Title: How Far We've Come
Summary: Oneshot. Tony thinks about how far everyone's come since Judgment Day. Inspired by Matchbox 20's "How Far We've Come".
Disclaimer: Nope. Don't own NCIS or "How Far We've Come".
A/N: The song just seemed like it could be coming from Tony's POV post-Judgment Day. Thus, the fic.
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She hasn't been dead very long, and already rumors about her death are swirling around the office. They say that Vance saw Gibbs coming out of her house just before the fire; that Gibbs set it; that Gibbs might have murdered her; that maybe she and Gibbs had rekindled their past.
They flock for little tidbits of information, keeping their watchful eyes on us whenever we leave the pen and peppering us with their innocent little questions.
If there's one thing I hate more than lying, it's fake condolences. "DiNozzo, tell Gibbs that I'm sorry." "I know how close he and Director Shepard were." "Oh, God, Tony, I'm sorry. I know she meant a lot to you."
No one knows anything. It's all bullshit.
Here's the truth: I don't know what the hell happened that night. Maybe Gibbs did set the fire; if he did, that's certainly not what killed her. I know – I was there, wasn't I? But no one else knows that.
I don't know who that woman was whose body was supposedly Jenny's. I don't really care, to be frank – it's Gibbs' business. If he wanted me to know, he could tell me. I'm not going to speculate this time. He and Jenny deserve their privacy.
Jenny – my God, Jenny. I can't really accept that she's gone – I still expect to see her coming out of MTAC, blinking in the light and smoothing her hair as she makes her way down the catwalk.
I always thought she looked like one of Vermeer's paintings – all soft and sleek. But then again, if she'd ever worn anything seriously mental, she could've given Mila Jovavitch a run for her money in The Fifth Element.
I miss her. She was always watching over us from up there – and by us, I mean mainly Gibbs. God knows she missed him when he was gone, and was more than a little pleased when he came back. She still loved him, even after she left him in Paris, even after he'd left her for a world without memories in Mexico.
She had a comforting presence, even when she was mad – I don't think any of us knew how comforting she was until she was gone. Now it feels like there's a blast of icy air shooting at us from the cracks of something ruined.
Gibbs is devastated. He doesn't handle loss gracefully, but he's covering well this time. He keeps himself busy, with work and with his boat. I have the feeling he'll start building a new one soon.
Ducky told me in confidence that he couldn't bring himself to look at her body. He caressed the tarp and left.
That caress must have utterly shattered him.
We've barely hit the tip of the iceberg with him, I know. First Shannon and Kelly, the life we never knew he had, blown to bits. And now Jenny – Jenny, who must have helped him with the loss of his family, even though she herself didn't know it at the time – she, the rock of his world, gone.
I don't know how he can take so much shit and still wake up in the morning.
And it's not just Gibbs that's having trouble coping – everyone is. Ziva, who was her partner for forever in the Middle East and Europe, has taken to staring listlessly at a small picture of them she's taped to her wall. I've been trying to cheer her up a little, but all she can manage are wry smiles.
McGee keeps himself busy with various errands – a Caf-Pow! for Abby, new coffees for Gibbs, food for Ziva and I. He's been visiting his sister a lot more than he used to – I think he takes comfort in knowing that life is still going on outside of NCIS.
Abby freaked when she first found out about Jenny. She's hugging everyone who enters the lab now, complimenting them, making sure they're safe. In place of the Gibbs screensaver she had while he was "retired", she's got one of Jenny. It's a little strange, walking into the lab and seeing her face beaming at you from every monitor, but Abby says it calms her down, so we just go along with it.
I think I'm okay. I'm a little more conscious of my actions now, I guess. And I know I get this pang in the center of my chest whenever anyone says her name. But I'll survive.
If Gibbs can do it, so can I.
Say your goodbyes if you've got someone you can say goodbye to…
Well, I believe the world is burning to the ground
Oh well, I guess we're gonna find out
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come
Well, I believe it all is coming to an end
Oh well, I guess we're gonna pretend
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come…
-Fin-
A/N: Jeez, another sad post-JD fic. I need to get out of the past! Drag myself out! But it's not gonna happen, as I'm still in denial. Anyone got any jokes to cheer me up? Lol. Hope you enjoyed.