Right, I asked my friend what to call one of my other fanfictions about John and she suggest the "Bananaboat Pyramid of Doom". Unfortunately, my fanfic was about John the suicidal maniac and the title didn't really fit.
Luckily for you, I decided to write it into a brand new one-shot fanfic. It's pure, cheesy goodness.
Disclaimer: All mine, bar the Sherlock stuff. And the premise of the ff, which I dedicate to Chloe, and any possible Indianna Jones references which may have crept in.
John Watson was asleep. A fitful sleep, obviously. He'd not had a good night's sleep since Sherlock left. He'd found Sherlock's secret stash of scarfs earlier, behind the mirror in their joint living room. One look at them, and all of his feelings came rushing back: his hurt, the pain at his loss, and, stronger than ever before, his love for the man who had left him. He'd gone back on his anti-depressants, like he had been after the war, but this time, he didn't protest. Without Sherlock, John Watson didn't see the point in anything anymore. And now, he lived for his sleep. For the escape that his dreams gave him. In them, he was carefree and childish, and he loved it. Tonight was going to be one of those nights he could find solace in the peace that sleep gave him. And for that, John was truly grateful.
John was a pirate. Captain John he was and he had a crew to be proud of. His first mate was a lonely man, a high-cheekboned genius called Sherlock Holmes. Master Holmes was a strange chap, abrasively rude and with no sense of humour, but he always found the best ships to loot, the best ports to pillage and the biggest hidden stashes of treasure, sitting there, ready to be stolen. Captain John always depended on First Mate Sherlock and they were the very best of friends.
Also on board Captain John's boat, was Captain John's Best Friend, First Mate Sherlock's Big Brother, Mycroft the Cook. Now, Captain John's Best Friend, First Mate Sherlock's Big Brother, Mycroft the Cook was a jolly man, with a kind and loving heart, who would do anything for his baby brother, First Mate Sherlock. Captain John's Best Friend, First Mate Sherlock's Big Brother, Mycroft the Cook was also very tubby because he loved his food, but because Captain John's crew was made up of only nice and friendly people, no one was mean to him because of it. In fact, they told Captain John's Best Friend, First Mate Sherlock's Big Brother, Mycroft the Cook that if he ever tried to lose weight, they would throw him overboard because they loved him and they loved his snuggly cuddles. Of course, they wouldn't really have chucked him overboard, as that would be mean.
As well as Captain John's Best Friend, First Mate Sherlock's Big Brother, Mycroft the Cook and Captain John's Best Friend, First Mate Sherlock, Captain John's crew included a head of security. The head of security was Captain John's Best Friend, First Mate Sherlock's Big Brother, Mycroft the Cook's boyfriend Greg. Now, Captain John's Best Friend, First Mate Sherlock's Big Brother, Mycroft the Cook's boyfriend Greg was a brave man, who, before he had become a pirate, had fought crime with a superhero gang called Scotland Yard; since becoming a pirate he spent his days making sure Captain John and his crew were safe. However, more than anything, Captain John's Best Friend, First Mate Sherlock's Big Brother, Mycroft the Cook's boyfriend Greg wanted to stay near the man he loved, who happened to be Captain John's Best Friend, First Mate Sherlock's Big Brother, Mycroft the Cook. All in all, Captain John's Best Friend, First Mate Sherlock's Big Brother, Mycroft the Cook's boyfriend Greg was an honest man, who was ready to give his own life to protect his friends.
Oh, and not forgetting the heart of the crew, Dear Little Molly, the ship's cat.
Now, Captain John and his crew were not just any old pirate crew. They were a special pirate crew because their boat was not just any pirate boat. It was a magical bananaboat. Captain John had always loved bananas, and when he saw an advert for a captain of a bananaboat, he'd grabbed the opportunity with both hands. It was a risky venture, as Captain John had a peg leg which often sunk into the banana, but with a lot of help, and the love of a good crew, he managed it.
