A/N: For the Tyzula Renaissance Monthly Oneshot Challenge, November. Prompt: Anywhere But Here.
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The Eighteenth Sun
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"Daddy," Izumi announces one morning at dinner, "today Kya told me about guardian spirits."
"And you want one?" Zuko suppresses a laugh. She never fails to make him smile, which is a rare talent in this world.
"No. I have one. She's really beautiful and gracious and for my whole life she sometimes comes to my windowsill and watches me and sometimes she smiles and sometimes she cries but I know she's protecting me. That sort of stuff is what guardian spirits do," Izumi prattles off and Zuko looks mildly concerned. She does not understand why her father seems so worried.
Zuko wants to ask further, to pester her and see how much she knows, or if this is really who he thinks it is. But instead he just smiles and nods like the good father he tries so hard to be. Izumi scampers away to go get into and out of trouble, and he leans back, tapping his foot to a nervous rhythm.
He does not like this.
If she wants to be with her kid so much, maybe she should actually try to be a part of her life.
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"Ty Lee," Zuko says that evening as the sun sets, "can you stay with Izumi tonight? She's… scared."
He hates lying, and he hates that Ty Lee can tell that he is lying, but the situation has not given him much of a choice. Ty Lee shrugs and accepts; she does not particularly like sleeping beside Zuko anyway. He reminds her of the person she is in bed with fleetingly but flawlessly.
And so, Ty Lee goes to wait with Izumi. She has no idea if Azula will turn up; Ty Lee never does. The princess comes and goes like a ghost, and sometimes Ty Lee wonders if she is or not. Azula will just be there, waiting for Ty Lee to unlock the window with an evil smirk.
It takes about five minutes before they are tearing into each other ravenously.
But then Azula is gone, with little explanation other than, "The longer I'm with you, the more you'll hurt."
Ty Lee always replies, "The longer I'm away from you, the more I hurt!"
And Azula always gives the same answer, "You have no idea what's good for you."
And Ty Lee always asks the same question, "Where are you going?"
And Azula always, without fail, replies, "Anywhere but here."
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Izumi is pretending to be asleep and Ty Lee is pretending to not know that.
Ty Lee is lying awake, breathing slowly. The moonlight pours through the window, making patterns like a keyboard on Izumi's ivory skin. She looks like her mother and Ty Lee loves that about her. She loves that about her husband too, but for a different reason. She watches the window like she never has before, anxiously awaiting Azula's arrival.
Izumi makes a teensy whimpering sound and Ty Lee looks away for only an instant before seeing that beautiful creature of the night sitting there on her perch. Her wicked smirk glistens as she stares inside and sees the mother… and the daughter… and then her smirk fades. She seems… pensive.
Ty Lee cannot place it.
Izumi gets up before Ty Lee can do anything. She sits there and smiles widely at her guardian spirit with no knowledge of how truly fucked up it is. Her guardian angel looks like her when she is older, or how she hopes to look when she is older. She has dark hair, pale skin, golden eyes. Yet, hers always have purplish circles under them, and are often bloodshot. Her pale skin is sometimes sallower. Her dark hair is sometimes a mess.
The guardian spirit says something tonight for the first time.
She taps on the window once and asks softly, "May I come in, Izumi?"
Ty Lee knows that Azula is using Izumi because she knows that Ty Lee would deny her. Sitting on Izumi's bed, Ty Lee clutches her pillow to her chest in the cold and stares at Azula.
"Yes, of course, please do," Izumi squeaks, her eyes glittering with excitement. Azula looks sick about that. She frowns and Izumi did not know that guardian spirits could do that.
Azula runs her long, thin finger along the window and unlatches it from the outside. A gust of icy wind bursts through, and she comes with it, her body almost ethereal. Azula is corporeal, Azula is not dead, but sometimes Ty Lee does wonder if the Forgetful Valley did something to her. Or maybe it just feels that way because of how Azula drifts in and out of Ty Lee's life.
