The Fanmade Misadventures Of Harley And Ivy Story #1: House Broken
Well, here's my first fanfic based off of the dynamic female duo, and i hope you enjoy it.
Let me just inform you right now that this fic has been written in a script format. There is actually an intresting reason behind this: This was originally written back in the summer of 2013 as part of a now-abandoned fanmade animated H&I series which was supposed to be an attempted "Revival" of the official H&I Batman spinoff series that was being worked on as early as 2001.
The story you see here, was the pilot for the series, as i was the Developer and head-writer for the series.
I would like to babble all day about this but let's just get to the episod- i mean story!
If this fic gets very positive feedback, i may grab the other unused scripts (4 of them were written) and convert them into a fic.
Please Enjoy!
*The story begins at the Gotham Police Department where the chief is ordering and lecturing 2 officers*
Chief: There has been reported a disturbance at the community greenhouse, and i want you buffons to take care of it!
Officer: Uh... Yeah, boss! We ll get right to it!
Officer2: You can count on us, boss!
Chief: Well, why are you just standing around?! Get to it!
*The officers stumble and goofily exit the room*
Chief: Of all the people who could take the night shift, it had to be those two...
*Scene fades to the greenhouse where the officers have arrived*
*They get their flashlights out due to the dark environment*
Officer: Keep your your eyes out for trouble...
*They walk around the greenhouse for awhile, with no sign of felony*
Officer: I hope we re getting our paycheck doubled for this...
Officer2: *Sniff Sniff*... What s that smell?...
Officer: Oh, sorry. I had a burrito for lunch.
Officer2: No, Either someone conditioned the greenhouse with expensive perfume or we re not the only ones here...
*One of the officers then notice a jack in the box*
Officer: Hey, check this out...
*Hey picks up the box and turns the handle to start the jingle, but nothing happens after the jingle*
*He takes a closer look at it, only for a boxing glove to spring out and give him an uppercut, knocking him out*
Officer2: Bernie!
?: I d worry about myself if i were you...
*He whips his head to where the voice was coming from to see nothing but darkness*
*He then pulls out his gun*
Officer2: (Nervous) Alright, lady... Come out wherever you re hiding with your hands up!
*A vine slithers out of the darkness and wraps the officer up, for another to come and put a chloroformed cloth up to his nose and mouth, also knocking him out*
*The vine lets go of the unconscious officer, letting his body drop to the floor*
*A ring slips off the officer s finger and rolls around the ground before eventually falling on it s side*
*A familiar hand picks the ring up, and it is revealed to be Harley Quinn*
Harley: I think I blew our cover, Red.
Ivy: Well, that s what you get for putting on $300 perfume before breaking into a greenhouse.
*Police sirens are heard from outside*
Harley: Red, can we make this quick?! Unless, you want to be locked up in Arkham, i suggest that you just grab that plant so we can bail!
Ivy: Just a second, Harl. I need to bring the zombie root to life.
Harley: Okay, Red. You can say that little speech now.
Ivy: It s NOT a speech, and i will do it as quick as i can, okay?!
Ivy: ... For the flowers that live in soil, for the cactuses that boil and boil, for all the plants that are stiff and stay, I plead for them for them to rise and obey! RISE MY BABIES, RISE!
*All of the plants then immediately spring to life and strangle all of the incoming cops*
Ivy: Okay, Harl. Now we can go.
Harley: Finally!
*They dive out of the greenhouse windows and land into Harley s car to take off*
Ivy: Geez, all of that trouble for a green rose.
Harley: A rose worth a zillion dollars, you mean!
Ivy: There is no way i m going to sell this, i ll raise it as if it was my only child.
Harley: *Sigh* That s what you say about all of the plants you have.
*They pass a electronics store where a news report is being played on one of the display TVs*
TV: And further news, the hideout of the michellious villains: Harley Quinzel and Pamela Isley, known on the streets as Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy has been found.
Ivy: HARLEY, STOP THE CAR!
*The car comes to a halt and the two rush out of the car to watch the report*
TV: And to try and find the felonious pair, the police have bulldozed the place to the ground and sent 2 hyenas which were held captive in the hideout to the Gotham Zoo.
Harley: BUD AND LOU, MY BABIES!
*Harley tears up and cries on Ivy s shoulder in which she also sheds a tear*
Harley: We need to go to the hideout, right now!
