Disclaimer: Anything you recognize is not owned by me. All belongs to J.K. Rowling.
WARNING: Cousincest, self-harm, swearing.
::
She only kisses him when she's drunk. And James doesn't know if that is supposed to mean something. But it's dark outside, and she's so very enticing. He's trapped in her web of firewhiskey kisses and glazed-over stares, and he knows that he'll never be able to untangle himself.
"I love you," Victoire whispers, that addictive Veela blood out to play. "It's only you."
He knows she isn't being completely honest with him, but who is he to disagree? She's there when no one else is, and she'll kiss him until he forgets that this is supposed to be wrong. That they are cousins and their family would never approve. They would never understand. But her lips are on his, so he decides to forget about their family, if only just for tonight.
"I love you too," James whispers, kissing her temple. Her silver hair glimmers in the moonlight, and he can't help but to wonder if he will be the only one in their relationship to ever mean what he says.
Victoire smiles, and tucks her heard into the gap under his chin. James could stand there, under the full moon, until her lies start to seem like the truth. But he is only twenty, and she's four years older than him, so he can't help but to feel naïve.
"You're thinking too loud," she smiles, and kisses his collarbone. "Just be with me here. At least for tonight."
So he stops thinking and just kisses her. But Godric, is ever damned.
::
"You need to stop," his sister says, scowling at him. "I'm not judging, but it'll never work."
"Lily, you can't say anything. It's your fault Victoire is never sober in the first place."
"You can't say that," she hisses. "It's not my fault Teddy left her. They were never in love, not really."
"Just, don't make excuses. Now Teddy is with you, and you two are happy. I'm glad. But now all Vic does is try to drown herself in booze-"
"Like she should," Lily interjects.
"Fuck, Lily, just let me speak! You're prejudiced against her. She's your fucking family. Try to act like it." James retorts.
"Oh yeah, like you should be talking. When was the last time you and Freddie spoke? And take your own advice, act like Victoire is family. Not your little fuck-buddy."
James stands in front of his little sister, trying to keep calm. "You have no idea what you're talking about. I love her."
Suddenly, Lily's entire demeanor changes, and she looks at him with sad, pitying eyes. "You may love her, James, but that doesn't necessarily mean she loves you in the way you want her to."
And Lily, even as the baby of the family, always knew what she was talking about. James can't stand to let Lily know that she might be right. Maybe Victoire is only using James until she's over Teddy. So he decides to take a leap of faith, and see if Victoire really does love him. James starts to walk away from Lily, turns, and disapparates away.
::
He goes to the Burrow, because sitting in Granddad's armchair was always her favorite place to write. And to see her sitting in that very spot, he can't help but to let a small smile grace his face. Through this all, James knows her so well.
But Victoire is so engrossed writing in her notebook that she doesn't hear James. Her silver hair is pulled back, and the distant Veela gene seems more prominent than ever.
"Kiss me," James says.
Victoire is startled out of her reverie, and looks at James quizzically. "Pardon?"
"If you love me, truly, you'll kiss me. Right now," James replies, a bit desperately.
"Oh, James," she says. "James."
"Vic, please," his chocolate eyes stare pleadingly into hers, but she just seems saddened by this entire affair.
"James, we're in our Grandparent's home. Doesn't something sound wrong in that? Our Grandparent's home. I know I said it wouldn't matter, but James, darling, it does. We could never work out in the real world."
James suddenly remembers that there is no firewhiskey fogging her brain. They aren't lying in the sand behind Shell Cottage, she doesn't have that distant look in her eyes, and most importantly, she's actually telling the truth.
"It was stupid of me to come here," James replies, defeated. "I'll just see myself out."
For a second it looks like Victoire is about to say something, her mouth opening and closing like a fish, but nothing comes out. She just has sapphire eyes almost brimming over with tears, but they aren't filled with regret. They're filled with pity. And after all, James always could read her emotions better than anyone. Clearly he was making something out of nothing. It was all Whiskey-filled dreams.
::
He disapparates back to his flat, and throws his wand down the hall. James rakes his fingernails down his arms, hard enough to draw blood.
"Stupid, stupid, stupid," he screams. He punches the wall until his knuckles are bleeding too. It's not enough though. He walks into the bathroom and stares at his reflection. Tear-stained cheeks. Red, running nose. Red arms, red hands, full of blood. He sinks down to the floor, hugging his knees.
"I love you," he whispers.
::
He's still sitting on his bathroom floor when Lily finds him the next day. She gasps, and her emerald eyes start to fill with tears.
"Oh, James," she whispers. James looks up at his sister, and right then he would have been very happy to die. Lily, seeing him so weak, so defeated. Lily grabs his bloodied arm and pulls him to his feet.
"Let's wash you up," she says, trying to smile.
She puts his arms under the running water in the sink, and gently rubs off the dried blood. Long cuts stare up at him on his arms, and he feels a sick sense of relief from it. Lily finishes cleaning him off, and leads him to his bedroom.
"Just go to sleep for now," Lily offers. "We'll talk tomorrow."
James doesn't want to look at her anymore, so he lies down and goes to sleep.
::
James wakes up the next morning to the smell of bacon from the kitchen. He gets up and sees Lily cooking.
"I made you some breakfast," Lily says nervously. She looks at him as if he's a bomb, ready to explode at any moment. "I'm sorry about what I said."
"Its fine," James replies. "It was all true, anyways."
Lily sighs, and sits down at his small kitchen table. James sits across from her, grabbing some eggs and bacon.
"Look, James, I didn't think she'd do this to you."
James laughs in reply, biting off a piece of bacon. "I did this to myself," he answers. "I never should've believed she loved me in the first place. I was the only person who ever thought she did."
"If it means anything, Albus thought she did. He told me not to say anything to you about Vic. I was the one who thought you were kidding yourself. Albus said that he thought Victoire really loved you."
"Lily, that doesn't mean anything now. Victoire made it obvious that it was never real. She was trying to forget Teddy by being with me."
"Okay," she says. "I just thought you might want to know."
"Well, it doesn't matter," James replies. "Thanks for the breakfast, but I think you should go."
Lily looks wearingly back at him. "I won't tell Mum or Dad about this. But if anything like this happens again, send me a Patronus, okay?"
"Fine," James says, looking down at the table. But he knows he won't. He hates having to rely on anyone but himself.
"Bye."
Lily walks out of his flat, and that's the last time he ever sees his sister.
::
Three days later, James is walking through Muggle London. He's wandering, hoping to stumble upon anybody he knows, really. He sees Neville across the street, and smiles.
"Neville, old chap, what are you doing in London," James yells starting to cross the street. He never was good at looking both ways, and the sound of screeching tires fills his ears. The last thing he sees is a horrified look on Neville's face, his mouth opening to scream. Then everything is black.
::
James wakes up in a room of all white. He's lying on the floor. Someone walks in, and for a second he thinks it's his father, but the eyes looking at him are hazel, not green.
"Hello James," the person smiles. "I'm James." His hazel eyes are full of mirth, laughing.
But this couldn't be.
"You look confused. You died. I'm James Potter, Your Granddad."
"You're who?"
"It's okay. Everything is fine now. There are no Victoire's to worry about here. I think we have some catching up to do," James Senior smiles, hand outstretched. "Come with me."
James decides he has nothing to lose, and takes the hand.
::
FIN.
Um, wow. This got away from me.