Guilt

Holly sat at the gravestone of her father. Her slender fingers traced out the engraved words and she felt the old sadness grip her heart. He died too young, even though that was his choice he made when he went on that mission. She would never forget that day, waiting for her father to come home. And the funeral, trying to be strong because that was what she was supposed to be. Her mother, her sister, they weren't like that but Holly was like her father. So painfully like her father that her mother couldn't even look her in the eyes after he died.

"He was a good officer," Holly heard a familiar voice behind her. She quickly stood and turned around to find herself face to face with Commander Julius Root. There was an awkward silence. Holly felt slightly strange, dressed as she was in a dark skirt and blazer, given that nowadays, she never saw the commander out of work.

"I have to go," Holly said quickly and made to leave but he put his hand on her shoulder.

"Why do you hate me?" Holly was always perfectly professional at work but never spoke one word more than necessary to him. She would joke with Foaly or Trouble but never him.

"You were supposed to be his friend," Holly turned, her beautiful face contorted with anguish, "But you let this happen."

"What do you mean?"

"I heard everything. Just because I was young doesn't mean I don't have ears."

"What did you hear?"

"You and him, talking about that mission and how dangerous it was. You let him go, even though you knew full well he had a family. Do you have any idea what it was like telling my little sister that daddy wouldn't ever come home? And your own mother, too pained by grief to even look at you?'

"Was I supposed to have done?" Julius stuttered.

"Go instead of him. What I would have done. What he would have done for you."

"I— I was afraid, too. I'm not as brave as you or your father, Holly."

"Bullshit. You did it for your damn career. You knew full well that it was either going to be you or him promoted to commander. You are just as bad as Briar Cudgeon."

"That is not true! Cudgeon would've taken your life as collateral damage for his damned career!"

"Isn't that the same as you willing to have my father die in stead of you? Because he could have been so much and you and I both know it. Commander, Council, whatever he wanted he could have had. And you were afraid of him because he was your only competition." She turned to leave.

"I was selfish." Holly stopped in her tracks. Julius Root, actually admitting a mistake? Well, that was unusual at best.

"I know the consequences of what I did, now. But I was young and foolish and yes, selfish. And I live with the weight of my mistakes, that guilt, every day of my life because as much as I may want to, I can't bring your father back. But I wish I could, Holly, I would give my life for him, I really would.

"I have to admit, it hurts to see how much you're like your father. That's why I work so hard to make sure you were safe. It's the only way I knew to repent for my actions. But you're more than that, I know. You are an amazing officer and a talented person in your own right. Your respect means so much to me, Holly. I would understand if you can never forgive me but I hope you will. I truly hope you will."

A/N: Well? What do you think? It's my first fanfic that I've posted on this site, so please, try to review and give thoughtful feedback. Really, if you hated it, you're welcome to flame, as long as you have a reason.

Thanks a lot,

Lily