Author's note-
I would first like thank Willful Redhead for giving me this idea to write a story about dyslexia. Since I have dyslexia and dysgraphia this story story hit pretty much close to home, and a lot of what I have written is parallel to my own life. A lot though not all of it, but the teachers I have picked to be in this story are based on teachers that have actually taught me, and I have picked the worst and best throughout my thirteen years of school and their behavior towards me are pretty true I wish I could say I was exaggerating on some of them, but sadly I'm not. Has for lashing out I did a lot during the dyslexia phase, but it never got physical just warning on that one. Also for those of you who do not know what dyslexia is is basically a learning disability that effects reading, writing, and spelling. Also I looked up the symptoms of dyslexia to make sure some of stuff I had written in here wasn't just me, and luckily (since I already finish writing this chapter when I researched the symptoms) I was spot on and I was glad to know some of stuff in here wasn't just me. Also the reason I picked Guthrie is because he is the youngest, and the most rateable for me personally since I am the youngest in my family and living under the shadow of my super smart brother and everything family between me and him is pararell to Guthrie and Ford in this story except some changes in the lashing out part. Well anyways I you like it, and for everyone reading little mustang there will be a new chapter up soon... Once again I hope you enjoy!
I hate reading it's becoming more and more difficult. Right now my English teacher Mrs. Stephens is having us read the Outsiders by E.S. Hinton... I mean S.E Hinton. I hate reading this book; it's very difficult to read. Worst off Mrs. Stephens is having us popcorn read. That is why I always read ahead yet I honestly don't know what the book is saying. When I'm picked everything I read out loud gets tangled up and the word flow loses its order. I can tell Mrs. Stephens is starting to get annoyed with me.
"Guthrie McFadden!" I snapped out of my thoughts and looked at Mrs. Stephens who had her arms crossed and was giving me a sickening glare, what a surprise.
"Ye…yes… Mrs. Stephens?" I asked with a stuttered. "Since you like to-day dream, as the main character Ponyboy does why you don't read the next paragraph." Damn, I kept looking at the book and back up at her, every time I looked at her, the evil grin she wore on her face kept growing and growing.
I gulped, and then started to read "I….I….is...was... com…. comin'… from…home…home from the movies….didn't think..." I only could read that sentence barely because I had Brian read this chapter to me the other day. Repeating it back word for word was starting to become a problem. I could hear the stifled giggles around me, I don't know what came over me, but I just threw the book down and ran out the class room.
I almost made it down the hall, but then I heard my name being yelled and I stopped in my tracks.
"Guthrie McFadden, I don't know what that was about in there, but I am tired of you being a class clown and trying to be funny for all your friends." She hollered. I let out a slight growl, but held back my tongue. I know if I fought back with a teacher Adam would ring my neck to no end.
"I wasn't trying to be funny," I muttered, I couldn't look at her in the eyes, but I could feel them burning into my skull.
"Well your antics will drive your friends away." She declared. God I never thought I could hate a teacher as much as I hated her.
"I just don't understand how the younger brother of Crane, and Ford McFadden could be so different…" I thought to myself 'maybe because we are different people', but I let her continue, "I mean those two boys were my brightest students, and I was excited when I saw your name on the list, now I can say I am less than pleased." She glared.
'Yeah well as much as I heard about you I can say the same thing.' I let out a sigh of relief when I heard the bell ring. I ran back into class to get my stuff, "Hey McFadden are you stupid?" I looked up to see Zach Dobbs.
"No I just don't like being picked to read on the spot." I came up with quickly. In all honestly I ask myself the question every day, but I figure I should just ignore it, and just try getting by in seventh grade.
"Oh yeah me too, what class are you going to next?" Zach asked.
"Math," I answered dully. "Ah that's a rough class to end the day with." Zach said.
"Excuse me boys if you don't mind to loiter outside of my classroom, so I can go home!" Mrs. Stephens yelled.
We both rolled our eyes, and were about to walk out the door when Mrs. Stephens grabbed me by the arm, "I need to finish our earlier conversation."
"I'm sorry… I have to get to math." I stammered.
"Well you should have thought about that before you decide to talk to Mr. Dobbs here. Now Mr. Dobbs if you will excuse us." Zach left, but not before muttering "What a bitch…"
"Well I know someone who will be receiving detention." She said to herself before turning back to me, "Now Guthrie I want to know how you made it through elementary school?"
"I don't know I guess cause I study." I sighed. I barely passed elementary school, a fact that I wasn't going to share with Mrs. Stephens.