Ivy: There ISN T a hideout anymore, and you heard them! This is all a trap to get us captured and put back into jail!
Harley: *Sniffle*...Where will we go?
Ivy: I guess in an alley or something.
Harley: NO WAY... Oh! I know, how about we ask to move in with our friends for a while?
Ivy: That s not much of a bad idea, let s do it!
*They turn around to see that Harley s car has been towed*
Harley: Great, my hyenas and now my CAR.
Ivy: I hope you are able to walk.
*Scene fades to Harvey s house where Ivy rings the doorbell*
*Harvey answers it*
Harvey: Pamela, nice seeing you here.
Ivy: Shut up and give some sugar, sweetheart!
*They kiss each other which causes Harley to mockingly recoil*
Harvey: So, what brings you out here at this time of night, y know, when you re not trying to steal something?
Ivy: Our hideout was found and demolished, so we re wondering if we could crash here for a few days.
Harvey: (Nervous) Uh, i don t think that s going to work out well...
Ivy: Why not?
Harvey: (Thinking) Shoot, she might be thinking of marriage! Not this early!
Harvey: I just remembered, i have company over so sadly, you can t, sorry.
*He quickly shuts the door*
Ivy: Well, time for another house.
*Scene cuts to a quick montage of doors being shut on them and eventually gets to the last door shut, ending the montage*
Harley: I sense a pattern going on here...
*Scene fades to later where the girls are continuing to walk until Harley starts to slow down and eventually collapses to the ground*
Ivy: Harley!
Harley: (Weak) It s no use, Red. Nobody wants to live with us and i don t think i can stand out in the cold much longer...
Ivy: Come on, let s go someplace warm.
*They end up in an alleyway where a heat fan was built*
*Ivy then lies on her back near the heat fan*
Ivy: This is hopeless, where will we go? Where will i keep all of my plants? Will we still even be villians?!
Harley: Don t worry, Red. Something good will happen soon enough.
Harley: And besides, even though a majority of our stuff is now gone, we still have each other.
*She cuddles with Ivy who wraps her arms around her for warmth and affection*
Ivy: For once, you re right, Harl.
*The two then drift off to sleep as the scene fades to black*
*Scene opens back up at a mansion near the alley during the daytime where a large limo arrives and parks in it s garage*
*The limo s doors open, and Lex Luthor with his son come out of them*
Lex: (Inhales deeply) Ah... Fresh air, at last. What do you think, my boy?
LJ: (Texting) Uh huh...It s great...
Lex: Let us go and see what our wonderful new home has in store for us!
*He then walks casually to inside the mansion with his son who slowly trails behind him*
*Before he goes through the doors, he arms the car alarm which wakes Harley in the alley*
Harley: Who, where, wuh...
*She then notices the mansion*
Harley: *Gasp!* Red, wake up! You need to see something!
Ivy: (Groggy) Is it something worth killing a few more minutes of rest?...
Harley: Definitely!
*Angrily, Ivy sits up and rubs her eyes, then takes a look at the large mansion*
Ivy: *Whistles impressively* That s a big mansion...
Harley: How about we welcome the newbie and ask to crash in?
Ivy: That s not a good idea, first, we must see if it s someone who is willing to turn us in.
Harley: Good plan.
*They walk to the mansion and press the intercom button*
Ivy: Huh, we may be dealing with a snob.
Lex: (Intercom) Welcome to Luther Manor, can i help you?
Ivy: Lex? Is that you?!
Lex: Ivy?! One second...
*The gates soon open, which allows the two to walk in*
*The girls eventually approach Lex and he and Ivy do a secret villain handshake*
Harley: I didn't know you guys knew each other that well...
Lex: Ivy, how have you been?
Ivy: Not good recently, they have found our hideout and gotten rid of it.
Lex: Oh, that s too bad. Would you like to stay here for a while?
Ivy: I thought you d never ask!
Lex: Have you met my son, LJ?
Harley: aww, i haven t seen him since he was a newborn!
Lex: He s a young man now! LJ, COME AND MEET THE VISITORS!
*LJ then walks out of the mansion and goes to his dad*
Lex: I d like you to meet my two best pals, Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy!
*LJ finally takes his eyes off his cell phone and looks at the girls, and then immediately keeps his eyes on Ivy*
*Hearts fill his eyes and his tongue drops out of his mouth as Ivy gives him a handshake*
Ivy: Nice to meet you, LJ.
