, a huge grin planted on his face. "You heard the man - let's get into teams! I'll go first because I'm the hero! I call England, France, Japan, Russia, China, and Canada!" America yelled.
"Thank you, America-san, but I think I should stay with Germany-san and Italia-san because of our alliance," Japan offered politely.
"I'm totally with Lite!" Poland exclaimed as he grabbed Lithuania and pulled him closer.
"I'd like to be on whatever team Su-san is on," Finland said softly, leaning on Sweden's shoulder.
"There is absolutely no way I am doing this, let alone be on the same team as that Frog Face France." England complained.
France sighed. "Mon ami, why must you be so mean to me?" He couldn't help but smile at the Englishman's stubbornness, though: he knew America would make him change his mind.
As if on cue, America dropped to his knees and hugged the older country's legs. "But Iggy! You have to play with us! It's no fun if you don't play too!" he whined.
"You stubborn git! Stop acting like a spoiled child and let go of me!" England tried to shove America off, but only the younger man's grip only tightened.
"Please play with us! Please, please, please Iggy!" America pleaded, looking up with his best 'kicked-puppy' face, which England never could ignore. England put the heel of his palm to his face and sighed heavily.
"Fine, I'll play your bloody game...but just this once," he said. America immediately jumped up and cheered.
"Oh! I want to be on Germany's team!" Italy bounced up and down like an over-excited child and wrapped his thin arms around Germany's shoulders.
Romano frowned at that. "Fratello, you're on my team." He stomped over and tugged his brother away from Germany, shouting a string of Italian curses until Spain came over and pulled him off. He circled his arms around Romano's waist, nuzzling his neck.
"I'm on whatever team mi Lovinito is on!"
Romano tried to squirm out of the Spaniard's grip. "Idiota! Let go of me!"
"Aww, but Lovi! You're so cute - you look just like a tomato!" Spain cooed, making Romano's blush deepen.
"I'm on whatever team West is on. He is the only one awesome enough to stand in my presence," Prussia proclaimed as he swung his arm over Germany's shoulder.
"Brüder, don't say things like that - it annoys people." Germany pinched the bridge of his nose.
"They just get annoyed because they aren't as awesome as I am! Especially Specs over there," Prussia answered, pointing to Austria. "That's why I beat him up and stole his vital regions!"
"Prussia? You're a crude idiot." Austria grumbled, pushing his glasses up on his nose.
The bickering went on for what seemed like forever, but eventually the nations were able to arrange themselves into teams.
Finland, Sweden and Austria grouped up with some of the other Scandinavian countries, along with Iceland, Hungary and Turkey to form the Green team. Switzerland also joined the team, but made Liechtenstein stay home because he thought it would be too violent a game for someone of her gentle nature.
Romano joined his brother - and Germany - with Spain, Belgium, Prussia, Japan and Greece to form the Blue team. Finally, the Red team included America and his brother Canada, England - not without some badgering - France, China, Russia and some of the other Slavic nations.
The instructor came back into the room, the same grin on his face. "Good - you're all teamed up! Now, take a vest and tag pistol with your team's color and once everyone is suited up, I'll open the door and you can have at it!"
The man's directions seemed like a license for everyone to either look ridiculous - Italy's and Romano's vests were so large they looked as though they'd slide off their thin frames while Canada kept fidgeting in his ill-fitting one; scarier than they already did - Switzerland looked like he might actually attempt to kill someone with his gun; or somewhere in between. Poland complained that his vest didn't go with his outfit, Prussia constantly teased Austria until the nation hit him over the head with his conductor's baton.
The first to have his vest ready and strapped correctly, America rushed to the door and, not bothering to see if everyone else was ready, pushed a small red button and shouted, "Let's go!"
The large door rattled up to reveal a dark maze, a siren blared through wall-mounted speakers and loud, booming music pumped into the room.
"Ah! Germany I don't want to go in there! It's dark and scary!" Italy cringed, burying his face into the taller man's shoulder.
"Ital-Feliciano, calm down. I won't let anything happen to you. I promise...on our alliance," Germany said, trying to soothe the young man.
Italy looked up, his eyes brimming with tears. "Really, you promise?"
Germany answered with a firm nod.
"Ve~ I will go! I have Germany to protect me!"
The nations ran into the maze, unsure of where they were going - except for America, who knew the maze like the back of his hand. Everyone stayed in their groups as they tried to move around quietly.
Austria was oblivious to everything going on around him - he was busy focusing on the horrid graffiti splattered on the wall when suddenly, his vest lit up and he heard a loud laugh nearby.