In truth everything looked like hieroglyphics some words I could read, but most were jumbled up. Even smalls word seemed to differ than what they really were. "Well Guthrie McFadden if you do not straighten up this behavior, I will have no choice but to call your brother Adam." 'Good luck,' I thought, her threats were kind of pointless when it came to Adam. Crane and Ford might have like her, but according to Adam she can be a real dragon. At first I thought maybe she changed with age, but no she only favors the smartest kids in class, and this reading impairment will not earn any brownie points with her.
"Guthrie are you listening?" Mrs. Stephens asked in strict tone. "Yes Mrs. Stephens." Her eyes looked like they were about to pop out of her skull after I answered her mockingly.
"Go to class Mr. McFadden god knows we don't slacking in your other class like you're doing in this one!" She said very sternly. I didn't hesitate to leave, and when I walked down the hallways I try to say to myself it's not me it's her, but maybe I'm slacking. The only classes I'm doing any good in, is art and gym everything else is too difficult.
When I got to algebra I heard the 'delightful' voice of my teacher Mr. Ragsdale. "Well look who finally decided to join us today." I put my head down refusing to look at him, and quietly took my empty seat. "So while you Guthrie were taking your sweet time getting here we were going on integers."
I sighed and rolled my eyes as he continued to ramble on, "Is -18 + 1 positive or negative?" I wrote the question down is 18+-1 positive or negative… It had to be seventeen because 18+-1 one would equal 17 and then that would mean it would be positive. Yes finally I was going to get something correct in this awful class!
"Mr. Ragsdale I know the answer!" I raised my hand in excitement.
"Well, well I can say I'm than surprise okay Guthrie what is the answer?" Mr. Ragsdale grinned evilly. "Positive!" I said with cheer. I was mainly excited because I knew I would have to last laugh, "Well Mr. McFadden you have proven once again that you are complete disappoint compared to your old brother Ford." What! How was I disappointment I mean I got the right answer… didn't I? "You see the bigger number would decide the outcome of the problem." He explained, I interrupted though because I knew I was right, "Yeah eighteen is bigger so the answer is positive!"
"Your right in the regards that eighteen is the bigger number, but there is a negative in front of the eighteen which would make the answer negative eighteen Guthrie!" After he was done yelling I kept looking at the question that I wrote down, suddenly it changed. It was no longer 18+1, but now it was -18+1 I must be losing it.
After the math problem fiasco I kept my mouth shut for the rest of class, even though I tempted to defend myself. Since I fought back with him on that problem and lost h\kept making rude remarks about my intelligence, but to avoid further conflict I just let the punches keep on rolling.
Saddest part about his sick jokes against his me was none of my classmate were laughing. This wasn't the first time he made fun of how dumb I was, but the first time everyone laughed. As classes went by and the jokes kept going the roaring laughter turned to quiet snickers, now there was nothing.
When they don't laugh it means I really am stupid, they feel bad if they laugh. I hate feeling stupid Brian tells me not to worry about, same with Daniel neither did well in school, but at least they could read and write without harassment when there were some imperfections.
Then there is Ford I love him, but at school I hate him so much for setting the bar so high that even if I was at Daniel and Brian level I could never reach Ford's. I hate feeling stupid mainly because it is separating from my family and friends. My friends think I'm stupid and my brothers think I'm slacking, and honestly I don't know any more. I slumped my head in my hands and just wanted to disappear for a while go somewhere where there is other illiterates like me.
I felt like math would never end so I started to fantasize about running free into the wild. I could feel the cool California breeze gently hitting my face and the tall green valley grass whipping against body as I run with my arm wide open to the world ahead of me. I could hear swishing the rivers glide around and over every pebble and rock that create white edge waves as each splashed off the algae covered rocks. Suddenly I saw a bear by the river trying to catch a fish. The mighty creature's paw kept slamming against the water, and I take my seat on the edge of a rock just watching in pure fascination. Suddenly the bear looks up at me, and both of us just stared at each other. It was a spiritually intimacy that made me feel one with God himself, but the bear started growling and let out a mighty roar. My eyes burst open in fear and I'm face to face with Mr. Ragsdale.
I never thought in my life I could go from paradise to hell in just a split second. I looked around and saw a bunch of my classmates trying to hold back their laughs and smiles. I turned back to see Mr. Ragsdale's fuming red face and his eyes bulging out of head. "Guthrie McFadden I have put about with your shenanigans for too long I am giving you an hour of detention after school today!"
