S o m e t h i n g
It snowed last year too: I made a snowman and my brother knocked it down and I knocked my brother down and then we had tea. ~Dylan Thomas
Gotta do this. I've been waiting too long.
Honor. Gotta pay fer it. Gotta.
I aint surprised when Leo joins me a moment later. He don't say nothin, don't look at me, just joins me in my stride.
So he's pissed too, huh?
Don't blame 'im... Feels ta fuckin good at the moment. Aint felt like dis fer too long. Too damn long...
Dey gonna pay fer dis. They aint gonna need me. Not now. Got who dey need. Aint in danger. Right. Aint in danger. I can do dis. I can do dis so long as Leo fucks off when dey need 'im.
Me? I aint goin no wheres. Not fer a long time.
A snarl at da air, grippin the hilts of my Sais so freakin hard that my hands start ta ache. Good. Good. Someone's gonna hurt. Pay.
But tonight it aint gonna be us. Aint gonna be me. Not tonight. I held back freakin long enough fer dem. Fer da peace. Aint the only one who can do what needs ta be done. Aint da only one.
Da rooftops are startin ta look hazy. Super clear. I can see everythin, but nothing matters. Like a tunnel drawin me to the light. Only dis time, it aint the light I'm drawn to is it? Aint never gonna be the light.
One thing afta da other. Aint ever no time for rest. Just one afta da other. Again and again and again until every damn hope is just a puddle of red of the pavement. Clichéd. Well I never said I was any good with words, did I?
My head is spinnin again. I know Leo knows it. He keeps throwin me these little, apprehensive glances.
I don't care. He came out with me. I know he wants ta do it too.
Almost disappointment welling up in me. Sick. I hate it.
Been too fucking long.
My hand stings from where it was slammed into da wall earlier. When Leo thought it was a bad idea and I spent hours, minutes pacing like a fucking caged animal while fearless tried ta make things better. But it didn't work.
He knows it. I knows it.
They're finished...
Leonardo nods be to where a couple low life thugs are mugging a woman. Always happens.
"Them first, Raph."
His voice is controlled. But shaking. I can tell. You're as angry as I am, aincha Leo? Yer just as angry as me. Only yer better at keeping it together.
Aint dat right?
But they're a good warm up.
I pay da woman no mind as she runs, screaming. Fuel to da fire. Fuel to da fire. Dat's all its ever gonna be.
I don't know what we did to dose bastards. But we aint let dem go. Aint leavin dem for the police. Never.
Leo's with me. Fer once. Totally on my side.
Take 'em out. Take em out till dey not recognizable as human beings and den move on.
Move on because there's gotta be more. More. MORE! Dis aint enough. Aint ever gonna be enough!
Stupid bastards! Aint they ever gonna just fuckin get it?
Gotta move. Gotta keep moving. Aint got no time ta stop. Can't stop. Gotta feel to burn. Da raspy sting of exertion. Gotta feel I'm doin SOMETHING. Gotta know I aint just sittin dere collectin dust. Been doin dat a lot lately. Aint doin it no more. Aint gonna sit and be quiet like a good little boy no more. Aint gonna be a perfect little ninja no more. Gotta move!
We aint been running long when Leo does it. One minute we're runnin, da next I'm on da floor, off to the side of da alleyway, rammed between a dumpster.
I can feel the heat radiating from Leo. Everythin takin its toll on 'im.
"Leo, what the fuck-"
He holds up a hand to silence me. Still breathin hard. But quiet. And I know he saw something I would have missed. Somethin I DID miss.
I bite my tongue hard, eyes narrowin. Dis is a hold up. We shouldn't be hiding. We should be dere. Fightin 'im. Getting even. I aint gonna stay here.
Leo's a stubborn bastard, throwing all his weight on me. We struggle silently. Grappling. Don't he get that I CAN'T stay still? Gotta move. Gotta fight, Leo. Gotta fight someone. Aint gonna be you. We aint gonna hurt tonight. They are. Always us. Tonight it's gonna be dem.
It's been too fucking long.
Let me go!
I can here their voices. Whiny in my ears. Bugs. I hate bugs.
One. Last. Time!
Clenchin my fists. Leo's on the ground. Up again, running ta catch up with me. Shouldn't have ta. He's always been faster.
I don't think. I see da guns. Know what they're doing.
I can hear Leo cursing behind me but I don't stop.
Guns. We can do dat. We've done worse.
My Sais are light in my hands. Easy. Easy, like it suppose ta be. Light and easy. I slam the hilt into da fist guy, den all bets are off.
Dunno what happens. Feels good though. Feel so fucking good. Leo's beside me, Katanas out. So I gotta be doin the right thing. Aint screwing up. Revenge. Vengeance.
Dis is just a warm up. When I get my hands on dem, dey're gonna feel what I did.
Pain.
And it's gonna be too damn sweet. Always is, eh? Revenge served fresh of the blade.
They're shooting now. Duck and weave and just keep movin. Dey can't pin ya. Can't shoot ya if you just keep moving. Always keep moving.
Gonna slip up sometime. Bound ta happen. Things are happening way ta slow.. Gonna slip.
Move. Faster!
Aint fast enough.