"Take that, you music-loving jerk!" Romano teased. His taunt made Austria come after him, and Romano turned tail and ran, shouting, "Spain, you bastard, come save me!"
"I have to go save mi Lovi! I'll be back, I promise!" Spain said before running off, losing himself in the maze's multitude of walls. Well, Spain and Romano were both gone, so what else would happen to reduce thier numbers?
Being jumped by the Red Team, of course.
"Haha! I've got you now! China, I choose you! Take as many prisoners as possible!" America shouted as China started shooting into the crowd of Blue vests hitting Japan, Greece, and Italy. Estonia and Latvia grabbed Italy and Hong Kong grabbed Japan and they ran back to the Red Base. They threw Italy and Japan down on the ground and aimed their guns at their vests. Even though the guns wouldn't hurt or kill them, Italy still freaked out.
"Ahh! Germany come save me! I'm lost and they're going to shoot me; I don't want to die in a pool of my own blood, so come save me!" Italy screamed at the top of his lungs as he hid behind Japan. It didn't take long to find him with him screaming like that as Germany ran towards the Red Base and was blocked by Russia and Canada.
"Aw, come on Birdie, you to?" Prussia exclaimed, surprised the Northern Nation twin even showed up. "Ugh, you go on ahead West and go find Ita-chan, I got these two!"
"Okay, but be careful bruder, you don't want to get hurt." Germany warned.
"Ha! As if an awesome nation like me could get hurt!" Prussia said before he took aim at Russia's vest, "That will never happen, not in a million years! Now go save Italy!"
"I'm surprised that you would stand up to me like this. You know that I will still beat you, da?" Russia said, a creepy smile forming on his childish features. Prussia only smirked widely and aimed carefully. "I see, well, why prolong the inevitable, da? Everyone will become one with Mother Russia eventually."
"As if I, the Awesome Prussia, will lose to you!" Prussia laughed as he fired at Russia's vest, which the other nation easily dodged (as he was faster than a normal human) and took aim at Prussia's vest. Prussia rolled behind a barrier and tried to shoot again, only to find that Russia had covered his vest with his oversized jacket. Prussia jumped up from behind the barrier, "Hey, that's cheating!"
The Russian only smiled and fired at Prussia's vest, hitting it dead in the center and causing it to power down. Prussia had the look of "Okay, what the Hell just happened?" on his face as he looked from his vest, to Russia, to Canada who was still standing there fiddling with the edge of his Canada hoodie.
"Hey, Birdie, help me out here why don't you?" Prussia stated as if it were obvious.
"I can't were on opposite teams, so I have to stay out of this..." The violet-eyed boy explained as he looked down at the floor. Prussia was about to say something till Romano ran through being chased by Turkey, who was being chased by an enraged Spain, who was being chased by Netherlands, who was being chased by Belgium.
"Dammit, stop chasing me, you bastard!" Romano screamed as he heard Turkey laugh loudly.
"Not until ya tell me where my Greece is!" Turkey said as he started to shoot at Romano who was trying to hid behind the barriers near Canada.
"I told you, I don't know where that sleeping idiot is!" Romano said as he jumped behind one of the walls to catch his breath.
"Turkey, leave mi Lovinito alone before I kill you!" Spain said as he aimed at Turkey.
"Not before I kill you!" Netherlands yelled as he finally caught up with Spain and started to shoot at the other nation.
"Hey! Back off!" Prussia said as he hit Netherlands in the shoulder, said nations suit and gun powering down momentarily.
"Hey! What was that for, you albino idiot?" Netherlands exclaimed. During the interruption Spain found Romano's hiding spot and had them slowly creep away as the other nations started to shoot wildley.
Germany quietly crept around the Red team base until Italy's pleas were almost intolerable and peaked around the corner to see Italy on his knees begging Hong Kong and Estonia to let him and Japan go. Germany quickly ran around the corner and shot at Estonia and Hong Kong, successfully powering down their suits.
"Ludwig, you came to save me!" Italy said happily as he jumped up off the ground and hugged the taller German, "I'm so glad, I thought you might have forgotten about me!"
"I said I would protect you, didn't I? I wouldn't lie to you, Feliciano." Germany said as he patted the Italian Male's head lightly. Italy nodded and leaned up on his toes to kiss Germany quickly on the check.
"Ve~ I'm glad Germany came back for me!" Italy smiled brightly as Germany smiled slightly. Japan quickly shot again at Estonia and Hong Kong before speaking to the other Axis Power members.
"We should go help the others; there is no doubt in my mind that they have been found by the other teams already." Japan spoke formally as he straightened his white uniform.