I was completely dumbfounded am I really about to get a dentition for day dreaming in class. I decided to keep my mouth shut to lessen the punishment, but my stomach sank when he continued his rant, "Now if you will excuse me while I go to office to make a phone to McFadden house to explain why their youngest is going to be late coming home from school."
As he left the class, everyone turned around looked at me. "What?" I asked harshly. I kept my head down refusing to look back at their blank stares. "Hey Guthrie?" A soft angelic voice quietly spoke; I looked up to see it was Jane Campbell. She was the prettiest girl in school she had long deep dark brown hair that almost look black. Her face had a light tan tint to it, and dark blue eyes that almost look purple from far away. She always wore some kinda of pretty dress with a big bow to match. "Ye...ah Jane?" I stammered she literally made the word melt in my mouth to where they come out as almost nothing. "You shouldn't take anything Mr. Ragsdale says to heart he is just a lonely bitter old man who could never find a girl…" "Or boy!" I muttered. The whole class busted out laughing, "Ha yeah Mr. Fagsdale!" The kid behind me yelled, and his comment just sent our laughter into a louder roar.
For a split second I felt normal again, but it was short-lived when Mr. Ragsdale walked back into the room. "What is this ruckus?" He yelled. Luckily the before anyone had time to answer the school bell rang, and everyone scrambled out of the classroom, I tried to silently slip in to crown, but I felt a hard yank on the collar of my shirt. "Oh no you don't now sit one hour starts now!"
The hour felt like it would never end I just sat there counting the ceiling tiles trying to ignore Mr. Ragdales deadly stares. "Okay Guthrie the hour is up." I looked down at him quickly and grab my back. "Guthrie I…" I ran out of the room and sprinted quickly down the hall before he could give me a lecture about my stupidity.
When I got outside I took in the fresh air freedom, "Hey Guthrie!" I looked to see who was calling… Daniel.
He was leaning against his beat up truck, and I ran to him as quick I could just so I could go home.
"Hiya Danny!" I beamed. To be honest I'm glad Adam or Brian wasn't here… mainly Adam just because he could defiantly give an earful.
"Heard you got in trouble today," he said as we got into the car. "Yeah yeah," I tried to wave off as I shut the door. "What for this time?" He asked mockingly. 'This time' I rolled my eyes, and answered dully, "day dreaming."
Suddenly I jerked forward as Daniel slammed on the brakes, "What?" He was laughing so hard that he had to stop the car just so he wouldn't wreck, "Well are you gonna stick with that story?" I gave him a very confused look, "It's the truth…"
"Yeah well good luck telling that to Adam!" He laughed again. I just rolled my eyes and simply replied, "Whatever why don't you just concentrate on driving people are starting to honk."
When we got home I quickly jumped out of truck and tried to sneak back in the house quietly. "WE'RE HOME!" Daniel yelled. I cringe and turn back at Daniel who just give me a smile and mouthed you're welcome. I glare and turn back around to see Adam standing in front of me.
"Kitchen now!" He commanded. I shrug my shoulders and quietly walk into the kitchen and take the seat farthest from where Adam normally sits. I heard footsteps and there before I know are Brian, Crane and Hannah following Adam who is leading the charge.
"Okay Guthrie I think you know why you're here?" Adam said after he took a seat next to me.
"Yes sir." I answered quietly.
"Your teacher said you caused a seen in class today is that true?" Adam looked at me waiting an answer.
"Well it depends is day dreaming causing a seen?" No answered me for a second, and then Brian just like Daniel busted out laughing.
"Seriously?" Brian asked between the laughs. "Yeah I was in Mr. Ragsdale class and he was making…"
"Wait you were in Fagsdale's class?" Brian asked after he finally stopped laughing.
I just nodded and Brian just stuck his hand in the air and waved it in front of him to blow off this conversation. "If you in Fagsdale class that explain everything. I had him and let me tell you all that old kook was good for was bringing down students' self-esteem."
"You called him too?" I smiled at Brian.
Brian looked completely flabbergasted, "Know it? Who do you think made it up?" He smiled as he pointed at himself.
"Okay that is enough!" Adam shouted to take control over this meeting again.
"And you stop teaching him that filth." Hannah added as she slapped Brian in the back of the head. Brian let out a big yelp and Adam just rolled his eyes and looked back me, "Guthrie it isn't just Mr. Ragsdale. The only teacher we haven't gotten a phone call from this year is your art teacher and P.E teacher. Your history, math, English, science teachers, hell even your study hall teacher say you are falling behind in their classes." Adam looked at me for a while I could tell he was deeply concerned, "I just don't understand it." I admitted dejectedly.
