Greetings, reader. I have decided to make a sequel to my Star Wars Battlefront II story, The Life and Times of Bill and Fred. I'm hoping to make this story have three chapters. Will I finish it? Or will it go down the same path of all my other unfinished projects? And why am I asking you all these questions, anyway?

(Author's note: If you are not familiar with these names, I suggest going back and reading the original story. Or you can just ignore me and read this one, if you want to.)

"This stinks."

"Oddly enough, I have to agree with you."

Bill surveyed the massive landscape. A layer of snow covered everything, from the ground to the mountains. He sighed and looked at Fred. "Do you think we should go this way?"

"Well, considering that when we went every other way that guy ordered us to get back to the battlefield and those flashing words popped up that told us we were leaving the battlefield, I'd say yes."

"Okay."

They hurried through the snow. Bill shook his head. "Man, this is horrible. It's freezing, and we're stuck in the middle of nowhere. How did we get here anyway? We were falling off the Jedi Temple, plunging to our subsequent doom, and suddenly, we're here."

"And we don't even know where 'here' is."

"Exactly." He stared at the fellow stormtrooper. "Hey, what do you think the chances are that the Empire is on this planet?"
"I'd say about fifty to one."

"That big?"

"Yeah." They continued their trek across the long, harsh, blizzard-plenty land. "But if there are Rebels, the chances might be smaller or bigger."

"Why?"

"Because I don't know. I'm making this up as I go along." They stopped. "Okay, this is taking forever."

"Tell me about—"

Out of the blue an AT-AT popped up in front of them, followed by several Imperial soldiers. Bill stared at the machine. "Where did that come from?"

"Hey, you two!" A pilot ran over. "You're supposed to be helping the battle?"

Bill furrowed his brow. "We are?"

"Yeah, we're fighting Rebels here." The pilot shook his head. "For Pete's sake, you guys almost act like you don't know what's going on."

"We don't, actually. Wait, is this Rhen Var?"

"No. That place stunk."

"Wait, you mean this is…" He gulped. His next words came in a frightened, whispered tone. "This is Hoth?"

"Uh, duh. That's the only snowy place we fight on now."

"But we can't win at Hoth! We lose on Hoth in the movie!"

"No, we smoke the Rebels. You must be thinking of Star Wars Battlefront I, when if you played as the Rebels it was almost impossible to use. Well, yeah, that's true, but now, we have two bases instead of only one outpost."

Fred cocked his head to the side. "Why?"

"Because the designers obviously wanted to make this place less fun to put more emphasis on Episode III battles. Duh." The pilot turned back to the battle. "Okay, if you idiots are done with your pointless chatter, I'm going back to the battle. Oh, and another thing. Try not to get killed."

Bill watched as the pilot went away. "Wait, did he say 'designers'? Who are those? And what did he mean by the 'we only got one outpost in the first game' stuff?"

"And 'Episode III'? What's that?"

"Dude, are you kidding? Everybody loves that movie."

"Oh, right. That Episode III." He shrugged. "It wasn't as good as Episode I. I mean, it barely even had Jar Jar in it."

"Dude, Jar Jar stinks."

"Just your opinion."

"Fine." He moved his gaze to the stormtroopers running over the hill in front of them. "So, should we join those guys?"

"Nah, let's defend the base."

"Okay."

He followed Fred to the command post. Turrets surrounded a blue beam of light. Bill rolled his eyes. "Great. Another neutral base. How many of these are there?"

"Listen, dude, I really think you should rethink this whole color scheme?"

"Yeah, and you know more than me. As if." He crouched down by a turret. "Okay, I'm going to stay by this gun thing. You just go off somewhere else and fight guys."

"No way, man. I hate admitting this, but I'm a coward just like you." Fred knelt next to him. "I'd rather stay here."

Bill glared at him. "Do you mind?"

"What?"

"Personal space, dude. This isn't a date. We're not in San Francisco."

"Oh, that's just gross." He moved over to the light beam. "There. Happy now?"
"Yes, very much so."

"Stormtroopers!"

They wheeled around. An Imperial soldier in weird armor and a dress came up to them. "Why are you not wearing your snow gear? Do you want to freeze out here?"

"You mean the dress?" Bill shook his head. "No thanks, I'd rather freeze to death chances in subzero temperatures than wear a skirt."

"You idiot, this helps us keep warm." He clenched his fist. "Rookies. Do you think this is fun and games?"

"Um…maybe?"

"Wrong. This is serious business. What are your identification numbers?"

Bill glanced down at the tag on his armor. "B-I-L-L."

Fred followed suit. "Mine's F-R-E-D."

"Wait, what? You're identification numbers are Bill and Fred?" The snowtrooper stared at them. "How can that be? My I.D.'s TK456."

"That's exactly what I thought when I got it." Bill shrugged. "Ah well. Does it matter?"

"I guess not." The soldier sighed. "I can't believe I got TK456 and you guys got regular names. Anyway…" He cleared his throat. "We're here to destroy the Rebels once and for all."

"Sadly, sir, I'm a coward. I don't think I'd be any good in a fight."

