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He missed her. He missed her so much it hurt, wounded his heart and soul more than any physical pain ever could torture his body. Pins and needles stabbed at his chest as she turned away from him and entered the portal to Gryffindor Tower. To think it had only been a week and there she was all over James Potter. It made him want to vomit when he saw James wrap his toned arm around Lily's waist and parade her around the school like she was a trophy. Cocky bastard. She wasn't a trophy, she was a person. A person he didn't deserve. Granted, Severus knew he didn't deserve her either, but he hated to see her fall into the eager arms of any other man. Although he hated seeing them together, he knew that even if they were not in sight, they were together. He wanted to cry, to cry until his body could no longer produce tears.

Lily Evans had been his only friend and he'd ruined any chance of being anything more with her by uttering a simple, but hateful word out of humiliation and fury at James Potter's incessant tormenting. Mudblood. He'd not meant it, he never meant it! He wasn't even prejudice! But frustration, humiliation and spontaneity had led to his downfall.

Lily's eyes, oh those beautiful, enchanting, emerald, dewy eyes, blazed at James Potter, "Stop it James! How could you?"

"I don't need your help you mudblood!" Mudblood.

He wanted to cry… How could he have said that to her?

Severus Snape was now lying in his bed at Hogwarts. His long black hair spread out over the pillow as he slept. His hands were clasped, resting over his flat stomach. His breath was shallow and his eyes were wet with tears that had not yet spilt over onto his pallid boney cheeks.

He couldn't focus, he couldn't think, not about anything but her; her beautiful, soft, sweet-smelling red hair falling about her shoulders and down her back. Those eyes, those beautiful, spring grass green eyes that were always sparkling, bright and happy. Her voice, oh Merlin, it was a voice that rang out like chimes, that would put even the finest bird song to shame. He loved her. There was no denying. But how could he make her see? How could he make her understand that he could be whatever she wanted him to be? How could he make her accept every perfuse apology? How could he make her see that ever since that fight, he could care less about being a Death Eater, about being a servant to the Dark Lord?

He couldn't.

No matter how hard he tried he could not do it. Lily was adamant. Sometimes when he approached Severus swore he saw a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth, her eyes might linger on him for a moment… but then it was gone. She would turn away from him, the gaze leaving as quickly as it had come. Every time those eyes abandoned him, he left a cold hand squeeze his heart.

He would not give up, he would try and speak to her, but it was nearly impossible because she was never alone, always surrounded by friends or James and his cronies. He couldn't get her attention, he couldn't get her to come back and he couldn't make her love him.

But why, pray tell, would she have fallen for his worst enemy? And so suddenly? Was it just to spite him? Or had she loved him for a while now, using this fight to end it all just to be with Potter. James Arrogant Potter; his dashing black hair, his tight body, his best friends always hanging on him like wet towels on a bathroom rack completed him, completed his outstanding life. He was on top of the world: pure-blood, rich, spoiled, Lily-possessing, Quidditch star. He had it all.

And Severus had nothing.

It was all he could do to keep himself focused on his schoolwork as the weeks passed by. It was painfully slow as the year was coming to a close. Severus was drifting away from his Slytherin "friends" and inverting into himself more and more. He started to find being alone to be the only source of comfort, ever. He was becoming his old self, the self that he had been prior to knowing Lily. When he'd been her friend, he was able to use her to feel better, and she willingly obliged. Now, he had no one. And unless he did something to remedy the pain in his heart, he doubted he would be alive much longer.

…

Why did I have to walk in late to Divination that morning? If I hadn't been late, I probably wouldn't have been called on to look at the prophecy, perched atop a claw-like holder in the center of the room. The professor glared at me, she never liked me, told me that I couldn't appreciate the noble arts of divination. Why I'd bothered to enroll in that class was beyond me, perhaps it was because James Potter wasn't in it.

"Miss Evans," emphasizing miss a little too much for my taste. "Could you please come forth and gaze into the crystal ball before me here?" Great. I was supposed to be able to see what the ball had within it; I was not a Seer I couldn't possibly gaze into a prophecy that was not mine.

