Disclaimer: This entire story is a satirical piece (otherwise known as a parody) of every trollfic trope out there imaginable along with other things. All of the characters in this story are what would be considered as crack versions, meaning they will most likely be out of character, something very common in trollfiction. This story completely takes place in a alternative universe despite utilizing some elements from their respective games.
If you are someone who isn't fond of seeing their favorite characters done in a crack format, then this story is definitely not for you, otherwise you would most likely be biting yourself in the foot, so either speak now or forever hold your peace.
Expect inane usage of trollfic logic, lazy writing, recolor OCs and much more strange elements.
This story utilizes the use of soundtrack notes through text in order to grasp the scene. This is of course, optional but highly recommended. The songs can easily be found on Youtube and extended versions are best recommended.
Hello folks! I didn't expect this to be done so soon yet it has arrived in the spur of the moment. Please note that updates will be much slower on this story but do expect another chapter some time this month.
I present to you, another weird parody utilizing more nonsense because why not?
Chapter 1: Enter the Rising Sun
June 15th, 20XX 8:35pm -somewhere in Antarctica
~ Horizon Zero Dawn – Infiltration plays ~
Men and women alike stormed through the corridors inside a peculiar facility located out in the middle of Antarctica. Their uniforms were the same color as the interior—white as the pristine snow which gently rested itself upon the earth's southernmost continent. Not once did the employees falter in their tracks. Instead, they were eager to pursue their target before things grew awry.
A young girl dashed through the hallway, panting heavily as she swiftly turned towards the right. Not once did she glance back at her pursuers nor did she bother to stop. Her footsteps echoed throughout the vacant floor. She clutched onto to a large Pokeball bag draped over her arm, holding onto its strap at all times.
"Where did she go?!" A man called out.
"I bet she went this way," answered another.
Their vigorous footsteps echoed throughout the hallway, eventually fading away as the employees decided to check out the left side of the corridor. In response, a sigh of relief escaped the girl's lips yet she knew it wasn't over. It wasn't going to end until they obtained what they were ordered to retrieve from her.
Without a second thought, she continued onward, running with all of her might. She skidded to an abrupt halt as she arrived on the elevator, turning around just to see several men and women alike dashing towards her. Luckily the elevator began moving upwards, providing her a brief moment of solitude. She took a moment to catch her breath. Her body was stiff, her heart pounding rapidly from the rush of adrenaline pumping throughout her veins. No matter how much she wanted to freeze, she knew she mustn't falter so quickly.
A few seconds later, she arrived at the top floor of the facility which differed from the lifeless white walls floors below. The topmost floor was surrounded with vast plant life from a mixture of both tropical and forest regions. Various trees and bushes were scattered throughout the floor as a small stream ran through the manmade terrain. In addition, various flowers rested on top of the grass, adding onto the blooming greenery which served as a Pokemon sanctuary. It was strange how such place managed to exist in Antarctica yet now wasn't the time to ponder such meaningless questions.
The girl glanced back and forth, her green eyes surveying her surroundings in search of grunts lurking in the shadows. Not once did she let her guard down—not in this false paradise. Her Pokeball gym bad was opened slightly. A pair of yellow eyes peered up at the girl as it rested inside the bag with unease, fearing for its own safety. It knew the girl didn't pose a threat yet it was curious to where it was going and why she took it in the first place.
Catching no sight of grunts nearby, the girl continued on her journey, quickly trying to pin the best route to freedom. She slowly walked throughout the room, remaining silent to the best of her ability. The last thing the young girl needed was to draw unwanted attention towards her or the Pokemon she held within her bag.
Unfortunately the subtle moment of solitude dwindled down quickly as the girl paused for a slight moment. The sound of footsteps were heard not too far from her as one of the grunts chuckled behind her. One even pointed in her direction.
"There she is!"
"Let's make sure she doesn't get away this time!"
With those words, the pursuit for the girl continued on once more. With little to no time to act, the girl scurried off in the opposite direction in hopes of losing her pursuers. She skidded throughout the hallway with various sharp turns. It wasn't until two more employees showed up in front of her, causing the girl to come to an abrupt halt.
"No… please no." she muttered in disdain. Her firm grip on the bag tightened further as she swiftly bolted for the other way just to unfortunately arrive at a dead end.
She had pushed herself beyond her body's limit. Her arms, stomach and legs cramped, the pain throbbing throughout her entire body. No, she couldn't stop now. The guards slowly inched towards her, grinning in delight as there was no way for the girl to escape.
"Hehehe," the man began. Not once did the twisted grin plastered on his face fade away. "Just hand us over the bag and everything will be alright."
His appeasing tone sent a rapid chill down the girl's spine. Despite having no prior combat skills, there was no way she was going to give up. The young girl flinched and motioned the bag closer to her. In the spur of the moment, a strange blue light came out of the bag, startling both the girl and the employees.
"What the—!?"