"Fools! Do you know what we do this for! We do this to keep the galaxy under the oppressive fist of the Empire, eliminating all freedom and letting the people live in squalor and depression! Oh, and for those cheese omelets." He rubbed his stomach. "Gotta love those cheese omelets."

"Okay, fine. What do you want us to do, sir?"

"Head with Attack Group Alpha and capture the Rebel's main outpost, Echo Base."

"'Attack Group Alpha'? What's that?"

He sighed. "Those guys standing over there."

They turned around to see several soldiers huddled on the hill. "Oh. That Attack Group Alpha."

"Good luck, and may the Dark Side be with you. Mwah ha hah ha hah ha hah!"

Bill furrowed his brow. "Um, sir? Why are you laughing?"

"Sorry, I always do that when I mention the Dark Side." He let out a menacing chuckle. "See? Okay, I'm leaving. Try not to die too quickly."

He left, running towards the AT-AT. Fred shook his head. "This is bombad, meesa thinks."

"If I hear one more Jar Jar impression from you, I swear I'll…" He made the kill gesture.

"Aw, come on! That was my first one!"

"For me, one is too many." He shuddered. "Way too many."

They hurried to Attack Group Alpha. An Imperial Officer was giving orders to the others. He glanced up as the two stormtroopers approached. "Well, well, well, what do you have here?"

"I'm Bill, sir, and this is Fred. We were assigned to you by one of the captains."

"Which one?"

"TK457."

Fred looked at him. "No, it was TK456."
"TK458."

"You said TK457."

"I can change my mind."

"Gentlemen, please!" The officer stepped between them. "I don't care about your petty arguments. We need to capture the Rebel base, or otherwise SpamDot and his team will win the match!"

They both faced him. Bill cocked his head to the side. "Who the heck is 'SpamDot'? And what 'team'? Isn't there just the Rebels?"

The officer shook his head. "Great. We get two bots to fight with us. Talk about lame."

Several grumbles came from the group.

"Yeah, why do we have to have two computer players with us?"

"We are so gonna get freakin' pwned."

"And I can't even pronounce pwned!"

"Shut up, you three!" The officer turned to Bill and Fred. "Okay, fine. You're coming with us. I'm Starflyer."

Bill furrowed his brow. "Why Starflyer, sir?"

"Because, in the first game I was typing in my name and Starfighter wouldn't fit. So I used Starflyer. And seeing as how I'm not like the author and I don't change my name when I got from Star Wars Battlefront I to Star Wars Battlefront II, I kept Starflyer."

"Wait. I don't understand." He looked above the head of the officer. The word STARFLYER was spelled out in blue letters. Bill noticed that all the soldiers around besides Fred and himself had words above their heads. "Oh, I get it. You guys are those 'special' soldiers. Yeah, we had one of those back on Coruscant. He told us to stay at this command post, but we went off and killed this guy who looked evil anyway."

Fred nodded. "Of course, that guy we killed turned out to be the Emperor."

"Wait just a minute…" Starflyer snapped his fingers. "I remember you guys! I told you to stay at that base! I wondered why it said the Emperor's death was a team kill…" He shrugged. "Ah well. Okay, you two bots come with me. Igloo, AngerStreak, and Dr. BOB, you can go take Echo Base."

Bill watched as the three other 'special' soldiers ran off. He moved his gaze to Starflyer. "Where do you want us, sir?"

"You'll be with me. We're going to take out their shield generator."

"Um, sir, just to tell you, me and Fred here, we aren't really super-gifted at this whole fighting thing. Especially Fred."

"Hey!"

Bill glanced at his stormtrooper buddy. "It's the truth. We're both cowards. Especially Fred."

"I swear, one more word and I'll kick you from here to Yavin 4!"

Starflyer shrugged. "It doesn't really matter. You guys are just gonna die anyway."

"You have a very special skill at encouraging, sir."

"Well, that's my job." He stared out at the massive conflict taking place below them. "We have to hurry before the Rebels take our bases and win in like two seconds. It stinks that they can do that now."

They jogged towards the battle. Bill turned to Starflyer as they hurried forward. "Sir, what was that whole thing about bots? Is that some discriminating thing against us?"

He sighed. "So you guys don't know the truth. I thought I told the guys to spread the words through the computer player ranks."

"What 'truth'? Is it something bad?"

"Not really. Listen, I'll tell you later." He whipped out his gun. "Right now we have a battle to fight."

Will Bill and Fred learn this 'truth'? Can they complete their mission, or will the galaxy know freedom and peace from the Empire? And will anyone ever tell me how to pronounce 'pwned'? Anyway, tune in, or whatever they call it, to the next chapter The Life and Times of Bill and Fred, Volume II

Bill ran onto the screen. "Hi, everybody. Before you leave to go do your various activities, I'd just like to pleasantly remind you to please review this chapter. Remember, all proceeds you deposit go to the Foundation to Make Republic Commando 2!"

"You idiot!" Fred raced up next to him. "The people don't deposit any proceeds when they review!"

"Shhhhh," Bill whispered. "They don't know that."

So this is when I end the chapter, right? Okay. Um…Bye. See you guys later. I'll try to get the second chapter up as soon as possible. Really.

Stop staring at me!