"This crystal called to me on this bright spring morning and informed me that I must present itself to you! Now, since Miss Evans was late, I find it only fitting that since she interrupted class, she be the one to start it for the day. Miss Evans, if you please." The professor gestured to the crystal ball and then to the chair across from it. I gulped. I wasn't going to be able to do this. I could always make something up I suppose but this professor was an accredited Seer, she would know if I was pretending, obviously. And she knew my abilities in this class were not Outstanding, perhaps Exceeds Expectations, but I wouldn't know my O.W.L. scores until later this year, after I took them so it wasn't a valid argument to make, and whether I performed well or not was not the point or the answer to the current situation in front of me. She wanted to embarrass me, and she would do so, with a smirk and a rude comment when I couldn't clearly perceive what was inside the crystal.

A few Slytherins snickered as I squinted and tried to focus. My heart was rapidly prancing in my chest and I felt myself shaking under the intense glare of my Professor and the expectant eyes of my peers.

The ball churned, the smoke within it wrapping around itself reminded me of a rolling thunder could just before a brilliant storm. I was caught in a storm with Severus once… we almost kissed… No, Lily focus! But as the thought of Severus- raindrops falling from in lengthy black hair, his equally night-black eyes fixed on mine, his clothes, sopping wet and clinging to his pale skin- entered my mind the ball spoke, and it spoke only to me. "Lily…"

My stomach tightened and for a moment I wondered if this was normal, if it was possible that I could actually see and hear the crystal ball because I was an exceptional student, the cinnamon roll I'd eaten that morning threatened to come back up when the crystal ball spoke again, "Lily Evans is to be the mother of the Chosen One… the one who will vanquish the Dark Lord when the times approaches… such a conception can only be… when James Potter, enemy to her and another love has marked her as his own…. The impregnation of this Chosen One shall only be… when two enemies unite in this creation…" The ball was silenced. I felt my heart wrenching painfully. The professor looked at me with an expression of fear, worry, amazement, and disgust- all twisted into a hideous scowl. I looked to my peers through a foggy mist that was a film over my eyes. Their expressions were nothing out of the ordinary, no shock or fear or concern or confusion. They must not have heard the prophecy, but I had and I was not spending another moment in the class.

I dashed from the room without casting even a glance back. I ran and ran and ran, heart pounding, chest heaving, brain spinning, stomach aching, James Potter? Was the prophecy true? Of course it was true! But me? ME? And that horrible, disgusting, arrogant prat of a boy! Was this a dream? I felt as if I was falling in circles, never to get up and walk in a straight line, confusion devouring me, fear gnawing at my bones, anger, rage, hate… It was all running through my hot blood.

I was out of the castle, on the grounds near the Black Lake. I could no longer run I could only fall to the ground underneath that old tree and sob. When was this conception to happen? Why me? Why Potter? Am I dreaming? I couldn't see, I couldn't think… I stopped crying, rather suddenly really and I leaned against the tree, not thinking, just breathing, staring... I needed to calm down and then I needed to see Albus Dumbledore, he would surely know something about what to do and there was no doubt he would be more help than that Divination teacher of mine.

Students were pouring out of the castle to enjoy a warm afternoon by the time I was ready to leave the secluded spot by the lake. A large tentacle slammed against the water as I made my way across the slopping spring-grass hill towards the castle.

When I caught sight of it.

James Potter and his cronies along with several other members of Gryffindor house were sauntering across the field towards a boy who was reading alone under a large tree up at the top of the slope. Severus Snape.

I could hear James' mocking voice, "Cozy are we, Snivellus?" This was going to be bad, worse than the last attack I was sure and after hearing about that prophecy, I wanted nothing more than to wring the Gryffindor Seeker's neck. Severus was standing now, brandishing his wand but James was quick and disarmed him. By the time I reached the spot, Severus was already hanging upside down in the air, pants off.

Rage boiled in my and I thought I might scream like a tea kettle when I approached James. I wanted to hex him into the lake in the hope that the giant squid might favor and delicious snack. But before I could do more than scold James for his actions, Severus spoke to me, using that awful slang to identify what I now was to him. A mudblood.

I suppose I knew the day would come when he finally gave into the dark and fled from the light. I suppose I should have expected it, due to his intense and understandable humiliation. But I was hurt. I was mad. This had been the worst day of my life, and here I was getting shouted at and harassed by the very boy I had been defending.

I left the spot, struggling to keep my emotions in check. Severus followed but I didn't want to be bothered, I told him I needed the space. After some more whining and pleas to forgive he let me be and I went to Dumbledore's office. He had to know about this, about the prophecy and Severus' humiliation.

What he told me was not what I wanted to hear.