"Ja, I think I heard your brother being chased by Turkey, Italy." Germany said as he turned to look at the smaller male.
"Brother Romano is being chased by Turkey? Then that means that Big Brother Spain will be there to, which means that Netherlands will be there, which means that-"Italy was cut off with a gloved hand over his mouth.
"That's enough, Italy, we must go help them." Germany spoke as Italy nodded into the hand. Germany motioned for the other two to follow him as they looked around the corner and were astonished at the sight before them. Spain and Greece were shooting at Netherlands and Turkey; who were shooting back even as Romano ducked behind Spain to shoot at Austria, who was shooting at Prussia, who was shooting at Austria, Hungary, and Russia, who was shooting at Belgium and Finland for no apparent reason. America, England, and France were shooting at Sweden, Denmark, Iceland, and Norway who were shooting at them and Canada; who only started shooting when he had to. Only then did Germany notice the song had changed to "Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny" and realize that he was also being shot at by Poland. He quickly grabbed Italy and ducked behind a corner. "Italy, stay here where it's safe and I'll be back for you when this is all over."
"Ve~ Germany, wait! I want to help you this time; I want to be useful to !" Italy said as he grabbed Germany's sleeve with a surprisingly strong grip and kept the German from leaving. "Germany, tell me what I can do! I want to help!"
"Are you sure, Feliciano? It's dangerous and I don't want you to get lost or hurt." Germany asked as Italy nodded vigorously. Germany smiled and motioned for the other to follow him where they hid behind a barrier. Italy tried to stay as quiet as possible so that he wouldn't get caught again. Italy saw an opening on Austria and went to shooting for the first time in his life when:
*Ding-doooong* "Game Over, please proceed to the exit"
"What the hell?" Romano asked when his gun stopped working and the voice came on, "America, what the hell is this?"
"Time's up, game over." America shrugged and started to walk towards the exit.
"What do you mean 'Game Over', you American Bastard? We haven't decided who won yet!" Romano yelled as Spain got up and tried to calm the boy down.
"You only get a certain amount of time, as for who won the scores are out there on the monitor." America said as he pointed to the direction of the exit. All at once the nations jumped up and raced out the door; putting away their vests and crowding around the screen with their scores.
"Yeah! What now, I got first because I'm Awesome!" Prussia said as he put his arm around Canada's shoulder, "Hey, look Birdie, you took the least amount of hits, good for you, huh? Of course, not as awesome as me because I'm the best, but still pretty good!"
"What the Hell! How the Hell did I lose to Prussia and that Potato bastard?" Romano exclaimed when he saw he had come in Third.
"It's alright, Lovi, you're always first to me!" Spain said happily as he wrapped his arms around Romano's waist and pulled him close. Romano blushed and buried his face in Spain's neck, if he fell for anything; it was Spain's cheesy pick-up lines.
"Ve~ Look Ludwig, you got Second, right after Prussia!" Italy exclaimed as he jumped up and down happily.
"Hey, Mattie, did you shoot at all? You almost came in dead last!" America laughed when he saw that Canada had come in 28th.
"No, Birdie here was too busy covering your asses while you and Eyebrows were making out in a corner!" Prussia smirked widely when he saw England try to hide his blush.
"Nuh-uh, It was against a wall, thank you very much!" America corrected, oblivious to the horror England was going through at the moment because he thought that their relationship had been a secret.
"Wall, corner, whatever, it doesn't matter, the whole point is that you left Birdie here with that psychopath Russia, so I didn't get any action with him!" Prussia argued as Canada looked down with a blush on his face. America looked utterly horrified as he finally found out that his sweet, little brother Mattie was with the egotistical maniac Prussia. Prussia noted the nations horror and couldn't help himself, "That's right; I'm screwing your little brother! He's good to, probably the best I've ever had!"
"Gilbert! Don't say that to him!" Canada said as a deep blush covered his face. Prussia only smirked and wrapped his arms around Canada's waist, pulling him closer.
"Hey guys, were about to lock up, so you have to leave unless you're staying in here for the overnight lock-in." The manager explained after some time of everyone arguing and they all turned to look.
"Overnight… lock-in? What the hell is that?" Romano asked, his forehead knitted in confusion.
"It means we play laser tag in the maze till they let us out in the morning!" America supplied helpfully as the nations all looked at one another. There was long pause before anyone spoke.
"I call Red this time!" Prussia said as he grabbed Canada and pulled him into the black-light room, the rest of the nation's following behind them.
So, there it is, a crack fic that makes no-sense what-so-ever, but you can still try to understand! R&R please :3 ~ H.A.J.K. 2.00