A/N;
This is the first scene for a movie my friend and I are writing. We are new to scene writing and so if this isn't entirely correct, just let us know. Constructive criticism would be really appreciated. Just please, don't steal. I know it's not that good. But we're still writing, we just need some feedback(:
Reviews, please and thank-you.
EXT. ALICE'S FLAT- DUSK
A not very pleasant rear section of ALICE'S house. Rickety patio stones surround the back lot and weeds are scattered everywhere. Alice sits at the end of the staircase. Her head is bent over, and she stares intently at the concrete, thinking. She swipes her dark hair from her face, and sighs in frustration trying to stop her thoughts from arguing any further. We see Alice lightly rubbing her temples and mumbling to herself. We hear Alice's thoughts. ALICE (CONT'D) We see Alice's mother, ABBY at the window from the second floor, towel over her shoulder, dirty blond hair in a messy ponytail. ABBY ALICE (CONT'D) Abby places her hands on her hips, and blows a stray strand of hair from her face. ABBY ALICE ABBY ALICE ABBY Abby shuts the window. Alice gets up slowly and lazily, trudging back towards the house. We see Alice enter her small flat and skip up the stairs with a happy bounce, skipping each step, throwing her dark messy hair into a ponytail. She gets up the stairs and opens the door to her house above the shop, she turns to her left to see her small, rundown kitchen, grabbing knives, napkins and other utensils on the counter. We see Alice walk towards the table and set it for two. She places two plates down, with a napkin tucked neatly underneath the lip, a knife on the right side, and a fork on the other. We see her push in the chairs and walk past her albino cat, petting her and looks at her hand, rolls her eyes, wiping her palm on her black jeans. Absentmindedly surveying the room, she sees her mom, a tea towel tossed over her shoulder, the phone tightly pinned between her other shoulder and ear, speaking sternly and quietly into it. ALICE (CONT'D) We see Alice and Abby make eye contact, and Abby waves Alice over to one of the seats, to sit down for dinner.
(frustrated, staring at the ground)
My thoughts are confusing me. Each thought is arriving just as quickly as they are leaving. They converse and argue with each other, echoing off the walls of my skull. I am trying to block out all other voices.
(peering from the window, staring at her daughters back)
Alice.
(still staring intently at the ground, her thoughts continuing)
Everything is so frustrating...
(agitated)
ALICE!
(she looks at the back door, raising an eyebrow, whispering to herself)
Uhh..?
(yelling)
AH-LICE.
(raises her head to the above window, eyes wide)
(moves back to shut the window)
It's dinner.
(Looks at her mom, squinting, muttering to herself)
Probably about my stupid birthday.
A/N;
So that's all for now. Thanks for reading(:
Reviews would be great.