But I don't get hit.
I feel something barrel into me, slammin me to da ground. I hit it hard. Jarring. A weight on top of me. What the hell happened? I should be dead. Hurtin. What the shit happened? I can't think. Everythin is still to freakin hazy. But I know there's red. Blood. Blood was spilled. Whose? Mine? No. Blood…
If it didn't hit me…
I'm gonna KILL those bastards!
Gonna pay fer hurtin him.
Hacking. Screamin, they're screamin. Damn well should be. They aint got a prayer. Aint got no hope anymore. Cowards. Low lives.
Don't fucking touch him!
They're all down. All down. Finished. They're finished. I aint gonna run anymore, Leo. Aint gonna run anymore.
I collapse to my knees. Leo's awake. Shit. He shouldn't look like dat. His eyes are shut tight, grimacing. He looks pale. Sick. Blood. Too much blood and it's HIS. Leonardo's.
"Leo, can ya hear me?"
He nods and when he speaks, it sounds forced, strained, "Just nicked the skin." He takes a deep breath and I can see where he's holding, gripping into his leg. I try and pry his hands away. He don't move. Stubborn bastard.
"Leo just let me see, Goddamn it."
"'S just a scratch, Raph…"
A scratch that's been bleeding out. Not fine, fearless. Not fine.
I finally get his hands away. Just a scratch. Deep though. Cut through da skin and muscle but still. It aint lodged in. Aint a clean hole. Gauged out. I feel sick.
I grab da bandages from my belt and wrap it best I can. I aint got time for nothin fancy. Just needs to get him home. I can see the colour drain from him as he tries to stand. Ashes. The colour of white ashes.
"Leo, ya aint getting' far on yer own." I grab him around the shoulder, keeping him upright.
Scares me how much he sags against me. He shouldn't be dis weak. Shit. How long was dat fight? Can't remember. Dunno how long he bled out. Dunno. Just gotta get ta Donnie and try and sort everythin out. Leo's gonna be fine. It's Leo. Always fine..
"C'mon fearless. Almost there, huh?"
He seems out of it. I gotta be careful in da sewer. Can't splash no water on da injury. Gonna get infected. Can't have dat. Aint gonna let that happen too. C'mon Leo. Ya can do dis.
Swallowing the guilt. He'll be fine. 'S yer fault, but if ya live, ya can sit through the lectures of how ya was an irresponsible bastard who don't follow orders. Cause Leo will do dat. 'S Leo. He'll also be fine. Always is. Gotta be.
Dey don't need me. But dey need 'im.
Stumbling into da Lair.
"Donnie!"
He comes running. Sees Leo. Goes pale. Ushers me into the room. I'm shaking, trembling as I relinquish my hold and get the door slammed in my face with da words, "Don't want distractions. He should be fine."
Should be? SHOULD?
Mikey's freaking out. He's pale too, fidgety.
He stand up. Sits down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down.
"Mikey for fucks sake! Sit or stand and stay still!"
He sits down, still white faced.
"Raphie… What happened?"
What happened, Mikey? I was an idiot, that's what happened. And now Leo's payin fer it.
I glance at the door of the infirmary, willing Don out with sheer will. Well, stranger things have happened.
Mikey's still looking at me and I realize I haven't answered his question, "Got into a fight, Mikey. Got into a fight, the bastards had guns and one of the bullets's nicked Leo's leg." I swallow. Gotta sounds convincing, "He's gonna be fine."
We don't say nothin for the rest of the time. Just waitin. Silently waitin. It's driving me crazy. How long does something like this take? How bad was it? A thousand questions. A burnin need fer da answers.
But Donnie knows dat. So when he came out, he didn't even wait.
"He's fine. He just needs to sleep it off, not strain himself too much and he should be fine."
Don never gives it to us straight. Always something. He never tells us about what happened in dere. Never tells us what it took. How it happened. What's happening now. Just tells us enough.
Dunno whether dat pisses me off, or is da biggest relief. So I don't call 'im on it and go on ta more important things.
"We can see 'im, right?"
Donatello looks like he dunno what to say for a moment. But I think he catches the look in my eye and he nods, "One at a time, alright?"
I glance back at Mikey but he nods as well, reluctantly.
So me. Okay then.
Don's turned da lights off, so da room is dark. It makes Leo look pale. More than he was. More than he should be.
I slump down on the chair, just sitting and staring. Is he awake? I don't say anythin. Aint gonna wake 'im if he's asleep. He needs ta rest. He never rests. Just runnin afta da rest of us.
Figures he wouldn't be asleep then. He turns just a little, shifting in the blankets and opening his eyes. He looks out of it. Like every guard has been torn down and he's stripped to his core. I Aint used to seeing him like dat. Just aint right. Not fer Leo.
"Raph?" His voice too. Too lost. Half there… not the control I'm use to. Too much heart. Can't talk to 'im now. It wouldn't be fair.
"Just sleep, eh, Leo? I aint goin nowhere."
He just nods and turns over, burrowing into the sheets.
I wonder how much of those pain meds Donnie gave 'im. Decide it's better not knowin.
I'll just stay here a bit longer.
Dis time, I aint goin nowhere.
Trying out something different.
What did you think?