Izumi looks up and Azula touches the side of her face, her hands surprisingly hot despite the icy sensation of the caress. Azula always imagined that is how a mother would touch a child, but she couldn't be sure; she never had a mother.
"Ty Lee," Azula says and now she seems very real, even if Izumi thinks she is a spirit. "I'm in trouble."
"It had to happen sometime." Ty Lee doesn't know why she said that.
"Can I stay here tonight?" She thinks she is going to die soon. Ty Lee's stomach twists because she knows what she must say.
"No, no you can't. Because you're not going to stay. You always leave," Ty Lee breathes and Izumi's lips are ajar in confusion.
Azula licks her lips. "I told you I can't. I can't live in a cage."
"Spirits really can't, momma," Izumi interjects and Azula's expression contorts in such a human way again.
Izumi hurts her. Ty Lee feels herself bending slightly.
"We could be a family. Just for one night," Azula whispers, gesturing at Izumi. "Haven't you always looked at my brother and wished that I were raising her with you? That we were a family."
Ty Lee sighs and averts her eyes. "Please don't do this to us. I'm trying to be happy."
"Where will she go?" Izumi squeaks.
"Anywhere but here," Ty Lee snaps, her eyes flashing with all of the anger that has gathered inside of her as Azula drops by to fuck her and then disappears again.
"What if I was there when you woke up?" Azula must really be in trouble if she offers that. "Would you like that?"
"Momma," Izumi whines and Ty Lee cannot deny the child.
"Fine."
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They lie there together, sprawled in secret on the bed.
Izumi is nestled between them and she feels at an ease she has never experienced before. Her guardian spirit will protect her, and she is safe and warm in her momma's arms. She thinks maybe her momma loves the guardian spirit, and Izumi does not understand it, but Izumi loves the guardian spirit too.
Azula is at peace, if only for a little while. Izumi is between she and her long-time flame, their hands have been gently touching for a long while without Azula moving away. The princess has never felt more content than she has this night. So much that she cannot sleep because she cannot bear leaving this moment.
"Azula, why do you do this to Izumi?"
"I never disturbed her before. I always only watched," Azula says softly. "No, not watched. I checked on her. I'd check on her in the courtyard. Make sure she's… okay. I owe her that."
"You owe being her mother. You owe staying here and being with her and protecting her like that," Ty Lee hisses and Azula shakes her head.
"She has too much of me in her. I refuse to let that happen, and so I make myself scarce. That is the only answer."
"No, it's not."
Azula scoffs. "And what would you know about that?"
"You just have to love her. I loved you with all my heart and then you were gone. Please, Azula, please…"
"I do love her. I just don't love the idea of her becoming any more of a little Azula, as you people call her," Azula snaps and Ty Lee frowns faintly.
"I would be so happy if my child turned out anything like you."
"Because I'm pretty and perfect, right?" Azula rolls her eyes. "We're not fourteen. I'll fuck you no matter how you flatter me."
"No. I think you're an amazing person and I love for more reasons than I can even count. I love you Azula, and I couldn't love anybody but you." Ty Lee closes her eyes. She does not think that she can carry on this conversation.
"My child can't be a fugitive, and I can't turn myself in," Azula repeats the words she has said in her head so many times.
"Let's run away together and start another war," Ty Lee whispers, opening her eyes.
Azula is silent at first. She looks at Izumi, she feels Ty Lee's hand against hers, she thinks about every moment she climbed through windows or watched from above or beneath a hood. Azula has been a ghost haunting her family for a long while. She never thought about what it would feel like to actually embrace the people she observed from afar.
"Where would we go?" Azula whispers.
"Anywhere but here." Ty Lee squeezes Azula's hand.
In the morning, Izumi wakes in the arms of her guardian angel, and she is leaving through the window with her.
In the morning, Izumi breathes in the cold air but feels a warmth between her momma and her spirit, as they disappear for as long as they can to anywhere, anywhere but here.