Title: Because She Loves Him
Author: Some1FoundMe
Summary: Post ep for 3x20. Felicity comes to a realization on the flight home from Nanda Parbat.
A/N: Okay, clearly spoilers for 3x20 below. I have to say, I don't know about the rest of you, but I was a little disappointed with the episode. I expected more feels. More emotion. But I just have to keep reminding myself that we've got three more episodes to go. Hopefully things will get even better.
Because She Loves Him
She is sitting on Ray's jet with Digg in the chair opposite her. Her eyes burn from lack of sleep and too many tears, tears that have dried on her cheeks. Thea sits with her father not far away and her eyes are trained on the younger Queen sibling.
They left Oliver behind. The man that she loves, the one that she has loved for longer than she's willing to admit, and his last words to her are ringing in her ears. He asked her to leave, to return to Starling City and keep living. He wants her to be happy but – she realizes – he doesn't understand. He doesn't understand that her happiness depends on him. She told him weeks earlier that, as long as she had him in her life, she would be happy. She hadn't realized until she had settled in her seat, her pleasantly sore body a reminder of the love that they'd finally consummated, that she wasn't going to find happiness with anyone else. She had tried with Ray, had thought that he could erase the pain that accompanied loving Oliver Queen, but her heart belongs to one man. A man who is selling his soul to the devil in order to keep the people that he loves safe.
"What's going on in that head of yours, Felicity?"
Digg's gentle question draws her eyes away from Thea for the first time since take off.
"We have to get him back, John. We have to fight for him. I won't give up on him. Not now. I … Everything is different now. I won't lose anyone else that I love."
He watches her for a long moment, leaning forward in his seat to set a hand on her knee. The gesture is meant to be comforting but it does little to ease her anxiety.
"He expects me to protect you, Felicity, to watch your back and I will. No matter what you decide, I'll be right there with you. But are you sure that you're prepared to take on the League?"
She nods solemnly, fresh tears brimming.
"Oliver loves us – all of us – to the point that he's willing to do whatever it takes to save us. I think it's time we show him that we're willing to do the same for him."
The smile that he gives her is one of understanding and he squeezes her knee one last time.
"Your attitude in all of this has definitely changed."
She shrugs and her eyes flicker to the night sky outside of her window.
"I realized that I've been waiting for Oliver to fight for me. For us. All this time, all these month, I was angry with him for giving up so easily. But it hit me a couple of days ago that I'm guilty of the same thing. I've loved him for so long. I've been in love with him and I let him push me away. I let him give up. Maybe if I'd told him sooner… maybe things would be different. I could've told him that I love him and I could've fought for him but I did the opposite. I ran to someone that I thought was safe. Someone normal. Well, as normal as a genius billionaire can be, I guess. But it took longer than it should've for me to realize that I don't want safe or normal. I like my life. My life with the team. With you and Oliver, Roy and Laurel.
"I hate to say it, but you two are perfect for each other. You're both so damn stubborn."
She smiles for the first time in hours.
They'll be home in no time and all she can do is think of Oliver and how they're going to get him back. She knows it's a longshot but she has to do something. She has to fight. She has to hold it together because now that she's acknowledged how she really feels for him, she is going to do everything in her power to make sure she has more time to express those feelings. To explore them with him. Because she won't give up.
Felicity Smoak loves Oliver Queen and she sure as hell isn't going to lose him.