The small light gradually grew brighter as various shades of blue lights swirled within it. The light enveloped the girl while azure and purple hues swirled around her, shielding her in a barrier. It was accompanied by an eerie hum, causing everyone present in the room to wince. The guards braced themselves, unsure of their own fates. Soon its luminous glow consumed the entire room while a strange wave of energy shot upwards towards the canopy of stars lighting the night sky and vanishing from sight.
Three months later…
~ Pokémon Sun & Moon - Hau'oli Harbor plays ~
"We will be making out descent into Smashville Airport in approximately three minutes. Please fasten your seat belts, turn off your electronic devices and make sure your trays are clear and in an upright position. Please do not leave your seats until we are safely in the boarding zone. Thank you for flying Glory Airlines."
A young boy no older than the age of fourteen grabbed his cellphone and turned it off. He observed the other passengers, watching some put away the Sky Mall magazines back in their rightful place while others wrapped a piece of gum and placed it inside their mouths to prevent their ears from popping. He turned towards his right, coming face to face with an older woman who smiled at him.
"Are you excited to live in the states?" she asked gently. His lips slightly curled in response as he gave a slight nod.
"Y-yeah." Truth be told, the boy was extremely nervous yet he masked his worry away with a smile. His hesitant response was a dead giveaway. The last thing he wanted was to have his mother fret over nothing.
The plant tilted slightly to the left and began a slow and steady down. Down below, the ground looked like square plots on a huge map of some kind. Gradually, everything began to come into view. As they neared the ground, buildings of various sizes and shapes came into view alongside small cars heading down long highways of black ribbon. A sudden bump told the passengers the landing gear was released.
The boy felt his ear pops, causing him to wince for a slight moment. He opened his mouth in an attempt to release the pressure. More buildings whizzed by as the aircraft made its final turn onto the waiting runaway, ending up with a mild rumbling as the tires kissed the tarmac. A loud rush of air giving pressure to the brakes surely brought the plane to a slower speed, culminating into the final phase of taxiing slowly but surely into the arrival gate.
Once the plane stopped, the captain's voice blared throughout the intercom.
"Folks, we have safety arrived at our destination in Smashville airport. The current time is 12:15pm. Before departing the airplane, remember to grab all your belongings and carry-ons from the overhead compartment." The captain repeated himself about three times as the passengers slowly began to get off their seats. The flight attendants smiled the entire time, thanking people for taking Glory Airlines.
The boy followed his mother as they both made their way towards baggage claim. He glanced around the airport, his grey eyes fixated on the décor. Its ceiling donned a beautiful display of artwork. He immediately recognized the spherical logo split by one horizontal line and one thicker vertical line towards the bottom left of the logo to be from Smash Brothers. He had heard of the various tournaments which took place in the city. As a matter of fact, Smashville was home to the famous Smash Mansion owned by the one and only Master Hand.
"So—I'm definitely sure you're all wondering who I am, correct? Well believe it or not, my name's Sun. Yes, I'm not kidding. I don't know what my mother was thinking when she named me to be honest. Needless to say, it's embarrassing being named after the star that is the central body of the solar system. Well—it could have been much worse. I could have been named after a color but anyways, enough about that. For those wondering, I was born in the Kanto region in Japan yet spent most of my life in the Hawaiian island of Alola. It's going to take a lot getting used to of the sudden shift of going on from living on a peaceful island to the rustling sounds of city life but I think I can manage it. Who knows what kind of adventures await for me here, not to mention the kind of Pokemon I'll encount—"
"Sun, are you monologging to yourself again?" his mother questioned. She raised a brow and crossed her arms, staring at her son in bewilderment.
Sun chuckled slightly, scratching the back of his head. "No mom! Of course not! Who in their right mind would do that?! You'd have to be really stupid to do that."
His mother stared at him for a few seconds more before grabbing their luggage from the belt conveyor. Sun grabbed the handlebar and followed his mother out the terminal. He took note of how diverse Smashville was compared to Alola when it came to various species. His jaw gaped slightly at the sight of seeing various Toads, Yoshis, and anthropomorphic creatures pass by without a care in the world. He couldn't help but find it fascinating.
Their Lyft driver arrived as Sun's mother placed their luggage in the back of the vehicle. Sun quickly took a seat inside the back of the car and stared at awe at the driver. The driver was none another than an anthropomorphic sea turtle. As his mother sat in the front seat, the sea turtle smiled. According to his Lyft profile, he was named Kapp'n.
"Accordin' t' me drop-off location, ye wants me t' drive o'er t' Westwood High afore lootin' ye t' yer ship, am I correct ma'am?" he asked. Kapp'n decided to double check with Sun's mother just in case she made a mistake. She nodded her head in response. Meanwhile, Sun groaned at the thought of immediately starting classes' midday after their arrival. He figured his mother didn't want him getting in the way of the movers so she insisted that he mustn't fall behind in his studies. With those words, Kapp'n began driving, He rambled off about his life of sea and even inquired about their former whereabouts. Sun quickly caught onto how he spoke in stereotypical pirate tones and even started singing one of his many old sea shanties.
