Drabble – Upset
It's not unusual to find me upset these days. My world has become chaotic and unorganized, not at all as safe and comforting as it used to be.
Used to be…before…words that seem to pass through my brain several times a day now.
Hephaestion is gone. I still can't quite wrap my heart and soul around those words. The sharp pain has passed with time but now a dull ache has replaced it. I find myself remembering the little things now and tears readily form in my eyes. I seem to be at some point of upset all the time.
A note with his handwriting, a flash of his smile when I hear something that I know would have made him happy, all bring him flooding back into my mind. He is so close in every way but his physical body. I want, no I need, to reach out and touch him, to feel the strength in his hands.
Someone says something to me and a flash of Hephaestion's face appears before my eyes. It was a stupid statement and I can still see Hephaestion standing across the room, the gleam in his eye, as he looks my way. We would both try not to smile and would look quickly away from one another. Later, when we were alone, we would laugh till tears flowed from our eyes at the thought of it again.
I walk down a lonely hallway and pass a door. A flood of memories comes back to me. His face and body were angry when he had pulled me into that room years ago. I had seen him that way before but never aimed directly at me. This time he was and asked me very pointedly what in Hades I thought I was doing. I didn't have the nerve to tell him that I thought he was completely adorable when he was this angry. I doubt he would have found it very funny at that moment.
A catch a familiar scent and he is suddenly so close, but yet so far away. I open his trunk I keep at the bottom of my bed. My eyes tear up at the sight of the familiar objects and I have to stop for a minute to let the tears flow freely before I can continue.
I seem to be upset a lot these days, my Hephaestion is gone.