"Guthrie that is fine if you don't understand, but you should have come to us sooner." Adam said gently. "Yeah buddy I could tutor you, if you like?" Crane offered.
"Can I just dropout?" I asked giving myself a little false hope that hell froze over and Adam would say yes.
"No not only no, but hell no why would just want to give up like that?" I shouldn't ask because now Adam gentle tone was gone, and he raging worse than a bear.
"What the point if I ain't smart besides you didn't finish and you ended up just fine!" I pointed out. Adam was puffing steam at this point, "Yeah it was either stay in school and watch my little brothers being taken away to some foster home or quit and raise y'all. You know Guthrie I don't understand why you want to take the easy way out maybe you should study a little harder like Ford!" That was it I am tired of being compared to Ford so like most situation today I got up and ran.
I ran into the barn to get away but then I hit somebody, "Hey where is the fire kiddo?" Evan asked lovingly. "Me and Ford were about to go clean the hayloft you want to help." There it was again Ford's name. I saw Ford going up the ladder to the hayloft and I was so blinded by rage that I ran over and push the ladder with Ford on it.
"Ow… Guthrie why you do that for?" Ford asked as he tried to sit up.
"I hate you!" I yelled. "I hate you… I hate you…I wish that fall would have killed you! I continued, "You aren't my brother. You're the worst mistake mom and dad ever made, and I hate you! Instead of dying now I wish you would have died at the hospital that night you born that way I wouldn't have to live in your shadow!" I blurted out. I snapped out of my rage, and I was horrified to see my older brother look back at with hurt in his eyes while he cradled his right arm.
"Guthrie are you crazy what's gotten into you?" Evan demanded to know as he went to check Ford. Before he pressed me for answers I ran towards the clearing.
"Guthrie!" I hear, but choose to ignore. "Guthrie wait up!" I hit the ground as this force tackled me. I flipped myself over to see Daniel peering over me, "So I'm guessing the conversation with Adam didn't work out?" He looked quizzical at me.
"Yeah well he compared me to Ford, and I took my anger out on Ford." I explained. I got into a sitting position with Daniel sitting next to me. "Took your anger out how?"
"I think I broke his arm." I answered. I was kind of embarrassed it wasn't Ford's fault people used his hard work and intelligence to put me down, I had no right to hurt him the way I did, but my anger just got the best of me.
"That's it?" Daniel asked.
"I also told him I wish he would have died and he is not my brother and he was the biggest mistake mom and dad ever had." I explained trying to hide my face.
To my surprise Daniel huffed, "I seen worse, you should have seen the fights when mom and dad died. I remember I was so mad at Evan because he ruined my school project that I told him he was the reason mom and dad left, and this was right after they died. So he went and hid in mom and dad's closet before it became Adam's. I remember Ford crying because he thought he lost his best friend, Adam tanning my hide, but the main thing I remember is the apology when we finally found Evan."
"How did you apologize to Evan?" I questioned.
"We I told him that I love him, and he was never the reason for mom and dad leaving, and I promised him I would never say anything that terrible to him again, but I was apologizing to a six-year so yours will have to be a little more realistic." He replied.
He wrapped an arm around my shoulder, and pulled me in close, "I know I have to say I'm sorry, but it wasn't my fault. I just blinded by the rage from being under Ford's shadow!" I cried into shoulder.
Daniel started to laugh calmly, "That why you're so angry?" I nodded into his shoulder unable to answer. "Guthrie you think being under Ford's shadow is bad… Trying being under Crane's now that is the worst." I was to argue, but he advance in his speech, "Yes Ford is probably just as smart as Crane, but let me tell you and I'm sorry but thanks to Ford's crippling shyness Ford's social skills are a nightmare. Crane on the other hand maybe quiet, but when he wants to give a speech or is trying to sell something… Man, I swear he could snow to Eskimo if he wanted to. Man I remember teachers use to compare all the time to him and I did what you did took my anger out on him."
"Yeah, but one of my teachers always compares me to Crane and Ford, and maybe I really am dumb." I said with inflated personality.
"No being in your brothers shadows don't make you dumb?" Daniel urged trying to make me feel better. "I don't know… when I see word in a book the letters get all scramble up, and the word order is off same is with numbers. When I'm doing problems they look normal and suddenly there mixed up again." I explained.