~ Yoshi's Woolly World - Sponge Cave Spelunking plays ~
While Kapp'n continued to entertain Sun's mother and even shared her some exciting tidbits about Smashville, meanwhile the students at Westwood High were either in their fourth period class or grabbing themselves a bite to eat at lunch. Inside the honors biology class, the lights were dimmed down as students were engrossed in their learning, jolting down notes while the teacher thoroughly explained the slides, even answering questions of those who were confused.
On the projection screen was the iconic scientific illustration of an ape slowly transitioning into man. Mr. Johnson was going over the theory of evolution, one of the many basic principles of biology. As he explained hominization as the evolutionary process which led to the emergence of anatomically modern humans, a blonde haired girl raised her hand up. Mr. Johnson tilted his head slightly and pointed towards her.
"Yes Sara?" he said.
"If humans came from monkeys," she began, "why are there still monks?"
Mr. Johnson titled his head as he raised a brow. His jaw opened slightly from the sudden question, trying his best to even answer such nonsense. It didn't help that Sara did this frequently, often trying to debate the theory of evolution by bringing up her faith out of nowhere. It was definitely uncalled for as it sometimes halted their lessons. Because of it, Mr. Johnson would issue her detention as an indication of trying to get her to behave.
A brown haired girl with a pixie cut quietly slapped her self, allowing her hand to drag onto her face, expressing annoyance at the absurd question, proceeding to sigh afterwards. This was followed by a grunt from the dark angel who sat next to her. They usually found Sara's antics to be quite—well, asinine to say the least.
Sara's question in turn, caused another student to chime in.
"Yeah, how come monks still exist if humans derived from apes?" Pit asked. This in turn, caused Dark Pit to softly slam his head repeatedly at his brother's nativity.
Before Mr. Johnson could even answer, the door swung upon. Sun stepped inside the classroom, clutching onto his schedule in tow. He walked towards Mr. Johnson, showing him his schedule. While Mr. Johnson's attention was diverted towards the new student, Sara glanced over at Pit.
"So, what it like hanging around in heaven?" she said, being curious. While she was definitely popular due to her beauty at Westwood, her personality contradicted herself. Sara presented herself in a typical modest rich girl fashion yet her tone was often condescending, full of instant judgment hidden from within.
Pit lowered his brows in return, not even sure what Sara meant by her question. She failed to get it through her skull that neither Pit nor Dark Pit were that kind of angel.
"For the last damn time Sara," Dark Pit said, his voice rising with unwarranted irritation, "we're not that kind of angel. How many times do I have to go over this?!"
"Of course you're not," she shot back. "You're a fallen angel. A follower of the devil himself."
This in turn caused Dark Pit to roll his eyes at her genius—if one could even dub it as such. He wondered how Sara managed to even land in honors classes to begin with. Dark Pit suspected given her wealth that her parents must have had something to do with it. Rumor even had it the Osborne's bribed the teachers with hefty sums to give their precious sweet little angel (more like the living embodiment of Satan himself) straight A's with the addition of placing her in honors courses, all to make her permanent record more appealing. Unlike a certain rich family he knew, Sara was spoiled rotten to the core. As a matter of fact, she wore designer pumps worth over a thousand dollars.
As Mr. Johnson finished catching up Sun with the addition of handing him the syllabus, Sun motioned his way towards the empty seat next to Pit. On his way there, he caught a glimpse of Sara's notes. The first thing he read was how atheists rule the country to the part where god walked into the classroom, wearing a robe alongside a bread like he always did. He had to quickly compress himself from laughing. He couldn't believe she spent the entire time writing a short story in class.
"What the fuck did I just walk into?"
Little did Sun know, there was more in store than meets the eye in the city of Smashville.
What did Sun just get himself into? The next chapter will introduce more of the cast along with having Sun actually engage with Pit and Dark Pit.
While some elements from Sun and Moon are going to be utilized, it is highly likely that some elements from Ultrasun and Ultramoon might find their way here as well.
And yes, we're going (I'm pitching some ideas over) to be doing our very own twist on the infamous Sara Osborne from Supper Smash Bros: Mishonh from God. I will confess, she is one of my favorite trollfic characters of all time and it's going to be fun seeing a parody of her. I find her more entertaining than Enoby too. Anyways, just like in the trilogy, Sara will not have any remorse for her actions when she learns that she is in fact gay because let's face it, just because you learn your sexuality isn't straight doesn't mean you're magically not an asshole anymore and magically learned the errors of your ways.
Feel free to recommend some songs from your favorite video game OSTs. :)
And of course before I go, I will ask this - the author wants to age up Pittacus and Perdix to be at least ten years old to make the age gap between them and the Pit twins less awkward. This will determine the course of the second chapter, so feel free to give an answer. While at it, feel free to throw in some personality traits for either twin too.