LJ:... I ll never wash this hand again...
*He goes back to the mansion with hearts still hovering above his head*
Harley: I think the kid s taking a fancy to ya, Red.
Ivy: Pshhh, oh please.
*She crosses her arms and turns around to face Gorilla Grodd*
Ivy: Why are you here?
Grodd: Because i was invited, you got a problem with that?!
*Grodd then picks Ivy up and brings her nose-to-nose*
Grodd: If you got a problem, i ll take care of the problem for you!..
*Ivy winces and turns her head the other way, then reaches into her purse*
Ivy: Here, have this.
Grodd: What s that?
Ivy: A breath mint, USE IT.
*Grodd blushes and takes the mint*
Lex: Please, Grodd. These are visitors so behave.
Grodd: She started it!
Lex: Who cares if she started it, you re not 9. Now, are you going to take your lawn mower back or just going to bicker with Ivy all day?
*Grodd curses under his breath as he takes the lawn mower*
Ivy: Looking forward to seeing you soon, monkey breath!
Grodd: Argh! First, she disapproves of my oral hygiene and now she s calling me a monkey!
Lex: Just go!
Grodd: I ll, get you for this...
*He leaves*
Harley: Well, that cameo was pointless.
Lex: Sorry for that, girls. Would you like to continue the tour?
Ivy: Like we have anything else better to do.
*The 3 go into the mansion as the camera pans over to outside the gates to where Grodd is standing*
Grodd: Let s see how Lex will like you after what i do...
*Scene fades to night where H&I are getting ready for bed in one of the guest bedrooms*
Lex: I hope you girls don t mind sharing the same bed.
Ivy: (Blushes) Well, actually...
Harley: We shared a bed at our hideout, so it s fine!
Lex: Great. Goodnight, ladies.
*He exits the room and closes the door behind him*
*While stroking the zombie root, Ivy notices that Harley is looking rather depressed*
Ivy: What s wrong, Harl?
Harley: Bud and Lou, Red. I miss them dearly.
Ivy: I almost thought that you were really taking this to the heart, how about i ask Lex if we could bring the hyenas and then go to the zoo to snatch them back?
Harley: You d do that?
Ivy: As much as i hated them for carelessly Watering my plants, i can t stand to see you upset.
Harley: Red, i hope nothing will separate us. You're the sister i ve never had.
*Ivy tears up emotionally and brings her into a big hug*
Ivy: We re way more than sisters, Harl. We re soulmates.
Harley: I couldn t have said it any better way.
*Scene fades to later at midnight where the house is quiet and the girls are sleeping*
*Camera pans over to a window where Gorilla Grodd smashes through it with his fists*
*He tiptoes into the duo s bedroom and cautiously takes a mallet which was being held in Harley s hand for comfort while she was asleep*
*He then tiptoes back into the living room*
Grodd: Let s see how Lex will like them when i smash every valuable thing in this house and blame it on those two! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!... I gotta stop talking to myself.
*He starts to destroy many vases and china cabinets and etc when Harley is awoken in the other room from the muffled crashes*
Harley: Red, theres someone in the living room...
Ivy: (Groggy) Ughhhhh, it s probably just Lex...
Harley: Why would Lex brake his own stuff?!
Ivy: (Groggy) Well, you go. I haven t slept like this in 10 years and i m not going to ruin it.
Harley: Fine.
*She slips out of bed and approaches the living room to see no one there*
Harley: Hello, anyone here?...
*She notices her mallet and picks it up in curiosity, just in time for Lex to switch on the lights and Catch her red handed *
*lex looks at many of the broken china, then at Harley with an outraged look*
*Harley immediately drops the mallet*
Harley: Lex, it s not what you think, i swear...
Lex: AFTER I HAVE FOUND A PLACE FOR YOU AND YOUR FRIEND TO STAY, THIS IS THE THANKS I GET?!
*Ivy walks out of the guest bedroom*
Ivy: (Yawning/Rubbing Eyes) What s going on here?...
Harley: Please, Lex! I just came into the living room, i didn t do this!
lex: THEN WHO DID?!
Harley: It was-um... I didn't really know...
Lex: THAT S IT, I WANT YOU AND YOUR FRIEND OUT OF MY MANSION, NOW!