"Maybe you need glasses or something, but hey watch out angry Adam coming right towards us." Daniel warned. I see Adam charging through the field like a vicious animal about to kill its prey.
"Guthrie are you okay?" Adam asked as he towered over me.
"Yeah I'm fine how's Ford?" I asked casually. Adam just stared at me for second and crumble right next to me.
"Crane thinks he has a broken arm so for punishment you'll being his chores for a while." Adam informed me. "Sounds fair," I agreed casually. "I was awful to him Adam, and I'm gonna try harder in school I promise and I will…" I started to cry again and Adam took me from Daniel and soothed me gently.
"I know you will try studying harder because you always do what you say you're going to do. I know you love Ford because you agreed to do his chores no complaints, and I know your sorry because you here saying you're sorry." Adam stopped for a minute and planted a light kiss on the top of my head.
"We love you Guthrie and one tantrum from you isn't gonna make it any less. Hey you know what Hannah is making Ford some homemade ice cream, but I'm pretty sure she will need a taste tester. What do you say?" Adam began budging my side to try to make me smile, "Yum homemade ice cream begging for some to test its deliciousness!"
"You convinced me!" Daniel yelled as got up and started sprinting to the house.
"Hey wait!" I yelled because I was determine to be the taste tester of this homemade ice cream. I look back to see Adam grinning and slowly trailing from behind.
Daniel and I both taste tested Hannah's ice cream and Adam was right it tasted delicious. After what felt like forever the rest of my brother came through the door with groggy Ford in tow.
"What's the verdict?" Daniel asked.
"Broken in two places," Brian announced.
"Ah that's nothing still doesn't beat the record." Daniel said he walked up to Ford patting him on the back. I could tell Ford was grimacing because he didn't usually get this much attention.
"Record?" Hannah asked with a hand on hip and look like she was about regret asking.
"The boys keep this record of who has the worst body injury, such as Ford broken arm, but Brian almost had to chop his off so he has the worst arm injury." Adam explained.
Hannah gave us a look of disgust that was so hard not to laugh at, "That's awful!"
"It's fun, and Adam don't try to act so mature you know you have fun with it too!" Evan said who glared at before he led Ford to the living followed by Crane.
Adam just waved him and walked over to Hannah, "He lying…" He kissed on the lips and Hannah pulled away, "Sure." They kissed again, and I yelled out, "Kissy kissy kissy." Daniel and Brian started roaring in laughter.
"Hey I thought the rule was no PDA in the kitchen?" Daniel question sarcastically before laughing again.
"Yeah well you boy's best behave if you want some of Ford's ice cream." Hannah warned. Brian and Daniel stood up straight on the dot and saluted Hannah. Adam rolled his eyes, and muttered "Jackasses…"
"Hey Guthrie where about have dinner so why don't you go wash plus I think Ford might want to talk to you. "Hannah suggested. I sank in my chair a little bit, "What if he's mad at me?"
Brian crossed the room and bent down to eye level with me, "Guthrie the entire time we were at the hospital he kept asking if you were alright, the reason he didn't come and say hi to you if because he is kind of out of it from the meds and he had to go straight to the couch, but assure if you talk to him and tell you love him it will make his night."
"What about Evan?" I asked. I knew Ford was quick to forgiven, but Evan was kind of a hot-head and very protective over Ford, "What about Evan? Evan loves you Guthrie now you did mess with Ford, but you're his brother to and it would be impossible to stay mad at your baby brother. Now you go talk to Ford, and I will get Evan and Crane out of the room. How does that sound?" Brian asked ruffling my hair. I couldn't help but giggle and nodded my head, "Sounds perfect except please don't call me baby."
"Ha yeah right baby bro!" Brian laughed pulling towards the living room.
I walked in to living to be greeted by three different types of stares. First was Crane who just gave blank not really any emotion to me, then there was Evan who had fire in his eyes, and last was Ford who looked loopy, but that was probably from the meds.
"Crane, Evan Hannah needs your help in the kitchen." Brian said has he indicated for the kitchen. Crane took the hint and left for the kitchen, while Evan stood his ground.
"Evan!" Brian barked. Evan reluctantly got up, and gave me one last warning glare before going into the kitchen with Brian.
"Hey Ford." I said timidly.
"Hey buddy." Ford said happily.
"Ford I'm sorry!" I ran up to him and hugged him as hard as I could without jostling his hurt arm.
