Title: Falling
Summary: Oneshot songfic. Jenny and Gibbs think about their relationship as boss and coworker and struggle with their feelings and memories of better times.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the songs or NCIS.
A/N: Inspired by all the amazing lines in various songs about falling in front of or for someone you know. The first bit is from "Stay In My Memory" by Bim, the next from "Spotlight (Twilight Mix)" by MuteMath from the Twilight soundtrack, the next from "Falling" by Staind, and the last from "Falling Slowly" by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova from the Once soundtrack.
It alternates between Jenny and Jethro's perspectives, starting with Jenny.
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Just what I don't want to do
Is to fall in front of you…
I was content with myself – and if not content, okay with. I had mentally abused myself for leaving you for ten years, but I was slowly coming to terms with it.
It says something about us, doesn't it, that we still wanted each other after ten years of no contact.
I couldn't mess up in front of you. I had to prove that I was in control, that I knew what I was doing, that I wasn't just another woman, I was the Director.
And you got that, didn't you?
Because everyone would rather watch you fall
And we're all in trouble
Oh, just take a fall
You're one of us
The spotlight is on…
You'd wounded my pride ten years ago, and you'd disgusted yourself in doing it. That almost – almost, but not quite – assuaged me.
I missed you, but I wasn't about to go and beg. That was stooping too low, and I'm not the kind of man who gets on his knees for just anyone.
My ex-wives would say differently. But you know I'm right. And I know that you were never "just anyone".
You were one of us – a field agent, my partner – before becoming Director. And I know you understand how life outside the office works.
You were my life outside the office, for a while.
You don't want to be seen as a woman anymore – or, rather, you do, but only when you feel so inclined. I won't call you "Madam Director" unless I want to piss you off – you won't call me "Special Agent Gibbs" unless we've gone from being friendly to official.
I think we've got a pretty good thing going here.
That's a lie. But it works for us.
Falling is easy
It's getting back up that becomes the problem…
I never escaped you, not even after I was sure you were long in my past. I'm sure Ziva wearied of my stories of us – two, sometimes three times a day I was reminded of something you'd said or done, and most of the time I felt compelled to voice the little anecdotes.
I could have given Ducky a run for his money.
I wonder if Ziva ever told you any of the stories I imparted to her… if not you, then definitely Tony.
I was happy to see that you hadn't changed much since Europe.
I was angry with myself when I realized that I might not be as over you as I had hoped.
We'd both cursed Paris after we'd gone our separate ways. We'd both called those many months a mistake.
But you're not that easy to leave behind, Jethro.
Falling slowly
Eyes that know me
And I can't go back…
I don't think I ever realized the extent of our relationship, Jen.
It was nice to know that you were watching over me from the catwalk; that you would cover my ass from your end if I ever screwed up, the same as I would cover yours.
I know we can't ever have what we had in Paris. I know we aren't the same people that we were back then.
But if Paris was a mistake, I hope it's the one history won't mind repeating.
-Fin-