*The girls are seen getting booted out of the mansion*
Lex: AND I DON T WANT TO YOU OVER HERE, EVER AGAIN!
*He slams the door behind him*
Ivy: ...What the heck just happened?...
Harley: I think we ve been framed!
*Camera pans up to the roof where Grodd is hiding*
Grodd: Mission complete...MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Ivy: Geez, those birds need some cough drops ...
Grodd: I have to admit that my laughter isn t encouraging, but i fooled you guys!
Ivy: Who said that?
*H&I look up to Lex s roof to see Gorilla Grodd*
Harley: YOU DID THIS?!
Grodd: Yep, i told you not to mess with the smartest primate on the planet!
Ivy: Actually, us humans are the smartest primates on the planet.
Grodd: SHUT UP!
Grodd: Oh, who needs you?! Have fun finding a place to live!
*He then runs out of sight while crackling*
Harley: (Clenched Teeth) Oh, when i get my hands on that ape...
Ivy: Wait, just leave that guy to whatever he wants to do. I mean, Lex couldn t do anything worse.
Harley: Are we going back to the alley?
Ivy: I m afraid so.
*Scene cuts back to Lex s house where he is pacing in the living room*
LJ: Come on, dad! I believe that they were innocent.
Lex: Those girls never really liked me, nor does any other villain in Gotham!...hmmmm, that gives me an idea...
LJ: Oh no, please not let it be what i think it is...
Lex: It s EXACTLY what you think...
LJ: But-
*Before LJ could say anything else, Lex shoves a pile of eviction notes to him*
Lex: Now, i want you to tape those notes to the doors of every villain still residently living in Gotham.
LJ: But, this is insane!
Lex: Do it or you will lose your privileges to being a villain.
LJ: *Sigh*... fine.
*Scene cuts to a quick montage of Lex taping eviction notices onto the houses of many familiar crooks, featuring cameos of many DC villains*
*After the montage, the scene fades to daytime where the girls wake up in an alley and find themselves face-to-face with a whole army of villains*
Harley: Uhhhh, Red. We have company...
Ivy: (Waking up) It better not be Lex or that gorilla...
Harley: Nope, it s pretty much all of our friends.
Livewire: We found these notices on our doors, and now we re homeless, thanks to you!
Harley: Chill down, Sparky. How did you know it was us?
Penguin: It s right here on the notice, Responsibility of Situation belongs to these 2 girls !
Ivy: Trust me, we ve been framed by that know-it-all monkey.
Harvey: You mean Gorilla Grodd? We re best buddies!
Ivy: Yes, Harv. And i don t think that gorilla will be your buddy anymore...
Harley: What do you mean by that?
Ivy: (Cracks Knuckles) We re gonna kill him...
Harley: (Nervous) Heheheheh... I think i have a better idea...
Ivy: Oh yeah? What kind of better idea do you have?
Harley: Alright, everybody, gather around!
*She grabs a giant cardboard box from a dumpster and stands on it, along with using a tin-can as a microphone*
Harley: Look, i know that we may be responsible for this situation, but i have a plan! A plan so sinister and demeaning that it just might work, i guarantee that this plan will help the people i love, the people i hate, and heck, even the people i barely even know! I just need some help and encouragement to brighten things up, now who s with me?
*The villains show no response other than a audible cough heard from the back*
Harley: (Quietly) Or, maybe not...
*A tear slides down her face as she turns around, only to hear someone clapping*
*She turns around to see Ivy clapping, allowing Harvey to join her, along with The Riddler and Mr. Freeze, eventually having the entire audience applauding*
Harley: Now, that s the spirit!
Villain: Tell us your awesome plan!
Harley: Let s get revenge on the person who dragged you guys out of a home in the first place!
*All of the villains gladly take out their deadliest weapons*
Harley: But, we won t be needing those...
*The villains then sigh as they but the weapons away*
Harley: I meant that if he drives us out of a home, then we should drive him out of a home!
Harley: I have the whole plan thought out, now if you could get closer...
*She whispers the plan to the crowd as the scene fades to later at Lex s mansion where he is currently filing taxes*
Lex: Too cheap...too risky...too weird...too stupid...
*He then stops his filing as a loud rumbling is heard from outside*
Lex: What the heck is going on out there?!
