Swan Song
A/N The lyrics to this song just really got to me the other day as I was driving home late at night. And I couldn't get the thought of Remy and Allison. It's probably really angst-y because all I could think was the Huntington's that I've not addressed in the last fic I wrote. Anyway, I hope you all give this a chance.
I am walking
Out in the rain
And I am listening to the low moan
Of the dial tone again
And I am getting
Nowhere with you
And I can't let it go
And I can't get through
"Remy? Is that you?"
The brunette hums lowly as she shuts the apartment door behind her as she rests her body against it.
"Are-Are you alright?"
Remy's eyes open as she takes in the worry on Allison's face, "Kind of redundant question, considering the both of us are aware of the fact that in all actuality I am not alright and that I am in fact in the process of slowly deteriorating from the inside out."
Allison's eyes widen for a second, having thought they were long past this, and not realizing they would be having this type of discussion now, "Remy…"
The brunette raises a hand and shakes her head slightly, "Don't, I'm sorry, that was really uncalled for."
Allison finally takes another step closer to her girlfriend, arms outstretched and Remy easily slides into them, her own arms wrapping tightly around the blonde, burying her face in her neck, "The drugs aren't working Allison. We were supposed to see improvements by the second week and it's been three and nothing."
The blonde tightens her hold of the brunette and just holds her as Remy allows her to hold her, allows her to take care of her, allows her to be there for her.
It's hours later, once they've both bathed and dried off and are lying in bed together, that Allison gently caresses her and says, "We'll get through this Remy, we'll figure things out."
And the old woman
Behind the pink curtains
And the closed door
On the first floor
She is listening to the air shaft
To see how long our swan song will last
"You know that we can't do this anymore, right?"
Allison's eyes are bloodshot from the tears she's been crying for the past few hours. She sniffs as she lets out a shuddering breath, "I know…I know I just don't know why. I love you and I know you love me."
Remy wipes her own tears before cradling Allison's face reverently, "I do love you, so very much…but this…we keep fighting and I keep messing up and I can't keep doing this to you sweetheart. It's killing me to see you hurt whenever I hurt, whenever something doesn't work out for my Huntington's."
Allison takes a shuddering breath, "You know I want to stay with you though, you know I love you and I will never resent you, I just…I can't bear not being near you while we still can be."
Remy lets out a breath she doesn't realize she was holding in, "Allison, sweetheart, you…you have your entire life ahead of you. I can't hold you back."
Allison pulls away, her eyes surging with newfound power, "You aren't holding me back! Remy I love you! We can do this together! I know we can, you know we can too! Let me be here for you, please let me love you the way I know how to. The way you've finally allowed someone to."
Remy shuts her eyes as the tears come on their own accord. She slowly nods her head in acceptance and suddenly she's wrapped in Allison's arms and she holds her tight and she loves her and she knows the end of them is coming, but she's going to take comfort in holding her while she still can.
And both hands
Now use both hands
Oh no, don't close your eyes
I am writing
Graffiti on your body
I am drawing the story of
How hard we tried
How hard we tried
And I am watching your chest
Rise and fall
Like the tides of my life
And the rest of it all
And your bones have been my bed frame
And your flesh has been my pillow
And I've been waiting for sleep
To offer up the deep
With both hands
Oh, with both hands
And in each other's shadow
We've grown less and less tall
And eventually our theories
Didn't explain it all
And now I'm writing our history
Up on the bedroom wall
And when we leave the landlord will come
And paint over it all
Allison looks around the now barren bedroom, the bedroom that used to belong to her and Remy, and she allows a lowly tear makes it way down her cheek as she smiles sadly taking it all in.
"I always did love it here Remy…When you asked me to move in with you, I thought I would miss my old place, but honestly that never felt like home to me. This though…this place was home because I had you with me. I think we could have made my old apartment home too if we were both living in it…but I wouldn't take any of it back. Not one bit. I love you still you know. I still do."
Allison wipes her tears and makes her way back to the front door, removing her key to the place as she does and placing it on the kitchen counter.And I'm walking
Out in the rain
And I am listening to the low moan
Of the dial tone again
And I am getting
Nowhere with you
And I can't let it go
And I can't get throughAnd both hands
Yes use both hands
Oh no don't close your eyes
I am writing
Graffiti on your body
I am drawing the story of
How hard we tried
How hard we tried
How hard we tried
xoxoxoxoxoxox
"You'd really get a tattoo?" Remy asks with a raised eyebrow and a smile playing at her lips one night when they're finally in bed after a long day.
Allison nods her head, turning so she's more fully facing her, "If it's something you've picked out and deemed good enough to 'mar my perfect skin'," she rolls her eyes playfully at Remy before continuing, "then yes, I'd really get a tattoo."
Remy smiles at her lovingly and just buries her face in her neck and whispers, "For those I love I will sacrifice."
Xoxoxoxoxoxox
Standing in front of a full length mirror, Allison softly runs her fingers over the script on her ribcage, elegant yet bold, just like Remy, 'For those I love I will sacrifice'. She takes a deep breath before pulling on a shirt, getting ready for the new day. Lifting out her hair from the shirt and turning away from the mirror she catches a glimpse of the last tattoo she got. A set of numbers, small and almost negligible, '3.25.14'.