Today, Captain John, his crew and the bananaboat were on a special mission. A few weeks ago, the magic on the bananaboat had stopped working and the banana had got wet. It was soon rotting! And Captain John and his crew couldn't have a rotting bananaboat, could they? First, they had gone to see the magical-superwoman, who lived in the land of 221b, in the magical world of Baker Street, named Mrs Hudson. Normally, Mrs Hudson, the magical-superwoman, who lived in 221b, in the magical world of Baker Street knew absolutely everything and would have been able to tell Captain John how to mend his bananaboat, but unfortunately, Mrs Hudson, the magical-superwoman, who lived in 221b, in the magical world of Baker Street had recently had a bump on the head and had developed lacunar amnesia about bananaboats, so couldn't help poor little Captain John. But she could remember one thing. If Captain John wanted to find out how to fix his bananaboat, he would have to travel to the one place in the world where all of the bananaboat knowledge was kept hidden.
Captain John knew she was right. He climbed on to his mast and cried out to his crew:
"Let's all set sail… to the Pyramid of Doom!"
You may want to know what the Pyramid of Doom is. Well, the Pyramid of Doom is a Pyramid, found just South of TESCO, where the Delightful Order Of Mentality is stored. The Delightful Order Of Mentality is the biggest vault of knowledge in all seven of the magical kingdoms, and the only place in the world where you can find information about bananaboats, in particular, how to keep them working, in tip-top condition, and how to mend them once they start to rot. And this was where Captain John and his crew were heading.
Now, Captain John's voyage was long and dangerous, but thanks to his loving crew it was the most enjoyable voyage that Captain John had ever had. As Captain John gave the orders and steered, Captain John's Best Friend, First Mate Sherlock navigated; Captain John's Best Friend, First Mate Sherlock's Big Brother, Mycroft the Cook made a huge feast for them all to tuck into once they reached dry land; and Captain John's Best Friend First Mate Sherlock's Big Brother, Mycroft the Cook's boyfriend Greg organised the security for the banana skin (which was where Captain John parked his bananaboat) whilst they were away. Before long, the bananaboat arrived at the Pyramid of Doom. Captain John left his vessel, with Captain John's Best Friend, First Mate Sherlock, John's Best Friend, First Mate Sherlock's Big Brother, Mycroft the Cook and Captain John's Best Friend, First Mate Sherlock's Big Brother, Mycroft the Cook's boyfriend Greg going with him. Molly, the ship's cat, was left to look after the bananaboat.
All of a sudden, Captain John was very nervous. He didn't know what he would come up against in the Pyramid of Doom or whether he would find what he needed. Whether it would be scary or not, Captain John knew that his crew would be able to cope with whatever was thrown at them.
As they entered the Pyramid, Captain John called back to his crew and companions, warning them to tread carefully. The Pyramid of Doom was a mystical legend; it was unknown what they would be up against. When they turned the first corner, Captain John's Best Friend First Mate Sherlock's Big Brother, Mycroft the Cook's boyfriend Greg cried out, with good reason. Directly in front of them was a giant pink, fluffy chicken. Now, Captain John's Best Friend First Mate Sherlock's Big Brother, Mycroft the Cook's boyfriend Greg was scared of chickens and he ran behind Captain John's Best Friend First Mate Sherlock's Big Brother, Mycroft the Cook and clutched his hand. Luckily for them, Captain John's Best Friend First Mate Sherlock was a very clever man. He knew exactly how to cope with giant pink, fluffy chickens. Reaching behind his back, he pulled out a supersized chicken's egg (fake, of course!). The chicken was so surprised, he ran to the egg, and vowed to look after it 'til the end of his days. At least, that's what Captain John and his crew thought he said, for unfortunately, none of them could speak chicken.
Soon enough, the crew of the Bananaboat made it into the centre of the pyramid. The amount of knowledge in the room astounded them and several of them cowered in shock. Captain John's Best Friend First Mate Sherlock soon found what they were looking for. In the corner of the pyramid, next to the piles of papers on giant pink, fluffy chickens, and giant chicken's eggs, was a tiny pile of papers on Bananaboats, how to keep them in tip-top condition, and how to mend them once they start to rot. Captain John grabbed the papers and read the incantation upon them.
A strange feeling fell over the crew. It was almost magical. As the crew returned outside, they instantly saw the Bananaboat had been mended. Captain John was overjoyed, and his crew smiled and laughed alongside him. Everything was back to normal. Another case solved by Captain John, Captain John's Best Friend First Mate Sherlock and his crew.
John woke up, amazed. It was astonishing, really, what dreams could do. For a short time, a short and sweet but wonderful time, his Sherlock was kept alive. And for that, for his dreams, John Watson was truly grateful.
Any one fancy reviewing? Much appreciated if you do! I would write more… :D
Thanks for reading anyway!