"I love you so much and I'm glad you survived the fall and the night you were born, and… and…" I sobbed.
"Hey buddy its okay I know you didn't mean, but can you tell me what I did so I can never do it again because that was one hell of a push," Ford laughed patting me on the back.
"You're smarter than me." I admitted.
"What you're mad at me because I'm smart?" I could tell Ford was very confused and the medication he was on wasn't helping.
"Yeah teachers always talk about how great you and Crane are especially you, and Adam brought it up today and I don't know I just got mad so ran into the barn to be alone, and saw Evan and he mentioned you and I saw you and I guess I took my anger out on you." Ford shook his head, "Guthrie you're plenty smart and there are plenty of things you can do that I wouldn't even dream about doing."
I gave him disbelieving look, "Oh yeah like what?"
"Well you can draw better than anyone I know. You faster than most of those horses out there, and you can get up in front of an audience no problem. I rather be here with a broken than get up in front of a large crowd." Ford said.
"About this you go get whatever homework you have to do and I will help you with it?" My jaw drop and I shook my head yes.
I quickly ran to get my backpack, when I heard Ford yell, "I don't know how much help I will be though considering the meds." I didn't care though I just glad my brother wasn't mad at me. Heck I think I was madder at myself than he was.
I also glad because maybe Ford could help me not be stupid anymore, and I can learn to read more than just baby words.
"Hey were you going Guthrie?" Hannah asked me.
"Ford's gonna help me with my homework." I kept running not waiting for a response.
After I got my backpack from Daniel's truck Ford help with my homework and it was difficult. Mainly because he was out of his mind due to medication, and all the letters were scrambled up. After a while I just told Ford that I would do my homework after some ice cream, and he should get his rest. He didn't really object in fact he fell right to sleep when head hit the pillow.
I just sighed and look down at the scribbles on my homework, "Why can't I be as smart as you," I muttered to Ford, but mainly to myself.
"Hey Guthrie dinner time is Ford asleep," Adam came in asking.
"Yeah Adam I'm feeling pretty tired too can I just go to bed?" I asked praying he say yes.
"You're not hungry?" Adam gave me a funny look as I shook my head no.
"Are you sick?" Adam came over to me and put a hand on my head.
"You don't feel warm…" I quickly interrupted, "I've had a long day today I'm just tired is all."
"Okay well did you finish your homework?" Adam questioned.
"Yep just finished." I shook my head eagerly hoping he would finally say yes.
"Well if your homework is finished and you're not hungry I don't see why you can't go to bed early." Adam finally answered. I quickly grabbed all my stuff was about to run up stairs when Adam called me one more time, "Since you going to be doing Ford's chores tomorrow Evan is going to pick you up, and at 4:35 you and him are going to me Earl down at the hardware store for these supplies for the ranch from a shipping truck that doesn't come into town too often. Now here the thing if you aren't there at 4:35 then the shipping truck will leave, and we won't get the supplies if you're late apparently the guy driving the truck is snake, and won't wait for anyone, but if we buy it from him we get it super cheap. So remember time?" Adam asked expecting me to repeat the answer back to him.
"4:35 hardware store." I answered back. He smiled back at me and nodded his head in approval, "Yes sir, and are you sleeping in Ford's bed tonight?" Adam asked.
"I didn't have the heart to wake him up," I sympathetically nodded towards Ford.
"Yeah I see what you mean well goodnight little partner!" Adam yelled as disappeared into the kitchen.
"Night!" I ran into my brother's room and quickly got a sheet a of paper and wrote done the time and place for the ranch supplies, '5:34 hardware store' yep I read back to myself perfectly 4:35 hardware store.
I was finally proud because I going to get something right by helping my brother out. As for school I guess I will just have survive those my brother thing the understand I know they don't.
Since no one understands what I see when I do my school work, or when a teacher is giving a lecture, I guess I'm going to have to work through it myself. As the school year goes on it is becoming harder and harder.
After thinking about school my self-s
Esteem went from 100% to none what was I suppose to do? I just put my homework away along with hardware store note in my backpack. I kicked off my boots, and laid down on Ford's bed. I laid facing away from the door, and just started crying. Crying because I can't read or write, and I how am the village idiot of the family.
I was also crying because I hurt my brother who has done nothing but love and try to help me. I know he said I was forgiven but it was most likely from the medications. I mainly cried because I know when my brothers find out I can't read or write then they will think I'm completely stupid and be ashamed of me.
So that night I cried until everything around me went black, and I could cry no more.