*He looks out his window to see a giant bulldozer headed straight for his gates*
Lex: I didn t order any bulldozer!
*He then takes a closer look to see Harley driving it*
Harley: Alright, Lex... lets have a little word with you...
Lex: Oh man...
*He rushes out of his door to see almost every villain holding explosives and heavy equipment*
Harley: Lex, you probably now see that we know you evicted us for no reason, and we just want to give you a friendly warning not to mess with us, now you could give us our homes back and this will all go away.
Lex: Never, you re NOT getting your homes back no matter what!
Harley: Alright, have it your way...
*She pulls a switch to send the wrecking ball going straight for the mansion*
Lex: NO WAIT-
*The wrecking ball smashes the front of the mansion, leaving behind a giant hole*
Lex: GEEZ, DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THIS COST?!
Harley: Lock your targets... and fire!
*The other villains throw bombs at the house causing the roof to collapse*
Lex: STOP, MY SON COULD BE IN THERE!
LJ: I m over here, dad!
*He then notices LJ who has joined Harley s plan*
Lex: You double crossing little-
Ivy: I have to go do something really quick, i ll be right back...
Harley: What are you doing?
Ivy: I m going to teach Grodd a lesson myself...
Harley: Have fun!
*Scene cuts to Gorilla Grodd s lab where his is currently napping until he awakes to the aroma of bananas*
Grodd: Mmmmm, bananas...
*He walks into the back of a truck where he is locked, not long enough for him to find out as he is busy eating the bananas*
*Truck reveals to be a Gotham Zoo truck to whom Ivy has hypnotized 2 employees to capture Grodd*
Ivy: You did a wonderful job, boys...
Employees: (In unison) No problem...
*Scene cuts back to the mansion where it has nearly been blown to the ground until Lex finally snaps*
Lex: FINE! I LL GIVE YOU ALL OF YOUR HOMES BACK, JUST DON T HURT MY PRECIOUS MANSION ANYMORE!
*The villains cheer*
Harley: Does that mean a place for me and Red to stay?
Lex: Yes, but an apartment is all i can give you for now as this mansion will need half of my life s savings to be fixed.
Harley: Ehh, we can live with that.
*Harley s cell phone rings and she answers it, for it to be Ivy*
Ivy: (On Phone) Harl, when you re done, i have a little suprise for you at the Zoo.
Harley: A surprise?...
*Scene fades to the Gotham Zoo where Harley has arrived*
Harley: So, Red. What's that surprise you were telling me about?
Ivy: Follow me, i'll show you.
*They begin to walk until they run right into Batman himself*
Harley: Is THIS that big surprise?
Ivy: Not even close.
Batman: Afternoon, ladies.
Ivy: Alright, Batbrain. What do you want from us?
Batman: I just wanted to let you girls know that what you did earlier was brave.
Ivy: Did you hear that? He called us brave!
Batman: But I'm not encouraging your criminal habits, just stay out of trouble.
Harley: Will do, Bats!
Ivy (Nudges Harley's Arm) No, we will NOT do.
*They turn to face Batman again, only to see him gone*
Harley: Well, getting the thumbs up from Bats wasn't that bad!
Ivy: But its just as good as my suprise.
*She then reveals Bud and Lou who were in the hyena exhibit who jumps to Harley at her sight*
Harley: (Laughs) I missed you too, Babies!
Ivy: Looks like they made a family in there, Harl.
*Harley notices the hyena puppies and the 2 females in the exhibit*
Harley: Hmmm, looks like they did...
*She gives the two hyenas a kiss and lets them go*
Harley: Make mama proud, fellas.
Ivy: Now THAT'S what I call brave!
Harley: Oh, shut up! I just didn't want to separate them from their new home!
Ivy: New home?
Harley: Hey, its better than having them stay with Mistah J!
Ivy: That's true.
*The 2 walk out of the Zoo as the camera pans up to the daytime sky and fades to black*
Grodd: Hey, you forgot about me!
*Scene opens back up to show Gorilla Grodd in his own exhibit*
Grodd: I demand to get out of here!
Kid: Mommy, look at the silly big monkey!
Grodd: I m not a monkey, i m a gorilla!
Kid2: Does monkey want a banana?
Grodd: THIS IS HUMILIATING!... But, ill never say no to a banana.
*He happily takes the banana as the scene Irises out*
The End